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Mental health

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Original poster

How are you?

98 replies

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 10:36

Anytime I am asked this question, I immediately pin a smile on my face and say "Fine!". I dont want to scare people by how I really feel.

Anyway, I DO want to know how you all are today, so if you are not fine, then please say. But if you are - please say that too!!

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TraceyP · 23/09/2004 14:21

Thank you MIAM and everyone else who has been so kind to me today. In my heart of course I know that I need help, I have done for a long time but it's such a scary thing. I know that Citalopram is useful for OCD and I suppose I was hoping that it would help me with that problem without having to own up about it, but of course a GP can't prescribe properly if he doesn't have all the information. I'm not really such a silly mare as I must seem to be today, I know that I can't "cure" this thing on my own and I really do have to be honest with the doctor. I have to see him again in a couple of weeks and just hope that I can find the strength to really be honest with him.

Someone said something about low self-esteem, mine has always been very low and it's something that I know I have to work on. Call me thick but I had never equated it with the depression, and certainly not the OCD.

It has been a relief in a way to "talk" about it today, I realise that I've been a real pain and have completely taken over this thread, for which I apologise. But it has been very helpful in a lot of ways. I feel a little better now than I did this morning (the bottle of gin and tablets aren't seeming such a tempting proposition) and I thank you all for caring enough to talk to me today (and for giving me the kick up the jacksie I so richly deserve). My thanks and love to all of you.

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:24

sorry whats CBT?
do you think its depression i have?

i have always struggled with negative feelings and my moods are a bit up and down normally before this happened, but now it just feels out of control i feel like crying all the time and just feel so sad, i am so scared its going to rub off on the kids and affect them in fact everything scares me at the min

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 14:27

TraceyP, I'm glad today has helped you. If you start a thread just before you go back to the doctor we can give you the encouragement and support you need to tell him.

peachypie, what are you frightened of ? going to the doctor ? side effects ?

moniker · 23/09/2004 14:28

don't be frightened peachypie - ADs can really help. I've had Prozac a few times and it really helped me feel 'normal' again and like I could cope. It sounds like you need some help through this difficult time and ADs may be what you need - is your GP approachable?

And you're not butting in!!

And no-one should feel like their problems are too small or mundane or whatever - we all have diferent things going on in our lives and it's all relative isn't it.

And I'm OK today MIAM thanks! Being busy at work has kept me occupied so far!

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:30

kayleigh - yes, side effects and becoming dependant on them, i hate the feeling of having to rely on something, and what if they didnt work them kind of things, my dads been on them for years and it hasnt given me much inspiration to go on them myself.

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 14:30

peachypie, it sounds very much like it could be depression which wouldn't be suprising if you have gone through a break-up and trying to deal with two young children. I really advise you to see your doctor and tell him/her what you have told us. Write it down if you think you will break down in the surgery. That's what I did.
I have been exactly where you are now regarding feelings. Please get some help.

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 14:33

Peachypie, no, you're not butting in, please don't think that. It does sound to me as if you have depression, do see your doctor, there is help there but you need to ask for it. There is no shame in either asking for help or in taking ads to help you through a difficult time. Take all the support you can find, wherever you can find it.

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 14:35

Peachypie, you said that you were frightened of side effects and becoming dependent on ads. My experience of the side effects was that I had a week of feeling really, really ill but after that no side effects at all. Modern anti-depressants are not addictive so you won't become dependent on them in that way, and as long as you come off them sensibly there shouldn't be a problem.

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 14:39

your dad is a different person, he has different problems, possibly different symptoms and maybe he is on the wrong medication. We are talking about you. If you can be honest with your doctor they will prescribe what is right for you. If it doesn't work you tell them and they will alter the medication. The first time I was on AD's I felt better, but not brilliant. Then I realised I could be on the wrong medication. It was changed to Prozac and that really works for me.
I feel better, am able to cope, and most importantly I don't think my kids are suffering because of my illness.

I don't worry about dependancy, I need them at the moment. When I don't need them any more - and I know that will be soon. I will come off them.

As for side effects. You may get some in the first few days. Or you may not. If they are bad you may need something different. I had very few effects - dry mouth, very slight nausea. But only for a week or so.

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:39

yes i know i need to do something i cant go on like this. it just feels as though its such a big step to take taking ads. i am going away for a week in 1/52 so i think when i get back i will go and see GP.i am hoping going away with kids and dm & df will help me relax a little but i know as soon as i get back i will start feeling over whelmed again.i feel as though i am missing out on enjoying kids at this age. i just want to be happy again.

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 14:45

Sounds like this break couldn't come at a better time. Try and get some "me" time if you can.

You know you could make a doctors appointment now for when you get back. Then if you need it it is already sorted. And if you don't you can cancel.

