Im really struggling

[wombatsandaplant]

I’m really struggling. I had a very recent suicide attempt. And I’m still kind of reeling from that.

But I’m just struggling with everything else. I don’t have kids so I don’t have to worry about that. I’m living off pre made sandwiches. I’ve got weekly input from my psychiatrist at the moment and see my cpn every two to three weeks. I just feel very lost all the time. I just lie in bed all day. I hear voices and see things, and I’m told I’m delusional too. I’m struggling with the government watching all the time. It’s too much, I hate being watched. Im also suicidal but that’s because my Antipsychotic meds were lowered slightly but we’ve put them back up now. So hopefully the suicidal ness will lower soon. I just wish I could have a break from feeling so bad. I had an okay two months but everything bad has come back again. I don’t even know why I’m posting this but anyways.

Hey

Sounds really tough. You mentioned not having kids ... do you live alone or with anyone else?

I live by myself with my dog but in my dads house (he works abroad), my brother is back for Christmas at the moment, and my dad is back in a week and a half.

Also thank you

There are worse things than “pre made sandwiches”- it’s good that you’re eating something.
I’m sorry things are rough right now. I hope the medication helps more soon.
Remember you can call Samaritans and talk.

So is your dog with you and your brother also?

I agree with pp RE the sandwiches being OK if that is what you need to be doing. It sounds really, really tough.

Thank you. My nan keeps telling me off for eating sandwiches. But it’s all I can cope with.

Yes, my dog is with us and my brothers dog too.

Is your nan cooking other stuff for you, or is it that you can only eat sandwiches?

Glad you've got your dog and brother with you. Sounds really tough though. Is there anything we can do e.g. chit-chat about other things or send lots of or anything?

What’s your dog’s name?
We have Jimmy - a sort of terrier

My nan lives 8 hours away, she tells me off over FaceTime. I’m not sure, it’s nice just having people here when you need a bit of support. Thank you.

My dog is called yoshi, he’s a border terrier.

Oh and to top everything off the pharmacy gave me nowhere near enough meds. I take 2 tablets three times a day, they only gave me enough for one once a day headdesk something must be wrong on the prescription. Just what I needed to sort out.

My mum has a border. We call her a border terrorist! Naughty girl.
If you only want the sandwiches then eat them.
Have you friends or other family to support you? Are you able to get out and walk the dog?
I hope the medication helps soon.

X post.
That’s a PITA. Can you get it sorted before you run out? Do you have a copy of the prescription?

Thank you. Yeah I speak to my dad each day, I like to be on my own usually. My dog has a dog walker as I can’t cope with walking him right now, he’s a very happy wee dog but definitely a wee terrorist lol.

I only picked them up today, so I’ll go down tomorrow and see what they say. Not sure what the prescription says, but I’ll find out.

Just one more added stress you could do without though. I like to be in my own but with my dog (if that makes sense!) I’ve found getting out and walking her really helps me. (Depression and anxiety.)

Do you find your dog therapeutic? Mine often licks my tears and won’t leave my side when he knows something's wrong.
I’m glad you’ve told your dad so he can be there if you do want to be around people. I don’t really have any advice but I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope it gets better for you.

I like walking him but at the moment I can barely get out of bed, and I have lots of psychosis so outside is a massive struggle. Hopefully soon I can take him on short walks and very very slowly build up, we’ll see.

Thank you. Yes he’s very calming, I love his little tongue, he likes to curl up snuggled into me. I have a furry duvet cover and he loves curling up snuggled into it too.

Hi @wombatsandaplant thank you for telling us about your dog, it sounds like a great comfort to you. You say that walking your dog is just a bit much right now - could you maybe manage to brush and groom doggie as an act of caring and focus on that rather than more physical stuff? From reading your posts it seems to me that you enjoy touching and being close to your pet and grooming is a lovely way of enjoying the sensory plus points of being a doggy owner. Thinking of you.

Mine would love to sleep on our bed but dh not a fan ☹️
Hope you get a good nights sleep

Thank you, that might be an idea, he doesn’t really need groomed, but I could manage once a week anyway, I’m sure he’ll love it. Thanks.

I don’t have him overnight, too wriggly lol. Just during the day, he plays with his toys for a bit then curls up on the bed and keeps repeating that, he’s super sweet.

Sorry you are struggling Wombat. I haven't really got any advice but I really, really hope things look up for you soon. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. I'm glad you have your dog with you. They are such a great support. They never say the wrong thing do they!
I hope you have some good human support too.

🐶

And I always sleep well, courtesy of meds lol. Thanks.