to think that it’s all just really pointless

[z0fl0ra]

I don’t know why I’m posting this here, I think I don’t really have anyone irl I can properly talk to (I have some friends I vent to about things but everyone has their own problems and what not). I am 20 and I am just so done with living. I wouldn’t say I’m even depressed although taking anxiety medication and anti depressants in the past, I think I’m just realistic in that nothing is really that great. I think I’m just pretty done with actually being alive which I feel is something many people have in common. It’s not self hatred which I can work on with therapy etc just hatred for the world which won’t get better because the world won’t get better. Everyday is a chore, waking up and working and earning money and feeling stressed and anxious and unhappy with constant worry for the future, about the past, politics, BREXIT, the environment, health, family pretty much everything is negative and stressful and needs worrying about. It’s no wonder so many people have anxiety and depression these days because this is what we’re living for, fear of the higher powers that can lock us up and take away our human rights, fear for the future of our government, country, environment and the whole world. The small things we get enjoyment from people turn into a negative for us (unhealthy food, relaxing self care time, animals, kids) everything I have ever enjoyed just seems to actually be a chore and an expectation. Everything is corrupt, we go to work to earn money to spend on things to keep us alive and give us a basic life but for what? I should be happy and I’m very good at putting on a front to my boyfriend, friends, family, I’m a carer for disabled children, I’m young, have a nice car, a good amount of savings etc but knowing everything will eventually end anyway one day just makes all of my existence and hard work seem pointless and I know I’m not the only one thinking this. I really don’t know why I posted this or what I’m expecting responses to be but AIBU to think that this is just the life we have and even if you try and have the best most fulfilling life possible so much along the way goes so wrong and everyone is so unhappy and everything is corrupt and to think that I feel like this while living in a 1st world country makes me feel so horrible and selfish but it’s actually really fucking hard being alive and managing and coping and I don’t imagine it ever not being like this? Being a child is the best part of life and it’s all gone and now you know what everything is really like, no more being sheltered and being innocent and it’s so fucked and I wish I didn’t feel like this but I know most people probably feel like this deep down but keep going and pretending everything is okay because that’s what society expects right?

angell that's great- I'd love to be able to sing. I just can't. I do love doing it though! And friends are the most important thing in life I think - I am also so lucky to have lovely friends.

Yes I write gratitudes most days. i write (or say) affirmations most days too. I write what I want to happen too. It works!

I mention upthread the other techniques for improving your mood are based on LoA (check out the Esther Hicks books - there is a list of techniques in there - they call it moving up the emotional scale). But other things too -running, yoga, meditation, getting out in the sun, riding my bike, (exercise mostly). .

I only do what makes me happy.

I'm naturally quite positive too - I do think that it will all work out for me. It usually does!

[80hours work a week isn’t leaving you enough time for actual life.]

I felt much the same as you for a decade of my life but my life is filled with joy now (including for many years pre children). I think I appreciate the good so much more due to the horrible experience of the bad. I like Kibran on this - www.katsandogz.com/onjoy.html

You’re dead a long time may as well do what you can with the years of life you have x

*Gibran 🤦🏻‍♀️

That is great @AnnaNimmity thanks for your contribution on this thread.

We can all lift each other up

This is Hamlet speaking to us from 1599:
"How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world"
Shakespeare felt what you're feeling. Most thinking people do. And presumably he came to terms with it and found hope and happiness somehow. You probably will too even if it doesn't feel like it today.

You need a job that works you fewer hours. At the moment you are in a prison of your own making. Lack of sleep can do truly dreadful things to your thought patterns. You sound exhausted. Do you have to be an 80 hours a week carer? Is there any way at all you could do something else?

I totally get you. I'm just tired of the struggle of life too. I'm not depressed, but like you I feel it does all feel pointless.

You can find temporary moments of happiness and contentment but the rest of it is just a slog.

I've done a lot of the things I want to do in life and wouldn't feel I was missing out if I passed away now tbh. But I'm 50. Biologically I think we were only meant to live until around 50-60, until the children are grown and independent. We have artificially extended this to 80+ and I feel tired even at the thought I might have another 30 years of this.

