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Original poster

Can't cope

91 replies

fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 17:51

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post.

I'm really struggling to cope with my life/children - children take up my whole life so not sure where the line is as in can not cope with life generally or just the responsibility?

I have three, 10, 1 and three months. I spend most of the day just weeping and I feel so sorry for them. I go to groups daily which helps but the fact it's half term
Means a lot of them aren't on so we are stuck with nothing to do. They cry incessantly and I just keep thinking I actually don't want to be here anymore.

I'm seeing a therapist and also waiting for an assessment with a psychiatrist but how do I cope in the mean time? I just want practical ways to cope. I do my best in terms of each meal, take them to soft play. Groups. Try and play and of course ensure they are clean and engaged with. But I just feel I'm failing. I'd honestly kill myself if it didn't mean leaving them behind to a life of pain because of it

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 17:55

I truly don't want to be here anymore. I do but in a different life. And that's not possible so I just don't want to be here

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EmrysAtticus · 19/02/2020 17:56

Has this feeling only come on since having the baby? Sounds like it could be PND to me. Have you been offered medication at all as it sounds as though you need it alongside the therapy?

EmrysAtticus · 19/02/2020 17:57

I felt exactly that feeling after DS was born fluffy. I really would recommend going to your GP and asking for anti depressants.

NickyLou8 · 19/02/2020 18:19

Absolutely agree go to your GP and/or speak to your HV for advice. You are definitely not failing them it sounds like you do lots of good things/activities with all 3.

I know it’s not a solution but if it’s definitely worse because if half term you have already successfully made it half way through the week and come Monday it will start to return to normal. You’ve got this

Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 18:24

I'm already on antidepressant and have been for years even before I had my first. It's definitely worsened though since I had the baby. I feel utterly exhausted. And I feel awful because yes I do take them out a lot but I also sit here crying and I scream at the babies just shut up!!! Etc. The ten year old must be so confused.

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 18:26

I took them out earlier for a walk in town and there was a lady singing/busking singing something from the greatest showman and I just looked at the babies in the buggy and started crying in the street. Newborn was looking up at me and I just felt worthless. I think they'd be better off in care. Not the ten year old but the babies

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 18:28

Actually the older one too probably but I feel more able to cope with him as he is self sufficient

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Bluebell121 · 19/02/2020 19:19

Hun! Please feel free to pm me I’ve had this and I can tell you there’s a good outcome I won’t spread my whole situation on here but honestly pm me will have a good talk! Xx

Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 19:27

@bluebell121 I'm not sure how to pm but if you pm me I would really appreciate. Please don't feel you have to though as I don't want to be a burden

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Bluebell121 · 19/02/2020 19:31

Don’t think your a burden it’s nice to get things off your chest and belive me I have a lot too!

Enoughisenoughhhhh · 19/02/2020 19:35

OP it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. A 1 year old plus newborn plus 10 year old as well sounds so full on. Well done for getting out your house at all. It is so hard when half term ruins routines with little ones.

I second pp above, please make a gp appointment, it's not just normal parent struggles to feel like this. If you cant get through then try your health visitor as your youngest is still so small. What support are you getting from your partner? Does he know how you are feeling?

You may not feel like it but to your babies you are the whole world. They need you more than anything else. You are enough, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Bluebell121 · 19/02/2020 19:36

I have pmd you Hun go to the message box at the top right corner next to that little man figure it should come up xx

copperoliver · 19/02/2020 19:58

Maybe you need to up your dose of antidepressants or change to different ones.
Hang on in there it will get easier. X

Bluebell121 · 19/02/2020 20:02

Hope she's okay I messaged her but no reply she seemed really down! Xx

Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 20:03

I've spoken to health visitor and she has referred me to a psychiatrist for an assessment. But in the team I don't know what to do. Partner is useless.
I feel like I'm having a "crisis" and should go to a and e but they will want to take my babies away then and I will end up on the floor and then what?!!

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 20:03

But I also don't know what else to do

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 19/02/2020 20:04

I so wish someone could just come and sit with me and talk to me. Someone who doesn't have the authority to report me

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june2007 · 19/02/2020 20:07

They won,t take your chikdren away if you are not causing harm/neglect. But I understand your fear. Talk to your partner, can you devide the childcare some more?

Bluebell121 · 19/02/2020 20:17

I'll tell you this now my doctor new I had that much depression and anxiety I told them how I felt about wanting to go to hospital and they told me to I said I was scared incase they take my babies and they said they can't do that it's a natural thing mental health until you neglect your children and there's reports from school and health visitors that your not fit to care for them due to not feeding them etc that's when Socail will be involved I've never had social involved and I wish I went forward a long time ago I didn't thinking my kids was going to be took! Xx

Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 20/02/2020 13:52

I tried to explain to my partner yesterday but it was no use. He said he didn't know what to say and it's horrible to see me like this but also he was bored and wanted to go on the pc. This is after I told him I wanted to die. Says it all doesn't it. So scared of him leaving me and being totally alone with them but I already am really aren't I

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 20/02/2020 13:55

I feel I shoulder the total work of the children not only in caring for them but I have to buy everything out of my money for them. This is just too horrific truly. I've tried my best to stay calm and upbeat for them today and I've managed until the last hour and here I am again sitting crying just wishing my partner would send me even a basic text about anything just to show he remembers I exist. Obviously he has better things to do though. And even if he does text "works boring" why do I even take comfort from that? That fact he remembers I am even here basically. What an absolute pathetic waste of life I am

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Hi1302 · 20/02/2020 14:04

Is there anyone that can take the youngest ones off you for a night ? Or can you go and stay in a hotel and tell your partner to look after them ? I think a break is a good place to start trying to feel better. I struggle with one baby let alone two and an elder. Your illness is making you think your worthless go back to your gp tell them it’s serious your in crisis and having suicidal thoughts and think you could act on them(if that’s how you feel) they may give you some medication to calm you down in the meantime -Valium or anti anxiety tablets. Your partner needs to step up he doesn’t sound supportive though , what about mum or inlaws? I have pnd myself your not alone x

Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 20/02/2020 14:10

No he won't look after them properly. He doesn't care enough to know how. It wouldn't be a break for me just utter distress like I may as well have left them alone.

I'm too scared to go to the gp. Too uncertain of what will happen. Hate this so much.

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Original poster
fluffyblackcloud · 20/02/2020 14:11

My mum and whole family live far away. All scattered across the uk. So I'm alone here. His mother is clearly not normal as she has raised this uncaring man so I don't want her in charge of them though I'm sure she'd love to get her claws in

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Merename · 20/02/2020 14:13

Op sorry to hear things are so hard. I haven’t felt as low as you describe but at times I just hate my life with young kids. It’s so hard to deal with their wishes trumping yours, day in day out. Have you looked into local support services? Like homestart, Nspcc, barnardos, action for children? These would offer practical support and someone to sit and talk with. And is some childcare an option to give you a break? How are finances and who is around you?