Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

How are you?

98 replies

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 10:36

Anytime I am asked this question, I immediately pin a smile on my face and say "Fine!". I dont want to scare people by how I really feel.

Anyway, I DO want to know how you all are today, so if you are not fine, then please say. But if you are - please say that too!!

OP posts:

MTS · 23/09/2004 12:23

tracey sorry if i have upset you. dont feel guilty about the suicidal thoughts - thoughts are only thoughts and not deeds. just accept them as part of where you are atm. the condition feeds off anxiety - if u can stop the panic/guilt reaction and overanalysing then that will help a little.

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 12:26

TraceyP, that was the whole reason we asked for this board. So that anyone who needed to could come and talk about themselves, their feelings and problems. And you sound like you need us right now.

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 12:31

TraceyP, don't you think you deserve help and advice? Why shouldn't you have this support?
Sorry to but in, hi everyone. I've been on Citalopram and rate it well.
Tracey, please go back to your doc and tell them how you feel. You're certainly not alone. I was on the Cits for panic disorder but I know you can go up to 40mg. Or else doc may suggest some other tabs? OCD can happen for allsorts of reasons. I know a few mums who have/had it. I agree with having cognitive behavioural therapy. It may unearth things you didn't realise were troubling you? And you can't tackle what you don't know.
mega hugs xxxxx

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 12:40

Thank you everyone, MTS, you haven't upset me but perhaps posting how I felt wasn't a good idea as it's made me feel even worse! If I were posting replies to someone else who felt this way I would be saying exactly the same things in terms of being honest with the doctors and so on. I know it's stupid but I can just hear the doctors laughing at me when I tell them what my OCD is and what it makes me do and I can't cope with that.

The citalopram seems to suit me quite well in other ways, once the initial side effects wore off, and I must admit that I feel quite a lot calmer, I'm probably just having a bad day.

Tuddlepops, thanks for your comments. I do know where the depression comes from (and thank God that I haven't gone the same route as my sister who has turned to the bottle to cope). I think I've been depressed since I was about 12 but it's only been really bad (apart from the OCD) since dd was born nearly 3 and a half years ago. I thought I had got over my demons but obviously the PND or whatever it was has brought them back.

MTS · 23/09/2004 12:45

no man (or woman) or mumsnetter is a mountain, TraceyP. sometimes letting it all out and having a good cry can be quite therapeutic, and better in the long run than keeping it buttoned in. no competent doctor is going to laugh at you anyway - if they did, complain to the GMC about them! have a look at some books and or websites on the web about OCD - you'll find that loads of people will do what you do, no matter how weird you think your phobia might be. if you can afford it, you might be better off looking at CBT on a private patient basis with someone who has plenty of experiencing treating people with OCD - they are likely to know more than a GP anyway

Bunglie · 23/09/2004 12:46

TracyP I wish I could say something constructive, but I can send you a virtual hug and only say that I do understand a 'little bit' how you feel, but hope that you do go back to your doctor when you are ready, hopefully the feelings of support you get from here will help you.
Lots of love, Bunglie

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 12:53

TraceyP, is your doc a good one? I mean is he/she sympathetic normally or do you feel hurried? I have a fantastic doc but have been to some at the practise who frankly I'd be scared to take my guinea pigs to!
Please try to ask for extra help. Life can be so wonderful and you deserve to live it to the full.
Our minds are so powerful and can make us do unusual things when we're overloaded. I don't want to sound like a bully as we've all had those to deal with but It'd be lovely to hear you went back to your doc

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 12:58

I feel really ashamed of myself for crying on your shoulders. I know that it's what this board is for but I feel really bad for wallowing in my own self pity when there are people out there with far worse problems than mine. I'm not really used to having anyone listen to me because I do hide how I'm feeling - I'm the jolly fat person that everyone thinks is always sunny and so I've never really opened up fully to anyone, not even my husband, and that's shameful. And I'm really not sure how to handle it when everyone is so sympathetic and supportive (does that sound as stupid as I think it does?). I've heard of CBT and wondered if it was the right thing for me, but as I think I know where my demons come from I don't know how helpful it would be. I did see a psychiatrist once, not long after dd was born, but she didn't believe in "talking therapies", just medication. (Which I wouldn't take at the time btw because I was breast feeding).

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 13:01

Tuddlepops, my doctor surprised me by how sensitive he was to my depression when I finally went back for help. Normally he just laughs at everything (his response when I became pregnant was to point at my boobs and laugh because "You'll be able to feed the whole nursery with those things") but he's a lot more sympathetic than I thought. He's prepared to spend time with his patients, too. I'm still too ashamed to talk to him about OCD though, I've not been able to in 9 years.

