to think that it’s all just really pointless

[z0fl0ra]

I don’t know why I’m posting this here, I think I don’t really have anyone irl I can properly talk to (I have some friends I vent to about things but everyone has their own problems and what not). I am 20 and I am just so done with living. I wouldn’t say I’m even depressed although taking anxiety medication and anti depressants in the past, I think I’m just realistic in that nothing is really that great. I think I’m just pretty done with actually being alive which I feel is something many people have in common. It’s not self hatred which I can work on with therapy etc just hatred for the world which won’t get better because the world won’t get better. Everyday is a chore, waking up and working and earning money and feeling stressed and anxious and unhappy with constant worry for the future, about the past, politics, BREXIT, the environment, health, family pretty much everything is negative and stressful and needs worrying about. It’s no wonder so many people have anxiety and depression these days because this is what we’re living for, fear of the higher powers that can lock us up and take away our human rights, fear for the future of our government, country, environment and the whole world. The small things we get enjoyment from people turn into a negative for us (unhealthy food, relaxing self care time, animals, kids) everything I have ever enjoyed just seems to actually be a chore and an expectation. Everything is corrupt, we go to work to earn money to spend on things to keep us alive and give us a basic life but for what? I should be happy and I’m very good at putting on a front to my boyfriend, friends, family, I’m a carer for disabled children, I’m young, have a nice car, a good amount of savings etc but knowing everything will eventually end anyway one day just makes all of my existence and hard work seem pointless and I know I’m not the only one thinking this. I really don’t know why I posted this or what I’m expecting responses to be but AIBU to think that this is just the life we have and even if you try and have the best most fulfilling life possible so much along the way goes so wrong and everyone is so unhappy and everything is corrupt and to think that I feel like this while living in a 1st world country makes me feel so horrible and selfish but it’s actually really fucking hard being alive and managing and coping and I don’t imagine it ever not being like this? Being a child is the best part of life and it’s all gone and now you know what everything is really like, no more being sheltered and being innocent and it’s so fucked and I wish I didn’t feel like this but I know most people probably feel like this deep down but keep going and pretending everything is okay because that’s what society expects right?

Get a copy of

Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walshe.

It's not a "Christian book" but it will provide a new way of looking at our purpose on this planet, which may help you out at this time.

Def worth a couple of pounds on eBay. Your life won't be worse for reading it.

In meantime, whilst you're waiting for it to arrive, try doing something nice for a someone every day. Feelings like you describe are often associated with being detached from other people. Try reconnecting.

At a basic biological level, I think the meaning of life is to continue life. We are programed to want to carry on our species.

I've had a hard few years (the usual - too much work, too little sleep, too much stress etc.) and recently have decided to try and inject more happiness into my life. Happiness is very personal. A huge step for me was to carve out time to go swimming. I love it.

Ditto we all now have bikes as DC2 adores cycling. So we go cycling as a family (very early on a Sunday morning so avoid traffic....)

Also to put down my phone/my chores, switch off the TV and play more with my DC. We have lots of fun playing card games, board games, chasing games and play fighting.

I still find life bloody difficult at times and cry a lot. But I find forcing myself to insert happiness helps.

I don't think about what is the point in working to earn money to live and then just die in the end. We have our time on earth and the only thing we can do with it is try to enjoy it.

Thanks for that @Shalom23. I am motivated to go for a walk tomorrow.

This is why it is good to share your problem on here OP, you will get ideas and inspiration from others.

Really, thank you for the inspiration @shalom23. Well done on all you have achieved - despite tenhars things that you went through

*the hard things

Areyoufree, I mean simple tales of chimps that take care of many abandoned puppies, cats that love budgies. Not friendship itself, that is immutable.

I do sympathise as I am bringing up a troubled child and I see him look at the world with a WTF.

Angel, hard to say this in the right way but maybe don't think what can the world do for me but what can I do for the world?

It is hard. It is. and being your age the way things are now I can see why you would feel it insurmountably hard.

But there is still friendship.
There is still really good sex - and if you are not having it, go and find it.
A hot dinner on a cold day is still comforting.
There is laughing until your sides hurt.
There are cold crisp November mornings when your breath turns white.
There is still kindness. There is. Look for it where there is suffering - you will see people helping or trying to help.
There are facts you don't know that will amaze you.
There are still loads of things you could learn.
There is saying 'fuck it' and catching a train or a plane or a boat somewhere else entirely and doing something completely different for a while.

