Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Thank you Stillliving and 1hop

Yes we were told by GP and family health support that referrals to cahms was only at crisis point. So there was nothing they could do.

At that point DD was 5 and we were already struggling. I feel so guilty for not questioning it more at the time, and just thinking it would sort itself out eventually.

I’ve been back through this thread and am looking up EHCP etc. This hasn’t been mentioned to me. So glad to have found you all!

There are so many unknowns at the moment (for everyone i expect). I’m wondering how on earth I’ll cope when schools return and she’s expected back. I work full time and was really struggling to fudge working at home on the days when she wasn’t able to go in.

Hello to everyone new!

Viking - does sound very similar :(

For the first time ever dd had meltdown aimed at me yesterday. Was quite upsetting tbh. Normally I can fix it. She keeps talking about how she misses lovely old mummy and doesnt like new mummy :(
She must think I am doing something different but I have no idea what.

Anne dd2 is low,unmotivated and yelling at at intervals throughout the day.its soul destroyingly exhausting

Sorry to hear that zoo. Its hard to see them low and sad. Mine is really clingy and wants me with her all the time - she wont do anything without me prompting it. Go have a shower, go play Fortnite, lets go and sit in the garden....
I am worried about September. We have given notice to her school and are moving her to a new, small one.

I struggle with the unknowns too, Jolly. It is the not being able to plan ahead. Please don't feel guilty. You do what you have to to get through that moment in time. Everyone can look back and wish they did something differently at certain times.

Look at DLA too. The Cerebra guide is good at breaking down the questions to make sure you include things you might not realise count or that you do automatically without thinking.

If DD is too unwell for school the LA should be providing education. Here explains their obligations. If you have asked and they are refusing to provide it or are dragging their heels then you can threaten Judicial Review which usually focuses their mind.

Anne, I am sorry Friday was so upsetting for you and DD. I hope the weekend was better and you can get to the bottom of how DD thinks you have changed. DS is very dependent on me too, it is intense and mentally draining to have someone attached to you 24/7. I hope DD's new school will better suit her. Not the ideal transition.

Zoo, sorry DD2 is struggling.

Thanks 1Hop I’ll certainly look at DLA.

Hope you all managed to get DCs out for some sun over the weekend. Dd went for a walk with me yesterday evening and so that’s twice in one week now! Felt good to see her feeling confident enough to go out.

Also yes, I will look into what is supposed to be provided from LA. We haven’t had anything specific at all. Just the standard online packs from school that all her year group get.

onehop dd2 cannot cope with unknown or surprises.shes one that needs predicability 100% or free falls very fast.

We had online bullying issues last night.she refused block girls in question,and was very angry and direct at me last night/today.in the end I composed a paragraph stating we aren't friends,nothing to say so don't contact me again or will block you.hope you have a good life..so far so good

DS is really anxious right now. Our next door neighbor has been threatening me and even though I shut the door so ds wouldn't hear he overheard. I did post a thread it's all over some furniture in my front garden ive had police out twice because of it.

Ds swings between anxiety and agitation, i have told him it's all fine because the police have dealt with it but he's upset that someone has been nasty and unkind to me. Any tips on reassuring him?

Theo I'm so sorry I didn't answer yesterday family rules all phones down before 9pm

Keep remind him the police have dealt with it,and if necessary call and log her threats if this is ongoing to build proof of harassmentnone of mine like adults shouting full stop.its very hard when what's agitating them is beyond your immediate contol

I hope DD2 has heard the last of the bullies Zoo.

DS1&3 are like your DD2. That is why we are so structured. They know exactly what is going to happen and when. I do like to be able to plan ahead, but it's not to the same extent.

Theodore, Zoo's advice is good. There's not much you can do other than keep reassuring DS and reporting.

Thanks @Stilllivinginazoo it was a male neighbor I do keep reassuring him that the police will deal with it, that they came to call out very quickly and that everything is going to be ok. Will carry on saying this to him.

