It will never end

[Playdonut]

I cant do this anymore. I cant bear seeing my kids so unhappy. There is no hope for change. Even the samaritans wont take my call. Suicide is my only way out of this lockdown nightmare.

I just wanted something to fit around school hours and clubs for the next 5 years. Or I was considering doing my masters. Now I'm thinking if I get a job as a carer at least both of my kids will get an education!

The thing is though that the government is not the one making the vaccine

Thank fuck. Can you imagine???

34. I know it didn't feel young when I was that age, but I'd give a lot to be 34 again!!

Lol enjoy the age you are. There are pros and cons to each age.

That is so interesting about the vaccines thank you! I think we must all be immune here though if we didnt catch it in all the panic buying! Xx

I would give your teacher friend the cold shoulder. This doesn’t sound like the kind of “help” or “support” you need right now. They are clearly too wrapped up in their own problems to comprehend that you’re struggling. They clearly don’t want the schools to reopen and are probably fearful for their own health as much as their pupils (which I completely understand). Blaming you for not keeping your kids entertained though - I would tell them where they can shove their advice. Friends like that I think you can do without. I would reach out to somebody else.

This will all end. It will get better. If you are struggling, do contact your GP.

I didnt reach out! This was completely un asked for advice! I believed all the stuff about how hard teachere are working so haven't been contacting them!

OP you sound to me like you are doing a brilliant job with your children.
It sounds like pre covid 19 things were ok. Things will get better, and you will see your children enjoying their sports again.

I know a few people who have taken their lives leaving children behind and it is heartbreaking for them. I know the people who did it believe it is the only option and that they are doing the best for those left behind, but honestly they aren't. Those left behind would do anything to help them and stop them.

I hope you have a better day today. Sending lots of hugs.

Are any supermarkets recruiting? Or any other 'key worker' jobs -something less risky than being a carer - especially being BAME.

Anything to give you the chance to get the kids back in school.

Do you masters at the same time. Do it now, there will never be a better time to do it.

I couldn't even contemplate it these days - diabetes, age, lack of sleep, peri- menopause - not sure which or what, but I can't concentrate or work things through very much these days & my memory is shot!

Have you tried jo wicks?

Another thing which will sound quite ridiculous, but have a think about it- is yoga for kids. It's really good for them and calming.

Thank you all. The kids will wake up in an hour or so, so I need to get my head down. You have kept me going for another day, but if I get low again I might pop back on. You are all wonderful people and I wish we could all have a mass gathering together xxxx

OMG 34 is sooooo young.

Since the WHO have said that there is not actually a documented case in the world of a child passing it to an adult I will be sending my year 6'er back on 01 June. He is dead bored and it will do him good. Even if he has to stand 2m away from his best friend, I'm sure he will adjust and they will find some way of getting a good laugh out of it all. They always do. Irrespective of what your teacher friend thinks, sending them back seems best for your DC.

Also, I am near London. I thought it was getting to the point where it had gone down very significantly?

Playdonut, my DH would look after my DC. My relative is alone and in a lot of distress and I don't think I have any other option but to go up there. It is fucking, fucking awful to be this far away. Coronavirus is a cruel, pointless bastard. But, it will pass AND once it has passed you will find that your children got through it and, this is going to sound bonkers, you will find that it gave your child another building block in their foundation which has RESILIENCE written on the front of it and it will be another experience that gives your children the strength and cool hand to deal with life's blows in the future.

Finally, though. My mum passed away from Cancer when I was a child. Not having a mum is the worst thing that ever happened to me. You need to look after yourself because your children love and need you and you are not only a good mother, you are an excellent one as I have pointed out in above post been hogging the thread sorry

Weve done cosmic kids yoga, the kids used to do it at school. Joe wicks spends far too much time talking, but they like HIIT workouts. I try and look for no jumping ones because I dont want to annoy the people downstairs!

There are so many unemployed now that there are no supermarket jobs. I did think of that first as I have checkout experience.

I am a teacher. My two children will be returning to nursery on the 1st as it is the best thing for them and I trust the procedures in place there. I am furious that your 'friends' spoke to you like that. People need to make their own decisions and lay off the judgement. I know it sounds trite but try and be kind to yourself.