MTS · 23/09/2004 13:03

just a quick post as in a rush - but CBT will be useful to deal with the OCD side of things, then other types of cognitive therapy are useful to deal with the underlying issues - the cognitive side of things looks at evaluating risk/responsibility more accurately, and the behavioural side of things is more mechanical - how to stop having the thoughts etc. Further cognitive therapy can then be useful once you have got the OCD under control in looking at how to work through your past stressful experiences/low self esteem

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 13:06

Mmmmm not sure about the boobs comment but then again maybe that's just me.

Please tell him TraceyP or maybe try a female doc? What about asking if there's a doc who specialises in this? Your surgery may have a website where u can email annonymously?

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 13:10

I have to go back and see him in a couple of weeks to check up on how the Cipramil is going and for a repeat prescription. If I'm really feeling brave I will talk to him but in all honesty it's harder to talk to him about the OCD than about the depression and that was bad enough.

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 13:13

How would you feel about writing a letter to him?

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 13:16

I probably wouldn't post it! And he's so busy he probably wouldn't read it either. I think the hardest thing actually would be telling my dh about it, but if I did he would make sure that I told my doctor. How do you tell your husband that you're a fruitcake!!

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 13:17

You are NOT a fruitcake.

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 13:18

I know, I just feel like one. Sorry.

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 13:38

Ohhhhh where do you live TraceyP, I'm coming round!!!
Don't call yourself that. You sound like a fantastic mum and wife. Your dh sounds lovely too btw.
You know this big act you put on to please others, what makes you think there aren't thousands more out there who do the same? Doctors have heard everything and if he's worth his salt he will read your letter, if not them I'm sorry but I'd go elsewhere. You can take it with you and hand it to him.

Tuddlepops · 23/09/2004 13:40

I have to go offline now but will be back later. Hugs to you TraceyP, hope I haven't been too cheeky

TraceyP · 23/09/2004 13:44

Tuddlepops thank you, but I'm a crap mum and an even crapper wife (and before you say that I'm not, I really am). My dh is usually very patient with me which is perhaps as well - I've been much less irritable since I've been taking the ads but I know I'm still not easy to live with. I know that there are an awful lot of people out there with this problem which is why I feel so guilty about taking up the time of all the lovely people who have beeh talking to me here today.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 14:01

Traceyp - Ive been trying to post a message for ages but my stupid computer keeps crashing! Hope this works.

So so sorry to hear that you are so down. You hide it incredibly well - you have made me laugh an awful lot this last week! And if you were such a terrible wife your dh would have been off long ago. And if you were such a terrible mother, you wouldnt have bothered to even look at MN. But it is because you are such a caring person that you are here, struggling to do the best you can for your family, just like us all.

Please, please go to your doctor. It is the first little step (along with admitting how you feel on here) to getting help and getting better. Your doctor will definately not laugh. He will be completely supportive, because this is a genuine illness you have, he will have seen it many, many times before, and it can be treated. And once you have spoken to him, it may be only a matter of time before you feel able to open up to your dh, which will be such a help to you.

From what I have read about CBT, the more I am convinced it can help you. Definately try to have a look into it for yourself, because as someone else said, realising that other people feel this way is such a relief. The Dr that wrote it says he guarantees this therapy will help, if not cure depression certainly help you manage it. Im trying to read it as quick as I can to give you more info. And dont ever feel bad about posting on here - this is exactly why this topic is here. Use it as much as you feel you can and need to and we will all do the same.

OP posts:

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 14:04

Hey it worked!! Sorry for rambling on so long Traceyp, but been thinking about you all morning, feeling frustrated cos I couldnt contact you.

OP posts:

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:10

feel like im cutting in here, but seeing as you asked muminamillion.

i am not to good, actually i am at lowest and i cant see anyway out.

having real trouble coming to terms with a separation from my exdh and all the floods of feelings that come with that. i have no or little patience with my gorgeous ds3.4 & dd0.5.and am feeling so aggresive all the time and am snapping so easily i frighten myself, i am ashamed to admit it but these last few days i really feel like just running away from it all.

i have always said no to ads but they are certainly becoming more of an option cos i really dont know what to do with myself i am not ME at the moment.

Kayleigh · 23/09/2004 14:14

peachypie, why do you not want to take AD's? You sound like you need them. For your sake and for your children.

peachypie · 23/09/2004 14:17

im frightend i suppose.

Original poster

MUMINAMILLION · 23/09/2004 14:18

peachypie. I feel the same - really irritated with girls, and then feel terrible afterwards. Its a vicious circle but I dont seem to be able to help it.

I felt the same about ADs. I have been on and off them for years, and am back on them again. I decided I had to go back on, because it is just not fair for me to put the whole family through misery just because of how low I am. Ive said before that I have worried that somehow the ADs make me feel unreal feelings, not my own feelings, if that makes sense. But I know that I cope much better when I am on them, and as a temp measure they really help. If you have been feeling this way for a while, I would advise you to see your doctor and poss consider ADs to get you over this bad period, and at the same time look at CBT as a way of managing your depression better, or getting rid of it once and for all.

And dont worry about cutting in - thats what this is here for!!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4