Thread for those with adult ADHD or who think they might have ADHD

[Borntobedifferent]

So I've put this into mental health as although it isn't really a mental health issue it tends to be discovered (in adults) when there is other mental health issues.

I've written a few times elsewhere on here about my ADHD but thought it might be nice to have an ongoing thread.

All that i ask is that we focus on adult ADHD as I'm sure there is other threads for those with children with ADHD.

I am nearly a year diagnosed now (I'm 37) and am on Elvanse 40mg and amfexa 5mg first thing in the morning.

I am so on 200mg sertraline and diazepam as by the time I was diagnosed I was just totally broken.

I have a therapist and today I started with an ADHD coach, I have to learn to accept my past and to embrace the positives of ADHD but it's not an easy thing to do.

I'm sorry you were left feeling crap born. I'm sure those you are close too appreciate you for who you are and your positive traits.

Well I've spent the afternoon (as a nearly 40 year old woman!), being scolded by my parents for not listening and getting distracted whilst they were talking to me!

The problem is that ADHD can look to the outside as super confident to the point of cockiness.

And that's the push back I've always had from people.

Already forward to talking to my therapist. My depression has been a lot better but I have put myself in bubble wrap and avoided anyone who doesn't know me.

First steps back into the water didn't go well

I have been wondering for a while if I have ADHD. The thought was triggered by an interview with Gordon Ramsey about being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. He said that he could be literally in a one to one conversation with someone and suddenly realise he had no idea what they had been saying, and I had the "but everyone does that... don't they?" moment.

I score highly for ADHD in online self assessments I tried, and of the somewhat lighthearted 23 Signs you Don't have ADHD, I had 5 (and at least two of those are because at 45 I have coping strategies).

Last night I was reading this thread at the same time as cooking kedgeree for dinner and forgot to boil the eggs.

But.

It also seems a lot of ADHD symptoms are things everyone struggles with (evidenced by all the websites / blog posts / self help books about beating procrastination, or focusing on your goals), and the thing that makes it ADHD is not the symptom itself but the degree of the struggle / how much it affects your life. And I did well academically and have a good career, so I can't be struggling that much, and maybe I'm just making a big deal out of dealing with normal life, and I need to knuckle down a bit harder. I just don't know.

Career-wise I have always worked in projects and change. My DH thinks my working environment is dysfunctional and the "ADHD-ness" I feel is caused by dealing with constant change without enough people. He might be right. Or it might be that ADHD is the reason I can handle a dysfunctional working environment.

So, not entirely sure what I want to say with the this post...

I guess, for those who were diagnosed as adults, what made you aware your challenges were beyond the everyday crapness most people struggle with?

I think a lot of people are bought to it by a series or pattern of things going wrong.

I've just done the Weiss Functional Impairment Rating scale.

There are a few areas I KNOW I can improve with a bit more effort - keeping up with certain family relationships, being a little more restrained, getting places on time, but there are others which I have always struggled with and are a barrier for me being basically successful in life. I know I can achieve them but to do that requires support.

I also think there is an element for me of looking for a diagnosis being a distraction from what I could be doing which is looking for a new job! I get bored after 18 months and have only lasted so long due to two promotions. My success has led to increased home working which was initially good but the balance really isn't working for me any more. I think this is the first time I've actually vocalised (written) this. I need to be around people more but not all the time so a balance would be good.

@borntobedifferent You are sounding pretty resilient. I don't know if we covered this earlier in the thread but deciding who you tell, how you tell them, what you say etc. can help. I have another diagnosis (still getting me head round that one!) so it's come up before for me.

Just waiting for dinner to be ready at 11.40pm...

Funny you say that Born as I am the complete opposite of self confident!! It’s hard for me to work out what is ADHD and what is ASD. They’re often comorbid so there’s a lot of overlap.

I have a relative with ASD and she has a lot of the problems born describes with people taking against her, thinking she is over confident and cocky (when in fact the opposite is true)

I posted that too soon but now I have forgotten the rest of what I meant to say
Anyway my relative has many other ASD traits so I think her diagnosis is correct also problems with social skills are obviously a big part of ASD. I have always considered I may have it myself since I found out about my relative (also her kids have it too). But I have always felt like it doesn't quite fit. The description I read about in the book about inattentive adhd fits me much better (although Bertie explained they are now rethinking the subtypes so I am reading more about that now) but there are clearly a lot of overlapping areas. This makes sense as both conditions affect executive function.
One thing I have been thinking about is that I am only mildly affected in most of my problem areas, but there are a lot of them and sometimes things I do to help me in one area can work against me in another. For example my job in a busy kitchen helps me stay focused and interested but doesn't suit my slow working speed and lack of organisation.

