Hello everyone
Random update after 3 years. I was just clearing my "watched threads" and this popped up. I read through it and cried some.
I have had several threads since then, so some of you may already know how things have been. I've recently had a protracted and traumatic time at work (again). They announced last year that we would all be required to go back to work in the building for 50% of our hours.
For obvious reasons I didn't want to return to the building. Traumatic memories being one. But also the fact that the perpetrator still has friends who work there, he could turn up to the building at any point and see me.
Another layer to this story is that I partook in group therapy at the end of 2020, beginning of 2021. The women in my group were absolutely amazing, group therapy was life changing, and we all became firm friends, meeting for lunches and having a very active group chat, well after the therapy ended. Unfortunately, one of the women was murdered by her perpetrator, in broad daylight, outside her home. This happened on the day I gave birth to my baby (yes, I got pregnant!! And we now have a beautiful boy).
So I have been obsessing about my own perpetrator finding me and hurting me or my family. I tried to explain all of this to management and HR. I put in a flexible working request in September last year asking to work from home permanently. For 7 months I was largely ignored and then my FWR was denied. I had to then appeal. Again, the whole process was traumatic, but I found out last month that my appeal was upheld (I think they knew my next step would be tribunal). I can now WFH permanently.
A rather upsetting aspect of this story is that not one person at my work has checked in on me. Obviously I haven't returned to the office, and I was off sick for 7 months, and no one cared enough to send a text or give me a call. I thought these people were my friends. Some of them came to my wedding! My "supportive" line manager stopped talking to me altogether, and actually ghosted me, when I moved teams (long story). I have since found out that he was once reported for sexually inappropriate behaviour at a staff party, so no loss there.
Maybe you think I'm mad to go through all that, and not just leave, but honestly why should I and also WFH suits me down to the ground. I can work full time and still be able to do all drop offs and pick ups for my kids. I get to spend extra time with my baby. I'm on good pay and there are other perks. I feel safe and content and honestly the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I continued on with my painting and even set up a little online shop, selling homewares and other stuff, with my paintings on. I also paint pet / human portraits on commission too!
So...that's my update, for anyone who sees this. You lot got me through such an unbelievably tough time in my life. I still have "flat" days, but my therapy has taught me how to deal with it, I have many tools I can draw upon. I feel strong and assertive where I felt weak and passive my entire life. I no longer people please. It's so damn refreshing!