Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

[back rub]
Ooh has he seen the film with John Malkovitch in it? Once he's got through the book he should see it, it's an excellent adaptation. Curly is mean, Lenny is Lenny, cannot remember who plays Curly's wife but she is tres femme fatale. It made me cry what doesn't

The Great Depression was very real hence the increase of itinerant workers as there were fewer permanent jobs around.
But I suspect that's not what he means.
The background of the novel is very important though so he could look up the causes (Stock Market Crash 1929) if he likes history.

Is he talking about what's real because of Lenny's brother telling him to imagine their future farm (something like that, it's been a while for me). It's one of the more poignant parts isn't it? Where he 'craftily' gets Lenny to tell him about the rabbits for the umpteenth time. (I feel for his brother having had to read the same bedtime story over and over ).

rage he means how do we determine what's real generally.do we see things the same,does grass smell same to different people etc

I LOVE the John malkovich version nothinv to do with slight crush in younger years he plays Lenny so well and I cry at it too!think it maybe on Netflix do might give it a whirl in e we have finished reading the book!
I googled school work related to the book and in u.s they study difference in conditions working on farms then to now,the dust bowl,and great depression so we shall work through that a bit too

Ah. That's a profound conversation. It's similar to the one I had with DH last year about whether we see the same colours or not. Just because he can point to something he identifies as purple doesn't mean it's the same purple I see, we just learned the word purple for it. Iyswim.
www.livescience.com/21275-color-red-blue-scientists.html
My son's tastebuds are clearly different to mine as he is so young and his sense of smell is also much much stronger. I always say he has a nose like a dog.
As for your former crush on JM it was out of your control
He has beautiful eyes.
Here he is reprising Valmont whilst Hugh Laurie reprises George.

Oooh John Malkovich....yes I crushed on him too when I saw him years ago in Dangerous Liaisons.

Zoo ds1 studied the Great Depression last year with emphasis on precisely what you mentioned (dust bowl etc).

Nice to read everyone's updates. My days continue to be a combination of ups and downs, and oftentimes it's 1steps username that most accurately describes our family! Still, one foot in front of the other....

Nice to see you rage

Rage he loved the how do we see colours link.i was rather happy with the link for my benefit

Sent of the paperwork council sent for acceptance of application for EHCP agreeing to professionals sharing info etc,only documentation I have is letters from camhs but was interesting the one O.T gave school(hadn't noticed before) included whilst he wasn't fit to attend was hopeful for work at home in the interim.maybe there will be something said to school by LEA?(although tbh it has loads other problems.heads just resigned and there's been influx of new rules you might think Gestapo were taking over...a fruend children spent all day in isolation on Tuesday for wearing black ankle socks with trousers as apparently they should be longer(but not over the knee) they've been wearing said style for 3years and no problem and it says nothing on website uniform policy.but then they're putting kids in isolation for asking for a pen as theirs have run out,wanting to go toilet in lessons,and not waiting to be told they may sit/stand at beginning /end of lessons(all new rules)
Sometimes karma sorts things by itself....

Rage, I hope you've had another good week and the honeymoon period hasn't ended just yet.

Viking, this username literally describes how I feel a lot of the time. There's always something. It's like wading through treacle. One day at a time. I hope you are looking after yourself.

Zoo, DDs went to a fairly strict school. Lots of pupils with SEND liked the structure of routine and always knowing what was expected, not differing rules depending on what teacher you had and what mood they were in. However, I can see for some it doesn't work.

How is DS getting on with OMAM? It takes me back to when DDs were in secondary school. I remember one of the themes of the book they studied linked to the American Dream and the Great Depression was dreams.

This week has been hard. DS1 has been in hospital, he is always more anxious there. I left him with a member of staff while I looked round a SEMH resource base which he got himself in a state over. I can't see the resource provision working - the unit itself was brilliant, but I don't think DS would be able to access mainstream there. DS2&3 have gone climbing with DH and I am planning a quiet afternoon with DS1 with lots of .

one-step poor dd1.is this ongoing treatment or something new?enjoy some quiet time between the storms,and cake us always welcome!!
It was my birthday on Tuesday so there's been quite a bit if that around lately!!
DS likes routine but it goes beyond strict it's really bordering ridiculous.im a for rules but they need to be balanced with common sense and respect.i see no respect for anything anymore there,the teachers look worn and fed up...
I've struggled to push forward with trying to school him on something,need buck up my ideas this week.its so easy to drift along achieving nothing on that front

