Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

@Pegs11 I see what you mean. He did actually do that as well. I was booked in for a scan and bloods about a completely new issue (booked by on call GP instead of my own). And he explained he thought it was caused by stress and explained why.

So together we chose not to have the scan or bloods.

He was right of course, those symptoms in particular have faded away. Whereas a week ago I thought something serious was wrong!

he’s a good one.

My neurologist on the other hand is a numpty who just wants to keep prescribing stuff, doesn’t explain why and doesn’t explain the side effects.

Full of anxiety today both mum and sister are at the drs tomorrow having tests done for various things and the thought of it is sending my stomach into knots! I can’t help but worry they are going to find something bad. My mum is so positive about it all and isn’t worried same goes for my sister, tests and appointments don’t bother her in the slightest whereas here I am an anxious mess and I’m not even the one going through it all!

It’s nice the see this threads still active it’s such a relief to be able to talk to others who suffer from health anxiety too.

I can relate to so much of this. I’m fine for months, then I get a niggle and fixate on it and suddenly I’ve diagnosed myself with something awful and definitely terminal

There’s quite a lot in my history that explains this, including something historical and bloody awful that happened within my family. I also work in a field that involves a lot of palliative/end of life stuff (I do have bloody good clinical supervision though)

The past few weeks, I’ve had some health issues. Started with a UTI, then random pelvic pain, then IBS type symptoms. I never seek medical help, I just ruminate and stress, but yesterday, I ended up sobbing down the phone to my lovely GP, as I decided I had ovarian cancer. GP was a bit 🧐 but took me seriously as I hadn’t been for to see her for a few years. But she said cancer would have been the last thing on her mind when we picked apart the timeline and presentation and she prescribed me some diazepam for gut spasms, with an promise to investigate further if it didn’t settle within a week

I also finally confided in a close friend who’s head of gynae nursing and she said that cancer wouldn’t really have been on her radar either, given the presentation

Does any of this reassure me? Not really 🙄

Part of my problem is head in sand syndrome, I dodge smear tests, blood tests and any other routine stuff, because they’re bound to reveal something terrible. I’m definitely my own worst enemy

Love to you all, because it’s bloody hard

What I find mad is when I go on social media or go out and see people living their lives or complaining about random things and I'm like "how do they do it when I'm curled up here panicking about my body and diseases?"

I agree, it's frustrating! I felt okay physically at the start of lockdown, the mental thoughts were bothering me more but then I just got to a point where I just wanted to feel comfortable and like how I used to feel, as it was such hard work focusing on these physical sensations all the time. I badly need a job to distract me! I spoke to my GP a few weeks ago when my anxiety was quite intense and he gave me propranolol, I tried one and it made me feel worse. I'm reluctant to ring anymore because I don't want to be a nuisance.

Thanks for the things some of you are recommending and sharing, I'm always keen to see if anything helps.

Re the job,

OOops. Re the job, Sojo, I completely get what you mean. I’m furloughed at the mo, but I’m so much better when I am working, even given the field I work in. Less time to ruminate probably

For many years before my cancer diagnosis, I had what you could call “irrational” health anxiety. Worried about every little ache and pain etc. I was definitely a hypochondriac. Now that I’ve had cancer, my health anxiety has become “legitimate”.

^ I’m using the doctor’s words here, not trying to dismiss anyone’s fears/experiences. But what I would say is that they are two very different kettles of fish, irrational and legitimate health fears. And they need two different therapeutic approaches.

There’s something about being forced to confront your own mortality, and going through the experience of dealing with a life-threatening illness, that puts you in this strange new zone, because you feel you don’t trust your body any more because it really has “let you down”. I do have to get pretty much everything checked out from now on, because some of the symptoms of my cancer were so similar to the everyday aches and pains one gets, it’s difficult to not be totally triggered by a random bit of IBS or a bit of trapped wind or some other kind of cramp... it can make me absolutely freak out. Especially if it goes on longer than a couple of days.

That state of being, where you can “legitimately“ no longer trust your body, where you’ve already have an insight into the effects of a life-threatening illness in your life and the lives of those closest to you... it’s difficult to integrate that, to put it behind you, because it feels like death is always one step ahead, and you’ve seen it’s face, you’ve looked into it’s glassy eyes... and because you know that sooner or later, you’re going to have to confront it again. Whether you’re 45 or 85. It’s coming for you.

