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Continued...raped by a work colleague, investigation ongoing

144 replies

Twentypasttwelve · 27/06/2020 09:58

I have a long standing thread I started in Feb I think, this is a continuation from that thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/3821321-Work-colleague-raped-me-5-years-ago-and-Ive-finally-snapped

A bit of background for those who are new to my story, I was raped by a senior member of staff 5 years ago. In March, with the help of my husband, mum and of course MN, I found the courage to report him to my manager and to HR. An investigation started. Whilst I was promised by HR it wouldn't take longer than 2 weeks, here we are 10 weeks on and still no conclusion. Every day I wait by the phone in hopes I will get the phone call from HR to let me know what is happening. I do know he has his Hearing on Monday just gone (I only know this because my manager told me off the record). HR have been useless at keeping me up to speed with things and I feel that my case has not been prioritised. When I speak to HR he is very dismissive and condescending. Although I have felt believed by everyone I have told, which is a good position to be in I guess.

My mental health has taken an absolute battering these past few weeks. MN is a lifeline because I hate to burden my mum and husband every day. My husband couldn't be any more supportive, but I don't want this rape to define us as a couple. So I come on here to vent and get virtual hugs and hand holds.

In response to the last post on my previous thread:

@picklemewalnuts thank you. A really useful list, I will consider all the suggestions.

Just now I was struggling to put my trolley back in the awkward cupboard. It ended up with the trolley crashing to the floor and my keys, cash, sunnies, and everything else falling out all over the floor. I ran to the bedroom and picked up a pillow. I screamed and screamed and screamed into the pillow until I got hoarse. Then I cried and cried. I think I howled at one point.

Some of the pent up anger has been released and now I just feel numb.

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Yorkshiremummyof1 · 15/07/2020 20:52

@Twentypasttwelve

Don't know if anyone is still following but just a little update to let you all know I am doing really well, I'm back to work now (WFH) and it feels really good to have a semblance of normality back and in touch with my colleagues again.

I also wanted to come back to thank you all again. For helping me through it. I am still blown away that loads of beautiful, faceless, compassionate people took time out of their lives to support me, a complete stranger. It really does restore your faith in humanity. So thank you.

Therapy starts tomorrow. Bright future starts here Smile

I was raped several times by different people from 18 to 31.

I attended therapy, be prepared for it to hurt and be agony. I’m not warning you off it, because I feel so much better after a year. But it might not be pleasant and they often warn you’ll feel worse before you feeL better. However I was on my own, I didn’t have a partner to support me when I started. You do, and it sounds like he is wonderful. Just go in with your eyes open and embrace the pain because it will heal xxxx

Binglebong · 15/07/2020 21:33

Oh that is the most wonderful news, I'm so pleased. I didn't want to bring it up by asking but I'm really delighted to know things are going so well.Flowers

Twentypasttwelve · 16/07/2020 17:01

Thank you everyone.

Had my first therapy session. Told her my whole backstory (there is A LOT to unpick). Remained very unemotional while I explained the various traumatic experiences I've had through my life. The only time I broke down was when I described the investigation process at work. I said out loud that it felt like being raped over and over again. At that point I burst into tears.

I spoke the most, but she said that's good, she knows my story and now we can concentrate on learning how to deal with intrusive thoughts and some of my unhelpful thought processes.

I do understand that therapy is going to be difficult. But hey, I've been through the mill, I know what pain is, like PP said, I should embrace it! This is the healing process and it's going to be messy but let's hope it'll help Smile

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Binglebong · 21/07/2020 12:22

You doing ok still?

Twentypasttwelve · 21/07/2020 12:54

Hi Bingle

Thank you for asking Smile

I'm doing really well thanks. Busy with work and moving house. Also having fun TTC 😉

I feel really strong and positive atm. I'm reading a book called The Body Holds The Score, its about trauma and how humans deal with it. It's quite technical but is helping. I'm not anxious, don't feel down, and the intrusive thoughts are minimal. The only obsessive thoughts are about my wedding dress / hair / makeup... Can't seem to let that go for some reason. I will talk to my therapist about it on Thursday.

Other than that I really feel the past is in the past and I feel free from it.

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Binglebong · 21/07/2020 20:30

Oh I am so pleased! And glad you're filling your time so ahem productively! Grin

PopperUppleton · 22/07/2020 16:19

I commented on your previous thread under a different name and I just wanted to say well done for hanging in there and getting through this. Shout out to your DH for having your back too, that's priceless.

Wishing you love and luck for your new life Thanks

Twentypasttwelve · 22/07/2020 19:20

Thank you both so much.

I'm still feeling free. My dh commented today that I looked serene and he was happy he got his wife back Smile

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PopperUppleton · 23/07/2020 12:56

How lovely 💕

Binglebong · 23/07/2020 16:51

So pleased. X

ThickFast · 07/08/2020 19:34

I know you last posted a while ago but it disappeared from my watching list for a bit. So I’m really happy to see your updates.