Viking autumn is upon us,a walk thru a park today saw some gorgeous coloured leaves and satisfying crunchy leaves.if I get a chance will get some photos in the coming week as it's a glorious view

Been unusual day today.ds has been increasingly rely on his phone or Ds for distraction and it filters down to little sister just play on tablet constant,breaking rules about charging down stairs at night etc
I took all devices til Monday,only D's allowed his phone during evening routine(he uses it to watch BBC scenic stuff and for audio books)
Some initial resistance but I got out some games and this afternoon has been old school childhood.youngest and D's have played chess and connect four and romp in garden playing with a ball and a camera taking pics of the birds.theres been chat,laughter and it's warmed my heart.devices make my tribe surly,impatient and definitely bring out the worst in them!I think I shall try to ensure at least a few hours a weekend going forward are like this, preferably a day where possible(and practically that may not be often) but I'm hoping the interaction will be good for us all(dd2 is exempt as studying in laptop between chat friends online who.livd around the world on fan chats as she hasn't got a good social circle and j realise she needs that interaction amongst all the study stress.however I'm hopeful watch us play games will encourage her to unplug for a little while going forward)

Hope everyone else is doing ok this weekend

Happy belated birthday zoo. Your day sounds lovely.

We love board games. I think they teach a lot of skills without DC realising - being a gracious winner/loser, patience, communication, problem solving/logic/strategy, concentration, collaboration...

I'm with you on devices. We limit iPad and games consoles time, DS1&3 can self regulate but DS2 would spend too long on the Xbox for my liking. He recently asked for a phone and Xbox live because "everyone has them." No way, too young, too immature.

Working through some of the easier parts of DD2's revision guides might give you some structure, or see if your library have KS3 guides.

The admission was for a chronic condition. We got his scan and EEG done while he was there though, saves going back for other appointments. EEG normal so the movements are anxiety like we thought.

Happy belated birthday zoo ! I hope you were able to have a special day.
It's such a pretty time of year - I can't believe it's already been a year since you first posted your lovely nature pics. It's gotten chilly here quickly.
Dress code does sound severe indeed. Granted I only have knowledge of public schools without uniforms. School board incidentally released new lack of rules. It's pretty much anything goes although "nipples, buttocks, and groin areas" must be covered with an 'opaque material'.

Wishing everyone a good weekend.

Reminds me of a saying my eldest dd uses Viking(she's 24)"as long as you can't see up it,under it or through it it's grand!

Hi everyone
Happy belated birthday zoo.

Ups and downs here. We have had some friend challenges needing teacher intervention :( dd has decided it is easier to go to library alone at lunch every day and is less stressed for it. Good in the short term but i worry for her in the longer term though.

I have asked school if now is the time for senco involvement as it is clear the asd and not the anxiety is causing the social issues, so I have requested a meeting. Up until now they have been very reactive and supportive but this email seems to have gone unanswered. Going to give it a few days and see what happens.

anne I've been thinking of you but didn't pm you in hope things were going well
Fingers X school has just been a little crazy and they will contact you shortly
I will be emailing school again Monday,it's been over two weeks since they promised to collaborate together at least topics from D's teachers.ive heard nothing since...

Help everyone

I hope it’s ok for me to join this thread. I’ve been lurking and reading through it for a little while. I’m so very sorry to read about all your lovely DCs and their struggles with anxiety.

I hope it’s ok to ask but I wondered if anyone had any advice, things they have discovered that are helpful that they could share. My DS is 7 - suspected ADHD which causes difficulties in and of itself, particularly with school and low self esteem, but he is also a very anxious child ( as with ASD anxiety is nearly always co-morbid with ADHD). He see an Ed psychologist who thinks it may also be worth reassessing for ASD when older as he has some traits indicative.

His anxiety has always been there but increased significantly ( understandably!) when he was year 1 - he moved schools and that Xmas my ex husband decided to leave. If I have to hear well meaning advice that ‘children are resilient’ one more time ....

I’d say at the moment his anxiety is manageable but definitely impacts all our lives ( have a younger DS) - things like limits child care I can use, couldn’t leave him with a babysitter, worries about sports he goes to eventhough he enjoys them when there, scared of the dark. Also a lot of his outburst are triggered by anxiety about things I sometimes don’t even realise. Is a perfectionist ...

Anyway sorry that was really long! What I’m hoping is that there may be some things I could do know that might make a difference? Because he is still quite young? I don’t know maybe this is wishful thinking. I myself suffer from anxiety though and my I now can see my mother and sister both have quite severe anxiety so I know how difficult it can make life.

