Can't cope

[fluffyblackcloud]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post.

I'm really struggling to cope with my life/children - children take up my whole life so not sure where the line is as in can not cope with life generally or just the responsibility?

I have three, 10, 1 and three months. I spend most of the day just weeping and I feel so sorry for them. I go to groups daily which helps but the fact it's half term
Means a lot of them aren't on so we are stuck with nothing to do. They cry incessantly and I just keep thinking I actually don't want to be here anymore.

I'm seeing a therapist and also waiting for an assessment with a psychiatrist but how do I cope in the mean time? I just want practical ways to cope. I do my best in terms of each meal, take them to soft play. Groups. Try and play and of course ensure they are clean and engaged with. But I just feel I'm failing. I'd honestly kill myself if it didn't mean leaving them behind to a life of pain because of it

@Jinx2020 I'd love to but my oldest had school after this week and id have to leave him to the clutches of my boyfriend. He doesn't even look after his two let alone my
Eldest

What a pathetic useless non entity I am. I feel true fear for my baby. Not that I'd ever ever hurt him, but surely having a half mother is equally damaging, he is so beautiful and grinning up at me, god knows why. He should have a capable parent but he has one who is literally on the verge of suicide and another who loves games too much to bother

He's so beautiful

He is really beautiful and he is so lucky to have you but you really need support. Tonight can you focus on getting yourself and baby to bed and then ring the HV first thing in the morning?

Ring your crisis team. Ring your sister. Ring anyone!
Talk to someone about how you're feeling. You are not alone.

What would I put in a text to my health visitor? I want to convey that I need immediate help but also my children aren't at risk

I would rather suffer myself than put them
At risk of being taken from me

Even though they would be better off but selfishly I know if they were taken away I would never recover

It's clear from your post that you are really struggling op. Please rest assured that children are not taken away because a parent seeks help when needed, it actually demonstrates that you are protecting them. If you feel at risk of harming yourself tonight then you need to go to a and e, it is the safest thing for all of you. Otherwise your local mental health team should have a crisis team?

Your children have a mother who despite feeling the way you do clearly loves them (can tell from your posts) and worries about their wellbeing. Use this love as a strength to seek support, if not for you do it for them.

Please seek support, tell your hv how you feel, can you go to a clinic tomorrow and show them your posts if you find it hard to text? Your gp will be helpful too.

Noone is judging you except you, it's ok to need help, the first step always seems like the biggest.

Big hugs you are not alone you sound like a fantastic mother x please please speak to somebody, it wont last how you are feeling trust me on this from personal experience, please do what you can and get the help for your beautiful babies, get to Manchester there is loads of support in this city x

I "like" the idea of showing them my post. I've been secretly emailing my friend who my partner made me block. He said he will meet me on the weekend and go to soft play with us. So that is something as I dread weekends

Nothing untoward, just the fact he is a male made my partner force me to block

It sounds like you're pretty miserable in your relationship too. When you feel stronger it would be a good idea to address this but be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time. Re your eldest being at school and not being able to get to Manchester- a week off wont harm him, and having a more relaxed mum will be so beneficial if this is an option.

I missed your post about self harming. Practically, was the item you used clean and have you cleaned whatever wound you have caused? You want to try to avoid infection. Do you think you can make it to gp or hv tomorrow?

I hope you and your gorgeous baby are resting.

Please get your friend or your sis to make an urgent GP appointment for you. You appear to be in crisis and need help in regaining strength. You won't get better without help.

Your children aren't at risk. Professionals will work with you to look after all 4 of you.

Awww he is so beautiful! He’s grinning at you because he adores you. You’re not a failure. I reread your first post and you are managing so much with them and meeting so many needs, but yes you’re right that seeing you struggling will be hard for them. They definitely would not be better off without you. You’re their mum, their world, and you’re doing better than you think despite this being a crisis. I worked on these helplines in the past and honestly people called in all kinds of situations. The Samaritans in particular obviously, I spoke to many people who felt imminently suicidal and that is what they are trained for. It’s good to know about in desperate times, even if that’s not for now. If you don’t click with the first person you get, hang up and try someone else. Have you any idea how long the wait for MH services is?

Hello OP, we're so sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it sounds like a really difficult time indeed.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We'll move this to Mental Health now, which we feel is a more appropriate topic.

Wishing you all the best OP and hope you can access the support you need.

Please get help and try and make the trip to Manchester. You are a fantastic mum. 💐

Try to put the thought of your children being taken away out of your mind, as hard as it is. They really don't take kids away from loving mums that feel overwhelmed. That is what you are, overwhelmed. It's a lot to deal with. Feeling overwhelmed is really hard to deal with and brings with it sensations of guilt, fear and worthlessness.

Honestly OP, I had a post on here last week because my 3 year old DS ran out into a main road and I fell running after him. Luckily he was unharmed and people helped but I really felt like the shittest mum in the world and like a total failure. I decided to come here and relay what happened and see these ladies on here? They turned it around for me and were lovely to me! I was feeling myself by the next day and never let it take over me because I got support here and from my DH.

We have all felt overwhelmed OP, honestly. It doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human. Talk here, you'll get thr support for sure, you'll get tips, you'll get the sympathy you need when it a really horrible day and you're at the end of your tether. What do you think you could do about your useless partner?

your baby is gorgeous fluffyblackcloud, bless him.

Hope you have a positive day today OP. Try to reach out for support. You deserve it.

I think it's clear to me now that I have to end my relationship. Even though it terrifies me to be totally alone, and it will be extremely difficult, in the long term it'll be less painful than feeling constantly like a burden and being rejected over and over.

I haven't contacted anyone because I just don't see the point. The gp said the wait for an assessment was "easily 6 months" but my health visitor spoke to someone and he managed to rush this somehow, she thinks it'll be a matter of weeks.

I'm doing okay today. Taken the boys into town and just had a little wander now we are at home because my boyfriend has a parcel coming. Funny he only bothers to contact me when he wants something

@fluffyblackcloud your little baby is absolute adorable and there is nothing in them eyes except love looking up at his mummy. I’m glad you are getting some help no one is going to take your baby away anyone will be able to see how much you are doing you are absolutely not alone and there is support out there for you. I’m glad you’ve got something to look forward to getting out with your friend this weekend

What a gorgeous little boy you have, those eyes just full of love for you. It sounds like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and I'm so sorry you have such an unsupportive boyfriend. I think you are probably right in the decision to end the relationship, if he can't support you right now when your feeling so low then he isn't worth anymore of your energy.
I've completely been where you are btw and a year later of hard work through counselling and help from early help I genuinely feel like I've come through the other side of it. I only have the one child as well so my hats off to you for being such a hard working and dedicated mum to three! I really am wishing you well and sending every possible positive vibe today.
Keep reaching out to your friend your going to soft play with as well, I hope he can be a good real life support for you