They’re obviously so wrapped up in their own agenda they’re oblivious to what your going through. I do think that comment oversteps the mark though. Every parent I know is struggling right now - of course kids are getting frustrated and tensions are rising - that isn’t a reflection of you or your parenting though. It’s the situation.

There’s nothing wrong with reaching out, I just wouldn’t bother with them.

Hi playsinut

I’m glad to see you are feeling better this morning. Please do call your go and keep calling until they listen to you.

I was you 3 years ago almost exactly. And I did try to kill myself. I haven’t spoken to nor seen my son for almost 3 tears except of a truly hateful email full of his abusive father’s misogyny and bile. My daughter barely saw me for 15 months and now begs for more time with me - her abusive father won’t hear of it and cries victim and ‘she’s mentally unwell’ if I try to stand up for her and myself.

I have only just had a formal apology from the social services that did this to my family. It is a living hell.

Don’t even think about doing it. It will get better. Life twists and turns - it is always changing.

Perhaps write a list of three small things you could do that will make life a little bit easier?

Yes london has the lowest rate of infections according to the goverment. I'm glad your dh would look after your kids, I cant tell you what to do, but I think I would also feel like I had no option but to go. My mum died of cancer too, but thankfully I was 21 so fully grown up. I cannot imagine how hard that was for you, and I really hope life gives you a break soon xxx

Lala I am so so sorry. I cant imagine how you have stayed so strong, you are truly inspirational. How old is your daughter? You may have to wait, but I believe you will be able to spend more time together soon, once your daughter can advocate for herself. Your son sounds like he is a teenager, and it is normal to be angry at your mum as a teenager, no matter what the situation. Stay strong, and he should come round in time, once he has the benefit of maturity. Thank you again for your message. It really means a lot xx

Hey OP. Sorry to hear how awful you’ve been feeling. This situation is so hard and you’re doing so well to carry on. One thing I’d like to say is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This resonated with me when I felt like you. The pain is unbearable some days but in 5 years time this situation will be a memory, not your reality. Your children will be so glad you stuck around. Please come back on any time you need to.

You are right April. It was feeling like they would never lift the lockdown but you lot have reassured me that not the whole country is willing to "do this as long as it takes" so I'll have to get through it.

@playdonut lack of sleep literally makes me lose my grip on reality so I know that won't be helping you.
Contact your GP and see if you can get something like melatonin prescribed.
Also if you Google local mental health trusts they normally have some kind of helpline available, so there should be an alternative to the Samaritans.
I'm really hoping for us all that life will feel more normal soon.

@playdonut I’m so pleased you feel reassured and a little better this morning, you’re a very strong person

Sleep is so important. Have you tried any tablets? Even just over the counter in boots?

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. My DD is 6 and she has struggled too. This is HARD. You sound like a wonderful mum and this will pass and great easier eventually. It's so tough on the kids, but I think (hope?) they are more resilient than we give them credit for. Sending you supportive wishes for a better day today.

Sleep - the only thing I have found that is non prescription and fairly reliable is Night Nurse - obviously it has paracetamol in so if you decide to use it keep that in mind. Sleep is so massively important - it affects mood to a very large extent.

Thanks Playdonut X

I'm OK so don't worry about me. I'm OK because I have been where you are today and I got through it and am now stronger. I found a diary the other day that I kept for about a month and couldn't believe the things I had written from such a low point. I couldn't believe that was me. It goes to prove that this too will pass.

The greatest piece of advice I was ever given was by my lovely mum. She told me that when I was cornered and couldn't see a way out, I had to do what I could at that time and then when a window opened or a door was slight open I would be able to run out of that situation quickly already prepared.

What would happen if one of your DC had a sports injury and was laid up for a while? What would you get them to do? Could they read up on their sport, make a plan or schedule for when they were able to train again? Many of us have taken stock and said, well we are stuck inside so I might as well paint the living room some stupid colour. What CAN you/ your DC do to improve on their talent, but don't normally have the time to do?

I'm scared of medicine after watching my mum go through chemo. I have always said I would never take sleeping pills anti depressants or anything like that. I take paracetamol and that's it lol! I know lots of people take these drugs and they help and that I'm lucky to have medical science available to me, and I'm lucky to be healthy enough to have a ridiculous no medication policy!!! And I'm not judging anyone who takes them. I'll have a good think about it. Xxx