God someone please help me

[Tobythecat]

I can't deal with these intrusive thoguhts and urges anymore. I was jsut diagnosed with bpd and i think it makes them worse I also have autism. All of the little bit of independence ive worked so hard for has gone, im trapped in my home. My intrusive thoughts and urges are so overwhelming and distressing. It takes every bit of control to not do it- it plays on a loop everyday in my mind. I have nobody other than my mum and she is tired. I'm under mental health team and mh nurse is ringing me in the morning. I've emailed therapists but i need someone in person who can help me as these urges as so intense. I've prayed and prayed for these feelings to go away, i dont know what else to do

(We have edited this to remove the mention of method OP as we do not allow this.)

Are you on any medication?

its unbearable, i dont know how much longer i can deal with it

Yes, prozac, diazepam and propranolol. They put me on antipsychotics which made it worse.

Has anyone given you any coping strategies? I'm so sorry you feel so bad. I wish I had an answer for you.

Have you ever called the Samaritans?

The mh nurse sent me some links, but the urges and distress is so overwhelming i cant seem to implement them.

Is there anyone who come over to be with right now?
Can you phone a helpline?
Can you phone a friend and stay on the phone?
Can you avoid going outside for now?

I would look at changing the anti psychotic medication if it is making you worse.

You can text 85258 to speak to a trained crisis volunteer (all via text) 24 hours a day. Please reach out.

I don't want to put on people, i'll be ok. Thanks for the help-i need specialist support but i just cant seem to find it

You need to contact the MH Crisis team and tell them you want to harm yourself. You may need to be sectioned so that you can receive the right level of care but that will be better than trying to just overcome it at home.

How long have you been on anti-psychotics? It may be that you need to be changed into a different one. I know someone on them who was hearing voices and the voices stopped after only a few days. Are you on a high enough dose? Sometimes they have to start you on a low dose for a week and then bump them up.

Please ask for help from the crisis team or even dial 999. No-one wants you to jump in front of a car (least of all the car driver who would never forgive themselves if they killed you).

The people Runbitchrun have suggested are there specifically to be contacted at times like this- please use them.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.’

You deserve help. Please reach out, posting here was a great first step, but you need support.

How old are you OP only, if you are, say, only in your 20s, a lot of anti-depressants like Prozac, can actually make you feel suicidal? You might need to change your anti-d and go back on a different anti-psychotic.

You won't be putting on people. People who work for Samaritans want to help, that's why they do it. MH Crisis teams are there for when people are at particularly low ebbs. Don't be put off asking for help because you think you are putting on people. You aren't.

The mental health nurse is ringing me in the morning anyway. I did ask to be put in a hospital but she said its really hard to get into one. I'm not actually suicidal, thats why i find these urges and thoguhts so distressing. But they make me feel suicidal as they are so terrifying. I'm not on the antipsychotics anymore and im too scared to try them again.

I feel so much for you, I too had these kinds of intrusive unbelievably unbearable thoughts, ended up at A&E literally being held up by my mum they were so dibilatating I couldn't find strength to walk.

I was diagnosed with ocd, these thoughts like red hot pokers that keep you from living your life are symptoms of intrusive thoughts of ocd.

I got help through cbt therapy and sertraline literally changed my life for the better. I now live a life not controlled by ocd intrusive thoughts. I'm on a high dose of sertraline, but if I have to take a pill every day of my life for the rest of my life and never be that low again I will do that. I totally feel for you and I sooooo get where u r coming from but you can get better I promise. There is hope and help out there for you no matter how broken you are feeling now it will get better. Xxxx

And remember these are just thoughts, they are scary but only thoughts, you will not harm yourself. You don't deserve these thoughts.

@Tobythecat this is not you this is your OCD, you are not going to harm yourself or anyone else. The thoughts are awful and intrusive but that's all they are, they are no reflection of yourself or your personality. They are thoughts and have no basis in reality.
Think of OCD as your brain trolling you looking for a reaction, don't dwell on the intrusive thoughts, say to yourself that's just my OCD and not the real me.
I found this site an excellent help for me, it is written by a doctor who specializes in OCD. It gives you the tools to treat your OCD.
hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php

Remember it will pass and you will be back to yourself again.
Sending huge internet hug

I was going to suggest sertraline too. OP my love you need a really good psychiatrist to get you on the right meds and calm the intrusive thoughts down

My heart hurts for you. Intrusive thoughts are so so hard. As mentioned above, a decent therapist could be the biggest game changer for you. You can get very quick access to online therapy if you self refer today. IAPT is great. Also have a listen to this -

Your thoughts are not you. Your impulses and urges are not you. They are a symptom of your illness. The more attention you give them, the more frequently they will return.

Have you heard of ERP? Exposure Response Prevention therapy. It turned my life around. My OCD was diagnosed when my son was a couple of months old as it started off with me experiencing horrendous thoughts of me harming him. They caused me so much pain and I became very unwell very quickly. It's taken me three years to get to where I am now with the help of therapy, sertraline and lots of support from family/friends. Talking about it is the most helpful thing of all. Can you write your thoughts down? Have you told anyone? Just getting them on paper will make the world of difference.

This WILL pass. Nothing is permanent.

Please message me if you want to, I've found some great resources online and have read a few helpful books that I'm happy to share with you.

Keep going x

I'm actually going to write some reads down here in case anyone else would benefit -

Overcoming unwanted & intrusive thoughts
The OCD mindfulness workbook
The art of living
The Power of now

I can't stress enough how amazing all four of these books are. Not just for OCD, everyone should read them.

Great idea with the books I have read some bits of these and they helped so much. Ocd makes you feel alone and completely crazy. Doctors are terrible at diagnosing this horrible intrusive thoughts part of ocd I found. Remember one saying I was phycotic and told me to go straight to hospital, this was sooooooo not the case and only fed the ocd more. Please please get help with this. Ocd is not just washing hands and cleaning stuff it is a real condition and more common than we think. You will get over this I promise ❤️

Thank you all so much. I will have a look at those books

Please help me

@cutthroughtothefield

Please help me

@cutthroughtothefield

Morning, how can we help?