You should probably go to the GP and get some antidepressants so you can enjoy all that. You're right. It is all pointless ultimately so you may as well enjoy it.

I've had this sort of existential conversation with nearest and dearest. Not at all depressed, but do sometimes wonder at the absolute futility of people's lives. The work I've done for most of my life doesn't add to the sum of human happiness - it's the kind of cog in a wheel job that if you think about it too much would send you screaming into the void.

I can see how some people use religion to give meaning to their lives.

Someone as part of discussion said what about doctors, teachers etc., surely their lives have meaning, but tbh I don't know that they do in any more concrete way than anyone else's. Doctors patch people up to back to their humdrum little existences. Teachers teach children but to what end? To get a job? Which probably won't add anything to the sum of human happiness etc. etc. etc.

I think the things that probably give my life the most meaning are nature and the arts. I can appreciate a beautiful view, an astonishing painting, a beautiful piece of music. My relationship with DH brings me deep joy.

And I agree totally with DiabloDi - people who have children to give their lives meaning are perpetuating the problem!

Try not to think about it too much - that way madness lies. Comtemplating your place in the universe will not make you happy and content. Concentrate on things and people that make you happy, even if only fleetingly.

I am looking forward to making a beef casserole, eating it with a nice big glass of red wine, reading a good book and chatting to DH - none of these things give my life any particular meaning or importance, but I will enjoy them and they will make me happy.

If you imagine our past we didn't evolve to be able to cope with constant news feeds of tragic stories and doom mongering. For our thousands of years of development we would only have heard bad news from our village or the next one. So I agree if you are not coping mentally do yourself a favour and turn it off. Unless you are a leading political figure you probably can't influence Brexit so aside from voting forget it - what will your worrying achieve?

Whether you believe in life after death or that there is nothing at all I think it is important to believe that the here and now matters. I think you do believe that the here and now matters because it sounds like you care about suffering in the world.

If suffering and pain and unhappiness matter to you then to me it is logical that happiness, joy and laughter also matters.

Your work/(parenting?) with a disabled child is an excellent example. Depending on the child's disability they may not grow up to be independent or have a long life but their smile/laugh/inner happiness when they do something they love/have a hug/achieve something (that may be small to others) matters. And even if tomorrow never comes it still matters.

Your relationship may end, your family member or much loved pet may die but the times you shared were real and they matter. They were not a waste just because they have ended but an end in themselves.

There's a huge amount of suffering, our own included but that doesn't mean we have to be miserable.

"I wouldn’t say I’m even depressed "
You may not be the best person to self-diagnose because, from the things you go on to say, you clearly are suffering anxiety and depression.

"I think I’m just pretty done with actually being alive which I feel is something many people have in common."
The basic instinct of a human or an animal is to survive. You cross the road without thinking and nearly get run over and the adrenaline kicks in from fear. Most people want to live. They might want to change the quality of their lives, but they still want to live. I think you need help for your mental health if you truly feel like that.

"feeling stressed and anxious and unhappy with constant worry for the future, about the past, politics, BREXIT, the environment, health, family pretty much everything is negative and stressful and needs worrying about."
That is an ill-health condition which needs addressing. Everything does not need to be worried about. When we have good mental health we develop strategies to deal with problems and ways of becoming resilient so that we do not worry unnecessarily. Worrying is pointless (although we probably all do it to a certain extent). When we are healthy we are able to look at a problem and then formulate ideas on how to resolve or at least minimise it. When we worry about everything and ruminate and never come up with any possible solutions that is when our mental health breaks down.

"this is what we’re living for, fear of the higher powers that can lock us up and take away our human rights"
Where do you live OP where they do such things? I presumed you were in the UK but from that comment you can't be.

"The small things we get enjoyment from people turn into a negative for us (unhealthy food, relaxing self care time, animals, kids) everything I have ever enjoyed just seems to actually be a chore and an expectation."
You have developed a negative mindset OP which mental health services can help you with.

"I'm a carer for disabled children"
Don't you derive happiness and a sense of self achievement from that OP? You are making a positive difference to the lives of disabled children.

"I know most people probably feel like this deep down but keep going and pretending everything is okay because that’s what society expects right?"
Wrong. I am close to a couple of people with severe anxiety and depression and compared to them your anxiety over everything is off the scale.

From the tone of your post, it sounds as if you don't believe you have mental ill-health and am unsure whether you want advice. If you would like the quality of your life to improve, I think you should see your GP and request an urgent referral to your local mental health team. It is not the norm to feel as you do.