I've got friends, family, a nice job, financially ok but a bit of a struggle sometimes, relatively good health, but I feel I'm done and ready to go.

You're depressed.

'It’s not self hatred which I can work on with therapy etc just hatred for the world which won’t get better because the world won’t get better.'

Therapy isn't just for self hatred, but also if people have depression, which can cause people to see life as painful or meaningless etc. What you describe is actually textbook depression.

Please see your GP and follow what they prescribe- if it doesn't work, go back and they can try something else, eventually they'll hit on something that'll help. Therapy could also help with how you feel about life.

Yes there are political issues in the world and stuff, but it doesn't severely effect most people's state of mind unless they're directly effected by it, such as someone at risk of deportation or something.

Being a child is pretty crap- being an adult can be more fun, but both children and adults don't see the world as fun when they're suffering from depression.

Please get help and feel better soon. Hugs xxx

A lot of us feel this way now and again for a moment or a couple of days, but to have it consistently over weeks or months etc is depression.

Yes, some people might be the same way- depression is very common indeed, and some people don't realised they're depressed and life doesn't have to be/feel this way.

Another night laying here feeling sad and worried knowing I’ll be unable to function tomorrow and I have 11 hours of work To the posters who have mentioned about working a lot I know I do but honestly if I’m not at work I’m not doing anything useful with my time and it’s so stressful, my car needs cleaning my room is a mess I have so much to be doing but I have absolutely no motivation as like I said what is the point? It’s crazy that the world is going to exist for thousands and thousands of years after this, I hate all the technology and devices we have today no matter how helpful they are for a lot of things because I really think they are taking over and it’s terrifying.
To the posters who mentioned not being on social media etc as much as I would like to do this and I think about this it’s insane how big a part of life it is to people my age and I would feel even more left out and lonely if I took myself off it, I really want to know how to improve things but it doesn’t seem to have an end and I would like to improve things for everyone not just for me but I know that’s impossible.

I don't think anyone's suggesting cutting out social media altogether but many of us (who aren't that much older than you!) have found cutting down and controlling it (rather than being at the mercy of it 24/7) has helped our mental health. Whether you're 20 somwthing or 30 something orvany age, your brain has not evolved to cope with the constant drip drip drip of dopamine hits that social media gets you hooked on.

I think you might be depressed- but in any case in your writing there are lots of clues about what you would like - less technology, a clean and tidy car and room, to help create a better world - those are lovely things to wish for.
But you also need some time and energy. One of the things I have found in life is that you have to notice the good things and sometimes create them for yourself. (The bad stuff just seems to arrive!) That takes time and effort.

Honestly, you need some self care. Working all the time doesn't make you a better person, it just means you will burnout (if you haven't already). So what if your car needs cleaning and your room is a mess? My car is disgusting but I'm going to ignore it until the weekend, then spend 20 mins tidying it. I am going to go for a walk though and to the gym this evening for my fat womens pilates class, because I know from bitter experience that if I don't look after my mental health then life will become very difficult. If you are not depressed then you need to learn to chill out - mindfulness? If you are depressed then you need the gp. If you are not depressed but just hugely nihilistic and negative then you need some fun in your life, and quick! When I was your age I was travelling, working in a job I loved and generally having a great time. And that was despite having the kind of childhood people write misery memoirs about. Being happy is a choice. If you want to make that choice, but can't, then you need RL help. Good luck OP.

You're not unreasonable for feeling this and not alone.

Yes the world is a pile of shite at the moment but are you seriously thinking it's worse now than 100 years ago, 200 years ago? Whenever? No.

Quality of life even for the poorer in our society is so much better than a century ago.

All our young men would've just died in the war. Should they be glad they didn't return for the chance of a future?

I've felt like this on and off and at 20 my life was much worse than yours is now. I got through it to happier times and partly by telling myself the above. I'm 46 now and the feeling comes and goes, lately I've been plotting my own death but I know I won't do anything and I'll be out of it again soon.

