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Original poster

Continued...raped by a work colleague, investigation ongoing

144 replies

Twentypasttwelve · 27/06/2020 09:58

I have a long standing thread I started in Feb I think, this is a continuation from that thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/3821321-Work-colleague-raped-me-5-years-ago-and-Ive-finally-snapped

A bit of background for those who are new to my story, I was raped by a senior member of staff 5 years ago. In March, with the help of my husband, mum and of course MN, I found the courage to report him to my manager and to HR. An investigation started. Whilst I was promised by HR it wouldn't take longer than 2 weeks, here we are 10 weeks on and still no conclusion. Every day I wait by the phone in hopes I will get the phone call from HR to let me know what is happening. I do know he has his Hearing on Monday just gone (I only know this because my manager told me off the record). HR have been useless at keeping me up to speed with things and I feel that my case has not been prioritised. When I speak to HR he is very dismissive and condescending. Although I have felt believed by everyone I have told, which is a good position to be in I guess.

My mental health has taken an absolute battering these past few weeks. MN is a lifeline because I hate to burden my mum and husband every day. My husband couldn't be any more supportive, but I don't want this rape to define us as a couple. So I come on here to vent and get virtual hugs and hand holds.

In response to the last post on my previous thread:

@picklemewalnuts thank you. A really useful list, I will consider all the suggestions.

Just now I was struggling to put my trolley back in the awkward cupboard. It ended up with the trolley crashing to the floor and my keys, cash, sunnies, and everything else falling out all over the floor. I ran to the bedroom and picked up a pillow. I screamed and screamed and screamed into the pillow until I got hoarse. Then I cried and cried. I think I howled at one point.

Some of the pent up anger has been released and now I just feel numb.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MyNameIsJane · 29/06/2020 22:27

Well done. I know you struggled but I’m still in awe of your resilience!

Krazynights34 · 29/06/2020 22:43

OP - I read your original thread and just caught this one. I was about to tell you of a shared experience.. but .. who cares!!! What fantastic fucking news!!! I’m so proud of you (I know that doesn’t make that much sense). I’m so so so happy right now

2020nymph · 29/06/2020 23:34

So please you got the right result, hope this helps you move forward. Thanks

justilou1 · 30/06/2020 01:02

Oh thank goodness they managed to get the smug bastard in something! I hope to god their HR department refers anyone looking for a future reference for him to you!!! (Not really, but would be interesting!)
He’s gone! You can go to work knowing that he’s not there.
If he’s lurking around outside you ABSOLUTELY MUST call the police.

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 30/06/2020 09:45

Thank you everyone

First time in 6 months I've woken up without anxiety!!

My doctors note runs out tomorrow. Trying to decide whether to extend it for another month or not...

OP posts:
Binglebong · 30/06/2020 11:34

Personally I'd get it extended. You're likely to feel a lot of highs and lows over the next few weeks. Maybe ask the doctor to put on something about you may come back if you feel up to it?

icedaisy · 30/06/2020 11:37

That's wonderful OP.

I would extend it, enjoy a month of waking up without anxiety, concentrate on you and your family.

Thanks
RandomMess · 30/06/2020 12:46

Another option is phased return.

ThickFast · 30/06/2020 12:58

Yeah what about part time I run for another few weeks. Or get a week long extension. Your manager seems nice to maybe talk to him. And then once you’ve said all the options out loud you’ll know what feels right. Work might be nice in a way.

LittleMissNaice · 30/06/2020 14:05

I'd take at least another week and then review again. You've been through a lot these last few months, and even though things have turned out well, you may still find you have a bit of a drop in the next little while, as the adrenaline etc wears off. Taking some extra time for some self care might be time well spent.

namechange5575 · 30/06/2020 16:47

Really pleased for, I'm glad you are able to plan a future that you choose for yourself and haven't needed to leave that job x x

MsPepperPotts · 30/06/2020 17:40

very late to your thread OP
You have been so very brave and so happy for the outcome Flowers

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 30/06/2020 19:17

Everyone... I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. This, and my last, thread has kept me going since February. Can't express my gratitude.

