Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Welcome Teen. Sorry to hear DD is struggling. Have you applied to the ASF, and are school providing support?

For most avoiding everything anxiety provoking doesn't help, it breeds further anxiety, shrinking DC's world. It's knowing when to push, and importantly the signs indicating if you continue you will reach crisis point.

If DD gets out of the routine of doing some school work she may struggle to engage again. For a while DS1 attended a CAMHS day unit where education was integral to the daily routine. The LA have a statutory duty to provide education to those too unwell for school. However, IPSEA believe it may be difficult to enforce currently.

If DS1 avoided everything he finds stressful he wouldn't do anything. He hates going out. But, pre pandemic, we made him because a) if we didn't he'd never go out, b) despite his distress we know he can, c) it's in his best interests and d) staying home isn't always an option. Conversely DS1 struggles at night. He can't be left to self settle because his self injurious behaviour would leave him seriously hurt and in crisis.

It may not be anything new to you and DD, but Beacon House's resources are quite good.

Zoo, your banana bread looks delicious. I hope once CAMHS have DD2's forms they provide more support.

Roxie Do speak to the school again. DD may struggle with therapy but avoidance won't help. DS1 struggles to engage and sometimes gets distressed, he can't rationalise that it's in his best interests and he will be OK.

Why are my DC so accident prone? They always pick inconvenient times too. DS3 fractured his foot yesterday.

Welcome teen
Challenge whilst reassuring is what we try to do,using logic has some success here with teens
As onehop said stopping something does shrink world's.my D's would do nothing if given that choice.its not easy,but then neither is a lot of parenting!

Routine is vital.if she really cannot manage any schoolwork what else is she doing?discuss what else would take its place.mine are not allowed to disengage and play on phones for example.ds gets too overwhelmed we bake or walk and discuss plants/birds/what's going on in the park etc

Taking care of yourself is THE most important bit.you cannot support someone else if your battery is flat.taking a few minutes everyday for yourself is so important.do something that you love,or helps you relax and unwind.ideas I'd throw your way are reading in your room.a walk by yourself,bath/face pack/paint nails if that's your thing,eating something you love slowly and with mindfulness to enjoy it.its not easy forcing in this time but it makes a huge difference.lockdown forced me to start after always saying I've not time.its impact has proven to be there's no going back!

Onehop oh lovely,dare I ask how a fracture occured?

Thank you onehop and Stillliving . Challenge whilst reassuring is what I have mainly been doing.
The routine bit we are still struggling with as what she can manage seems so variable.
The afternoons we manage cooking/colouring/board game and a walk.
Mornings are look on websites for dogs, try to persuade to do schoolwork, fail, TV. If I push on the schoolwork too much she just goes back to bed...

Maybe I need to build in 15 mins sat in dining room (which is where work gets done), not even trying to work, just sat there.

School are being supportive, but there is only so much they can do in a pandemic...

Zoo we have an indoor mini trampoline we use for physio. When he was finished DS3 decided it was a good idea to jump off whilst flicking his legs up to the side. He landed awkwardly.

Teen it sounds like you and DD are doing a fair bit already. Would DD read? Or allow you to read to her? That could be gentle way to start the 15 mins sat at the table without any direct focus on schoolwork. Or yoga, mindfulness or pilates if sitting at the table is too much of a challenge at the minute.

I am glad school are supportive and not either pressuring for all work to be completed or ignoring DD. Do they have anyone trained to deliver emotional literacy sessions? If they do, some of their resources could be sent to DD at home.

Has anyone got a good recommended read to support anxiety/learn how to tackle it by ourselves.im growing beyond frustrated with CAMHS.dd2 had rcad assessment and we posted it back straight away so it would be there tuesday.yesterday they email heryou miss one question so computer any give us results..question was how are you feeling getting ready for school each day.as she's year 11 there isn't even school online now so she didn't feel it was answerable...they trytell her about fight or flight.she knows what that is,thus depression descends after the call as still there's no practical advice on how to move forward.she implies about private therapy which if we had resources I would...she needs help sooner rather than later as she's developing OCD into anxiety/depressive mix and currently they won't consider seeing psychiatrist or meds

In other news,rejig and tightened D's routines as was fighting everything.ee now have morning and night routinesbedtime routine,a.m school boardand pm is 2hours PSfollowed by me read book his choice and cuddles then choice Lego,spirograph, latchhook,jigsaws or drawing downstairs til tea.this to stop him spend all time in room as he's losing communication skills

Zoo, sorry to hear DD2 is struggling and CAMHS support isn't forthcoming. Some psychologists have a sliding scale of fees. Are there any charities locally that provide counselling to teens?

If DD can manage webchat, The Mix offer free teen counselling via web chat. Childline also offer a message service. I don't know how Relate are operating at the moment, but their prices are reasonable compared to the open market (they may offer a sliding scale, but I'm not sure). For you young minds have a parents helpline.

