Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

@Lib3rtine @MrsWhites @chorusline79 I’m going to try my hardest, I’m not even showering today as I know were that will go!

@chorusline79 like you said it’s probably always been there, your jut hyper aware of everything, and your DD saying something like that is bound to be a trigger for people like us! Try to keep busy and occupied with something, enough to give your mind a bit of rest. Easier said than done trust me I know. Xx

@chorusline79

Anything smaller than a pea is nothing to worry about. But bare in mind, if you have/are getting a bit of a cold then the lymph nodes will get a bit bigger. I had one that I was able to move around just under my jaw my whole childhood and sometimes I would just play with it.

Also, lymph nodes swell up for all sorts of minor reasons. For example, when my daughter gets a bit more cradle cap, she always has enlarged lymph nodes at the back of her head and behind ears.

@MrsWhites I never thought of it like that! that's so true though, I'll remember that!

@Goolies good plan, you can definitely do this. I've been in that cycle, you start to feel a tiny bit anxious and think I'll just check if its still there, I'll feel great if I can't feel anything and you just go back to square one.

@chorusline79 the lump will just be an innocent lymph node, I can feel a few of mine, especially in my groin area as I'm quite slim but I can also feel them under my arms if I really dig deep in the armpit. Unless they are hard, immobile and getting bigger then they are completely fine so try not to worry. Hope you're feeling a bit better

@Goolies
@Lib3rtine
@argueifnecessary

Thankyou all so much for talking sense and making me feel so much better. I would still be panicking if it wasn't for you all. Went and had a long walk this afternoon as I couldn't shut my brain off! Really appreciate the support.

@chorusline79 glad you’re feeling better, I’m so glad you’re not panicking any more, hope you had a lovely walk x

Morning everyone, how is everyone feeling today?

I seen to wake up some days with an almost impending doom type feeling and I find myself going over my body in my head, almost trying to find something to worry about. It’s so annoying, really wish I could start my days with a bit more positivity!

Morning @MrsWhites, I’m feeling a bit odd to be honest. So I went to the gp and he said he couldn’t feel anything. But he didn’t have me lie down and check I was sat up on the bed thing. I didn’t have to take my bra off I just had an almost sleeveless top on and he prodded around and said there’s nothing there.

He also checked the other underarm.

I’m now worried he missed it, am I being ridiculous?

And yes to answer your question I also wake with that impending doom feeling and if I don’t have a current worry I try to find one. Wonder what happened to our minds for us to be like this?! I’ve lost a lot of people close to me and I think losing my only sibling has triggered all this for me, oh and then having a child.

Who knows. I’m grateful for you all here though xx

@Goolies it’s not ridiculous to feel like that but the fact that the doctor couldn’t feel anything is great news. He won’t have missed anything, it’s just that if we dig deep enough we will find lumps and bumps everywhere on our bodies. You’ve probably felt something totally normal but of course your anxiety has made you heightened to it so your mind is probably making it feel more obvious to you than it actually is.

I think I’ve always had a level of anxiety but the health anxiety definitely became worse when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had a young baby at the time too. To lose a sibling is an awful thing to go through it’s no wonder you worry about your own health x

@MrsWhites I’m sorry to hear about you mum, Isn’t it heartbreaking having to see a loved one suffer and go through something like that. It stays with you forever. My DS was only a baby when my brother died, he was only 8 weeks old so I had no choice but to carry on, which on one hand was a blessing but I don’t think i grieved properly and now things are coming out with irrational behaviours.

I’m going to try and leave my armpit alone, and have some level of faith that if there was something glaringly obvious he would have felt it. It’s easier said than done though x

@MrsWhites I do the exact same thing, I flit from one worry to the next, I can never have a period of time with no health worries as I'll always manage to find one! that sounds like such a tough time for you to lose your mum when you had a young baby bless you. I am the same, always had it there but I think when my Uncle got pancreatic cancer when I was about 18 and died a couple of months later, it really affected me, I think up until then I'd just thought all cancer could be cured, never crossed my mind that it couldn't.

