Can't cope

[fluffyblackcloud]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post.

I'm really struggling to cope with my life/children - children take up my whole life so not sure where the line is as in can not cope with life generally or just the responsibility?

I have three, 10, 1 and three months. I spend most of the day just weeping and I feel so sorry for them. I go to groups daily which helps but the fact it's half term
Means a lot of them aren't on so we are stuck with nothing to do. They cry incessantly and I just keep thinking I actually don't want to be here anymore.

I'm seeing a therapist and also waiting for an assessment with a psychiatrist but how do I cope in the mean time? I just want practical ways to cope. I do my best in terms of each meal, take them to soft play. Groups. Try and play and of course ensure they are clean and engaged with. But I just feel I'm failing. I'd honestly kill myself if it didn't mean leaving them behind to a life of pain because of it

I had home start visits before but I just felt awkward and like a charity case and it didn't really help me. Finances are terrible. So there is no Way if sending toddler to nursery or anything like that (partner earns just too much for us to get the free childcare places - but he has high amounts going out on debts that he made before we even met).

I feel genuine terror about him coming home because I have to try try again and out on a brave face as clearly showing my true feelings doesn't help.

Honestly I want to wait until a few mins before he is due home and then just go. Go to a park or something, buy a bottle of some sort of spirit and just stay there until they are all asleep.

I can't even phone the gp to get an app because I know I sound unhinged and am literally sobbing. I asked my mum if she could do it on my behalf but she said no

OP, I feel so sad to think of you in this much distress.
Do you have siblings, a friend, one of your eldest A's school fronds mum or anyone who you think of as 'nice'? If you do, text them to ask them to come round as you are not coping emotionally.

I'd be round like a shot, and so would most mums I know.

Get them to come round and call the doc for you. And I know they'd also give you the hug that you need, and hold you while you cry.

You will feel better at some point, but you need help urgently. And you need to feel loved/cared for.

Thanks @gazelda. Sadly No I have no friends nearby or sons school friends mums because we have only been here for six months and I haven't formed any proper bonds with anyone. So have to just cope alone. The replies on here are as close to real life support as I'll get sadly

I've decided to have a bath, haven't washed in days disgusting I know, put on a brave face and then after eastenders (literally my
Days highlight) just go to bed

Do you think you might feel up to calling your GP after your bath? Or before, then reward yourself with a bath?

Or maybe text your HV to say how you're at crisis?

your partner is depressing you the most i think.
what do you get from this relationship? he doesnt give a s....
you could go and live near your family.
it is too much to take.

I might text her but I'm worried what will
Happen

I don't think I can type a text that is just asking for what I need and I'll end up typing loads and she will be forced as a professional to act. And then what.

Please text her. You will be offered support and help. No one wants to create problems for you.

I hope you do feel able to get in touch with the health visitor or gp, they will have seen it all before and they will just want to support you to look after your children while staying healthy yourself which I'm sure is what you want too. I felt pretty rubbish during the baby stage both times I did it and I would have really struggled if I had to try to entertain a 10 year old plus two babies, that sounds a really really tough combination!! I think most people would find it very hard, especially with no family/friends to meet up with and during a rainy half term when baby groups are closed. I hope you feel better really soon - it may be something relatively simple might help like changing the dose of your antidepressant or something (obviously on advice of your GP). Do reach out to anyone who can help eg homestay - there is no need to feel awkward, most people with children those ages would be leaving heavily on family/friends/partner for support so the homestart are just filling in the gap where that support should be. Try to be a little bit honest with your 10 year old if you can, tell them that you aren't feeling well but you are going to seek help and things will get better. I wish you and your family all the very best.

Sorry for all the typos - 'homestart' and 'leaning' not 'leaving'....

Hi Hun , I'll tell you from experience I have felt the same & buckled up the courage to go to the gp , honestly they don't ring social they said they don't have authority unless they PHYSICALLY see a child or hear you say you want to hurt your child or the child has very distinctive marks that show abuse , mental health cannot he helped , I no someone that left her child at 6 month old in the house alone and she still has her child with a lot of support !!! , please don't be scared I've suffered for months thinking the same thing I'm glad I've now got the support I need xx

How are you feeling now OP? Even if hv is forced to act, it’s a good thing as you really need support just now. Any professional just wants to know that you are able to prioritise your kids needs, and by saying ‘I’m feeling so low around them that I feel I’m failing them’ - you are prioritising their needs. What’s more likely to cause concern is not seeking help when you know things are spiralling. It must be so scary but it really sounds like you need to reach out to someone just now and it sounds like the hv could feel like the safest bet. Too late for tonight tho. Have you ever used mental health helplines like calm or samaritans? Having a kind voice at the end of the phone can be amazing and perhaps you could use a conversation like that to explore how you want to move on through this hard time. Thinking of you

Tonight I've stuck to my plan of putting on an Oscar winning performance for my partner. I made a lovely dinner, didn't cry. Actually washed and put on makeup. I don't think he liked it as he kept questioning me. I don't feel okay at all, I feel a weird sensation of like an outer body experience where I am just watching it all happen. Sounds mental I'm sure and I can't explain it but it gives me a sense of calm which is preferable to sitting and sobbing.

I'm not okay, I'm literally on the edge still. I can't even say how grateful I am to anyone who has replied to me because that is the only support I have. I'll go up to bed soon and pray to just fall asleep. I did an awful thing earlier and used the sharpest kitchen knife to cut myself, but not seriously. Couldn't even do that properly

please dont do that for the sake of your children and yourself.
could you take a break by visiting your family for a while asap?
your environment with your partner is toxic.

No I can't my mum is too busy with work. My sister would happily hve me but she lives in Manchester and I'm in Essex and don't drive and the thought of getting on a train with those two is as wild as climbing Everest. Can't do it. I feel like the most useless mother as today I've yelled at the older one that I need help and he doesn't help me. This should be aimed at my "partner". I'm going to ruin him too. I can't phone a helpline because they will expect mild issues and they wouldn't be equipped to deal with such a mess

Can your sister come down and help you make the journey up to Manchester? You really need some help ASAP lovely.

She can't. She would if she could but she has work and money issues too. I'm sitting on the floor in the front room crying and I can hear him on his headset playing games. The ten here old end one yesd old see asleep. The baby is with me peering up probably wondering what the hell hes done to be born into this

The ten year old and one hear old are asleep I meant to say

I'm not sure if there is definitely one covering where you are in Essex but if there is, ask your HV to refer you to the perinatal MH support team.

A quick Google gives these details
eput.nhs.uk/for-gps/essex/south-essex-mental-health-services/adults/perinatal-mental-health-service/

Try to use all your energy to go to Manchester - you can do it!! Once you are there you'll have support and company.

@AlphaIndigo thank you. I'm already being seen by them though I'm just waiting now