Thread for those with adult ADHD or who think they might have ADHD

[Borntobedifferent]

So I've put this into mental health as although it isn't really a mental health issue it tends to be discovered (in adults) when there is other mental health issues.

I've written a few times elsewhere on here about my ADHD but thought it might be nice to have an ongoing thread.

All that i ask is that we focus on adult ADHD as I'm sure there is other threads for those with children with ADHD.

I am nearly a year diagnosed now (I'm 37) and am on Elvanse 40mg and amfexa 5mg first thing in the morning.

I am so on 200mg sertraline and diazepam as by the time I was diagnosed I was just totally broken.

I have a therapist and today I started with an ADHD coach, I have to learn to accept my past and to embrace the positives of ADHD but it's not an easy thing to do.

the article at the beginning of this thread is the decent one, thanks BornToBeDifferent - I found it hard to find a good and concise one for my family/DH to read.

Working memory atrocious. It is like computer with great storage but shite RAM. Can you blame though when you have several intense .exe all open at once and nothing ends up working 'Wait. Where was I at??' :))

Agentcooper I didn't want them to speak to my DM as she has a habit of reinventing the past. I asked a friend who has known me since I was 4 and she said she didn't agree I had any of the symptoms, so I took DH, who has known me since 18.

I was always really good as a child and would never have been described as hyperactive. I actually did really well at primary, but like so many of you didn't live up to my potential. At 11 years old I was predicted 10 decent O levels, but left school at 16 with 5 mediocre ones.

3 of my DC have been dx with ADHD and/or ASD and dyspraxia and dyslexia, so I had wondered if I had it as well. I'm definitely not dyslexic. Got the dx 2 years ago. It really explains a lot.

Roomba, this I am not a 'self starter' at all - I can work at a high level but need to be told exactly what's expected of me and there needs to be routine and rules or I just stall! is me. I can be really good at a task but I have to be told exactly how to do it first. I am totally lacking in any sort of initiative.

Ditto on self-starting and showing initiative (my own ideas rarely executed - see: getting off lazy arse problem) - but okay with carrying out tasks when told and applying big effort to please (as long as it does not involve too much sustained rubbing brain cells together)

I’m another one who looks back at my time at university (undergrad anyway) and shudders. I was just so.... lost for 3 years.

And now I’m a SAHM and I actually avoid contact with people I was at school and college with because I’m ashamed of my wasted potential. A couple of them got in touch after my dad died last year, and after the initial messaging of them offering condolences and me thanking them, and thinking “how nice to talk to so-and-so again” came the inevitable question of “what are you up to these days?” And I couldn’t bring myself to reply Urgh!

Mrsfrumble

THIS !!

I am the same. It was ok when I was off being impulsive and travelling the world but now I am so ashamed of my life

Also if you did behave at school and wasn't naughty think about why and how this links to adhd.

First of all I was very chatty but this is seen as ok in young girls and nothing more of oh yes she has a lot to say rather than negative.

At school I was also very anxious, I hate the thought of being in trouble and so this was my pull to conform in class. ADHD ers always need a big pull for motivation and that can be something or it can be a fear of consequences.

The structure and variety of school life suited me. I volunteered for everything.

I sat with different people every day for lunch, my friends called me a crowd surfer as I was always wanting to chat to other people and make them laugh and be the centre.

I was so loved at home and life at home was very structured as I'm one of 5 and j always just had so much to say and loved learning it would be difficult to see now let alone in the 80s!

I can't get my initial link to let me read the article anymore.

This is a PDF that was in a magazine for GPs.
Practical implementation tips: ADHD in adults - ...
PDF

www.networks.nhs.uk › documents

The most interesting part once again is how adults and especially women present to the GP. It's never with a tick list of ADHD symptoms as very few understand even what they are !

Its that lack of achievement, lack of feeling like an adult. I am 37 and my life looks like a 21 yr old which is fine if I wanted that but I would at least like parts of my life to be that of a 37 year old 😁

Being SAHM is nothing to be ashamed of. I have friends with PhD and even academics turned SAHMs. Unfortunately some jobs and parenting just don't mix well.