@Goolies You're not being ridiculous, I did the exact same thing when I went to the doctors two weeks ago for my breast checking, he said it was normal breast tissue and nothing to worry about, the other breast had the same lumpy tissue and there was nothing at all of concern I came away thinking one felt lumpier than the other, I still think it does but I remember when I was at the breast clinic for an ultrasound, the breast nurse said that both breasts won't feel exactly the same, there will be some variation. I dig in far too deep, thats my problem so I feel ribs, and every tiny bump there is and end up being bruised. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, there is no way your doctor would send you away if they had any doubt at all as its so easy for them to refer you if they want to. Losing a sibling is so tragic bless you, I can see how that would make this condition worse.

I'm so glad we've all got each other too, I love how reading this helps me and I hope I can help people too xx

@Goolies and @Lib3rtine thank you both, it’s so good to have someone to be able to share with. My mum actually survived her breast cancer and funnily enough she worried about her health far less than me. She knows about my health anxiety but I try not to discuss it with her when I’m worried about something because I know she feels guilty in some way that my anxiety got worse after her diagnosis. My husband is understanding but he can’t understand in the way the people on this thread can!

@MrsWhites @Lib3rtine thanks so much for the reassurance re: the armpit lump.

Yes it’s so so nice to able to share this without feeling judged or being treated like I need to be sectioned.

This is my thing, outside of this health anxiety I manage to hold down a job, look after my son and do everything. It’s just this, this is when all logic goes out the window. Like they say though we are a product of our experience.

@lib3rtine sorry to hear about your uncle and @mrswhites how wonderful to hear your recovered and is well now.

Hi everyone, how are you all today? Hope you're all ok. @Goolies are you feeling any better today?
Sorry I saw messages yesterday and meant to check in but was v busy at work and distracted. I'm struggling a bit today, the doom feeling is back and I know I should do some CBT soon but I just want to block it out as much as I can as I'm just too tired today but then that won't solve my problems I guess!
It's interesting to hear where everyone's problems stem from and that many of us have similar experiences that led us to this point. Great to be able to talk with you all as I don't know anyone in real life who has HA ( well not that they've told me!)

Hi @chorusline79 I think I was doing ok until tier announcements and then I read a daily mail article about a young girl with a rare sarcoma cancer who had appts pushed back in lockdown and now has 6 months to live and thats sent me spiralling a bit. I've got an online session tonight so hoping that helps.
I know, its definitely interesting to see that a lot of us have particular triggers that have set it off. I'm so glad I've got people on here to talk to. I only know of one other person in real life who suffers from it.
@Goolies how are you doing?

Hi all, not been on here for a while but sorry to hear a few have been suffering. @Goolies hope you’re okay. I know that I can always find a lump (or what I believe to be a lump) in my armpit/breast if I poke about for long enough. I then have the quandary of do I even check them regularly as I’m going to find something that in my head isn’t right!

I’ve now had my colonoscopy and nothing sinister was found just a couple of diverticulitis pouches. He took some small samples of normal tissue to send off to test still but won’t get results until January. But I think I knew even before I had it that if it was all okay I’d still be worried about something else. And surprise surprise I’m still feeling terrible, mainly lower back pain that is pretty much constant but worse at rest and first thing in the morning. Just got a gut feeling it’s bad as lethargic and still having bouts of nausea. Gahhh! And then I noticed a mole on my back yesterday that seemed a bit different and that started me spiralling. There’s just no end to it all!

Anyhow trying to keep busy and think about xmas and more positive things.

@Lolly12 sorry to hear you’re going through a bad patch. I’m the same checking breasts, always manage to find ‘something’.
Glad everything was normal with your colonoscopy. I’m the same as you though, as soon as I think one thing is ok, I start to worry about something else. I’m sure your back and mole are nothing to worry about, but I know it’s easy for me to say but back pain is really common and very rarely cause for concern. I’ve also been there with moles and worrying about them, is your doctor doing the photo sending option? My friend recently had a mole she wanted checking and had to send a picture to doctor.
It really does feel like there’s no end to it all, it’s a constant cycle! x

Hi everyone, hope you are all ok.