Now, I’m sure there are less maudlin/melodramatic ways of viewing death!! I just need to find them... Hence why I’m about to start therapy for all this. I hope it helps because the fear completely consumes me sometimes, and when it’s not consuming me, it’s there loitering in the background, colouring every experience I have and stopping me from living in the moment, it’s affecting the amount of pleasure I derive from the good things in life (because I obsess about losing them) as well as making the tough things harder to deal with.

So... therapy begins this afternoon! Wish me luck...

(I’d also like to thank the OP for their post and apologise if I have hijacked it somewhat... it’s just so relatable, and I’m grateful this post is here, it’s good to chat to others who are in the same “club”.)

@MyTearsAreOnFire it's so good that youve got an understanding and helpful GP! I am the same, I obsess over certain bodily sensations for a period of time.. then they go away.

@Muffintop8 that sounds tough, I know how it feels to be haunted by these worries. I hope you are okay xx

@Pinkmonroe sending good vibes to you and your family! Mine are the same, they don't worry too much.

@Millie2013 you're right, it is HARD! When you said their comments didn't reassure, it's often cause health anxiety thrives off reassurance but it's NEVER enough. I find this difficult, as some reassurance does the world of good but if it only relieves my worrying for a short time, then I can go back to asking for more and more. But I've been like this with a lot of things in my life e.g. relationships I ask repeatedly for reassurance which causes strain on the relationship. Comfort is good, unhealthy amounts of reassurance seeking is not (for me). (But please do start going to your smear tests! I too work in a similar sector, in the hospice sector and whilst I am not on the frontline, I create a lot of content which requires reading stories and case studies and that has caused a lot of distress for me.

@Sojo88 my anxiety feels pretty insidious in the sense that it morphs over time. My anxieties at the beginning of lockdown were focused on different topics, but the formula was the same (obsession, ruminated, hyper focus on situations/my body/etc). Personally, venlafaxine has evened me out along with counselling with someone who is experienced in health anxiety. I also have additional pills which are there when I feel very panicky (Id often wake up at night). Could you perhaps take some online courses to keep your mind busy? I love routine so I've been pretty forceful with sticking to that to keep me steady.

@Pegs11 I love your thoughts and insight. To be honest, facing mortality is something we should become comfortable with anyway, but our society has differing approaches to it. Part of what I do for my job is to break down boundaries and stigma surrounding death and life, which is ironic and hard considering how anxious I have become! Good luck with therapy! Oh also, I spoke with the GP about the blood in my stool, I took recommended stool softener and there has been no blood or pain since.

Sending lots of love and happy thoughts to you all. It's SO tough living with anxiety and it's really good to chat to everyone xx

I suffer from health anxiety too so it’s good to read everyone’s comments. ‘Tears’- your doctor sounds fantastic - wish I had a lovely doctor like that.
My health anxiety started this year. Had a heart attack in 2017 and although now and again I thought about it, it wasn’t until this year that things got really bad. I can totally relate to the feeling that you’ve been let down by your body. I’m now on sertraline and am having CBT which I think is helping. Sertraline being increased tomorrow because I’m still quite anxious. Health anxiety is awful and it’s comforting to see I’m not the only one suffering.

I'm really struggling to cope. At the beginning, my HA did come back but not to the extent it has now. Its very, very bad and I've realised that I need medication. I've put medication off for so long because I am worried about the side effects but this is a lot worse. It's got to the point where I am actually making myself not be scared about dying and that I will go to a better place instead of living in this shit life, worrying about everything and everyone except myself.

It's got to the point where I am actually making myself not be scared about dying and that I will go to a better place instead of living in this shit life, worrying about everything and everyone except myself.

Sorry to hear it's so bad for you at the moment and I kind of know what you mean - I have such a fear of feeling ill or being sick or having certain sensations that sometimes I think "well at least when you're dead you don't feel anything" - I'm not suicidal it's just an odd but comforting thought to have sometimes when I'm worried about these feelings.

Desperate30 sorry things are bad for you too - hopefully this thread helps a bit, it helps me.

@Desperate30 I hope your CBT and increased sertraline dose is helping :) I recently increased the venlafaxine dose I was on which I found very helpful.

@yarncakes I'm sorry to hear you are struggling :( I can relate to how you feel. I initially didn't want medication either, but felt I really needed it to get me through as I was simply not coping in any way. Perhaps it would be worth looking into CBT so that you can do that alongside taking the medication? for me, the medication helped me cope whilst the CBT gives me very useful techniques to restructure my thoughts and understand why I experience this anxiety.