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:53

the problem is you can only book 1 day in advance at my surgery some new trial booking thing they are trying but i will def ring when i get back.

it seems as though ads have helped a few of you and i could certainly do with the help right now.

someone mentioned low self esteem previously is it a affected by depression do you know, mine has taken a battering recently with exdh and his affairs but looking back its never been great anyway and now although people tell you your great,good mother,lovely, pretty etc it doesnt realy meananything because you just dont believe it because you feel so bad about yourself and how you handling the situation and feelings i hope theyhelp with that.

thank you all for your advice and support.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 14:55

Agree with everyone. You definately sound depressed, and I wouldnt worry about the ADs being addictive. They are so effective these days at low dosages. Its been said before, but if you had severe migraines, you prob would not hesitate to take tablets to help. Depression is no different and the treatments are so effective (as a short term measure). Taking AD's is not really the issue sometimes, just admitting you have depression is more often the problem and now that you have done that, you may find it easier to open up to your doctor. You must let us know how you get on, and have a lovely time away.

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Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 14:59

Peachypie, CBT says that depression is caused by peoples view of themselves (however inaccurate) being much lower than how they feel they should be, along with feeling helpless to do anything about it. So low self esteem is at the very core of depression. That is why some can have terrible things happen to them, and not be depressed whereas others can have relatively little go wrong but feel depressed. It is our own view of ourselves which causes the depression, but that can be changed.

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peachypie · 23/09/2004 15:02

thanks muminamillion for this thread i wouldnt have had the courage to start on myself about how i feel.

peachypie · 23/09/2004 15:04

crossed threads there.
how can it be changed miam?

peachypie · 23/09/2004 15:12

just going to pick up ds from pre-school be back in a bit if you still around to chat thanks.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 15:34

peachypie, sorry was doing a bit of housework then. Isnt it dreadful - I used to fit things around the housework - now I fit the housework round MN!!!

To be honest, I dont know yet how thought patterns can be changed - havent got to that chapter yet!! But am reading as fast as I can so that I can let you know - sorry I cant help right now, but Im confident whatever it is, it is possible. The interesting thing is, the Doctor who developed this latest line of CBT suffered severe depression practically all his life - he lived every day with thoughts of suicide and had to create strategies for not killing himself. He was able to change all that and says he feels he actually has cured his depression. If someone as bad as that can be helped, Im sure many of us can. There is hope!!!!

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peachypie · 23/09/2004 15:48

i know what you mean i thought when ds started pre school i would have time to do housework but i get engrossed on mn and end up not doing quite as much as i planned!!
ohh thats good to hear so there is hope.

what is the book called that your reading if you dont mind me asking?

have you suffered from depression for a long time or is it something that has just been triggered ?

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 15:53

I've suffered with it for 21 years - only just realised that when I started talking about it on here, which was the first time actually! It definately got worse with each pregnancy (have 4 dds) and have been on and off ADs since then.

The book is 'Good Mood - The New Technology of Overcoming Depression' by Julian L Simon. The ISBN no. is 0-8126-9098-2.

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TraceyP · 23/09/2004 15:57

Thanks MIAM, I'll check the book out too. Thanks for starting this thread, btw

peachypie · 23/09/2004 16:07

21 years thats a long time, when did you realise your symptoms were that of depression.

thanks for the name of the book.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 16:17

Only when I had my third child, strangely. That was only 4 yrs ago. Up until then I really believed that everyone felt like me. I thought that everyone woke in the morning wondering how they would feel that day! Some days I would feel wonderful - OTT about everything. But it would take something tiny to make me feel really depressed then I would feel like that for days/weeks until my next manic day. I had a few periods of feeling suicidal, not too often thankfully. Cant believe I thought that was normal, but I suppose it has gone on so long, I couldnt remember it being any other way.

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peachypie · 23/09/2004 16:32

i look at some people sometimes and their moods and attitude is always the same either always laid back or always happy (or seem to be) and i can feel s*t in a morn then really positive in the aft then s*t again by teatime or any other combination!

this sounds weird but i am tons more positive when the sun is shinning and on a cloudy / rainy day i can feel really down and sad even suicidal.

i know i have things to be depressed about now but looking back i have prob been down/sad for no reason sometimes, and i am quite an emotional person so i just put it down to that.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 16:39

Yes, I can be affected by the weather too. It is the extent to which I am up/down, I literally dont know how I am going to be feeling from one minute to the next. The only time I have ever felt just calm is when I am on AD's. I have just gone back on them, so they should kick in in about a week. Until them I just have to ride the emotional rollercoaster (sorry for the cliche!!). Its nice to know that others feel the same and Im not mad - sad at the same time though, that Im not the only one.

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