Suicidal

[CareOrNot]

Not even sure how to start this.

Things have been getting worse for a while. Under the crisis team. They know I'm suicidal but don't seem concerned. Told them again today that I'm suicidal and have a plan. They said they'd ring me on Sunday.

Was talk of admission in the week but they decided not to as it would interrupt therapy and be disruptive for DCs (I'm a single parent).

Have realised that there isn't any help and there's nothing that can help me. Just need to make sure DCs are safe and then I can do what I need to do.

Have taken meds so may fall asleep soon. But will be back tomorrow.

Hi op,glad you've posted. Have you tried the crisis team? Possibly try to say die to circumstances you really need to speak female?

X

Unfortunately it's a party and because of DC's age I'll need to stay. At least it'll get me out of the house. But keeping up the act is hard work.

I'll have a think about phoning the crisis team later. Might text them and ask them to call instead - I find that easier.

Thanks for all the messages btw. I was surprised how many people care!

And someone asked about meds. I'm not on anything. Because of meds I take for a physical condition there's literally nothing I can take for mh.

Wow op, you're doing amazingly well to carry on through these dark times without meds.

Hope the party goes wellx

Really glad you’re still posting OP!

It’s not ideal that you can’t take meds but (I might get flamed as I know he’s not a MN favorite) I always find watching Tony Robins on YouTube especially anything about depression, really makes me jump out of bed, take on the day and take practical steps in helping myself!
I’d really recommend, particularly as you can’t take meds.

Also trying to get decent sleep helps enormously, eating healthy, cutting caffeine and getting exercise or even just getting outside for fresh air.

I also find that making plans or lists make me feel much more hopeful and in control. It can be as simple as a meal plan for the week or as detailed as little rules to live by (eg- promise to get out for at least 30mins a day, shower every morning even when feeling really depressed etc)

Or (sorry for waffling now) even making lists of things you want to watch or books you want to read.
There’s something about doing it that takes you out of the now, gives you control and keeps things “light” x

So at least you'll have some company this afternoon although I understand what you are saying about keeping up the act. Do you know any of the parents at the party?
More people than we sometimes realise are also struggling and putting on a front. One of the loveliest woman I know is on anti depressants, but she is very open about her own situation and it really helps others open up too.

Hope day is going ok OP
You would be surprised how many people really do care despite the anonymity

Take care

Looking forward to hearing how you got on at the party :) Do come back and tell us x

trying to get up when you have fallen is like trying to stand up when the weight of the world is on your shoulders.It was only with meds that it helped lighten the burden.

In my life i have been beaten,broken,fallen,career failure ,physical disability,loss of family and struggled through poverty.When you have so much to deal with it can be so very hard to keep standing.

Understand theres no easy fix its just trying to take a deep breath one day at a time and trying your best to make the most of it

Party was 2 hours of constant noise but at least it got us out of the house.

Sorry I'm not answering everyone's questions - it's hard to concentrate enough.

Just sorting out DC2 and will be getting them to bed soon. Have sent a message to a friend.

Don't worry about answering the questions - we are just all here for you x

Well done about message to friend.
Remember Samaritans too they are an amazing resource when it feels like there is no one around and you just need to know someone is there.

OP

Remember you are amazing. You are absolutely doing so well to get up and out and care for your DCs when you feel this rubbish. You sound like an amazing mum.

I just wanted to say, I work in mental health and I’ve worked with people who have felt suicidal and people whose parents have taken their own lives. From my experience I would like to say that things do get better. Please don’t think things will always be as they are now. You have so much to live for, even if it doesn’t feel that way now. I’m not in anyway trying to minimise how you feel right now, I know it’s a bleak place to be, but honestly there is hope.

Also, your kids absolutely need you. I know that in the darkest moments it feels like they would be better off without you but they absolutely wouldn’t. They need you and you sound like a great mum. Please hang in there, you absolutely are worth it and you can do this. Please do talk to friends and keep going until you get the help you need.

Sending you best wishes.

Hey OP just wanted to say hope you are ok

Hope you are OK.

I would encourage you to talk to the Samaritans. They have really helped me at a point where I thought nothing could make a difference.

Please don't abandon your children, you obviously care about them. Mind and sane have helplines, is there a helpline for the issue that's been triggered? Talk to anyone. Social services have 24 hour emergency service, a and e have emergency hang on in there, just keep breathing.

Today has felt so long. I'm really struggling.

Crisis team calling this evening.

Take it in ten minute chunks
Only do what’s necessary and try to think of anything that might make you feel a glimmer of joy- card game, walk, bit of chocolate.

Great the crisis team are calling back
Do try the Samaritans even if it’s just a silent hand hold. They are great

Oh op we are all thinking of you. Hope you get something out of your phone call with crises x

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I get it. Someone something said has really struck a cord with me and I am trying to focus on that. I hope you get a call tonight and can focus on demanding your necessary help.

Have the Crisis team called yet?

Not yet. It's supposed to be after 7 so could be any time. Although I have a feeling it'll be after 9 when the night team are on.

No call from the crisis team. They still might call (they've called later than this before and woken me up ). But I need to go to bed as DC2 will have me up early.

That's terrible they haven't called. Have a good night sleep and call them in the morning?