Anyway if there is anything people have found that held at all I’d be really grateful to know.

Many thanks

Welcome bigmouse
If you have been lurking a while you may already know,but I will say it again anyways

There is no judgements here,we are a friendly bunch who understand how exhausting it can be handling the needs of an anxious child.post once to dump it and never return,or hang with us regularly and share bad days we don't mind.we also love to hear of little baby steps/triumphs,esp the type that matter to you and your child but others see as so"normal/basic" they can't understand why we want to shout out about it!

As a mum we all want to make it better,being anxious yourself you know it's important to listen.theres nothing worse than a "don't be silly it's only X,y,z" when you are frightened.sonetimes helping describe emotions helped my girls when they were younger" it's the big spiders legs that make you feel so upset because how long and hairy they are" "I can see you are crying right now,you must feel very sad that X happened" it opens doors for them to want to talk(or not) and to have reassurance and cuddles.if he's good at explaining what the problem us perhaps a worry doll or box he can write his worries in and put inside to talk with at a given time only?
Have you had contact with CAMHS?
Sometimes there are no direct reasons and in those situations learning to relax is so important.my youngest got a lot from relax kids groups(not sure that would work if ADHD with hyper element),otherwise there are many breathing exercises, etc that can help if he becomes full panic attack frightened

I think I've mentioned some of the tactics we use with D's for calming(being tested for ASD).these include breathing exercises,colouring,audio books,watch relaxing scenic stuff(like video of ocean/savannahs etc with sounds)

Anne unstructured time can be difficult for those who find social skills difficult. I hope it is a blip and the school reply soon.

Do the school have anywhere other than the library DD could go? Some of the schools I have looked at for DS2&3 have a room staffed by learning support or pastoral staff. It is a place to get away for the hustle and bustle of the rest of the school, but also a place to develop social skills with staff support. Or are there any extra curricular clubs she could go to?

Welcome Big. You won't hear "children are resilient" or "it will get better" from me, they are two phrases I loath. Some of the things that have helped here are visual timetables, now and next boards, a strict routine, ear defenders/noise cancelling headphones, emotions cards. For a while I kept a detailed diary to spot triggers.

Has your DS had ELSA input? This is a big one for us, how can DS tell you how he feels if he doesn't know a) what he feels and b) what each emotion is. OT and SALT are other big ones.

A worry book, social stories and role play haven't helped us, but you may find them useful.

I second CAMHS if not already under them. Also, do the school run a rainbows intervention group?

Zoo pressure the LAs well, it is them that is responsible for providing him an education.

DS1 has been grumpy and anxious all day, the smallest thing set him off.

one-step I hope you got some sleep and D's is a little less fractious today
I was very matter of fact in my initial letter to LEA about D's basically being offered no schoolwork of consequence in last 12 months despite both mine and O.T requests.hopeful that might spur SOMETHING.....

Zoo, a complaint letter to your LA's Director of Children's Services may help.

Big, another thought is do your contact arrangements need adjusting? Do they make DS1 more anxious?

A mixed day here so far. DS1 wasn't happy at having to drop DS2&3 at school - if only I could split myself in two, but worked well with the tutor and has finished a jigsaw of the world map we have been doing.

Stilliving and onestep many thanks for your replies.

onestep the contact is a very good point. It was extremely difficult at first for DS to go and stay at his dads flat ( he lives there with his partner who he had an affair with). This has got better but DS still finds having to go there difficult. As a result his dad comes to the house twice a week for bath and bed and I’ve had to start slowing him to see him even on the weekends the DC are with me. It’s better for DS but have to be honest not great for me - very hard for me to move forward, keep my boundaries in place.

He sees an Ed psych privately and I also now pay for an OT to go into school once a week to work with him - so he is learning to articulate and express his emotions.

School aren’t great if I’m honest - make positive noises but nothing happens in practice and certainly don’t have areas etc or anything for anxious children. He now has a SEN plan. Part of the difficulty though is where he can go to when the classroom becomes overwhelming/ he becomes disregulated. He gets anxious on his own so becomes very upset when sent to calm down by himself in the corridor ( whereas if it is to sit with someone it works well).

I need to get more disciplined about doing planners etc again I think. And also rediscover my patience. I feel a bit defeated by it all at the moment if I’m honest. Sorry for the moan!