Emma... Thanks for the links. Will look into a phased return. I've been signed off for a further 2 weeks, and will see after that how I feel.

Before I took the call yesterday I started working on my phoenix from the flames painting, attached here. Not sure I can finish it really, although it will hold such memories for me. I'd love to make it good and frame it, but I don't think it's a great piece... Yet...

Continued...raped by a work colleague, investigation ongoing
OP posts:
NooneElseIsSingingMySong · 30/06/2020 19:26

Oh I’m so pleased for you! Been following since you first posted. I would definitely suggest taking some more time off, give yourself time to process things and put some distance between him leaving and you returning. You’ve been so brave, well done.

ThickFast · 30/06/2020 19:40

I like with the picture how it’s dark at the bottom and bright at the top. Very symbolic

babbi · 30/06/2020 19:56

Wow ... I am so pleased at that outcome .
Good on them for doing the right thing (eventually )
OP I applaud your bravery ... you’re incredible. It must have taken so much courage to do that . You’re an inspiration- truly .

Additionally you’re extremely talented.. your artwork is amazing.

I wish you every happiness in your forward journey through life

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 30/06/2020 20:00

Your messages have me in tears... Good tears... Thank you so much. I'm overwhelmed with your love and support.

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 30/06/2020 20:11

Having a little cry for you OP, happy tears. For those of us who have been through it too, we stand with you and every woman who is believed and heard is a win for all of us.

You sound absolutely lovely and kickass, talented too! I would extend your sick note a little longer so you have some time to process as the update will have given you an adrenaline buzz and you probably feel like taking on the world at the moment (and I'm sure you can!) but it's not good for us to always go hell for leather when we come out of such a tough time - your body and brain need a little breathing space between the fighting and persistence you've had to keep doing and your new normal now a decision has been made.

Give yourself a week or two to see how you feel and allow for some more angry / sad days. It's been years for me and I still get them sometimes - be kind to yourself.

Thank you for being so brave x

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 30/06/2020 20:39

Backseat... Thank you.

You're right, I'm sure the adrenalin will run out pretty soon. I have to be prepared for a slump. I've got another 2 weeks off, to be reviewed and possibly extended.

I really hope I have helped someone in all of this. It would all be worth it if that was the case

For every one of you who has been through similar... Flowers you are all warriors

OP posts:
JoyDivisionOvenGlovesx · 30/06/2020 20:42

Been reading & lurking from the start, as have many others I suspect.

But I need to break cover to express just how heart-swellingly pleased I am for you OP.

Wishing you all the very very best.

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 07:14

Thank you JoyDivision x

Woken up without anxiety for 2nd day in a row. I feel a lot lighter. It feels good.

I now need to get a handle on my drinking and over eating. I've put 3 stone on since February. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I have to try and get my mind in gear.

Management made the announcement that he had left the company yesterday. One woman guessed it was something to do with me being off and I did confirm it with her briefly over texts. I'm going to call her today. She's really lovely and I trust her completely.

Other than that I am going to start getting rid of household stuff in prep for packing to move to out new home.

I can't wait for this fresh new start 🤗

OP posts:
Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 07:31

Incidentally, does anyone know what I should do with everything I'd usually give to charity, now that they are all still shut?? I don't know anyone who would want Al our old towels and cushions and kitchenware...

OP posts:
GurlwiththeCurl · 01/07/2020 08:26

I have just read both of your threads from the beginning. I am in awe of your courage and so pleased that you have had such a positive outcome. Now you can move into your new place and really enjoy a new phase in your life!

Very best wishes to you, OP!

ThanosSavedMe · 01/07/2020 08:36

That is such good news, I’m so happy for you.

Have you got an animal shelter near you that could take the towels?