to think that it’s all just really pointless

[z0fl0ra]

I don’t know why I’m posting this here, I think I don’t really have anyone irl I can properly talk to (I have some friends I vent to about things but everyone has their own problems and what not). I am 20 and I am just so done with living. I wouldn’t say I’m even depressed although taking anxiety medication and anti depressants in the past, I think I’m just realistic in that nothing is really that great. I think I’m just pretty done with actually being alive which I feel is something many people have in common. It’s not self hatred which I can work on with therapy etc just hatred for the world which won’t get better because the world won’t get better. Everyday is a chore, waking up and working and earning money and feeling stressed and anxious and unhappy with constant worry for the future, about the past, politics, BREXIT, the environment, health, family pretty much everything is negative and stressful and needs worrying about. It’s no wonder so many people have anxiety and depression these days because this is what we’re living for, fear of the higher powers that can lock us up and take away our human rights, fear for the future of our government, country, environment and the whole world. The small things we get enjoyment from people turn into a negative for us (unhealthy food, relaxing self care time, animals, kids) everything I have ever enjoyed just seems to actually be a chore and an expectation. Everything is corrupt, we go to work to earn money to spend on things to keep us alive and give us a basic life but for what? I should be happy and I’m very good at putting on a front to my boyfriend, friends, family, I’m a carer for disabled children, I’m young, have a nice car, a good amount of savings etc but knowing everything will eventually end anyway one day just makes all of my existence and hard work seem pointless and I know I’m not the only one thinking this. I really don’t know why I posted this or what I’m expecting responses to be but AIBU to think that this is just the life we have and even if you try and have the best most fulfilling life possible so much along the way goes so wrong and everyone is so unhappy and everything is corrupt and to think that I feel like this while living in a 1st world country makes me feel so horrible and selfish but it’s actually really fucking hard being alive and managing and coping and I don’t imagine it ever not being like this? Being a child is the best part of life and it’s all gone and now you know what everything is really like, no more being sheltered and being innocent and it’s so fucked and I wish I didn’t feel like this but I know most people probably feel like this deep down but keep going and pretending everything is okay because that’s what society expects right?

I know exactly what you mean.

Yep....but wait for posters to show up and suggest you go to the GP to ask for a course of CBT to combat your negative thought patterns....I personally think that never before have we been presented so constantly with the proof of the futility of existence via 24hr news feeds, nasty vitriolic social media....

I believe there is a difference between feeling like life is not worth living and not knowing how to live.

For example, when you're going through a particularly bad patch you might feel like you want your life to end but perhaps it's more that you don't know how to keep living like 'this' not knowing how long 'this' is going to last. I have definitely felt like this at times. When it seems all we do is lurch from crisis to crisis.

Finding a purpose in life in entirely down to one's self though - unless you're guided by religion or a strong vocation - as most people don't know what they want to do.

Yes, I feel the same, being alive is hard.

I would add to your list - all the s*it that women go through - rape , abuse disrespect.

Every day is a struggle for me sometimes. I often wake up in the morning and think of pain from my past - rape, men being cruel to me etc

I, many times, think "why Am I here".

I send you a big, huge hug. At least we can support each other on here, through all the awful stuff

Being a child is the best part of life

Nope, being a child sucked for me. Having a child has been the best part of my life (sorry to be so cliched!). When my two kids squish their little cheeks against mine, nothing else seems important.

Mind you, my favourite quote is one from "Still life with woodpecker", by Tom Robbins: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

(Disclaimer: Other fulfilling lifestyle choices are also available.)

Just being on Earth - is hard.

Maybe you're bored. Go and do something more rewarding. Having a nice car and savings isn't important at all assuming you have no dependents.

When I was in my twenties I was traveling and working in different countries and in fact did that to a lesser extent in my thirties. I never felt jaded although sometimes I went through the usual unhappiness, break-ups etc.

I do understand that it can be monumentally shit but the papers only report negative stuff. Switch off all news feeds and fgs don't read the paper. Facebook now only shows me videos of pet rescues and unusual animal friendships.

Change everything till you like it more.

I know what you mean OP. I struggle with this a lot too, I always have. I'm comparatively, extremely lucky compared with a lot of people (including my past self) and I try to hold on to that and be grateful. But the "it's all pointless" feelings do creep in. I wish I could say something more positive. I just try to hold onto times of joy whenever I can, and get through the hard times as best I can. Not sure what else we can do!

Being a child is the best part of life

Surely that depends on your childhood? For lots of people the opposite is true. Personally, my childhood was good until secondary school (state crap comp) where I was bullied and assaulted daily. That made me suicidal and gave me life long personal/social issues. It was leaving school, starting work and becoming an adult that turned my life around.

Switch off all news feeds and fgs don't read the paper.

Actually, this is good advice. It's amazing how much stress and anxiety reading news sites can cause. They give such a skewed impression of what is happening in the world.

I'm intrigued by the unusual animal friendships though - is it the animals, or the friendships that are unusual?