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon here but I’m so very worried fir my DD (nearly 9). She was diagnosed with a peanut allergy at nearly 4. She projectile vomited repeatedly and had hay fever like symptoms. Coped with it really well even the first pin prick test. On the second pin prick test at 6 she had a panic attack, got very angry, shouting at the nurse not to touch her etc. Every other appointment with a doctor has induced Real panic, sweating, shaking, palpitations. She fainted at one appointment when the doctor pressed her tongue down to check her throat. She also fainted after an injection at school (there was a case of Hep A). She is now terrified of doctors and clinical settings and refuses point blank to speak about her peanut allergy. School was never an issue, loved it, very clever and keen to please. Spoke at assemblies etc. She is popular but worries a lot about friendships and getting into trouble. When she started P4 (8) her anxiety started to affect school. She had a dance competition in Dec and got so panicked she couldn’t do the second dance. She was very nervous returning to school after this. She wouldn’t take part in the Christmas nativity as she was so nervous. We lost my Dad in February, he was a big part of pour lives and she saw him deteriorate badly over the course of a few months. In March there was a fire alarm in school which terrified her (no previous sensory) and a class mate had a peanut snack in school. I phoned the doctor as she was having upset stomach before school and shaky before going in. I had to take her in. She had a few wobbles in class, not wanting to go to church or on an outing. With coronavirus home schooling started well but in the last 4 weeks she told me she couldn’t stop thinking about death and felt like her heart was going to stop and she had to love her legs to prevent it. She had a full blown panic attack going to bed and has been in with me since. She feels like she has to move her legs and is chattering her teeth. She has also developed a tic, breathing into her hand when she feels especially nervous. She gets very angry if I or DH tries to talk to her about any of it. Seems like she’s holding a lot of shame/embarrassment. She is on only child. She has kept up with friends through FaceTime and we had one down to the garden the other day but DD said she didn’t feel well. We’ve had to return from several walks because she is so nervous leaving the house. I feel like I’m watching my once happy, confident child fade away in front of my eyes and it’s killing me. I have an appointment with a private psychologist on Friday for half an hour but with her fear of doctors etc I don’t think she’ll speak. I also think it’s maybe a Child psychiatrist I need to consult.

I should also say that last year going on holiday she had a panic attack on the plane at the thought of the air stewardess mentioning her peanut allergy. She now doesn’t eat certain things she would have before and insists on checking the back of packets and even then she still might not eat it even if she knows it doesn’t contain nuts.

Roxie I'm so sorry to hear your daughter if suffering so badly currently.it goes without saying as a parent that you are also.its never easy watching your child struggle and to not be able to make it better goes against our very core as mothers
Are you u.k based

I forgot to add do you have plenty support in rl?

Thanks for your reply @zoo yes I am UK based. I have spoken to the GP twice and on the last occasion approx 2 weeks ago she agrees that DD has a panic disorder and has referred to CAMHS but said it’s highly unlikely they will take on the case as she is not suicidal. I just feel like her anxiety has spiralled out of control in the last month and she’s really going to need to be supported out of this. I’ve tried the 5,4,3,2,1 senses and calming breathing and I’ll look into the mohdoh. We also have the book ‘What to do when you worry too much’ but it’s very hard to engage DD in talking about her anxieties/worries. I’m devastated that it’s got to this stage. I’m paying privately for the psychologist (I know I’m lucky to be in this position) and really hope it helps and that DD engages. I’ve been lurking on these threads for the last few weeks. Feel better for reaching out, thanks.

And yes my DH is very supportive. He previously worked off shore but now has a job here. We’ve also told his parents, did n law etc and I’ve confided in a few friends.

Roxie I’m so sorry to hear about the GP’s response. The very idea that our very young children would have to get to suicidal before cahms will even begin to engage is horrendous. We had an almost identical response and have just struggled on alone until now as a result.

I’m really cross for you (us).

Does your DD have a favourite distraction? Pets, a topic, craft activity, physical sensations? My DD spirals like yours and won’t talk about it. Reassurance seems to make things worse. I have found gentle persistence with distractions has sometimes helps.

I know it’s really shocking that services are so overstretched. DD distracts herself by chatting to friends on FaceTime and playing games with them. Her social anxiety has really got worse in the last week though and it’s heartbreaking. We used to go everywhere together. I tried to chat to her earlier and although she did get angry and run away, she told me she is worried all the time. I’m terrified at the thought of her future.