Twentypasttwelve · 11/08/2020 05:03

Thank you

I'm still doing really well although I did dream about him night before last. It was horrible, we were still working together and he was all smug and sneery. Ugh.

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ThickFast · 11/08/2020 09:48

Urgh. Bet you were glad to wake up from that dream

toothfairy73 · 12/08/2020 06:46

I've only just seen this thread although I commented on your first one. I'm so glad you reported him to HR. That's incredible. You are incredible. You survived the process too which is so hard.

Here is a link to the website I and my fellow survivors set up with links to self see.

It's not surprising you dreamt about him, it's all close to the surface again.

warriorwoman.blog/self-care/

If you look at this page you can see what it feels like to report to the police and go to court. When I reported I just wanted to know I wasn't alone and my feelings were normal, which is why we wrote the blog (hope that makes sense) warriorwoman.blog/?order=asc

I would also really recommend calling rape crisis if you are having a bad day. They are amazing and I always felt better afterwards. Number is in the self care page.
I am so proud of you OP. You did it. Remember it's normal to have down days. Despite your victory he still put you through it. Sending huge hugs

Twentypasttwelve · 12/08/2020 13:44

Yes was glad to wake from that dream!

I don't think of him that often really so it's strange I had that dream. Clearly he is still in my subconscious. The other day I had a conscious thought about him... I thought he's probably raging at me, that he probably thinks I ruined his life. I wondered what he's doing, has he managed to find another job, is he homeless, has he fallen down the rabbit hole of drugs? Does he want revenge on me? Does he stalk me on social media?

My therapist is on holiday but will discuss with her in 2 weeks.

Toothfairy... Thank you so much. You gave me some great advice and support in another thread. I will check out the we page again. In the time being my best friend is on his way for a catch up and few wines. 😁

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toothfairy73 · 13/08/2020 01:11

Enjoy xxxxxx

Twentypasttwelve · 03/05/2023 08:37

Hello everyone

Random update after 3 years. I was just clearing my "watched threads" and this popped up. I read through it and cried some.

I have had several threads since then, so some of you may already know how things have been. I've recently had a protracted and traumatic time at work (again). They announced last year that we would all be required to go back to work in the building for 50% of our hours.

For obvious reasons I didn't want to return to the building. Traumatic memories being one. But also the fact that the perpetrator still has friends who work there, he could turn up to the building at any point and see me.

Another layer to this story is that I partook in group therapy at the end of 2020, beginning of 2021. The women in my group were absolutely amazing, group therapy was life changing, and we all became firm friends, meeting for lunches and having a very active group chat, well after the therapy ended. Unfortunately, one of the women was murdered by her perpetrator, in broad daylight, outside her home. This happened on the day I gave birth to my baby (yes, I got pregnant!! And we now have a beautiful boy).

So I have been obsessing about my own perpetrator finding me and hurting me or my family. I tried to explain all of this to management and HR. I put in a flexible working request in September last year asking to work from home permanently. For 7 months I was largely ignored and then my FWR was denied. I had to then appeal. Again, the whole process was traumatic, but I found out last month that my appeal was upheld (I think they knew my next step would be tribunal). I can now WFH permanently.

A rather upsetting aspect of this story is that not one person at my work has checked in on me. Obviously I haven't returned to the office, and I was off sick for 7 months, and no one cared enough to send a text or give me a call. I thought these people were my friends. Some of them came to my wedding! My "supportive" line manager stopped talking to me altogether, and actually ghosted me, when I moved teams (long story). I have since found out that he was once reported for sexually inappropriate behaviour at a staff party, so no loss there.

Maybe you think I'm mad to go through all that, and not just leave, but honestly why should I and also WFH suits me down to the ground. I can work full time and still be able to do all drop offs and pick ups for my kids. I get to spend extra time with my baby. I'm on good pay and there are other perks. I feel safe and content and honestly the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I continued on with my painting and even set up a little online shop, selling homewares and other stuff, with my paintings on. I also paint pet / human portraits on commission too!

So...that's my update, for anyone who sees this. You lot got me through such an unbelievably tough time in my life. I still have "flat" days, but my therapy has taught me how to deal with it, I have many tools I can draw upon. I feel strong and assertive where I felt weak and passive my entire life. I no longer people please. It's so damn refreshing!

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ThanosSavedMe · 03/05/2023 17:35

What an amazing person you are, I can’t believe that work were still being shit with you. Glad they saw sense even if they had to be made to.

Twentypasttwelve · 03/05/2023 18:28

Thank you, Thanos

It's beggars belief really.

I told the top head honcho that the way I was being treated was inhumane. He was very reluctant to give me what I wanted but he new he didn't have a leg to stand on. It felt good speaking to such a high up person in the way that I did, with confidence, strength and resolve. A whole new me 😁

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