If DD2 has sensory problems "the out of sync child" and "the out of sync child grows up" as well as "Too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight" are good. Others I have read are mainly aimed at younger DC. I'll have a think about anything else.

Make sure you are claiming the benefits you are entitled to. DLA, Carer's Allowance. Council tax reduction and single person discount. And either CTC (including the disabled child element), income support top up and housing benefit OR UC including the disabled child element. Also, the warm home scheme, family fund and carer's grant could free up money elsewhere for counselling if you haven't already applied.

How are you getting on with DS' EHCP? DS1&3's annual reviews are soon.

DS' are better with a very structured routine too. Talking of independence skills, a thread in chat yesterday upset me. I know DS' are delayed in daily living skills, but reading how capable other DC are of hit me hard. DS3' foots OK, thanks. Bruised & swollen, luckily not in pain though.

I’m sure I read on another chat thread that Relate offer counselling for £30. We consulted a private psychiatrist and DD diagnosed with GAD and possible PTSD related to her peanut allergy. Had 2 sessions so far with the psychologist and hoping CBT helps. Not ruling out medication if necessary.

Relate's fees are dependent upon the area you are in, but they are all reasonable and I think they offer a sliding scale.

I hope CBT helps Roxie. The Anaphylaxis Campaign is useful. DS1's main MH diagnosis is PTSD. Have a look at Beacon House's resources - they are primarily about developmental trauma, but some applies to other forms of trauma and a few bits can be generalised to anxiety.

zoo sorry to hear your dd is struggling so much, I’m afraid I don’t have any help to offer as we are pretty much in the same position, dd is the same age as your dd and this week everything has become worse.

it started because her dad asked her to go to a family bbq with him but it would have meant a long car ride with him (and she hasn’t been seeing him recently) and then meeting with 4 people from 3 households so she said she wouldn’t go because of corona virus (because of CFS she’s still being very cautious and not meeting up with anyone, in fact barely going out) he then didn’t text her again which sent her into a tail spin as she thought he was really angry, now she feels she can’t breathe properly, every time she try’s to catch a breath she can’t which is effecting her sleep which then makes her breathing worse and so on, I’ve had to sleep in with her the last few nights.

I did contact her dad, he said he was just busy, he texted her but dd can’t get out of this at the moment, I did phone CAMHS yesterday but they didn’t have much advice except all the things we were already doing. I think we’ll just have to ride it out until her body calms down.

Hi all
Sorry I've been a bit AWOL. Dd has been referred to eating disorder clinic so needs tests at gp next week.
PTSD impacting sleep and bedtimes are taking ages.
Saw new school last week though and it looked very nice.

Annehow are you?x

It is good to 'see' you, Anne. I hope the Eating Disorder service provide support quickly. Fingers crossed the new school is supportive. Have you considered asking for a referral to a specialist trauma team? Or changing medication?

Indispair, sorry to hear DD is struggling. We work with DS1 to get him to recognise the physiological signs of anxiety. The better he gets at that the easier coping with the symptoms should be and hopefully stop the vicious circle.

I hope DD2 is OK Zoo.

Not a good day onehop sixth form induction day is this month,she needs check the date and is freaking over concept be away from me/back in school environment...

Thanks zoo

1hop - we tried increasing medication but it didnt seem to work. Increased agitation and made her even more low. :(

How's everyone doing?
It's been a while since we had a group check in..
With things starting to "open up" are you having any issues with DC,or noticing any major slides that have happened in lockdown?

I took D's to local co op very early the other day.his tolerance for music in-store has vanished and he was highly agitated by the whole experience,where he used manage small shops comfortably most of the time
He's also spent too much time in his room and is forgetting social behaviours like letting others speak in conversation and listening

Dd2 isn't coping well with concept of any return normal life involving education/going anywhere without me/busy places etc
I foresee a rough ride ahead for many of us!

Camhs chat for DD was futile again.theyve had her RCAD assessment back since last Tuesday and they've still not scored it up yet,only looked at it and noted I score her higher than she does and imply I'm over playing things.actually,I'm not.she downplays EVERYTHING which I did tell them at the beginning.i am thoroughly fed up of whole process and am hunting for a book that may at least allow us something more than "this is what anxiety does to your body".erm.we know this,having been living with it quite some time

Onehop how's the foot?

Sorry DD2 and DS are struggling, Zoo. Is the sixth form induction going ahead? Lots have cancelled and are just sending transition work. Will DS wear ear defenders or noise cancelling headphones? Pre pandemic I tried to avoid shopping with DS', too stressful.

Anne could DD try a different medication?

DS1 is the same as usual. Even going into the garden is challenging. Getting him out of the house when things like the school run restart will be difficult. I need to get back to searching for a school for him and someone to help with nighttime.

DS3's foot is less swollen and bruised. He likes home schooling - quieter, fewer distractions etc. He has missed extra curricular's and struggles with those that have moved to virtual meets.