@Lib3rtine I know what you mean about the daily mail story, it sent me spiralling too because I’ve got an ulcer in my cheek but I’m pretty sure that’s because I burnt my mouth being greedy and not waiting until my food cooled down last week 😂

@Lolly12 I think that is the problem with health anxiety, it’s like the brain won’t rest until we have something to worry about!

@lolly12 thank you for your message. I’ve been a mess today, I now believe that the ‘lump’ can’t be found with my bra and a top on as it’s where the bra bit would sit. So the GP couldn’t have been feeling in the right place as he just had a quick prod while I had my top and bra on.

I went into the office today for work, first time since March, I thought it would be good for me but I felt so stressed and spent ages in the toilets having a prod around.

Sorry to hear your suffering too @lolly12 I had a colonoscopy last year and was a wreck beforehand as I was convinced it would be bad news. It was clear so I then stressed about the biopsies they took, that was clear and like you I had lower back pain so went for a private transvaginal ultrasound. When will it all end and we just live normally
:( x

@Goolies sorry to hear you had such a bad day. Have you asked your husband/partner to have a feel and see if they can feel anything out of the ordinary. Sometimes I ask my husband and I can tell by the look on his face that I’m worrying about nothing.

Hey @MrsWhites no I haven’t, he’s so sick of my constant checking. The things I’ve had him check are honestly unbelievable. An anal bump that was a hemmorroid (sp) a labial cyst, breast lump in the past, feel like I’ve killed romance factor in our marriage lol.

@Goolies haha I think at some point I’ve had my husband check most of them type of things too - if you’ve showed him all those things a bit of rib is nothing!

True say. Let’s see maybe the impending doom tomorrow morning will leave me with no choice but to ask.

This morning I had no choice but to quickly get ready and head to the office. Working from home tomorrow and already dreading it.

Hope you’re ok @MrsWhites sorry I’ve been rambling on about myself the whole time x

Had my Bupa health MOT today... The good news is that my risks for heart attack, stroke and diabetes are lower than average for my age (and I'm in my 30s, so not high to begin with). Definitely had health anxiety about both my heart and diabetes recently (particularly with the covid link), so really pleased with that result - will stop me worrying about those things for a bit!

However - during the breast exam, the doctor said she was concerned about a lumpy area on the left one. I actually had an ultrasound of the left one a couple of months ago because my nipple started inverting and it came back clear - but now I'm worrying that they missed something (which I know is common with health anxiety, but it's not normally backed up something a doctor says!) She's going to write to the consultant and ask if I need to be seen again - worried that I'm going to be brushed off without being properly checked. The ultrasound couldn't have missed something just a couple of months ago that's now big enough to be felt, right?

@Goolies I’m ok thank you for asking, still getting the impending doom but I’m trying to power through. Clean my sofas and carpets today in a bid to keep busy so on the bright side my house will be spotless soon 😂
See if you can set yourself a target of not checking tomorrow, it’s hard being at home all day with nothing to distract us. It’s one of the things I find hardest about being a stay at home mum.

@PowerslidePanda sorry to hear your MOT has left you worried. I’m sure the ultrasound would have picked up anything worrying, an ultrasound can tell us far more than an examination. Remember that the nurse had nothing to go off in terms of what is normal for you, you’ve probably just got a normal lumpy part of breast tissue! But if it reassures you I’m sure you could insist on a referral from them.

@Goolies Hope you're feeling ok today. I'm sure the doctor wouldn't have missed it if there was something, there would be no doubt at all. I agree with others, see if you can get your husband to have a feel for you, that's what I tend to do and then he looks at me like I'm crazy when he can't feel anything!

@MrsWhites oh, gosh, how sad was that article. In fact my husband has just said to me, don't go reading the news today as there was a story about missed appts and it might trigger you and I was like, I know what you mean, I've already read it! Your ulcer will be just that from burning your mouth, but I do the same, as soon as I read something I'm thinking have I got something that matches this.

@PowerslidePanda Sorry you're feeling worried but I really don't think you have anything to worry about, an ultrasound would not have missed something, they can tell immediately what is breast tissue and what is a cyst or whatever else so please try not to over think it.

Hope everyone is feeling positive today and hope you have a good day xx