Suicidal

[CareOrNot]

Not even sure how to start this.

Things have been getting worse for a while. Under the crisis team. They know I'm suicidal but don't seem concerned. Told them again today that I'm suicidal and have a plan. They said they'd ring me on Sunday.

Was talk of admission in the week but they decided not to as it would interrupt therapy and be disruptive for DCs (I'm a single parent).

Have realised that there isn't any help and there's nothing that can help me. Just need to make sure DCs are safe and then I can do what I need to do.

Have taken meds so may fall asleep soon. But will be back tomorrow.

Im glad you will be back tomorrow. Im tired too but happy to listen. Can one lusten to text? Well, you know what i mean.

Whats wrong?

Not asleep yet! I know what you mean.

I don't know...touched on something in therapy a few weeks ago and it's triggered something off.

It isn't the first time things have been this bad and I've had many suicide attempts in the past. I've literally begged for help in the last few weeks...there isn't any and I can't carry on like this.

Keep chatting op

Hi OP
I hope your thread doesn’t get deleted.
I’m here and won’t be sleeping anytime soon.

I’m a single parent too and have had struggles with my MH x
I’m happy to chat/listen

Whatever therapy touched on,is some where or something helping you with that?

Can anyone or anywhere help you with that? Not right now, but at a later date?

I'm in my jim jams, happy to hang out a while with you

I know it must be really difficult but please think about your child :-( of anything in the world, just please, your child needs YOU. You can't be replaced and this will have a huge impact on your child. You need to keep being strong and take little steps to getting better

I was just talking to a friend earlier and we were both saying Friday and Saturday nights can be very “triggering” for some reason. Loneliness maybe.

I keep a mood diary and one theme I’ve noticed is after a night of feeling like you do you, it’s usually always followed by a much brighter period (as the saying goes)

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to continue to seek RL help and support as well. Keep posting.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're often amazed by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Will it get deleted?? I'm not going to do anything right now - I can't while I'm alone with DCs.

Therapy is for something else so not strictly about the stuff we touched on. And it's NHS so time/session limited. I don't think I'm going to be able to get help with it. Not any time soon anyway. But I can't cope with the stuff going round my head. I can't do it anymore.

Ring you on sunday? Oh my god thats a disgrace. Just take it one day at a time, you can do this, its awful that you have been pushed aside like that, I'm tearing up reading this.

Please look after yourself and get as much as yoi can out on this thread, theres so many people here to help and listen, your never really alone ❤

Hi OP,
Here to listen. I have a friend who also feels failed by the crisis team.

116 123 - the number for good samaritans.

Weird question, do you drink coffee or tea?

You can! You absolutely can.

Are you on meds? The right meds?
We owe it to our children to break the cycle of (whatever lurks in your own particular past or family)

Do keep chatting op, how are you doing?

I've just demolished a hot chocolate but managed not to pinch any DC's chocolate!

I can't remember where I saw this, but reading something about bereaved families aftersuicide was the comment that the act doesn't take the paint the person was feeling away, it only transfers that pain to those left behind.

Your post shows so.much concern for your DC, please keep going x

This has been suggested to me before (and I was highly insulted at the suggestion tbh ) but watching something that truly makes you belly laugh, probably won’t make you laugh but it really can lift you a bit and remind you what it feels like to feel something other than despair.

Oh gosh Yoga, in that case I would recommend the clips where Richard Harris was filming where he was bravely defending himself against a lion. In the first film clip he pretended the lion was there ... In the second, it was. His reaction made me laugh so.much And couldn't breathe for laughing. Even dh was crying laughing at me!

Op how are things at the moment?

Hi, i know it's hard, it's so dark that you can't think of anyway out of it but just focus on your DC, my DH killed himself and left behind 3 children, he ended the terrible pain that he was in and some days I understand that but all he's done is transfer it to his children. They will never get over this. You may think that your DC will be better off without you but that is absolutely not the case. Keep talking - one step at a time...

Hi OP, just keep holding on. For your children's sake. They only have one mum. Take it a minute at a time if you need too. But just keep keeping on. It's awful that in your time of need you the crisis team aren't taking notice. Can you ring them again? If not then ring the Samaritans if you need too xxx

@Flora21

Checking in Op. Hoping today is a peaceful one for you x

Good morning, hope you had a good night sleep

Morning. Not a great night but it never is recently.

Youngest DC have plans this afternoon. Oldest DC is at their dad's this weekend.

Once I've got youngest to bed I'm thinking about telling a friend how bad things are. I know I should contact the crisis team but I find it really hard - I don't know who'll answer the phone and I'm always scared it'll be a man.

Sorry to hear you are going thru this. Definitely confide in your friend. Is there a MH professional you trust, can contact them?

Laughter is the best medicine. A cliche while it will not totally cure you it will help a bit to life your mood. Watch your fav film etc think about funny times anything to get out of this mindset. you are stronger than you know and can do this xx Plan some spring summer days out with your dcs it will give you something to occupy yourself and look forward to. Commit to be there on those days and make a pledge that you will be there, for their sakes and your own. You deserve to be happy with them xx

Sometimes it feels Mners are more concerened and helpful than our own NHS crisis team. They may be overstreched but if someone says they are in that state and they do not take immediate action...well it's appalling. Keep posting here and know we are supporting youxxx

Telling a friend is a wonderful idea,
Can you plan a little treat for yourself whilst your youngest have plans this afternoon? A nice hot bath? A walk? A bit of tv and hot chocolate (my fav!)? What do you like to do?