Hi, this is my first time making a post, I feel embarrassed already. I don't know what I'm wanting from this, but I think at the moment I just need some kindness even if it is from strangers on the Internet.
I've been in a very dark place for some time now, and recently things have been really coming to a head. I have no support network, no friends or close family. I am extremely isolated but that is totally my own fault. I have been feeling increasingly suicidal. I have never felt this bad.
I have become almost scared of interacting with others so this post is a big step for me. But it also means that leaving the house or contacting my GP is not a possibility right now. Anytime somebody knocks my door I get a rush of fear and adrenaline and nearly throw up, I struggle to think straight and get dizzy and it takes me ages to stop shaking and breathe - never resulting in me answering the door of course..
There is a lot more to it than I have posted but I didn't want to do a long rambling thread. And someone knocked on my door over an hour ago and I'm still hiding, I haven't taken my eyes off the door (they left ages ago), and I am struggling to think straight or calm down.
I was wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and how they cope? Or how the hell I can go about getting over this. This was all happening before the current pandemic by the way, so it hasn't been triggered by that.
Thanks for anyone who has read this far