Lockdown: wish I had no kids – zero judgement zone if you feel the same

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Lockdown is the first time I have ever been made to feel regret for having children (mine are 7 and 4). Being with your kids 24/7 is a special kind of parental hell, and 2 months into it I am really, really weary and miserable. Actually, depressed is probably more accurate tbh. And I know I am not the only one – everyone will have their own version of hell going on.

I have to stop torturing myself with how much better I would feel mentally if it was just me and DH.

So, if anyone has the magical answer(s) for how to survive this headfuck of a situation, then I’m all ears. Equally, if you just want to come in and commiserate with me then let rip. I certainly won’t be dishing out any judgements, and hope everyone else has the good sense not to either.

Ah that’s so tough! @Want2sparkle. At least they have each other! My little boy is on his own with adults and has been for months now so I do worry about his development.

Oh thanks for that! Excellent advice. Why didn’t I think of that! Just pull yourselves together everyone.

This thread is a way to vent - it doesn’t mean we aren’t doing our jobs or looking after our children. It means we have a safe place to express our worries, concerns, guilt and negativity without judgement.

I planned to have my child. But I sure as hell didn’t plan to live through a global pandemic and I’m sure you didn’t either.

Why are you even reading this thread, may I ask?

I've said approx 100 times that if I'd known 2020 was gonna be this hard I'd never have had kids...

Yeah totally,It's a thought and yes everyone is struggling but least this is our little 'vent' corner! We are not being cruel to our children telling them how hard we are finding it because we are the adults and got to be seen as coping....its not a crime to say our head is not In the right place doesn't mean we are not being the best parent we can be...piss off with your "well it's your choice" comment just unnecessary!

I’ve thought a couple of times about what if lockdown had occurred at different stages in my life - say 5 years ago, 10, 15, 20, and I think there would have been worse times when I was either completely on my own or when I was in one particularly horrible relationship, that it would have been a real challenge to keep my head above water.

As it is I have two kids under 4 and it’s relentless, tiring, miserable for them, miserable for us, the days are long and repetitive, the children are not getting the best of me by any stretch, work I have had to put aside on unpaid leave and long term looks like it won’t be possible to return etc etc I don’t need to spell it out to those who are also in this with young dependent children.

In comparison, lockdown 5 years ago would have been bliss in many ways.

So i don’t wish I didn’t have kids, I wish lockdown had happened at a different stage in my life.

It’s fucking hard though OP, I get it.

Desperately waiting for nursery to reopen.

I am perfectly willing to admit that there have been moments, even before lockdown, when I've been so stressed out and exhausted that I've fleetingly wished I'd stayed child-free and single. They are just moments. Fleeting thoughts. Rationally, I know I adore DH and our DC and wouldn't be without them, but sometimes when I am sleep-deprived, overwhelmed by my many responsibilities or my PMDD fucks with my head I forget that for a moment and desperately crave a different sort of life. It doesn't last long because I know the grass isn't always greener and I'm bloody lucky to have the life that I have, but no one feels grateful all the time. I think that Motherhood is made much more difficult by this idea that you're a monster who doesn't love your kids if you're not feeling #blessed all the fecking time

Yup to all of it. I love the bones of my boy (16 months) but I’ll shattered. I’ve never been so fat, dowdy and unattractive because I’m just constantly exhausted. So today is a TV day and he can eat what he likes. He’s currently eating a carrot cake bar or something that’s on the floor anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s mentally draining and I work with so many young people who are baking and exercising and look so beautiful and made up for work and I rock up with no make up, shit hair, and jeans that barely fit me. It’s shit... but I do think I see an end in sight now!!! Love to you all! 😘

Just checking in...

Have felt a bit better over the past week. I've taken the kids to shops as I felt my anxiety over staying in outweighed going out. I think the kids needed it more than me. My baby was fascinated. From 5 to 9 months she only saw us & only went on walks nearby where she always slept & so shops & people were clearly a big deal.

Also, we were able to visit Grandparents in their homes. Absolutely wonderful. My usually crying baby was smiley all day thus making me out to be a liar about her being hard work

Hope everyone is well & feeling better with lockdown gradually easing

We had a play date yesterday and my little boy was the happiest I’ve seen him in weeks! No whining, fascinated by new toys, chatting to his friend, running around the garden - I’m so looking forward to more things opening and to seeing him happy again.

Having him locked down has made me so sad and it’s made me realise how much I want him to be out exploring the world.

I hope the government starts to think about children more going forward with the easing

@DaddysGirl36 so pleased for your baby girl!

I often feel sad about not having children and lockdown alone has been shit but my co-workers and friends (when I see them on zoom) with kids are looking more exhausted by the day and are having it much, much harder than I.

More than one has said it's the first time they've regretted having DC.