I got diagnosis on NHS despite ZERO obvious presentation in childhood. Unless emotional overreactions count. They interviewed my mum over phone too. They didn't see school reports (I didn't grow up here in UK). I was star pupil who thrived on structure and surrounded by loving family. University was when I started to fall apart despite really wanting to do well. That was one of the clearest indications to ADHD psychiatrist.

Even book 'Women with ADD' by Sari Holden - is clear on this. I bought it in 2008 after suspecting ADHD and was like 'yesss!' (not hyperactive, fidgety and interrupt people all time) Finally got my lazy procrastinating arse off to GP in 2012 only to be laughed out of the office 'what? adult ADHD isn't possible, you must be depressed'. Tried different GP again in 2018, armed with leaflets and she listened :)

Is there anyone here who has been on treatment long term?

Need to read and catch up but basically help!

Got the forms through last night - firstly I started to try completing it at 10pm. Not good. Then I got frustrated - the questions are so direct, felt defensive, like a failure, do I even have this, also can't be arsed to explain my lack of attention to detail! Worry that if I don't give enough examples it's too vague...STRESS. I just know how I feel and what I know.

Called DM this AM to see if she could help - initially she was understanding, than spoke again and read her some of the questions. Predictably, her response was but you've always done what you wanted. I said yes that's the achievement you see, but not the steps to get there, that's the disaster -the organising. She thinks I'm doing this because I hate my job and working situation. The latter IS true but I have had this stuff all my life. The whole conversation upset me. She implied I'd use the diagnosis to give up work so I corrected that. She said she'd do it so I sent her the forms.

DP called (unrelatedly) (unless DM called him to express worry...) and I was crying by that point. He said he'd do the forms as well. He said I tend to overthink things. So now they are both doing them but I'm not even sure if that's the right thing.

I have another friend who has known me since 11. Now she is super organised but has severe dyslexia, so she'd be great to fill them in but I'd have to do it over the phone.

I should probably have booked the assessment for later (it's the 3rd) but I want to get it sorted.

Reasons I want to know - diagnosis = appropriate therapy, stop 'trying to fix myself', meds might help, can do a plan to understand how it impacts my work, relief.

If I don't 'have it' plan is to seek long term therapy, support, books, strategies anyway as I can't go on like this.

Sorry for the rant, feel slightly better now.

To make things worse, I upgraded my phone about a year ago. I thought I'd get a snazzy new one on the basis it would last a while.

I bought a case for it and when it arrived I thought it was smoother than I wanted but I couldn't be bothered to send it back / cost of a new one. I thought I'd make do.

A few weeks later the phone slipped out of my hand and cracked the screen. I spent some time looking up where I could get this fixed without costing a fortune. I found one place it seemed would do it for a reasonable price. Called n/a, emailed using the contact form (does anyone else hate using these) to ask if I could post it to them and never heard back.

The phone was useable so I carried on a few months thinking that I'd need to research or follow up next time I have some time off and do some organising (well that hasn't happened).

At the weekend the phone stopped working completely so I've had to buy a cheap replacement (not that cheap as I got a smart phone to make sure the sim would fit).

However all my bank pin numbers were saved on an app on the phone. I know this app is backed up on google. for which I've lost the passwords.

I've had to set up the phone, reset two gmail accounts, download and sync the app twice to get the right account, to get what I think might be the right pin numbers.

If I wasn't taking anti depressants I would be having one of my 'I'm so frustrated why am I like this' moments.

I have emailed a couple of coaches this morning as well.

I think you have to fill this kind of form in with how you are on your worst days and not your better days. I mean be realistic but always err on the side of your problems. If you never have a problem don't say you do, but if it's a choice between whether you 'sometimes do something' or 'often do it' choose often.
The thing is as they say it's a curve and many people have mild symptoms such as being forgetful. They only decide it's a disorder if it is happening enough to cause you significant harm compared to an average person. But that means you need to advocate for yourself and show how these symptoms are causing you harm. If you weren't having problems you wouldn't even be looking for a solution. So try to write down some of the problems you are having and challenges you are facing. This might make you feel more confident in asking for help.