We never apologise for moaning bigmouse
I too have laxed on the routines and it shows.some days it just seems easier to not fight over having a shower but I should know better as long term it means more fights!!
Been IKEA today and got few bits for D's room and start thinking about furniture
He's happy new cactus plants,fluffy rug and cushions plus a 3pk succulent prints now in frames

Big, don't apologise! Baby steps, one thing at a time.

How shitty of ex. Staying with him and OW could be too quick for a child with SN, and him coming to you may be confusing. Taking a few steps back may help. Ex can take them out or back to his but without OW present and build it from there.

Have you applied for an EHCP? Can the school not find somewhere quieter for DS to go to when the classroom is too overwhelming? Rainbows is a group lots of schools run for pupils who have gone through upheaval (bereavement, divorce etc.), all my DS' have had this intervention, and while DS1 couldn't engage properly it did help DS2&3.

If you haven't already, apply for DLA.

We have a really strict routine. It has to be this way otherwise it would be chaos, and we would have to get up even earlier and DC would be later to bed.

Zoo, your DS is doing well with going out recently. Do you think the OT sessions are starting to make a noticeable difference.

Popping in to hug you all. We are still managing although DS got told off for kicking the floor while instructions were being relayed in P.E. my daughter says he was shouting out when she went into his classroom but I am being told he's not a problem so I am taking them at their word and hoping he can cope and in fairness, hoping they can cope.
I have had some of the excess from when both have been actively 'good' all day but I remind myself how tough it must be and how tough they are being/how well they are holding up in the circumstances.
Both of them are also knackered and we still have 3 weeks to go. Oldest is missing her Dad and very emotional (totally understandable) and I am juggling those plates whilst also utterly knackered.
I had said I would not look for work until January but a) two jobs have come up I could apply for and b) I need the money.
We shall see. I don't know whether to mention I am a lone parent or have kids in interviews should I get an interview. Is that kind of honesty the kiss of death? But I need to explain the 18 month gap in my CV (I had to leave my job to take care of my son).
Lots still to sort and much to think about. But it has only been 6 weeks so I am going to cut myself some bloody slack and eat more !
DS is not eating much at school which does not surprise me and I should do packed lunches. His meals are free atm but that won't help if there is nothing he likes. Ideally I would ask school to let me give him a sandwich/'back up' and he has at least dessert/fruit in the canteen but they split the kids into packed/school dinners as you'd expect.
I was hoping he might eat to fit in but he is very sure of what he likes and doesn't. He also refuses to eat British hummus, potatoes, crisps, chips, fish and isn't happy with the bread either. He has also given up on baked beans.I am fucked if Brexit does happen and there are shortages.. He will have to live on tomato soup and cereal. But I could not get soup online today so anxiety is rising a bit. I am trying to stay calm but noticed some empty shelves last week and did wonder if I am the only one with a pisspoor meagre Brexit stash.
I am going to see what I can get hold of tomorrow. As my son is only eating apples, eggs and fresh sausages atm I am not sure how to stash. I can get him to eat tomato soup, fishfingers and cereal but little else that is longlife. He is even being funny about plain pasta with dolmio right now. I think I will try and bulkbuy some soup and fishfingers and hope for a Brexit extension.
It isn't as easy as If he is hungry he will eat anything as he will simply refuse and would rather starve himself instead.
Have as good a week as you all can XX

You definitely deserve . It's a big change for you all. If your school run rainbows it may help both of yours too.

If it was me I wouldn't mention that you are a lone parent or your DS' needs. To explain the gap I would suggest 'caring responsibilities'. If you post on the employment section I'm sure posters more knowledgeable than me will give you their opinions.

Somewhere like CAB will be able to tell you when you can apply for different benefits which might ease the financial burden.

Ask the SENCO about your ideal lunchtime plan. It wouldn't be difficult for them to make a reasonable adjustment.

It isn't as easy as If he is hungry he will eat anything as he will simply refuse and would rather starve himself instead.
^^
This is DS1&3. Unfortunately they need a high calorie diet that is high in fat and protein. We use the magic plate with them and they eat more this way. They have top up tube feeds though which relieves some of the pressure when they don't eat much.

I have a food stash, but we've always had one for hospital stays and poor weather. I am more worried about medication. DS' are on a lot. I have tried to get a bit in front, but for some of them it's not possible.

DS1 is awake stressing about everything. I am exhausted while DH is fast asleep.

1step I keep fingers crossed for you wrt meds. I was lucky to bring back a couple of inhalers for my asthma. It is a big concern for so many. Sorry you are awake while your DH is snoring! I am awake researching some stuff for my eldest as she has two tests tomorrow and needs some help with a different assignment. Roll on Friday!