Lockdown: wish I had no kids – zero judgement zone if you feel the same

[u32ng]

Lockdown is the first time I have ever been made to feel regret for having children (mine are 7 and 4). Being with your kids 24/7 is a special kind of parental hell, and 2 months into it I am really, really weary and miserable. Actually, depressed is probably more accurate tbh. And I know I am not the only one – everyone will have their own version of hell going on.

I have to stop torturing myself with how much better I would feel mentally if it was just me and DH.

So, if anyone has the magical answer(s) for how to survive this headfuck of a situation, then I’m all ears. Equally, if you just want to come in and commiserate with me then let rip. I certainly won’t be dishing out any judgements, and hope everyone else has the good sense not to either.

If we didn’t have to work it would be lovely. As it is it’s a juggling act working ridiculous hours to take care of a toddler and preschooler every day.

I'm so sorry op, you sound really down. I'm sending you a big virtual hug. I don't have kids myself but just wanted to say you are doing your very best in these hard times

It’s a real struggle. I’m sure it’s hell on Earth going through lockdown alone. Going through it with kids is pretty rubbish too.

I’ve hit a bit of a wall with mine this week. Basically spent the day telling them to go and ask Daddy.

Hope you feel better tomorrow op

I wouldn't have kids as I couldn't cope with them in anything more than small doses. I admire all the women who are coping (and struggling) for 24/7 now.

I also have a 7 and 4 year old. Both me and DH are trying to work full time from home. My job is so busy due to lots of other people being furloughed. I had to take a pay cut so not even much better off financially than furloughed staff.

This is hell. My mental health has taken a beating. I’m exhausted. I said to DH today do you ever regret having children? They are being so difficult and are playing up badly at bedtime so we don’t even get an evening off.

100% I have a toddler and 5 month old and regularly cry and am struggling so much. Diagnosed with PND bought on by this shitshow I’m sure. Can’t stop thinking about how much easier it would be if I just had DC1 let alone none. Lots of friends have no kids and are having Netflix marathons, baking exercising, enjoying life. I’m stuck in hell and want to die.

I’m sorry you’re finding it tough but I think your attitude is horrible, to be honest. So sad you can’t enjoy the company of children you chose to have and now have time with them, albeit in odd circumstances.
My advice would be look for the positives and focus on their needs; it might even be fun, if you let it.

I feel a lot better after a 'day off' where they basically just watch TV as much as they like, I throw oven food at them for tea and then do my best to ignore them for a day. Say yes to all requests for sweets / chocolate etc. Don't get dressed, don't worry about anything basically! It's only 1 day and I feel so much better after it.

Can you try that??

Sorry you are feeling down. I enjoy having my kids here all the time so don't know if I can be much help. I would hate to be on my own, but guess we are all different.

I don't wish I didn't have my DC but I do wish this pandemic happened before he was born. Every day is tiring and I have a different sense of fear about the virus. As much as I want a break, I'm so anxious about sending him to nursery. It almost feels like a betrayal because I personally don't NEED to send him back to nursery but I want a fucking break.
I'm also worried about his health and my own way more than I would have been pre baby.

Oh to be carefree again.

Mine are older (11 and 13) and everyday I am thankful that this didn’t happen when they were younger. I am so full of admiration for all of you who are coping with small kids, especially if you’re trying to work. I think it’s totally fine to have times when you feel that you can’t do it anymore but keep going....it will get better soon....

I am jealous of those who are on lockdown with no DC, watching Netflix, sleeping in, cooking new things etc. I have a toddler and I don't regret having her for a second but the lack of break is hard. She's teething so I spend all day with her, she didnt get to sleep until 8:30pm, she'll probably be up at 1am where we'll co-sleep until morning. Today she got up at 5am. I have very little evening, early mornings and not enough sleep. It's been 10 relentless weeks now. She screams if I go for a shower, screams if I put the washing out, screams because she cant go through the shopping bags like she used to. All her baby classes are cancelled or online and she has barely seen anyone else. She's frustrated and clingy. We've had some lovely times with crafts and in the garden but I would have loved to have done that on days off (I'm only PT) at weekends or on AL where we could do the things we love not being trapped at home.

Op, it's like you read my mind. Was just sitting here feeling those exact things and then came on mumsnet to see if anyone else was struggling, and low and behold, there you are. I'm starting to struggle massively now, I have 3 dc, youngest 6 and 9, oldest is no trouble luckily. I resent everything about never getting any time to myself and having my every waking moment consumed with someone else's needs, no matter how loved those consumers are. Its hard, very hard, not something I want to experience in this lifetime again, and every day I'm in awe that any parent would choose home schooling and actually choose to live this life.