It is quite mean of ADHD clinic to make patients to write brief essays, like doing dreaded homework and being the dreaded project manager getting others to do it :) Some clinics use research assistants for assessment interviews to help and guide patients through the answers and prepare the reports for psychiatrist.

Who is your appointment with - clinical assistant or actual psychiatrist?

The main focus will be present you and your ongoing repeating pattern of struggles and experienced psychiatrists know parents won't know everything about your mind or executive function abilities, but some information may be useful to disentangle adhd from other mental conditions which can manifest similar symptoms - like trauma, for example.

Good luck.

Thanks both, some good things to think about there. It's with a psychiatrist with ADHD specialism. On the positive side I've also sought some support with my mental health through work today.

This has been really helpful to help me see where my problems may lie.

Joining the thread as I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last month. I am taking Concerta 36mg but only on days I have stuff to achieve.

I suspect long term I will use it just for work and at the moment I am still supporting DS at home who has ASD and ADHD.

However I can already see that it will be helpful on working days as I am definitely more attentive and less distracted when I take it. I will be returning to work as a nurse so it’s important I am able to focus.

I have to see someone privately as our area doesn’t have an assessment process and it’s difficult to get a referral to somewhere which does.

It was less than £500 as the consultant psychiatrist I saw is employed by the NHS by day and when he discovered I was a nurse he docked 10% off the fee. It included the assessment and also a Qb test which was fascinating to do and the outcome shows marked deficits in attention, impulsivity and movement. I was amazed as I thought I had done quite well

Qb test sounds fun :)

I did ask Dr how to tell if drugs help or not. He told me something about typical to-do list at work and see how fast I can accomplish them. Vague still but one thing to start off with. I'm still too buzzing from lovely holiday and work was full of emergencies this week which I thrive on more than being left to my own devices with large project and lazy deadline. Early to tell if it's like being inserted with Duracell battery :)

What was biggest positive difference that medication made to you?

After losing almost all hope in ever getting anywhere with my life, I paid a private ADHD specialist to assess me for the condition. I got an 'outcome letter' today, stating that I have significant difficulties consistent with ADHD, but that my adult collateral forms all corroborate different parts of the condition. Therefore none of them meet the threshold for a formal diagnosis. He suggested I try some coaching.

My friend can see I'm very distractible, lack focus and don't listen when spoken to. My boss says I can't sit still, disturb people, talk too much and 'tune out'. My mother would corroborate both, but she has Bipolar disorder, ADHD and autism so isn't the best at filling in forms. I have no childhood report cards or records.

I no longer know what to do. I suspect my psychiatrist sees me as potentially trying to nab stimulants to improve my performance at work or something. I don't know. I thought I could finally stop chastising myself for being a lazy c u next Tuesday, but it seems I am wrong.

Outwardly, my life is good. Inwardly I want to kill myself sometimes. Does anybody else feel this way? I feel so alone sometimes.

Nicolbolas - in what way externally is your life good ? Do you mean you can hold down a job, relationship etc ?

I agree that maybe think about coaching even with a ADHD coach. I am 3 sessions in with my ADHD coach and I feel so much more positive about who I am and what I can achieve.

I am confused by the psych sending you a letter like that, what did he / she say when you met them ?

The reality is those round us especially parents can't always see it as they partly feel then that it's their fault.

I had my former partner who I am good friends with fill in the form for me but my psych was far more interested in what I said and the example I could give.

Nicolbolas I feel exactly that when I put myself in situations where I need to concentrate, focus, behave (ie not talk not fidget), learn. I can sit in a college classroom trying my best to pay attention and absorb, I look outwardly fine, internally I want to die. The effort is to much, the reward is to slow in coming and I'm off internally spiralling. It's torture! I try sharing what it's like with others and they don't get it. So if your day to day work life is even half of that then you are a superstar for coping so well and I think you should give yourself a lot of credit.

