How are you?

[MUMINAMILLION]

Anytime I am asked this question, I immediately pin a smile on my face and say "Fine!". I dont want to scare people by how I really feel.

Anyway, I DO want to know how you all are today, so if you are not fine, then please say. But if you are - please say that too!!

I really am fine today. Am looking forward to the watford meet-up tonight (no kids- hooorah!). I have been a bit panicky for the last week wondering if I was bordering on a depression again as the nights are drawing in and winter really gets too me. But I think I was just generally feeling down as opposed to a depression down IYKWIM. Am still taking tablets and intend doing so at least until spring.

How is your book reading going ?

I do that too MUMINAMILLION

I am o.k today. Feeling good about my desicion not to return to college as i know it was the wrong time for me.

Have a rotton cold though .

Anyway, honestly, how are you MUMINAMILION ???

Hate to put a dampener on this but I am feeling really low today. I think I may have just had a panic attack for no good reason which really makes me feel as though I am losing it. Hope you are feeling good today Muminamillion.

Sorry to hear that Lonelymum. Was there anything that triggered it?

I feel not too bad today, thanks. It is a beautiful day here, and that always lifts my spirits a bit.

Was telling Moniker that I had a really up/down day on Tuesday. One min feeling fine, then something would make me really miserable. Yest was ok until the troll appeared, and couldnt sleep.

The book is really interesting. Im reading a chapter at the moment about how depression really comes down to self-pity in some form or another. I suppose that is true really, and I do feel that depression makes me feel very selfish, I dont feel able to think about anyone else because of how bad I feel. Not got to the bit yet about what to do about it but hopefully that will be coming up soon. I think I have worked out what causes my depression though, and when Ive got some time, and you want to hear, Ill tell you. (Also once Ive got it clear in my own head!!)

Glad you are feeling fine today Nutty and Kayleigh. Did you read my funnies yesterday?

Hi LM, sorry you are not having a good day.

Have you ever tried the no panic website -
www.nopanic.org.uk/menu.htm that has some brilliant self help info about panic attacks, and this web site has a great self-help program about panic attacks - www.panic-attacks.co.uk/index.htm.

having a reasonable day (I hope!!!) but am quite cross at my best friend's insensitivity - she has come back from holiday in the US, and one of her gifts was "obsessive compulsive body detergent" some sort of joke FFS product - the instructions for use say "slip into the tub or shower and select the amount of soap based on how obsessivre you feel! Apply detergent to entire body & lather vigorously. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat."

Not very funny when you are recovering - nearly there thank heaven from a nasty episode of OCD/compulsive hand washing! '

think I will tell her that she is becoming like her MIL

MTS, I suppose she thought you might see the funny side. But I'm with you, don't think I'd be happy to receive a present of "joke" happy pills.

I know she didn't "deliberately" do that to hurt me, but you don't want your best friend to hurt you by crass insensitivity. oh well, must stop whingeing

MTS - gosh that is SO insensitive! I don't know how you stopped yourself from throwing it back in her face! But then, that is how depression takes me: makes me feel really aggressive. I have boiled over so many times this week, I really couldn't count them all. I don't know what sparked my panic attack - I was putting out some clothes at my local nearly new sale. I was going to look for some new stuff for my kids when I suddenly came over feeling sick and suffocating and had to get out. I came home. I know I am feeling bad because I normally look forward to nearly new sales for days and always enjoy getting good bargains (we can't afford to clothe our children in new clothes so the sales are a lifeline for us) but here I am, missing the sale and I couldn't care less. TBH, I am fed up of dressing my kids in other people's hand-me-downs and of them never having nice matching outfits. It has made me feel so miserable, just to add to the immense stress I feel right now.
Sorry to moan on. I never knew there was a new topic specially for me! (Feeling low).

MTS - how insensitive. My OCD has nothing to do with hand cleaning but I would be mortified if someone thought my problem was something to joke about.

Feeling really shitty today, I thought my ads were starting to help me but today I feel so low, can't stop crying. Sorry to bend your ears about it, I don't want to moan on too much but I've got no-one to talk to about it as no-one apart from dh knows about my depression. Like many others I'm very good at hiding it.

I'm having suicidal thoughts too, which scare me so much. I don't think I've got the bottle to do anything about it but even just having these thoughts is scary. Sorry to bang on, I'll go away now.

TraceyP, what are you taking, what dose, and how long for?

Citalopram, 20mg, been on them for about 6 weeks.