Welcome Roxie, sorry for all your problems. Dd is nearly 16 but also really struggles to talk to me about it, this caused me huge amounts of worry, she was self harming quite badly and I didn’t know why and she wouldn’t talk about it, she hates being questioned (always has from a really young age). I had to pull right back and just stop trying to talk to her, I just said I was always there to listen with no judgement and if she couldn’t talk to me in person She could write a note or e-mail, and she has done this twice now, once when she felt herself spiralling downwards and becoming really depressed and needed more help. She has also started talking to me more about things, although not everything and I know better than to ask questions otherwise she shuts down again.

I agree about distractions as well, dd is creative and just doing some art or making something really helps her.

Welcome Roxie. For the anxiety surrounding SPTs and her peanut allergy ask the consultant to refer to a clinical psychologist or play therapist. The team will have come across this before. There should be a dietician that works with the team too. Also, the Anaphylaxis Campaign have a helpline and a leaflet on the psychological effects.

I hope the CAMHS referral is accepted. You may have to push, but they do see DC who aren't suicidal. I don't think you need a psychiatrist at this point.

Fainting after injections isn't unusual, but with everything else you mention it does build a bigger picture.

Have you spoken to school? Do they run rainbows groups? If so, whilst closed the person who leads the groups could speak to you and DD. Or if you think it may help could she go back as a vulnerable child?

How is DD at knowing how she feels? My DS1&3 have poor emotional literacy skills, DS1 in particular struggles to put words to how he feels.

One thing that doesn't help anxiety is avoidance. Given an inch DS1 will take a mile. It's the anxiety driving that but he will take and take. For example, DD avoided seeing friends by saying she felt unwell. I'm not saying she didn't feel unwell, she probably did, probably because of the anxiety, but for us and many others avoidance would make it 10 times harder next time.

Thanks @1hopforward2back the consultant has referred her for psychology for the peanut allergy but her fear is so ingrained now I don’t think we’d get her to go without panic attacks and more trauma. It’s her fear of clinicians that may also prevent her from opening up to a psychologist. Just now it seems that she is very aware of how she is feeling but is embarrassed and/or ashamed and that’s why she’s bottling it up. I have been in to the school before lockdown but it’s spiralled so much since then. She was happy at the beginning of lockdown but now the anxiety is off the scale and it’s like she’s depressed too. I don’t know how I’ll get her back to school. I’m really fretting about all of this and feel so helpless.

Insomnia,yet again..2-3 hours sleep seems average these days

Anyhoo,just checkin see how everyone's doing
Dd2 is heading into very bad place
Anxiety is unmanageable,reflux is out of control because of it
Camhs are waste bloody time currentlythey've sent out the assessment forms to recheck how she's feeling.scored highly on anxiety last time and was score within depressed last time.shes 1000%worse in both now,so praying once they get forms back and correlated her scores theyBLOODY DO SOMETHING...
DS still on one.tom I'm fully going back to basics.routines written out clearly
Consequences for not doing stuff
Rewards for achieving things well,having reduced time on computer in order to spend time interacting with us all even if just watch a film together

I got him to help me bake friday,see pic his chic chip vegan banana bread topped extra choc chips and flourish of his beloved banana chips!

Hi. I'm new to this board, any help/suggestions much appreciated.

My (adopted, mentioning as it's almost certainly relevant) 15yo has gone to pieces during lockdown with anxiety around germs. She was already heading that way prior to lockdown and we had just got private counselling in place beforehand (now continuing by phone).

So, she is worried about e.g. walking past lampposts, touching anything then touching her hair then hair going in mouth, toothbrush being near a bottle of disinfectant, etc etc.

Y10, done no schoolwork since summer term started. We tried her going in to school but she can't cope as the others don't social distance very well and then there's the things she has to touch. Tried to encourage her to do some at home but she says she can't cope.

Doctor has given her beta blockers which have helped a bit, but she is sad/low/depressed.

Some specific questions:

• how much should I reassure v challenge her anxieties
• should I just forget about schoolwork or keep suggesting it on her better days
• how to look after myself

(She mainly just wants to watch TV as an escape. But she is eating OK, will come out for a walk each day, and will do cooking. We are looking for a rescue dog.)