I totally relate to that teacake, the two seem to work in opposites! I have felt this way all my life and I think balance is key if I can somehow achieve that.

Well, for me I have always (since I was about 16 or so) felt that there was "something" - I always had this feeling that it wasn't supposed to be this hard, wondering why I couldn't just manage ordinary things. But just kept putting it down to various things - hormones/wrong college environment/pregnancy/newborn/emotionally abusive relationship/single parenthood/vitamin deficiency. Eventually I came back around to depression because I realised that the common denominator in all of this was... me. But I was confused because I was happy most of the time. I had counselling four times and it never gave me any huge insight or found it really very helpful. In fact, the counsellors usually ended up "sacking" me because they'd say they didn't know what I was there for. I have always been quite eloquent about what my problem is and quite aware of what I needed to put in place to fix it, the problem was that I just wouldn't put the thing in place, and then I'd get really frustrated with myself.

I think it was about 2013 when I was really trying to get a handle on myself again and trying the 1000th self help strategy again and still ending up crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night because I just didn't know why it was so hard and feeling a total and utter failure as a person. I'd managed to pull together every issue I was struggling with and write them into a list (I had several MN threads, over the preceding years, where I was like "Right I've got to sort this out now...") and one day I came across the list of Inattentive ADHD symptoms and was like "Oh fuck that's me. That's my list."

I don't know, for me it really HAS had a huge measurable effect on my life, if I look back, it cost me those three separate study efforts, my house was so messy at one point that I had both social services and my landlord on my back, it really was that bad. I got into loads of debt by not reading letters and not submitting correct forms (in one case I filled the form in and simply never posted it). I've never actually had what I'd think of as a "proper job" for various reasons which all boil down to: ADHD. I've never been fired from a job, but I've had warnings at all of them. I once killed two gerbils by forgetting to feed them. :( I had a teenage pregnancy (albeit in a controlling relationship). I do OK now. But I would have said up until the last 2-3 years, I couldn't have coped with running a household on my own. Even now I think I'm hugely scaffolded by my DH and he is fantastic. I don't know what I would do without him.

But having said that I know people do get through university and careers and yet still have ADHD. Perhaps you had better coping mechanisms than me at that stage, or perhaps you had a different family situation? I do think if I'd been in a family where everyone had been to uni and had a career, that's probably what I would have ended up doing. I would have done A Levels rather than art college and at sixth form I probably would have absolutely thrived, especially if I'd moved schools at that point. My mum is brilliant and was all for me following my dream of art but actually looking at my grades I was never that good at art, design yes - I should have gone into maths or science, and from there into something along the lines of product design/development or market research and statistics. I think I would have been fantastic at that, and I have a slight suspicion that art was a more "feminine" choice for my mum, because it was creative, and so she probably supported that more than she'd have known how to push me towards STEM. And I had no idea about careers or how to look for jobs, no idea how maths or science would have related to anything that I would have found interesting long term, and it's only really now (as in, literally, this week, and I honestly think maybe relating to clearer medicated thinking) that I've really had any idea of where I ought to start looking for jobs where any kind of education is really needed because NOBODY that my family knows has a job like that. And I think if I'd had that knowledge back when I was 16 I probably could have quite easily found myself funnelled down a much more productive or helpful path, rather than drop out > flounder > drop out > baby > flounder > drop out > flounder, because I need that external structure and it was only clear to me what I was supposed to do up until the age of 16.

I've gone a bit off topic, but yes, everybody procrastinates, everyone is secretly a bit messy and disgusting, everyone struggles to keep up good habits, everyone is lazy sometimes when they know they shouldn't be - my baseline for whether somebody should go for diagnosis is - can you control it? Can you actually get going if you kick yourself up the arse? Because if you can then you probably don't have ADHD. OTOH if you are exhausted trying to kick yourself just to do the most basic of things and it still isn't working, that's not normal, if you don't feel in control of it, it's not normal. If your inability to deal with this stuff is leaving you in despair that is NOT NORMAL and it's absolutely reasonable to present this situation to a doctor and say "I don't think this is normal, please help me".