DS2 has been out with DH &/or DD2 for walks/runs/bike rides. He's definitely missing organised sport. We had a telephone appt. with community paed re his immaturity. He is NT, but in many ways is immature in comparison to peers. Paed thinks it's multifaceted, and doesn't think they can offer anything since everyone is in agreement he doesn't have ASD, ADHD, DCD etc. so it's not really their remit. We are going to look for an EP to assess to make sure we aren't missing something.

Hi group -

Zoo I’m sorry you’re going through so much. I hope that this is the hardest part for the DC. DS1 is frustrated by some of his favourite places still not open or no longer using cash. We need to teach/transition him to using a debit card. He also hates having to wear a mask and complains a lot about that. Basically he hates change and is upset by every change.

1hop how’s DS3’s foot? We also have a trampoline that DS1 uses daily for self-regulation.

Anne have you received the test results? I hope DD is faring better this week.

Still not back at work. DS1 resistant to speak to any new professional ie dietitian for his low weight. I’ve had a couple of good phone appointments with her but given his age (17), he needs to give me consent to discuss issues in detail, and he doesn’t want to. I swear he keeps me up at night. He does trust his gp but won’t talk on the phone . He does not fit criteria for an in-office appointment right now but gp has agreed to see him in a few weeks. This is a win for us so I’m grateful for that.

DS2’s teachers dropped by our home today in place of year end class party which couldn’t take place. Exchanged gifts in the garden and DS2 pretty happy to receive a visit and show off his gardening skills

Aw that lovely about dd2 Viking.I'm sorry things sound so hard for D's 1.i think we've all been awake at night worrying about at least one of the family
DS was up 3am distressed as too hot.he panics if seems not had enough sleep.fan was too noisy,doesn't like windows open at night.in end I found paperfan and pop wet flannel on forehead and try that.never came back,but typically it fully woke me up for the day

Ah Zoo you are so right.

I heard there is a heatwave in the UK. I can relate to your sweet DS - I dread hot weather - my DC complain and are more temperamental. I’m sorry you weren’t able to get proper rest. Hopefully temps will return to normal soon

How wonderful DS2 got to see his teacher, Viking. Sorry DS1 is struggling. If DS1 is able will the GP speak via email?

As well as for physio our trampolines (we have an outdoor one as well as the mini indoor one) are used for self regulation too - brilliant investments. DS2 (&3 prior to hurting his foot) have been doing YouTube physio rebounder routines. DS1, ever the exercise dodger, hasn't. What else does your DS1 do to self regulate? We also have a bilibo, roller wheel, exercise ball and hammock. But, it won't be long before DS' are too big for the first 2, so I'm looking for ideas.

Hopefully when DS3 goes to fracture clinic next week he'll be able to remove the boot.

Zoo hope you both got more sleep last night. DS1 also hates the heat and thunder.

1hop DS1 strictly uses the indoor rebounder. I agree - brilliant investment! We are on our second, and the first identical model served us well for 6 years. It’s a larger size (44”?) with a support bar. This second one is nearing the end of its life so we will again re-purchase. The other thing that helps DS1 is walking/pacing.

DS2 has different sensory needs so has taken to different things....although they both used the IKEA swivel/spinning chair when they were younger.
The roller wheel is an interesting suggestion! Thank you... especially for DS2

We are on our second trampoline too. Maybe the same brand. It's a bellicon one.

Fearing someone getting hurt or something broken we have a rule of no spinning on the computer chairs.

It's the thumbs up wheel roller DS' have - though I don't remember them being as expensive as some seem to be selling for now. When DS1 was at the CAMHS day unit he used theirs daily. I was surprised because it has balls in it and DS1 is adverse to noise. DS2 likes to use it as a hamster wheel the in pool. We also have an exercise foam roller but none are particularly fussed with it.

Quick check in to see how everyone's doing

DS has been discharged from OT on grounds she's leaving and feels without me motivating he wouldn't bother and it's not in his best interests if he's not keen to chance

I really hope the propranolol helps your DD. My DD started on 10mg fluoxetine (no judgement please) 2 weeks ago and has made great progress so far. She’s gone from not wanting to leave the house to playing with friends in the street and going into their gardens to play. It was a very difficult decision fir myself and DH but her anxiety was so debilitating. It was controlling her life and she was terrified of everything. Still having sessions with a psychologist, a long way to go but feel that progress is definitely being made.

Roxie no one will judge you on this thread. I'm glad fluoxetine is helping. DS1 takes Mirtazapine and Risperidone (which is also used for PTSD), other ADs he tried first didn't help. They don't necessarily have to be long term, but if they help now and help DD engage with therapy it's the right choice for you.

Zoo Does that mean DS has been discharged from CAMHS completely? If so, complain. He needs therapeutic input. Is it that he won't engage or can't? If it's can't, correct them every time. Isn't there therapeutic psychological support in his EHCP? Sorry, lots of questions, you don't have to answer they are just to think about. I hope DD2's meds help.

As predicted getting DS1 out of the house after shielding is proving difficult.