This is not knocking your feelings just to say that this feeling is normal but hopefully you'll find something in life to enjoy.

I think news and being constantly bombarded by it in our 24/7 society has a lot to answer for as well. It's often all so negative.

Try the Good news network, there is lots of positive things going on. It just doesn't get reported the same. Many projects working on carbon sinking and recycling technology, this is all really positive stuff. We just hear about it in main stream media they just concentrate on the sensational often negative stuff. You need to change where you get your daily information from. This should help.

Have you tried to distance yourself from the things that cause you stress? If I watch/read the news I find my stress level increase massively. Similarly, if I spend much time on social media (including mumsnet!) I find myself feeling much more stressed.

We’re bombarded daily with bad news stories in the press, edited versions of people’s lives on social media which make us feel that our own life isn’t as good and awful accounts of peoples life experiences on websites like mumsnet.

In reality the world is not a bad place. Statistically this is the best time ever to be alive. Violence is at its lowest ever level, we have endless opportunities, we can travel the world cheaply, we have access to amazing (and free in the UK) healthcare.

Try detaching yourself from the internet and the news for a few weeks and focus on doing things that make you happy and make you feel worthwhile. Do some volunteering. Find a job that makes you feel like you’re making a positive difference in the world even if it will never make you a millionaire.

I think you sound quite emotionally vulnerable. You need to work less and cultivate yourself more. I know how wanky that sounds but seriously all this work and no sleep isn’t good for anyone. Theres no point in earning more money if you don’t enjoy any of it.

I’ve picked up that a lot of your worries are things you can’t actually DO anything about - politics, Brexit, the state of the world in the future, technology taking over ... etc. Stop. Switch off from it all. Don’t read the news, don’t watch the news. Stay in your own bubble. Do stuff that makes you happy, even if it’s just having a cake and a latte. Or whatever.

Of course this isn’t for everyone and lots would say it’s not good to not be aware of the news etc but when you’re already feeling down it can make you feel worse and what’s the point in that?

My mum died in March aged 70 and she spent her whole life feeling life was pointless and that the world was a terrible place. What a waste of 70 years.

A friend suggested this book to me https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck/amp
I'm in the process of reading it now. It basically says that the constant drive for positivity / happiness is actually what makes us negative and sad because it just highlights what we don't have/ what we aren't.
I haven't got very far with it yet but I understand the concept and I think I like it. Basically we invest so much of ourselves trying to achieve perfection that we end up miserable. Stop trying so hard, stop caring so much about stuff that is nothing to do with you or doesn't matter because it rarely means the outcome is any different. I stopped giving a shit about a lot of things a while ago and I do think it gives you an inner peace
I also saw a quote the other day that really applies to you here: Stop killing yourself for a job that would replace you in a week if you died - take care of yourself.

Working that many hours and not sleeping is the first thing I'd try to change OP

Take pleasure from the simple things that are there in front of you. Nature, family, relationships etc

And give that book a read

Op yanbu about feeling the way you are about the state of the world. I've felt very depressed about it over the years, but now feel incredibly happy, grounded and hopeful. I think what you're describing is a sense of powerlessness?

I'm not suggesting you do all or any of these of the things! But if it's useful to know, some of the things that helped me were:

Doing a masters degree and/or just learning as much as possible about the world and things that interested me, particularly about human connection, community, alternative ways of living and alternatives to capitalism. Russell Brand's podcast is a really good intro to this kind of stuff and loads of the speakers have some really interesting books to read.

Volunteering, helping in my community, getting involved in activism.

Working part time (had to for my mental health) and gardening/being outdoors a lot. I was poor but had enough to live on and was very happy!

Choosing an ethical career. It's not perfect, has its issues, took a long time to get to where I am but I could never work for an organization whose main motivation is to make profit, it would destroy me.

When things got really bad I stopped reading/watching mainstream news - massive improvement! It's so negative and so tightly controlled by a handful of wealthy people with troubling objectives.