Subtypes: If it helps then go with it. As far as I know clinically they are still used, certainly my official diagnosis has it and so does DS1's which is only from last year. We are both inattentive. Dr. Barkley is an outlier saying they should be scrapped but I do hold him in higher esteem personally than most of the literature about ADHD. Just be careful with info online and in books - some of it crosses into cod psychology. But yes broadly - inattentive type - you have more issues with focus, concentration and organisation - hyperactive type people have more issues with impulse control (perhaps illegal/unhealthy behaviours), emotional control (esp antisocial stuff - aggression/mania), combined type experience both. That's the diagnostic criteria. As with anything though I think you need to take what works for you and do what you need to do with it, if that makes sense?

I really liked the book "So I'm not crazy, stupid or lazy?" - it's a bit outdated now but a great intro to ADHD especially for women.

I have been on the joint ASD/ADHD threads on MN for a long time. I used to think I had some of the ASD signs and wondered about it, but actually I am convinced now that every box I tick on the "ASD" criteria is an ADHD one. ASD and ADHD are both forms of neurodiversity - they are just slightly different. There is some suggestion that ADHD is on the ASD spectrum (this is not, at all, officially recognised - just a theory of some - we don't even really know what ASD is so that is half the problem.)

On every single ASD test, I think there's an "Autism Quotient" one, and one I remember that brings out a spider web type shape at the end, I find that I score highly for about half the categories and very low for the rest with barely any in between. If it's a simple yes/no quiz it balances out in the middle or it doesn't know where to place me. I believe this to be typical of ADHD.

So there is some overlap. For me the overlap is sensory related (which is why it's interesting to me that the sensory part of autism is being considered as a separate disorder - sensory processing disorder), executive functioning - which experts now all agree is hugely important in ADHD if not the central issue - and some degree of the social stuff - I miss a lot of social "rules" and tend to prefer people being literal, but not to the extent that most people with ASD find it - I can cope with jokes, sarcasm, metaphors, for example - in fact I love metaphors, the more detailed, the better. I'm not so good with nuance. I am completely opposite to some ASD traits in terms of routine and repetition, I actively prefer or seek chaos and newness and change, all of which are usually unsettling to somebody with ASD. ADHD people often have obsessions which can look a little like ASD special interests but the difference is that an ASD special interest will go on for years if not a lifetime, and they will tend to have a few that they are deeply interested and know everything about, whereas an ADHDer's obsessions can change weekly, and usually do. We might cycle back and forth between the same ones for years but ultimately we are "Jack of all trades, Master of none" in terms of topics, whereas someone with ASD is more of a Mastermind of their own specifically chosen topics.

I think another issue which makes the two seem similar or easy to confuse is that the same issues/differences between the female/male profiles exist - the same biases towards behaviours usually exhibited by boys, and the same ways these manifest in adult women (and girls). This is (my armchair science talking here) most likely because female and male socialisation cause us to show distress in gendered ways because socialisation causes particular behaviours to be highly gendered in how they are valued. Also, the fact of being neurodiverse (in whichever way) tends to make a person, generally, find it difficult to fit into neurotypical societal roles and this includes gender roles. Both males and females with ASD and/or ADHD will struggle with behaviours expected specifically of their gender and/or to exclude behaviours typically associated with the opposite gender.

I'm going through the diagnosis process at the minute as a 41 year old woman.
I have a 16yr old ds with Aspergers and a family history of ASD.

Suddenly my whole life makes sense.

A year after diagnosis I am well enough from my depression to start learning more about my ADHD.

I enjoyed this video. It's only about 10 mins and taught me a couple of big things ...

1. Those with ADHD have an executive function that peaks at the average for a 21 year old.

1. Working memory is very poor. So we can remember things we just don't have the cognitive function to recall the information when needed. So walking in a room and forgetting why is the sort of issue we have a lot.

1. You can't out teach ADHD. As some of us said on the thread about lateness we know how not to be late we are just unable to do it. Basically we aren't stupid and understand what to do but don't have the ability to actually do certain things.

Just found a weighted anti-anxiety blanket on Wowcher:

www.wowcher.co.uk/deal/london/11181941/weighted-anti-anxiety-blanket?usr_src=search

I would not spend £100+ but this seemed reasonable to see if it helps with those sleepless nights.

Hi OP,

Please could I have the link to the Psychiatrist who you had a Skype appointment with?

I almost certainly have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, which has been obvious throughout my childhood and adulthood and has caused me significant disability and am interested in pursuing a diagnosis.

This is the service i used.

www.psychiatry-uk.com/

I recommend it for diagnosis purposes only and to use as a starting base to understand ADHD if you are found to have it.

