Why are my work colleagues so antisocial?

[skittleboy]

I work on an estate. There are 9 of us. We all work separately. We have 20 mins for morning break and an hour for lunch. We have a lunch room with a table and chairs, a kettle and microwave. At break and lunch 4 people drive home, 3 people sit in their cars and 1 guy makes his tea then grabs a chair and goes to the room next door and sits on his own. That leaves just me sat there on my own.

It's so frustrating because I just don't understand their mentality. At break-time they want to spend 5 mins driving home 10 mins sitting alone at home staring at the ceiling , while their family are at work and school, then spend 5 mins driving back. My mentality is I might as well stay and talk. Why not? And I need to talk and have human contact for my own mental health. They obviously don't for some strange reason.

On the rare occasion that I am working with 1 of the guys and we have to take a half hour trip into town to get supplies, they just sit there not talking. I try to make an effort but they just don't want to talk. I wish they would ask 'How was your weekend?' or something. Anything.

I feel I have so much to say like all the stuff I got up to at the weekend but I never get the chance to say it.

It's not just at work. One time I went on an hour long train ride. I met a girl at the station that I knew. I sat next to her and for the whole hour she said nothing. NOTHING. Absolutely bugger all. And I was sat their getting so frustrated because I was bursting to talk but she wouldn't say a word. I just cant fathom why people are like this. Why wouldn't you want to talk to someone who is sat next to you for a whole hour? Make conversation? Pass the time? OK some people wont want to talk 100% of time I get it. But say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!! I just don't understand why people are that way.

This is really bothering me and it's so depressing that this is the way the world is. What can I do?

Op, I'm so sorry. You've been lumbered with a whole lot of antisocial colleagues. Not everyone is like that. I've worked in some places where we've had some great natters during our break times. I find it makes the day so much more pleasant.

Ignore the bah humbugs (in the office and here on MN), although I guess you have no choice as they're ignoring you anyway.

Get onto a website (MN is good! ), phone a friend, read a book, etc. Make the most of your lunch time, as best as you can.

In my view when you’re younger, you’re more social at work because you’re starting out and still making friends. Plus you have the time and energy to go out after work or at lunch with colleagues.
As you get older or mature into jobs, people tend to make less of an effort I find. They’ve got established relationships. Their lives are busy and they don’t have time to socialise as much. It doesn’t seem to be personal though.

No one is being bah humbug Queen
People have explained fairly about their needs and MH.
You simply dont know whats going on in other peoples lives.
Plenty of people my age are caring for families and elderly relatives,they might be going home to check on them or that 1 hour is their only time they have to themselves.
Just because they arent entertaining you doesnt make them miserable.

Actually, from a chatty person's point of view they ARE being miserable. You can't help the way you are, but I can find you miserable for being like it! As long as I don't call you a misery guts to your face I'll moan all I like about it to other fellow chatty people!

When I used to work fulltime I would take my lunch and go sit in my car at the local park. Listen to the radio or the birds etc I used to enjoy it

I'd find it really hard too, we are a very chatty bunch at work (not in working hours but during breaks and lunch) and I love that aspect of my job, in fact all my jobs have been similar. I find chatting far better for my mental health than solitude. Even if I did live 5 mins from work I wouldn't dream of going home at lunchtime. I love it if I meet a chatty stranger on a train or in a cafe. So you have my sympathy, but I don't think your colleagues are being unreasonable, they have different needs thats all.

Perhaps they go home to let dogs out? I must admit, I do prefer quiet time for my breaks. I'd rather sit on mumsnet in the car than in the staff room listening to gossp.

Actually, from a chatty person's point of view they ARE being miserable. You can't help the way you are, but I can find you miserable for being like it! As long as I don't call you a misery guts to your face I'll moan all I like about it to other fellow chatty people!

As long as you recogise that to many people, you are probably the dreaded Colleague Who Never Knows When To Shut Up, and who monologues their way through every item of photocopying and phonecall, and whose OLD adventures/supermarket bargains and voting patterns are shared endlessly with colleagues who just want to get on with their work.

