Why are my work colleagues so antisocial?

[skittleboy]

I work on an estate. There are 9 of us. We all work separately. We have 20 mins for morning break and an hour for lunch. We have a lunch room with a table and chairs, a kettle and microwave. At break and lunch 4 people drive home, 3 people sit in their cars and 1 guy makes his tea then grabs a chair and goes to the room next door and sits on his own. That leaves just me sat there on my own.

It's so frustrating because I just don't understand their mentality. At break-time they want to spend 5 mins driving home 10 mins sitting alone at home staring at the ceiling , while their family are at work and school, then spend 5 mins driving back. My mentality is I might as well stay and talk. Why not? And I need to talk and have human contact for my own mental health. They obviously don't for some strange reason.

On the rare occasion that I am working with 1 of the guys and we have to take a half hour trip into town to get supplies, they just sit there not talking. I try to make an effort but they just don't want to talk. I wish they would ask 'How was your weekend?' or something. Anything.

I feel I have so much to say like all the stuff I got up to at the weekend but I never get the chance to say it.

It's not just at work. One time I went on an hour long train ride. I met a girl at the station that I knew. I sat next to her and for the whole hour she said nothing. NOTHING. Absolutely bugger all. And I was sat their getting so frustrated because I was bursting to talk but she wouldn't say a word. I just cant fathom why people are like this. Why wouldn't you want to talk to someone who is sat next to you for a whole hour? Make conversation? Pass the time? OK some people wont want to talk 100% of time I get it. But say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!! I just don't understand why people are that way.

This is really bothering me and it's so depressing that this is the way the world is. What can I do?

Well you cant change more, them to change,I’d say you accept their preferences
It’s work, not a friendship group.now I get sometimes work leads to friendship,but not always
If your colleagues have a routine or want to be quiet that’s up to them
Do try make polite neutral convo see how it goes,if it increase social engagement

I meant,Well you cant compel them them to change,I’d say you accept their preferences

Well that's unusual I have to say, our lunch room normally had a few people in at least. Do you have friends outside work? I would save your chats for them.

Could they be going home to see to pets?

Difficult but where I work people never stop talking , it is just so hard to get on with my work! I can choose my hours and sometimes go in on a Sunday on my own just to get things done .
I would never choose to spend a lunch break with colleagues (don't actually get a formal lunch break due to the nature of the work) - I would much rather go for a walk or have some peace and quiet on my own.

I hope I'm never rude to people but honestly, it's work not a social life.

Do you have difficulty gauging social cues skittle? Did the girl invite you to sit next to her on the train?

Many people like to take breaks and journeys to have some time to themselves. There's nothing wrong with that.

Have you looked for groups to attend where people might share a common interest? People might be more open to conversation if you've got something in common.

If you have an hour for lunch and they live 5 mins away that gives them 50 mins at home. I'd definitely go home in that situation, no need to take packed lunch, could hang washing out etc.

I'd be one of the ones going home just for the peace and quiet! I wouldn't want to spend my whole break time listening to my colleagues life histories. Everyone's different.

In my work it’s near impossible to get any quiet or self reflection
So sometimes I go away on my Todd and read or sit quietly with phone
Really it’s individual preference

When I worked near home I prefered to go home.
When I am travelling I prefer to pop in my headphones and ignore everything around me.
I like my own space. I don't like small talk.
It's some of the things I do for my own mh.

Why don't you want to shut up?

It's that simple.

You want to talk and have things to say. They don't. You're just different,no one is wrong or weird or whatever.

I also sit in my car on my lunch.

I do not wish to spend anymore time with my colleagues than needed despite the fact i like them all.

Your break time is exactly that..yours

You honestly sound like my idea of the colleague from hell. Sorry.

I like to spend time alone. I enjoy my own company. If I'm not at work all day with people around me, I'm at home with my hubby and kids around me. My lunch is the one bit of peace, quiet and solitude I get all day. I choose to go to work because of the job money. I don't necessarily want to speak to my colleagues about anything other than work.

Have you tried asking people things about themselves? People will usually open up if you ask them or show an interest. If all you do is talk about yourself, they'll get bored quickly. Why don't you tell your friends and family about your weekend instead?

It is not their responsibility to use their breaks to pander to your mental health. Can you phone a friend?

Most places I've worked people sit on their own at lunch and read / play on phones. Not unusual. It's down time.

I always go for a walk on my own during my lunch hour. I need to have a break, get away from my desk, get some fresh air and have some me-time. If I lived 5 minutes from work, I would go home every day. I really don’t care if my colleagues think this is anti-social.

Op, if I were on my break, trying to relax and take a brief rest, I would go mental if you say there running your mouth the whole time. I would probably tape your gob shut. Perhaps you talk TOO much. Have you considered that?

When I smoked I'd go home on my lunch hour to smoke myself silly . I'd also eat at home because I was skint (probably due to smoking). Its easy for me to say don't take it personally but as others have pointed out there are many reasons people don't hang around.

Sadly your needs are different, that doesn't make their behaviour wrong. You can't rely on them to provide chat opportunities etc, many people (me included) enjoy some downtime.

You are quite disparaging of those who do things differently to you, why's that? I love a quiet few minutes at home with only myself for company

I genuinely like my colleagues but I value quiet down time,I don’t always want to talk
Being quiet It’s not a reflection upon you,nor is it a failing of yiur colleagues

In the nicest possible way, skittle, it’s not their issue that your MH requires talk. Maybe theirs requires alone time? You seem quite irritated by the fact that other people have different needs to you, and your post makes it sound as if people may actually be avoiding conversation with you — do you make your need to talk and your frustration with them for preferring silence very obvious? Or do you monologue about what you did at the weekend? Do you listen to other people?

I’m reasonably sociable but my life is busy, and if I’m getting on a train for an hour, the very last thing I want to do is make conversation with an acquaintance who has come and sat with me, I want to read and look out the window.

Are there other ways for you to find people to talk to regularly — what about friends or family?

I purposely have my lunch when no one else is around. Drives me mad when people talk to me.

I'm a solitary person and I avoid people who talk a lot like the plague, especially at work.

I spend so much of my life in busy, noisy places that if I get an hour of peace I take it. I need it to recharge. DP constantly has music or radio on in the car, the tv is always on at home, I'm in an open plan office all day.

Perhaps if you're a very chatty person they try not to be around you much, if they like to unwind quietly? Don't take it personally, they probably just want to chill.

Bear in mind that while you want to talk and have a lot to say not everyone is the same.

skittleboy do you think that maybe people are going home for a break because otherwise they have 20 minutes of you talking at them? I used to work in a call centre. On my breaks there was one woman who would not stop talking to the point that if we had a break at the same time I would lock myself in the loo for 20 minutes just to get some bloody peace!