I feel crap today! Ds fell out of his buggy had wriggled out of the straps straight onto his face, poor darling he is ok now though just a bit bruised. All the mums at dd's school just looked horrified and glam! Which brings me on to my next point feel fat and ugly went to gymbabes and every mum there was v glam while I looked like a windswept weeble! And have to start a run of 4 night shifts tonight and am shattered already. Bet you're really glad you asked

Hi clairabelle - isn't it a good thing that babies bounce?! I could never see any point in being glam at Gymbabes/TT, too much running around and getting sweaty for that. Seeing the other kids in Vaubertdet and OshKosh used to amuse me as well, particularly as all they do is crawl around picking up much from the floor.

Sorry - meant picking up muck

It's when do they find the time to get glam , my house is chaos on a morning, lucky if everyone gets out of thhe door in clean clothes let alone anything else. All though ahve to say dd ds and dh always look gorgeous

clairabelle, I know exactly what you mean. We were ready this morning right on time. Was congratulating myself all the way to the childminders. Then got on train and realised I had no make-up on. Usually put it on while boys eat breakfast but today I was refereeing more than usual and just didn't do it.

Luckily I keep a couple of make-up things at work so managed to do something when I got in. Bet I scared a few people on the train though

hmm traceyp - 6 weeks is sort of a middling time -long enough for them to have started working, but not long enough for you to feel loads better - think it probably takes a good 3 months at least to make huge inroads. Could just be a bad day, but if not, do you have any plans for you to increase the dose anyway? 20 mg doesn't sound like a very high dose, and doses tend to need to be higher for OCD than for plain depression. are you doing any sort of CBT for the OCD? that can be very helpful as well. i can give you loads of book recommendations on the OCD.

To be honest, MTS, the doctor doesn't know about the OCD because I was too ashamed to say anything. Even my husband doesn't know . The Cipramil is just for the depression. I had been feeling a bit better but the last couple of days have been horrible, I was in clairabelle's "bar" last night joking about buckets of gin, thinking that if I really did have any in the house I would have downed a bottle and all my tablets with it. I hope it's just a bad patch. I can't even go back and see my doctor yet, he's on holiday so I'll just have to muddle through. I managed for 3 years without treatment, I'll get through this [weak smile]

but you shouldn't have to just get through this TraceyP, you deserve better. The ADs should help with the OCD as well as the depression, but it probably would help you to tell the GP as well, I am afraid. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can be very useful in addition to ADs for OCD, and there is a lot of self-help behavioural stuff you can do as well to help - and even if your OCD is more thoughts based than ritual based, there is still plenty of good info out there on how to help it. If you don't feel ready to talk to your GP etc, then sometimes it can help just reading useful books/websites about OCD - just knowing you are not alone and not going mad, and are not a bad person can help you get your head round things so much. There is a really good US website - think its www.ocfoundation.org, and also the no panic website which I mentioned earlier in thread.

I feel so stupid telling anyone about OCD, I've kept it inside for about 9 years (oh, God, is it really that long?) and I guess I feel that as long as it's not interfering with things too much and not apparent on the outside then it's not too bad a problem. I'm sure my GP would be sympathetic about the OCD, he was about the depression, but I feel a bit of a fruitcake as it is, without making it seem as if I really am off my head.

TraceyP, I may be wrong (MTS?) but OCD and depression are related. If you have only told him half the story the treatment he gave you may not be right. If you had a sore throat and sinus pain, you wouldn't just tell him about the sore throat and hope the sinus pain would go away, would you ?

You have nothing to be ashamed about.

I know how you feel Tracey, about how depression is just about OK to admit to, but OCD - now that is a real nutjob disease even on MN i would tend to loosely refer to my probs as anxiety/depression rather than saying OCD. But I think it is almost part of the low self esteem that having these sort of problem brings - that you think that other people with mental health issues are OK, but that you are unacceptable. OCD is far more common than you think - will look up the stats in a bit, so think you just have to sod the shame, and get the help anyway! the difficulty with keeping it all in is that the strain gets to you and you end up predisposed to depression anyway - it;s really common for people not to get help until they start getting depressed with it as well.

Sorry, girls, I didn't want to turn this thread into a string about me. My gorgeous little girl has just come in for a cuddle and asked me why I'm crying and it makes me think I have so much to be happy about yet I feel this way. I feel so shitty for even thinking about suicide when I have this gorgeous little person who thinks I'm the bees knees. I can't do this anymore.

Kayleigh - the medication for OCD is virtually the same as for depression - SSRIs or Anafranil, but a higher dose is often needed for ocd than depression for some reason. CBT is useful in addition to ADs, but nhs waiting lists tend 2 be long. you can fix this up privately tho.

as i understand it, the main link between depression and ocd is that the strains and limitations of the ocd weigh on you, so make you more prone to depression, but that the depression is secondary to the OCD iyswim.

Tracey sorry you are feeling so bad, didn't realise from last night you sounded so chirpy.