I think key for me has been accepting that it’s OK to have periods where we will just be surviving and not ‘thriving’ while all this is going on. Actually I came to realise that it’s ok if that happens generally in life everyone now in then - take the pressure and the expectations off and it makes things easier all round.

What aspects of the day are you finding hardest to cope with? If you’re juggling work, schooling, playtime, feeding everyone, doing all the housework, shopping etc singlehandedly then it wouldn’t be surprising if you were daydreaming of your days pre kids! Even if the housework is shared evenly or you aren’t working, the current situation is a lot to be dealing with, and you are managing your kids emotions on top of your own. Be kind to yourself.

I'm really struggling. DS8 is my only. He spends 2 days a week with his DF and his 2 SC's. When DS is here with me he's miserable and misses his DF and the company of the SC. I try my hardest to play with him and keep him happy and entertained but he's still so unhappy and it breaks my heart. I'm really worried for his mental health to be honest

@u32ng I could have written this exact post and wanted you to know that you are not alone. I also have 2 children aged 8 and 6 and I hate it. I wish I wasn't a mum but as you can see from some of the replies, that's our fault for having children, which we shouldn't have done. Strange because last time I checked I didn't have foresight and obviously would not have had them if I knew parenting wasn't for me.

I wish I could enjoy it, but I don't. It's relentless and I'm fed up of being someone's snack bitch, sorting squabbles and homeschooling has just gone out the window.

I'm fortunate enough to still work outside of the home. As another poster said just have yes days where they get whatever, it makes life easier. I wish I could enjoy parenting and envy those that do. Any other job that you don't enjoy you can walk away but if you don't enjoy motherhood people look at you with shock and disbelief. I'm with you op.

@CherryPavlova I don't know why you commented on this thread you are in a minority here. The OP was looking for support. Piss off somewhere else with your judgemental attitude, no one is interested.

OP yes I get where you're coming from. I have 3 dc under 6 and it's a nightmare. While I love them, I certainly don't want to spend 24/7 couped up in the house being a snack bitch and general dogsbody. Dh works long hours but when he finishes I retreat to my room for a bit of peace and quiet. Also walking by myself helps. When I get the chance. I also dream about people with no kids and how amazing it would be!

Hang in there it will get better, lock down is easing and this hell will end.

Hi op
I am old and a mum of six. I have every sympathy for anyone with children in these circumstances. All the things that get you through the day have gone. Play dates. Day in the park with friends, swimming, picnics, visits to granny, day with cousins....all gone. I have a 16 year old at home and feel sorry for him too. I am fine, I realise that.

Totally understand where you're coming from and yes, to agree with a PP, everyone judging can get in the bin. I have a 15 month old and have been diagnosed with PND today, which I have absolutely no doubt has come to a head because of spending 24/7 with my sleep-refusing, tantruming toddler. I love him to pieces but Jesus, he's hard work at the minute and having no breaks (usually work, I've been furloughed) or outside help has sent me over the edge. No advice I'm afraid OP but solidarity, you're not alone.

Yep. Lockdown would be awesome without dc. Both of us wfh, lots of time to chill out, watch TV, nice walks/runs/bike rides. Long lazy dinners.

Mine are 7 and 10 and one has ASD. Tbh I sometimes judge my decision to have kids even without lockdown. It's hell. I need a break, on my own. And some sleep.

@CherryPavlova your attitude is awful. So I take it you have, or a close person/relative to you has never suffered with PND? It can last a lot longer than you think, I suffered for just over two years until I spoke up and got the right support.

I felt horrible, everyone enjoying their kids and I just couldn’t understand it. I never said how I felt because I thought I would be judged for being a bad mum. I still cared for my DC, I never neglected him, but I didn’t feel any love towards him. I’m in a much better place now and I love my DC so much. Looking back I can’t fathom why I felt the way I did. I lost a lot of precious moments and I can never get that back. It hurts

OP how are you feeling now? It must be tough, I completely understand why you might be struggling

have you got tablets / ipad / computer games? can you give them more screen time? it's not ideal but it is peace and quiet! Your MH is more important than them being on a screen. I'm a LP and it's tough but things like that help a lot!

I'm here too feeling similar.
I'm a single parent wfh part time to 2 children under 5.
For me it's survival. Which is fine. But then what makes me feel down is when others say they are enjoying the extra time as a family and I realise I'm really not. In fact I hardly know what they mean.
The only positive is that my kids are happy enough, they have a slave who can't escape!

So. Over. It.

Going to bed knackered knowing you'll rudely awakened again at the crack of drawn - check
Seeing other people's amazing making- memories photos and feeling like a failure - check
Not wanting to even think about the obscene amounts of screen time your kids are having - check
Realising there is no escape - check
Making meals nobody eats - check
Spending time fantasizing about what you could do if you were actually the boss of you - check

It's taking its toll.
Thank you for this thread