*As long as you recogise that to many people, you are probably the dreaded Colleague Who Never Knows When To Shut Up"

Given that I work from home, by myself, am single, and for about 6 days of the week the only proper human interaction I get is with my DC, I sort of doubt I'm that colleague! (hence why I keep popping onto Mumsnet..!!) Don't worry, I keep my socialising to like minded friends (or the occasional like minded chatty person I meet at a café on a train! ).

Hmm, reminds me of many (many) years ago when I gave my bah humbug colleague who I shared an office with a jar of 'Bar Humbugs' for Christmas (made as a charity fundraiser by a law firm) he found it completely hilarious and said he thoroughly deserved it. Hmm, fond memories, we balanced each other out quite nicely actually. He happily foisted everybody onto me so he didn't have to talk to them!

I've been thinking about this. This thread really doesn't represent anywhere I've ever worked but perhaps I would have known I wouldn't fit in at these places.

Our workplace couldn't be more cheerful, generally speaking. It's a regulated, professional organisation which could be dry, but really isn't. We have noisy people and quiet people but lots of mutual respect and appreciation of differences. There is always laughter somewhere in the office. People genuinely look out for one another and tend to have friendships outside work.

Friendly, collaborative employees are what we actively look for. Some of our job ads actually say that applicants must like being around people.. we'd put most of you off with this wouldn't we?

You need to learn to amuse yourself. Or socialise more outside work.

A lot of people just want a bit of time to themselves on a lunch break. You spend all day giving your time and energy to an employer with very little control over the environment you are in, of course people choose to go home and have a bit of time that is theirs.

Peace and quiet is so rare these days.

Sounds like you don't respect other people's boundaries OP. And your post screams 'mememememe' I would probably avoid you too sorry

At break-time they want to spend 5 mins driving home 10 mins sitting alone at home staring at the ceiling

How do you know this? They could be going home for a quick shag or a shit in the privacy of their own home. Who knows?

I work in an environment where I take over 100 calls a day. I don't speak on my breaks! Or when I go home

I should add we all chat all day long though between calls, just not on lunch or breaks!

I crave alone/quiet time. I use to love taking my lunch break in my office alone with the door closed. 1 hour of pure bliss while I munched away and read a book or scrolled gossip on the internet.

You can't expect everyone to be the same as you.

Blimey @Meet0nTheledge that sounds mildly terrifying even to me. I've been on assessment centre style interviews where you were watched at dinner and rated on your social skills.

I'd be really interested to know what jobs people here do.

I'm pretty sure I was once not offered a summer job at c&a when I was asked in interview if I liked bingo and said no. She responded that they all liked to go out together after work every week to do this. At 18, it just wasn't my thing.

MeetOn,your recruitment sounds wholly arbitrary & unhinged with a conscious bias.
Empty vessels make most noise comes to mind for your work and all the “sociable” fakery
I’m sociable bit I’m not compelled to make inane convo,sometimes I need hush

we'd worry that someone very quiet wouldn't fit in and would be uncomfortable.

Would you fuck. It's not about them , it's about you expectations of how the team should be and how the team mates should act. Of course they won't fit in, you already decided they wouldn't.

@Meet0nTheledge

I really hope your never in charge of hiring someone.

I work in a department where some people prefer to lunch alone and a number are sociable so we mix and talk crap but it’s an extrovert introvert thing I think. The trouble is you are in a job with introverts so you will need to change jobs really

You work on an estate with9 people. That's exactly why they don't want to talk as they chose a job that had a massive workplace but barely any employees. They don't want friends or colleagues

Never, ever, ever sign up to a job at an Antarctic research station

Op honestly you're over thinking this. You cannot let it become a thing that will now keep you up at night.

You're a group of random people who have been brought together for work, you don't need to be sociable, they don't need to be sociable. They can do with they breaks whatever they want to do!

I personally find it dull as shit listening to other people's weekend plans especially when I have no idea who they're talking about etc. I want to sit on my phone during my break and go on MN or do my online shopping, I don't want to be interrupted with inane chat.