Late diagnosed ADHD comes with a lot of different issues due to the lack of diagnosis and understanding of how our brains work. This was a good start for me but I now see a top specialist in adult ADHD and a life coach.

Hi

I've been following the thread for a few days.

I'm diagnosed as dyslexic but as an adult I've always wondered if I have ADHD to some degree as I have a HUGE problem with concentrating. I can be organised and know how to be yet always end up not organised iykwim.

It's always been put down to bring dyslexic and I just need to apply myself and focus ... which I find very frustrating and I end up beating myself up for not being a sensible/concentrating/mature enough adult.

Anyway I'm in my 30s now and would like to have a job that actually earned money but I'm a bit stuck because educationally I haven't reached the potential I'm suppose to have. I've had dyslexia support for studying but when it comes to the crunch concentrating in classes or to do essays or even learning to drive it feels like painfully slow torture and I have to put a lot of effort into pretending I'm paying attention. I either drop out or have increasingly embarrassing melt downs!

Does anyone know about the overlap between dyslexia and adhd and can the two be distinguished? Whenever I've brought it up at student support I've been waved away.

I’m fairly certain I have this. Scored 100% on one of the online tests but don’t reslly have any available evidence from childhood.

Always struggled with making and keeping friends so not sure if that would be evidence?

Need to get my old report cards from my parents I think.

Can I ask, do you absolutely need to provide evidence from childhood? I doubt my report cards were kept. My mum can’t really deal with me being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, she keeps telling me it’s just life and that getting more exercise would sort me out. She’s always on at me to come off antidepressants because according to her they’re making me fat and tired all the time (nothing to do with not having a single decent night’s sleep since DS was born 19 months ago then?). I really doubt she’d engage with me seeking an ADHD diagnosis.

To be honest I wouldn’t be keen to tell DH or any of my family. They’re all fed up with my repeated attempts to fix myself - anemia diagnosis and treatment, this and that vitamin deficiency, coming off the pill, this and that antidepressant.

Hi Cooper

My assessment was a couple of weeks ago and I did not have to provide any "proof" or evidence at all.
I was sent a lot of paperwork to complete after my phone assesment and this then former the basis of the discussion.

Iirc, one of the forms was point scored but that wasn't done in front of me. Best of luck

Agent - I was well behaved at school so I found it hard but that's because it doesn't present in a lot of children how we think it does. So just reflect on your time at school and you will find things you can tell them but you don't need evidence.

Yes I was well behaved at school too. My main issue was organisation and remembering things. I was maybe a little bit “naughty” in early primary, mainly shouting out a bit, but I stopped when told and wasn’t ever really naughty or disruptive.

Just checking in to this thread again. I’ve been meaning to for ages but kept putting it off because I can’t be arsed to read and read and read. And this is coming from someone who chose a degree in English Literature. Which was hell btw - I couldn’t manage all the reading. I used to joke that the degree killed my love of reading, but now I know I’m too inattentive to read books full stop. Funny, because I was a voracious reader as a child.

I’ve noticed lots of people saying they were quite high achievers academically up to GCSE level, after which is all went a bit wrong. And then a feeling, looking back, of failure/underachieving. That’s me exactly.

I’m also starting to feel more aware of how SHIT my working memory is. The other day we were leaving for a day out (me, DH and kids) and I was last to leave as usual. I suddenly realised I was thirsty, so I went into a kitchen cupboard to grab a bottle of water...

...and didn’t realise it never made it to the car with me until maybe an hour later. It was literally seconds between me picking up the bottle and leaving the house. I had no memory of putting the bottle down anywhere, but it was there on top of the cupboard by the front door when we got home. Can only assume I put it down so I could put my trainers on, got up and left having forgotten all about it.

Actually, that happened yesterday, not the other day. I am incapable of remembering really recent events like that.

Was anyone born prematurely? I was, and apparently it’s a well known risk factor.

I can’t read anymore :(
I used to devour books in a day if I was enjoying them but I’ve only managed to finish two so far this year. That’s absolutely unheard of for me so it seems to be getting worse as I get older.

This is funny as I was just doing an online working memory test and I was absolutely useless! I also did a cognitive processing speed test which came up with a very low result. Obviously they are just free online tests but it is something I feel I have trouble with. I have been wondering why my work speed is so slow compared with similarly experienced workers. I didn't think it was a mental thing, but maybe they are connected? The speed you think at is probably connected to how fast you move physically. I wouldnt say I am mentally slow though! Like others I did well at school and I am quite intelligent overall.