@Sojo88 How are you getting on?

I've felt a bit better each day although one thing that is really getting to me at the moment is targeted news stories about specific illness. Our phones are sneaky listening devices (I had a conversation yesterday eve with friends about a specific illness and then lo and behold, a sad news story about it appeared on my "top news" feed on my phone).

My counsellor also suggested that I seek out these stories as another method of reassurance seeking behaviour e.g. If I see a story on a news website about a particular illness, I'll make sure I read the whole thing, then my anxiety heightens and I feel panicky, upset and I don't know what to do. That really frustrates and upsets me.

Thanks for asking OP I seem to go through cycles - my biggest fear at the moment is feeling ill. After feeling ill on Boxing Day last year I can't stop thinking of how horrible I felt and worrying about feeling that ill again. It's making me very OCD when it comes to eating, trying to make sure nothing touches my food or eating utensils! I keep worrying about feeling nauseous all day, which sometimes gives me slight waves of nausea. But after a few days I manage to forget about it a bit, then it comes back, it's weird. Then I worry that all my stress is going to give me a stroke or something - I think I have some sort of tinnitus, I keep hearing a wind sound in my right ear? I looked it up and it could mean tinnitus from anxiety but it could be something else! I'm 25 and healthy so probably don't need to worry.

I understand what you're saying about reading a whole article on something scary to reassure you - if I try avoiding something with a scary headline, I find I have to go back and read it because I'll only worry otherwise! Whereas if you keep reading you might find something reassuring.

Hope everyone is doing okay

@Sojo88 Yep, I go through cycles too, my anxiety will latch on to so many things! It's interesting as I can see the different things it latched onto from when I was a small child, a teenager, a young adult and now in my late twenties. They've all been different themes but all containing similar elements and all following similar thought patterns.

It's horrid feeling nauseous isn't it! I've had a fear of being sick too, in fact my partner was sick in the toilet last year and I genuinely didn't use the loo for a whole week! When I feel a bit sick, I try to focus on my breathing and will get out into the fresh air. And I might say some positive affirmations like "you are okay" or I'll scroll through silly memes on Instagram to distract myself.

Often tinnitus is caused by anxiety, and funnily enough, I experience it in my right ear too! It's annoying cos once you realise you have it, you can't stop hyper focusing on it! Mine sometimes occurs before a tension/hormonal migraine which generally stays on the right side of the head. It's quite odd.

It's difficult getting the avoidance/exposure balance right with those types of stories. Silly me logged on to facebook this morning and scrolled through the comments on a post about a specific health issue. I guess the one benefit from doing that is now I feel more compelled to look at my health and lifestyle and find ways to improve on it, which also helps keep me more in control.

Feeling a bit upset today. I didn't sleep well so I'm tired, and I had a heavy going session at work this afternoon focused on a sad topic. Plus I'm due on, and I've been obsessing over one part of my body so much that I'm picking at it and making it sore and therefore worrying about it :( planned a really busy weekend for myself but just want to get into bed and cry :(

It's reassuring to hear you have the same sort of tinnitus thing - although of course I'm sorry you suffer with it. I try and avoid social media, I especially have been during this pandemic, but I think I must be a bit addicted because I'll keep deleting a social media app then re-downloading it a few days later! I can easily read about some scary illness and immediately start panicking about it, too.

Sorry you don't feel great today - I think if you're lacking sleep that can make everything seem so much harder, so just try and get some good sleep tonight. Do you mean you're obsessing over something on your body that is worrying you? Do you want to share what it is? Hopefully having a busy weekend should be a good distraction. I feel so normal when distracted which is what helps me realise I'm not ill all those other times, I'm just focusing too much on my body!

I've felt a bit better today, I feel like I slept better because I've got a fan in my room now - they're quite soothing and the white noise is nice too! Hope tomorrow is better for you

I haven’t looked on her for a little while so trying to catch up with the posts.