I think you need to have a look at this graph op. This is the recipe for human happiness, and it makes a lot of sense. Personally I think there is no point in nihilism as a philosophy.

You know you're unhappy and have admitted it to yourself. So, decide to design your life to create meaning for you. Read Victor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning', read the research the above diagram is based on, think about what gives you joy and make a plan.

If life feels pointless, then its worth looking at what you think life is for.

Personally, I think the mice had it right - the meaning of life is 42, decoded in ASCII thats the infinity symbol. Life's meaning is what ever you want it to be. Your purpose in life is to find that meaning and actualise it.

Explore your values - what is important to you, how would you like to be seen. Are your activities aligned with those values. What changes can you make in your circumstances to better align them.

I'm not a great fan of doctors, and although some people get relief from prescribed drugs (and others from illegal ones), I think they are best thought of as a temporary cure. The problem is a spiritual one really, rather than a mental problem, as its your human spirit that is feeling this pain of ennui.

The fact is, you ARE alive. It may seem pointless and painful, and I’m sorry to hear that this is the case, but you are alive, and you have one life to live (that we know for sure, it may be that you can be reincarnated and will have more lives). My view is: live this life, experience it in all its joys, pain and heartache, you may find a meaning to it as you are living it, you may not.

I always think that this kind of existential realisation poses the question, "so what are you going to do then?". Do you decide to kill yourself? And if not, then what?

I always think that this kind of existential realisation poses the question, "so what are you going to do then?". Do you decide to kill yourself? And if not, then what?

(I think a lot of people answer this question by deciding to get married and/or have children).

It really is pointless.

Life is hard. Children do make it better for some as you have another reason to live and you have less time to ponder all these questions. Work, relationships and faith fill in the gaps.

You sound like you have lots of gaps or maybe you don't and you still feel everything is pointless.

I feel like that alot of the time when not getting on with my life and it does make me press pause on the daily grind and stay in bed.

I did that yesterday and today before taking my kids out to early evening activities. But I know I suffer with ocd, anxiety and depression. I am also on medication.

I'm not saying to just go see a Dr like its a magic bullet (because all they do is either add you to a waiting list or medication or both. Rarely any actual help when you need it) But op if you do find your mood going down and down and down, please get help. Your Gp, a family member, a friend or the samaritans.

Life is hard and crap but there is a still joy and meaning and so much more and this is from a woman who did not get up till 3pm today as felt numb and bone crushingly tired.

Read a book titled Factfulness it describes how people misinterpret the facts and their view of the world being bad and getting worse is actually completely inaccurate.

You are 20 and have your whole life ahead of you don't waste it worrying about things that are based upon your feelings rather than the truth.

I understand completely, however I have children so I have a responsibility to them first and foremost. It's weird though, because I think as you do but then I had a dream where I had a terminal diagnosis the other day and I was distraught... So who knows. All I know is I have to carry on and since (as far as I'm concerned) we only get one life I might as well.

Oh gosh OP, I don't know how to respond to that. I actually agree with @Shalom23 - life is incredible, and there are so many amazing things.

Beauty in nature, in my dogs, in my dd telling me who has annoyed her, my ds achieving success, a nice cashmere jumper, a white clean bed, a dram of whisky before bed, laughing with friends, snuggling up to my boyfriend. Just every day life can be lovely.

I try to practice daily gratitudes and affirmations, see the positive in everything and generally feel pretty happy. I also do a few of the law of attraction techniques for raising my mood and it generally works pretty well.

Life can be hard I agree (and it's hard to disagree with your OP). I do get angry at things - particularly at the moment abuse of women - how can 2 women a week be kiilled by their partners or exes and it be allowed to happen? And the patriarchy piss me off too. for that matter. And my life is difficult and relentless at times too, so it's not that I'm a die hard pollyanna (although I am).

There are techniques you can use to improve your mood - to see the positive - I use Law of Attraction ones as I say, but others exist too.

Sorry you feel like that OP.

I like @paintedfences diagram - that makes a lot of sense.

I'm not sure that you have to have meaning in your life - just a collection of things like that diagram all add together to make life happy.

For me, it's just about doing what makes you feel good.

@AnnaNimmity what lae of attraction ones do you use, please?

@AnnaNimmity see what you've said. One of the things - cuddling up to your boyfriend.

I have never had that, I have had abusive boyfriends like many of us, and am now single.

I would love to experience that joy - one time in this life - being with a man who actually cares about me.

What Loa things do you use? I know if i keep talking about the misery of my life - I will get more