There's also so much beauty, in nature, in people. There's joy in love, passions, reading, a job well done. I enjoy every day. I've never thought there had to be a meaning to life.

What is causing me the most pain - is just being treated so badly for being a woman.

We live on a planet , where we are the smaller physical beings, and we are constantly kept down, controlled and abused by the larger physical beings.

And there is no way to leave. If some one described that - it sounds like hell to me.

I send you all a hug

@Shalom23 out of interest , because Inwant to see of this is a factor in people's happiness.

Did you have two parents? Did you have a loving family when you were growing up?

The world can look pretty tough, but you know what? It isn't all about you. You care for disabled children, which means their life and their families lives is better than it might otherwise be.
you need to try and find a balance between things which you do for you, to feel good, and things you do to make the world better for the people around you.

I do community work and voluntary work, and get loads of pleasure out of my daft dog, good food, making things and my (adult) kids. Between all that I get a sense of purpose, and some fun.

I'm also part of a church which I find helpful.

I'm not saying I've cracked it- it's been so tough over the years. The mental effort of finding the positives can be exhausting. It's worth it though.

@Shalom23 I am just wondering if having a "more difficult life" leads to us being unhappy.

I had no father ( he chose not to be)and no grandparents at all
I had an abusive mother
I was sexually assaulted numerous times.

Did you have a good family life growing up? Or did you also have problems - and are atill happy?

Angel no, I had a childhood blighted by poverty and various problems. Including my father's suicide. I was also widowed young. I think seeing the extreme end if personal suffering actually challenged me into enjoying the better times of life.

OP you sound depressed. Do go and talk to your GP - you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. You don't have to feel this way.

To pp, shame on you for validating such low mood in someone who is so young and clearly struggling.

Sounds like you are having an existential crisis OP. It will be more and more common in the coming years as we are given all of the information about the suffering we as a species have caused and continue to cause to each other and the rest of the Earths inhabitants.

FWIW there are some things not worth worrying about, Brexit, The past and politics in particular shouldn't consume much of your time. But yes, living through a mass extinction event is enough to make anyone question what the point is.

I find the way to deal with these moments is to enjoy the little things, in fact to make your life about the little things. Enjoy your relationships, enjoy your food and your hobbies. And try to minimize the big things. Know that you can do your bit but that you can't control what others do. Be the best you can be and ignore the rest. Or you can go the other way and make your life about helping people, animals or the environment.

There are always ways to improve not only your own outlook and the outlook of others. It's tough but life is what we make it. And you are by no means alone in feeling how you do but recognising it and seeking answers or support is usually the first step to improving it.

@Shalom23 thanks so much for the answer. That is really interesting. Can I ask - how did you start to turn it around and be happy after the tragedies.
My dad also killed himself when he was older.
Every morning I wake up - I immediately think of all the pain from the past.

How dod you start to move forward and be happy? And I send you a hug for all you have been through

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way at your age, I could have written your post but am much older and have resigned myself to the cynicism I feel at everything, corruption, capitalism, greed and that grinding feeling of “what’s the point”, I wish you weren’t going through it at 20 cos it’s hard to reverse this way of thinking, it’s like once you’ve seen that it’s all futile it can’t be unseen

Angel, I got myself into a position firstly where I could earn a decent living, educated to MA. Once I had some financial security I invested in a therapist on and off for years.

I walked and walked and walked . I read everything I could on topics that had a huge effect, suicide death etc. Need/ media etc doesn't bother me, we actually life in the safest ever. Interestingly I have always been drawn to darkness and did a lot of work re genocide work. I see myself now as having a few personal tragedies but I the face of the horrors if the world I feel lucky. I can't recommend good therapy and walking enough. Good luck.

Why does there have to be meaning? There's no meaning at all and technically it's futile. But we're here once and only we can make the best of it. You're here whether you like it or not so you can either choose to feel dragged down and sad each day, or you can try and find something that gives you enjoyment and happiness.

If a nice new car doesn't make you happy, that's ok! If material possessions seem pointless to you, that's great! We don't all tick the same. What do you like? If you're working hard for things you feel are supposed to make you happy because they make others happy, then you're working hard for nothing. If what makes you happy isn't something money can buy, then stop working so damn hard! Cut your hours, or find an easier job and actually spend your time doing something you like.

I also agree with putting down the news paper. If we heard about every great thing that happened each day, it would take all day to read it. Shock and horror grabs attention and gets papers sold/ stories clicked on. Step away from it, it doesn't represent the world we live in and it doesn't represent you or your loved ones. Don't let it jade you that someone, somewhere did a horrible thing.

Also on the news thing, just to add - we feel like the times we are in right now have reached absolute fever pitch and we are all doomed. But literally every generation before us has felt this way too. There is and always has been something going on that is completely out of our control. It's bound to make us feel helpless. It's almost egotistical of us to think "this is it, it is officially the worst it's ever been". It's certainly not but we are programmed to feel this way by news and propaganda

@DiabloDi hands down the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on Mumsnet