Why are my work colleagues so antisocial?

[skittleboy]

I work on an estate. There are 9 of us. We all work separately. We have 20 mins for morning break and an hour for lunch. We have a lunch room with a table and chairs, a kettle and microwave. At break and lunch 4 people drive home, 3 people sit in their cars and 1 guy makes his tea then grabs a chair and goes to the room next door and sits on his own. That leaves just me sat there on my own.

It's so frustrating because I just don't understand their mentality. At break-time they want to spend 5 mins driving home 10 mins sitting alone at home staring at the ceiling , while their family are at work and school, then spend 5 mins driving back. My mentality is I might as well stay and talk. Why not? And I need to talk and have human contact for my own mental health. They obviously don't for some strange reason.

On the rare occasion that I am working with 1 of the guys and we have to take a half hour trip into town to get supplies, they just sit there not talking. I try to make an effort but they just don't want to talk. I wish they would ask 'How was your weekend?' or something. Anything.

I feel I have so much to say like all the stuff I got up to at the weekend but I never get the chance to say it.

It's not just at work. One time I went on an hour long train ride. I met a girl at the station that I knew. I sat next to her and for the whole hour she said nothing. NOTHING. Absolutely bugger all. And I was sat their getting so frustrated because I was bursting to talk but she wouldn't say a word. I just cant fathom why people are like this. Why wouldn't you want to talk to someone who is sat next to you for a whole hour? Make conversation? Pass the time? OK some people wont want to talk 100% of time I get it. But say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!! I just don't understand why people are that way.

This is really bothering me and it's so depressing that this is the way the world is. What can I do?

Do you talk to them about their day/life or do you just want an captive audience? Or is this a reverse from someone with a 'chatty' colleague?!

And my worst nightmare is someone I vaguely know coming to sit next to me on a train. I'd put my sunglasses on and my headphones in and hope they didn't see me.

One of my friends goes home every lunchtime to let her dog out so people could be doing that.
Also some people prefer to have some time alone. I know that when I get a chance for some quiet and solitude I grab it with both hands.

I feel I have so much to say like all the stuff I got up to at the weekend but I never get the chance to say it

This might be exactly why they all go out. Maybe they prefer some quiet time rather than listening to you recounting your weekend & all the other stuff you want to share

Maybe the people going home have dependent relatives or pets to see ?

I understand the sittingbin the car. Peace and quiet, radio, no interruptions. Same as the guy who sits on his own.

Not everyone likes small talk. Not everyone considered their colleagues to be friends.

I like my colleagues but much prefer lunch without them we all get on well its just something I prefer to do without them.

Being honest, I used to commute and hated having to sit next to someone I kind of knew. Because conversation inevitably runs out and I'd be left wondering when it is polite to put headphones on/do some work/read a book etc

I commute home alone, I’d hate to travel and talk with a colleague

Its a break -for them to do what they like with.
You sound like you never stop talking,honestly it would drive me potty .
Perhaps they need peace and quiet for their MH ?

Honestly, your post is a little alarming. It's all about what YOU need and what YOU want. It almost seems as though you don't even care if people want to listen to you or not. They aren't robots, they have their own needs and preferences, too. Would you really want someone to sit there, miserable and gritting their teeth, just so you can blab endlessly about your weekend?

Not everyone likes small talk. Not everyone considered their colleagues to be friends.

This

Some people need peace and quiet and a break for their MH OP.

Why do you always have to talk?

This can work both ways op. I have MH problems and I love my days when the dc are at school and I'm home.
television is never on ( I never watch it ) and I crave the alone time just to "be" and do as I please.

My closest friend from childhood lives 2 doors away and I adore her but it's a bit too close most of the time as a quick cup of tea can turn into her being at mine for 2 hours, talking incessantly.

I would be seeing a pattern here if I were you. Has this happened in any previous jobs?
I love to talk, my nickname from my dad is "gabby Annie" but I also know when to shut up and when to listen.

If it's a nice day i like to go for a walk, if i lived near home I'd go home, you can't change people, i prefer my own company, don't want to hear about there weekend's, or holidays.

Let’s be mindful this is posted in Mental Health,and op shouldn’t be berated

I’m afraid I also love lunch breaks to myself. It’s my time that’s just for me, no responsibility (which is rarely for me otherwise). Have you considered joining clubs/groups to meet and chat with others outside work?

Oh and another reason why I avoid staff rooms, noisy eaters. People eating with their mouths open. The incessant comments about what other people are eating. Talking with a mouth full of food. Drink slurpers.

Don't you have friends that you can talk to?

Some people need peace and quiet and a break for their MHOP.

Absolutely this!! I need time to process my work, what i have to do when i get home, or tbh just five minutes peace and quiet for myself. I'm autistic and i find beimg with people very stressfull.

Some one talking at me would cause me to freak out

If im travelling somewhere maybe i'm excited, maybe i'm worried, maybe i'm upset i just need that time to process all that.

Why do you need to talk to me? You don't know whats going on in your collugues lives or the girl on the trains

I'm a solitary soul OP

I would totally go home at lunchtime if I could!

Everyone has different needs.

re the woman you know who you saw at the station - we have a thing in my office that if we bump into each other on the Tube there or back, we ask "do you want to talk?" and yes or no is fine.

I won't say "change jobs" because it's rarely that easy, but you might have to accept that the lunch hour is your time for reading etc and social time is outside of work.

Op, I think you're getting quite a hard time here. It's not normal where I work. Some people go out for a walk, most sit in the lunch room and chat. I go out for coffee with 1 or 2 friends most days.

There's only one who sits in the car, out of over 60.

I rarely ever have lunch alone and I do need my down time too, I just have it later in the day.

I would consider looking elsewhere perhaps - culture is really important and that set up wouldn't work for me. Part of what I enjoy most at work is the interaction with colleagues.

Younger 1 hot 20 minutes breaks a day?! misses point

To be honest I sit in my car but I have worked places where that would be frowned upon as not socialising.

As gently as possible - did the girl invite you to sit with her? I would Be miffed if I had a train journey on my own to look forward to and someone sat with me

Do you "monologue" at them rather than asking your colleagues questions/listen to the answers/ two way convo?
If your conversation is all about you they may prefer to have some alone time/let the dog out/eat at home.
Or maybe you just dont gel as a team and act more like individuals who happen to work together?

Yab a bit u. You sound like my colleague who is lovely, with a heart of gold, smart and super helpful. She's lovely.
However, she also gives a running commentary on her job list , errands she must run, detailed nutritional analysis of her slimming world lunch, her varied family and social members (i don't know them, nor am i interested in what they ate).
It's absolutely exhausting for me. I cannot tune out noise.
I used to sit in my car or nip home, just for peace.
I avoid the kitchen if anyone's in there. Too much waffle or worse, bitching over work, colleagues, managers.my job is shit enough. I don't want to listen to that.
I don't want to talk about myself.
I recently changed days to avoid Monday "how was your weekend?" Stuff.
They still ask though even on a Tuesday.
Used to deliberately sit away from colleagues on train home. They thought I would be offended when they said they preferred to sit alone together! No way, i was fucking overjoyed!
I'm the one in prison who'd cause trouble just to get on solitary.
It's nice that you're sociable, accept that others may not be.

OP, I would just try viewing it as that for some people it is important for their mental health that they seek quiet moments, silence, reflective space during work, break times, travelling on a train, any time really.

Even if i like my colleagues, i dont want to talk on breaks and certainly never ever want to sit with them to and from work. Work is LONG and a lot of people are mentally and physically tired.

Maybe a job in a customer facing role would suit you really well!