Anxiety manifests itself in so many ways and is very intense. I’ve never had anxiety until the last 18 months and really didn’t understand what it was. I had so many appointments with the doctor as I was convinced I was having allergic reactions to medication I was on.
My skin was constantly prickly and I still get that a lot. I also have tinnitus which I didn’t know was a symptom. I get it where I can hear my heart beat too. Apart from processing the emotional impact I’ve been through I notice if I have a new pain, I feel unwell or the other day my tooth broke the symptoms come straight back. This week I’ve been really down, worrying about some post surgery pain I’ve got. I know it’s normal, it will get discussed again when I do get my next appointment but it’s just a constant reminder all the time.
@Mvshrln I’m sorry you’re not feeling well today. Lack of sleep makes everything worse. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Please can I jump on? And please don't feel you have to read my long post - very bad flare up right now and I feel if I type it down it might help.

Had DD1 last year - bad chest pains, shortness of breath, anxiety really bad. Googled myself into oblivion about blood clots. Turned out my iron levels were through the floor (all signs and symptoms) so was put on tablets for around 9 months.

Levels improved. Chest pains vanished until I remembered I hadn't thought about them...
Soon as I did, they came back, this helped me to see that the anxiety was causing the pain. Continued to have really bad anxiety. Watched a soap that involved a lump on the neck - remembered I have a lymph node on my neck I can feel and have had it all 10+ years. Googled. Went down the rabbit hole again.

Pressed, poked and prodded the lymph node a million times a day until it became sore and ached. Saw the doctor who was lovely and felt it and said he would refer me for an ultrasound for peace of mind. While waiting for my referral I referred myself to Mind and was diagnosed with health anxiety. Continued to google and to worry and to prod and poke. Went for the ultrasound and cried all the way through it and explained I had health anxiety and the person doing the ultrasound told me there and then that it looked completely normal and he didn't want me worrying when there was nothing of concern to him which really, really helped. Felt like a weight had been lifted.

December - routine self breast examination, found a lump. Worried myself sick. Googled again and my word the sinking feeling was horrific. Saw the GP who said it felt like a fatty lump but referred me. Spent all Christmas (DD's first Christmas) in turmoil and teary. Went to my referral and the lovely lady doing the scan told me it was a fatty lump and really common, no explanation for why some women have them but it looked normal. Weight lifted again!

January - another lump. Same breast. GP thought a cyst and referred me. Consultant in clinic examined me, and both breasts, and told me he couldn't feel anything at all that felt abnormal and couldn't feel any lumps and what I was feeling was normal breast tissue so no ultrasound. Left feeling confused but relieved. Letter said i had denser than expected breasts for my age (29, 5ft 4 and BMI of 30) but nothing to worry about. (I googled that too and worried myself again!). Could feel the lump I found still but tried to take comfort in what he had said. I said I was worried the lump disappeared inside my tissue when I laid down and he prodded and poked and said it was breast tissue and muscle I was feeling as nothing was there.

February - ache in left breast, worried myself sick but then had a positive pregnancy test at the beginning of March, and dates show I conceived in February. Now 24 weeks, both breasts sore intermittently, but sometimes just the left one, I say sore but I can't really describe it, sometimes when I knock them/left one or lie on them/it.

My flare up today has been crazy. I've laid on the floor that many times to self examine, and stood up to do so, and had my arms above my head and up and down that my arms are killing like I've been doing a gym work out! I found the lump again (no finding really, it's always in the same place) which felt the same, so felt my right breast and sure enough there is a lump in roughly the same place albeit I have to dig deeper to feel that one. I've prodded and poked my left breast so much that tonight it is sore, and therefore the lump - or tissue which I should really start to call it - is sore and painful. This did worry me until I remembered about my lymph node on my neck and how sore, tender and painful that was when I wouldn't leave it alone.

I really thing pregnancy and becoming a Mum has really kicked my health anxiety off. The doctor prescribed me sertraline months ago which I haven't taken as I really don't want to, it just always made me feel better knowing it was there if I needed it.

Wish I could just stop prodding and poking and worrying

I should also add - I had no problems with my breasts in terms of lumps and tissue when pregnant with DD1 and I know every pregnancy is different, which is what the rational side of me keeps telling myself. The aches in February likely coincide with conception and as I've got further along I've noticed the changes with them I noticed when pregnant last time (veins, little raised spots etc). Writing this down is helping my rational side to make sense of everything slightly.

*dillydallydollydaydream7
*
So sorry to read about how things have been for you, it sounds incredibly stressful. So much of it is familiar to me but mine has really only become so much worse during lockdown, I'm sorry if you've had it even longer than that. The thing about not getting the uncomfortable symptom until you think about it is extremely familiar and has to be the most frustrating thing ever - it's like anxiety is an enemy trying to give us our worst fears! I've learnt that anxiety can make you believe you have pretty much any illness.

