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Continued...raped by a work colleague, investigation ongoing

144 replies

Twentypasttwelve · 27/06/2020 09:58

I have a long standing thread I started in Feb I think, this is a continuation from that thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/3821321-Work-colleague-raped-me-5-years-ago-and-Ive-finally-snapped

A bit of background for those who are new to my story, I was raped by a senior member of staff 5 years ago. In March, with the help of my husband, mum and of course MN, I found the courage to report him to my manager and to HR. An investigation started. Whilst I was promised by HR it wouldn't take longer than 2 weeks, here we are 10 weeks on and still no conclusion. Every day I wait by the phone in hopes I will get the phone call from HR to let me know what is happening. I do know he has his Hearing on Monday just gone (I only know this because my manager told me off the record). HR have been useless at keeping me up to speed with things and I feel that my case has not been prioritised. When I speak to HR he is very dismissive and condescending. Although I have felt believed by everyone I have told, which is a good position to be in I guess.

My mental health has taken an absolute battering these past few weeks. MN is a lifeline because I hate to burden my mum and husband every day. My husband couldn't be any more supportive, but I don't want this rape to define us as a couple. So I come on here to vent and get virtual hugs and hand holds.

In response to the last post on my previous thread:

@picklemewalnuts thank you. A really useful list, I will consider all the suggestions.

Just now I was struggling to put my trolley back in the awkward cupboard. It ended up with the trolley crashing to the floor and my keys, cash, sunnies, and everything else falling out all over the floor. I ran to the bedroom and picked up a pillow. I screamed and screamed and screamed into the pillow until I got hoarse. Then I cried and cried. I think I howled at one point.

Some of the pent up anger has been released and now I just feel numb.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Weenurse · 01/07/2020 08:38

Well done for surviving all this.
Our local RSPCA likes donations of towels and bedding.
Not sure about kitchen stuff.

ThickFast · 01/07/2020 08:51

That’s great you’ve told the woman at work a bit about it. He sounds awful and I reckon loads of people will be glad to see the back of him.

NooneElseIsSingingMySong · 01/07/2020 08:51

One charity local to me is accepting donations if you book a slot so it’s worth checking with local charities.

Brenna24 · 01/07/2020 09:06

There might be a charity that gives people setting up homes or generally struggling household goods. The Society of St Vincent de Paul is one

LadyEloise · 01/07/2020 09:33

I'm so glad for you Twentypasttwelve that he has been dismissed.
You are a warrior who no doubt will have helped other women.Thanks
Wishing you all the best.

Frozenfrogs86 · 01/07/2020 09:40

Just wanted to add another voice saying that if I was one of your colleagues I would be 100% supportive of you and a bit mortified that I hadn’t seen this man’s true colours. Certainly wouldn’t effect my opinion or working with you, except to try my hardest to make your working life easier, if I could.

Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 09:43

Just been up the High Road and there is one charity shop open!! I'm so happy! Thanks for all the suggestions. I have so much to give away, I'm not sure they will take it all, I'm sure they will be inundated. So will also check the other suggestions upthread.

I was just thinking about him being dismissed. It's kind of the equivalent of a court finding him guilty. I do feel that justice has been done in a small way. And yes, I do feel like a warrior! I feel so strong today, like I can do anything 💪🏼 (although I'm under no illusion that feeling of strength won't always be there... I'm just enjoying it while I have it)

All of your messages mean such a lot to me. You have all made my life easier and have contributed to my feeling of strength. Mumsnet at its very very best ❤️

OP posts:
justilou1 · 01/07/2020 11:54

I was going to suggest a sacrificial bonfire and imagine it’s everything attached to that toad of a man!

Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 12:06

😂 😂 😂 That sounds extremely therapeutic! I could make an effigy too!

OP posts:
Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 12:07

Feeling quite playful today, I think it shows in my painting. First time to ever use watercolour!

Continued...raped by a work colleague, investigation ongoing
OP posts:
Itsjustabitofbanter · 01/07/2020 12:16

Omg please tell me the chickens for sale!! 😂😂😍😍

Binglebong · 01/07/2020 12:21

LOVE your chicken!

Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 12:26

Thank you! I may frame her and put her up in the new kitchen!

OP posts:
Binglebong · 01/07/2020 12:44

Has she a name? I can certainly see her examining your cooking.

Twentypasttwelve · 01/07/2020 12:59

I sent a pic to my aunt, she has named her Henrietta 😁😁😁

OP posts:
Binglebong · 01/07/2020 13:02
Grin
marriednotdead · 02/07/2020 08:26

Another lurker breaking cover to celebrate the just outcome with you, am so so pleased!

As others have said, the emotional rollercoaster may continue for a while yet so don’t rush back to work.
The mental image of your DH making you physically shake out your feelings made me well up, what a thoughtful and supportive rock you have.

Henrietta is gorgeous, perhaps you can stay home and sell your amazing artwork!

Twentypasttwelve · 02/07/2020 09:49

Thank you married!

My husband certainly is my rock. He's my biggest advocate and says he is in awe of me all the time ❤️

He helps me see ME... through his eyes, through the eyes of others. He's helped me to be less self deprecating, has made me see the good in me, and I can now see that yes, I am strong and I am awesome 😁🤩😋

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 02/07/2020 16:01

I've been a lurker recently on your threads. Didn't feel I had much to add, I have posted early on.

I am so pleased to see that this is finally over and the outcome is what you wanted. You are incredibly strong. You recognise when you are not in a good place and how you need to work on your mental health, and that will stand you in good stead to recover from this.

Your DH also sounds incredible, he seems to know just what you need. The example of shaking it all out.

I wish you nothing but happiness, and hope you can return to work and enjoy it again.

Twentypasttwelve · 02/07/2020 18:16

Lemon thank you so much for your words, they made me smile and feel warm inside.

Like all the replies here really. The support is overwhelming.

I do make a conscious effort to be self aware and to work on bettering myself at every stage of my life.

I'm my 40 years on earth I have managed to escape 3 extremely abusive relationships, my father being the very first. I am proud of how I have now removed all toxic people from my life (in lesser and greater extents) and surrounded myself with people worthy of my time and love. It took this long to get where I am. And my loving husband... I don't know how I managed to find him. I spent the first 2 years together very suspicious of him because I'd never been treated with love and respect before. I kept wondering when he would turn nasty. He never did.

He showed me that there are good men out there, just as I was about to completely give up.

I do feel very blessed (I don't use that word often!!) that's just how I feel right now. And I love it.

OP posts:
Twentypasttwelve · 15/07/2020 19:55

Don't know if anyone is still following but just a little update to let you all know I am doing really well, I'm back to work now (WFH) and it feels really good to have a semblance of normality back and in touch with my colleagues again.

I also wanted to come back to thank you all again. For helping me through it. I am still blown away that loads of beautiful, faceless, compassionate people took time out of their lives to support me, a complete stranger. It really does restore your faith in humanity. So thank you.

Therapy starts tomorrow. Bright future starts here Smile

OP posts:
IamDisappeared · 15/07/2020 20:09

Fantastic OP XX

EnjoyingTheSilence · 15/07/2020 20:25

😁😁😁 glad to hear you’re doing well

Lougle · 15/07/2020 20:31

What a lovely update Smile

MyNameIsJane · 15/07/2020 20:41

Glad to hear that you are back to work. My best wishes to you. Flowers