Work wise I've always done practical, busy and moving about work. Bosses always happy with my work, I'm known for my ability to multitask well and think/act quick on my feet. If I worked in an office I would be sacked or climbing the walls and then quitting!

An ADHD coach might be a good next step? The Dr clearly picked up you had strong traits even if you don't meet the threshold.

@Hazards don't get me wrong, I'd like to try the coaching, but it's £135 a week, which is not really something I can afford. I do hold down a job, but I'm really struggling and have been off sick for a while. Usually I change jobs before that happens, but I was unable to this time.

@Borntobedifferent the letter was sent after my face to face assessment. It says (quote): "Nicolbolas has presented with significant difficulties in the domains of ADHD
(combined type) and she may benefit from a trial of coaching initially."

When asking the receptionist what that meant, I was told meds were not an option because my collateral forms (the ones others filled in about me) didn't meet the threshold for a formal diagnosis, and I couldn't produce enough corroborating evidence from my childhood.

Yes that is the issue of training.

I would certainly at least find good videos on YouTube about ways to help you. The answer is really acceptance and working around rather than through problems.

I would want to talk to the psych again. Not to demand he tells you that you ADHD because that's his decision but you need to know more details. What is it he was looking for from the other people's report as I've not heard of someone showing themselves to have ADHD with lots of examples but not been diagnosed due to extra evidence.

Where abouts did you go for this assessment ?

What was biggest positive difference that medication made to you?

When I started on the Elvanse it turned off the noise in my head (constant random thoughts that pop in when I'm supposed to be working), and also the actual noise of other people.

I work in a huge open plan office and was finding that I could hear every word of every conversation around me. I couldn't turn them off, so I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing (finance, so needs concentration). I also can't play music through headphones because then I actively listen to it, which is also distracting.

With the meds, although I'm still aware of the conversations my mind doesn't hone in on them and I can allow them to be a background noise. If that is how NT people feel all the time no wonder they don't understand why I can't work with the noise.

That sounds amazing!!

I can’t slow myself down. In exams I’ll see the question in front of me but not even be able to finish reading it because I want to move on. I’m onto the next thing before I’ve even read it. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

And at work I’ll be half way through a task then need to move onto the next thing that’s just popped into my head even though if I don’t finish what I’m currently doing it’ll be time wasted as it’s irrelevant if not all done.

Thanks WeaselsRising - that makes sense - after all ADHD is attention dysregulation. Which dosage are you on now?

Not trying to compare here, just that I am on 30mg Elvanse but beginning to think it isn't not really enough. Follow up appt soon anyway. The famous dry parched mouth side-effect went away at least.

Had stupid episode of 'People love each other truly but no one really likes me that much. Because I am this X and Y, no wonder' - panic that kept me awake. FB friends having nice get-together without me, triggering some memory of friendship fizzling with one of the friends. Thankfully bad feeling has subsided. Hate this horrible rejection over-perception though.

Has anyone found that anxiety or depression improved with treatment for ADHD? I am seeing my psychologist next week but am very wary of bringing this up because I have such a record of clinging onto this or that new idea which might help improve my mood but in the end never does. And I can see my poor psychologist (who is lovely) sighing inwardly and thinking here we go again, it’s not your thyroid, it’s not your iron levels, it’s not the pill, it’s not your menstrual cycle, it’s not the stress of your PhD.

I look at accounts from women with ADHD and identify with pretty much everything but then I think their depression/anxiety sounds circumstantial- related to feeling like a failure etc while I feel like mine is endogenous, just a bad feeling that’s in me. Obviously I do feel sad about my failure to reach my potential, trouble focusing, impulsive behaviour in my past but I wonder if the depression and anxiety isn’t just a separate thing.

I don’t know, i’m just thinking out loud. Aargh it’s hard.

Yes my anxiety and depression pretty much went away on diagnosis. I think because I always knew I couldn't rely on myself but it always seemed so bloody random and unpredictable. Now I know which specific functions I struggle with and can't rely on I don't set myself up to fail constantly.