I guess the key is to try and ignore symptoms or lumps for a while (only if you think they're anxiety-related of course) and then when you realise you don't notice them anymore or they're not a problem, it's just a helpful reminder that it's the anxiety causing it.

I actually find it helpful googling my symptoms because they always seem to be a symptom of anxiety! I realise that stressing makes the feelings worse so I just work hard to calm myself down.

Hope this helps at all, even just to speak to people who understand

There are a couple of good books for HA.
"It's not all in your head" and "Overcoming HA".

Hi all,

Apologies for being quiet - I began to feel a bit more normal and was taking advantage of it but the anxiety has of course reared it's insidious head again recently.

@dillydallydollydaydream7 always the way isn't it, we find something that may concern us then the body checking can get out of control! And then because you are aware of it you end up focusing on it more and more and the sensations of it heighten! Was it helpful for you that they checked your breast and said the lump was not over any concern? I occasionally get a twinge in one breast, often related to hormones/certain times during the month. I've had a breast ultrasound and it was all "healthy breast" tissue. I'm the same age as you, similar BMI and also have dense/lumpy breasts. Apparently it can be normal for one breast to be more affected than others.

@BlackCat91 thank you for the book recommendations! I think I've got "Overcoming HA" but haven't picked it up in a while.

@July56 how are you feeling? Have you had your most recent appointment and spoken through your concerns? xx

@Sojo88 I'm glad you are sleeping better :) I was concerned about blood when I went to the toilet, but it was just a tear which has resolved itself, which is a relief.

Since then though I have been obsessed with probably about 5 other illnesses. I'm not really doing well, the extra time that comes with lockdown/wfh and the money I'm saving on no longer commuting to work has all fed into my HA. I've spent time and money getting private appointments booked in and it's all fuelling the anxiety further. Haven't had counselling for a few weeks and haven't slept well at all recently. Don't know why I feel so down at the moment but I do, and I'm finding it nearly impossible to focus on work, all I can do is focus on my body and body checking :/ Such a shame as I had a lovely weekend, I even spent time just looking up nice clothes to buy rather than looking up different illnesses.

I'm another one with anxiety related tinnitus in my right ear!

I have had a low level of HA all my life but when my DC were born it got really bad. I think it was triggered by them both having separate fairly serious health issues that I "Google" diagnosed myself. The midwives, HVs and GPs were all really dismissive of my worries until I eventually got them in front of a specialist who diagnosed what was wrong right away, both times. So now even though I feel like I need reassurance from the GP, even when they give it i don't believe them and am not reassured as "I knew better" last time!

So I definitely take on a ridiculous amount of responsibility for my own health, feeling like I need to be on top of everything all the time and any tiny symptom gets catarophised. I think I've self-diagnosed most cancers, brain tumour and progressive muscle wasting diseases in the last ten years. And the reality is that I am a very healthy young woman!

My current scare is breast cancer as I've had breast pain for 3 months now on one side. I managed to convince myself it was hormonal until I thought i found a lump, although DH couldn't feel it. I have an appointment booked at a private clinic next week but can't see how I am going to be able to cope until then as I have already convinced myself I have terminal cancer and my DC are going to have to grow up without a mum.

What I find infuriating about HA is that my worst fear is leaving my DC without a mum but my anxiety stops me being able to enjoy them when I get into an anxiety spiral. I just can't think of anything else at the moment, feel sick, can't sleep, racing heart, stomach ache etc.

And yes, HA can give you lots of real symptoms like tinnitus, muscle aches and pains, headaches, blurry vision (had that one and immediately thought i was having a stroke) and the weird muscle zaps/pins and needles that someone mentioned upthread. I even had muscle reaction tests done for that one - all clear!

Someone upthread mentioned lumps that really hurt after you have dug around trying to find them and that is what I now have in my breast and armpit. A horrible burning pain that is much more likely to be due to my prodding than cancer but even thought I tell that to my brain it won't listen!

I've had counselling which did help a bit but it just made me realise more where my HA comes from rather than giving me a way to cope with it.

One thing that really helps OP is banning yourself from Google! If I need to look up something health related I get my DH to do it so I don't inadvertently scare myself as I will also manage to find the most scary thing out there. Its really hard to control yourself but my HA is SO much better for it.