I think a lot of what we're missing, despite there being so many of us, is genuine human connection. Our media is designed to instil fear, the design of our cities and towns doesn't encourage neighbourliness (we're so cut off from one another, there are few 'common' spaces we can congregate without having to spend money), we're taught to blame the most vulnerable and marginalised people for society's problems (asylum seekers, single mums, people in poverty etc) rather than facing up to those with real money and power. We can either give in to that feeling of powerlessness or we can ignore it all and do what we can, even in just a small way (you're only one person after all!) to create different ways of living, being and communicating. Even something as simple as just connecting with other people in your neighbourhood can make a huge impact and ripple effect.

Sorry, that was long!

Hi OP,
Following your up date re how much you work and lack of sleep/insomnia I can tell you categorically that you are suffering a mental health problem as a result of stress and lack of sleep. (Yes I will be criticised as I am not a doctor but there you are).

The only time I have read a post on here previously of someone who wanted to go to sleep and never wake up was someone under immense financial pressure that had caused insomnia.

I have seen a loved one suffer the exact same - lots of stress caused insomnia and resulted in hopeless/despair/suicidal. Lack of sleep is hugely destructive and can even cause psychosis in people with no previous history. It is not used as torture for nothing. Like my loved one you need rest and medication (my loved one needed anti depressants and it took a month or two to help but they do help). Please see your GO and be honest about your lack of sleep and the way you are feeling.

You can recover from this but you are ill.

I hear you OP. I often feel sad but I have discovered because I’m an introverted person I have created my own problems in the past by forcing myself to fit into society’s expectations, making me anxious and unhappy. I now focus on me and if I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I’ve pretty much always been a people pleaser. I’m now happiest in my own bubble and control my own happiness by being who I want to be. Maybe you just need to focus on you and not focus on other stuff around you.

I'm sorry you feel so horrible OP. I think your age has something to do with how you're feeling. Childhood seems relatively recent and now you're an adult working in the unforgiving world all you can see is the years stretching out endlessly and we don't know what the future will hold.

If it's any help my forties have been the most interesting hopeful loving happy decade of all, 30s was rewarding with having babies and a bit more money and security. My 20s was a bloody slog! I felt not dissimilar to you at times. You may have interesting friends new lovers perhaps children and pets and adventures to come. New hobbies, new things learned and taught... Life can be better than you expect I promise.

I hope you feel better soon though. It does sound like sorting out your sleep might help you feel a bit more level in the short term. Maybe ask the doctor for something to help you get to sleep?

You are right OP, there is no point to life. Does there have to be though? In some ways it's freeing to realise this - it's impossible to fail at life or do the wrong thing. If you don't achieve x thing before death, it doesn't matter at all.

I think the good news is that for a lot of people these thoughts come and go throughout life. I know I had a few years in my 20s where I thought a lot about death and existential things. Then for a few years I didn't think about it much, and if I did it didn't bother me. Now it's come back to me again mainly because of climate change news. I live in Australia, much of my state is currently on fire. I feel such despair knowing these fires are a fact of life from now on. I suppose depending on what happens, I may stop being bothered by it again. Or we might all die and we won't be bothered by it then either.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

You are right OP, there is no point to life. Does there have to be though? In some ways it's freeing to realise this - it's impossible to fail at life or do the wrong thing. If you don't achieve x thing before death, it doesn't matter at all.

This!
I see life as a journey, but it's not about the destination it's about enjoying the ride. The ups and the downs. The high and the lows.
I think those who focus too much on the destination are the ones who are perhaps the most unfulfilled as they pin everything on the achievement at the end of it, but not about the road to getting there. You hear so much 'when I have this I will be happy' or 'if I looked like x I would be happy' but really, we need to just be.
You can't change the world, just accept it. But you CAN change your world. Hate your job? Change it. Hate where you live? Move. There is always another option and sometimes figuring out the problems that life throws at you gives you a greater sense of happiness than the struggle and exhaustion of trying to achieve some unattainable ultimate happiness/ dream.
From my experience, it's those with the most stripped back simple lives who appear the most content.
I hope you find a way through this OP, there's so much to enjoy about life and you only get one go at it. Don't waste it.