Feeling crappy after don a selfie and yes I'll be brave, why does everyone else's look great?

[canyoufeedthedog]

Just this, I have took so many selfie! But look awful, what's the secret

I think you look fine. Better than the hairbrushed ones everyone puts on facebook. I have a right bloody shock when I see them in real life, I always wanna say "what the fook happened to.you!"

Everyone has a mirror face. They subtly rearrange their features into the most pleasing look to them.

Since you mostly know when you'll see a mirror, you do it before you even think about it.

Which is why it's a shock to us that photos look so different! Because there isn't a mirror to prep our minds. Also our mirror face is a correction, but the opposite way around - another mental fallacy.

On the plus side - anecdotally, everyone I know prefers how people look in real life, unposed!

Wow! Just a massive thank you to everyone who has replied, especially those lovely people who were brave enough to put their photo in to help me.
I've sat here for an hour thinking about why I posted this and what is truly going on. I have massive self confidence issues and can barely go outside, it takes me hours to leave the house and then I'm literally shaking, sweating, paranoid, it's like a dread feeling. It's only been since last summer which is when the second pic was taken. I'm literally like a hermit, don't work, socialize, anything. I think my looks are a massive part of this, I look in the mirror and just see failure, I think that's why I posted the most unflattering pic, it's how I feel on the inside. I hate myself.

@canyoufeed honestly you are a very attractive woman! Look In that mirror and tell yourself that all the time. You are!

It is based on how you feel inside.

But what's going on that, that one bad photo at a bad angle with bad lighting etc has impacted you so much?

OP just to cheer you up an older lady I was caring for yesterday said to me "ooh I've been trying to think who you look like".

I said "I hope it's no one ugly"

She goes "Sue pollard".

Now I'm sure Sue pollard is a lovely person but she's not known for her looks & she's also quite dippy, I was not pleased.

The problem is several men have made horrible comments about me which have stuck in my head & now this Sue pollard comment!

I think if you actually feel suicidal over your looks you do need to speak to your gp as it's a very extreme reaction as you are pretty.
I've felt terrible about my looks too so I understand how it feels to hate yourself.
Please get some help & soon you will feel fine about how you look.

OP you are beautiful. But no amount of hearing other people saying it will help you because I get the feeling that this is about something more than how you look.

Get some help. Talk to your gp and ask for some counselling. There may be a waiting list so in the meantime take baby steps at getting your lovely self back again. Go out for a wee walk. Meet a friend for coffee. Stop taking selfies and come off social media for a while. Selfies on social media are never true to life. I've met folk in real life who I've only seen on Facebook and not recognised them at all.

OP I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. Please talk to your GP. FWIW I think you look lovely!

Hello, I read this and thought to myself that you sounded so sad. I used to work for a mental health charity - could you perhaps call a doctor or the anxiety UK helpline and tell them what you’ve told us. I think there could be something deeper going on than how you feel about how you look. On that note, I take pics all the time that I’m not happy with. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that there is one objective reality that can be captured on camera and that is always and exactly how you look to others. Our brains don’t work like that and the universe is so much more complicated. How attractive we are to each other is relative and depends on so much - including hormones!!! I guess I’m just saying don’t use this as a rod to beat yourself with. The beauty inside you is reflected outside - I hope you find someone in real life to help you work through what’s going on as to why you can’t see it. X💐💐

As an experiment I just took a series of photos - selfies - some of them are hilarious. And I think that’s the thing. Could you take many photos? And see how different they all are? Change your position, change your background, change your facial expression - then remember in real life remember that’s how people see you - fleeting impressions of your face making all sorts of expressions, moving in lots of ways, changing. There’s no one way you ‘look’. By the way i used to have low confidence. This may sound ridiculous but I once followed the advice I read in a book called Women’s Bodies Womens Wisdom that if you feel like you can’t love your body take just one tiny thing about it and do positive affirmations on it. For me it was my legs - I used to beat myself up for how they looked a lot. Good luck x

@canyoufeedthedog ... poor you - I hardly ever go anywhere due to terrible anxiety, but you shouldn't ever stay in because of your looks - you look great - bloody phones, unless you are filtering yourself, holding it at just the right angle or are 16, make most of us look weird - don't ever keep yourself in because of your confidence in your looks - you look lovely - please go out and live your life ... if you ever want someone to moan at who's usually in , please message me

*greendale17 do you really think that was a nice thing to say when OP said she wanted to kill herself over her looks earlier?

canyoufeedthedog
I'm sorry you are feeling so sad.I think oatmilk4breakfast has some great advice xx

Sorry you're feeling so sad, I think you look fab. Perhaps this will cheer you up? ...you're welcome 😘

When talking a selfie I always hold the camera above my head looking down on me so you can't see all my double chins 😂

And anxiety is crap OP. It's horrendous when you feel so crap about yourself. Talk to people around you. Be kinder to yourself and take time to get you well

Look up. Hold the camera above you and look up into it x

I took over 70 pictures one night when I was low trying to convince myself I wasn’t an old bag......posted the best one on Facebook for everyone to say ‘it doesn’t look like you!!!! I have low self esteem and high anxiety and on bad days it’s horrible, but you are beautiful - believe in you

OP, you look like a honey in the second pic. The first pic is massively unflattering in every way - angle, lighting, etc. Literally no-one would look good like that.
Please see your GP. This isn't about selfies.

Finally, someone else. I've been asking myself this for years. I always look like a right plonker. When I look in the mirror though it's not so bad. How people do it? Is it the angle? Maybe we could use a selfie stick for a better angle and distance?

Well you’re not smiling for starters!

Spicylolly that is amazing

OP I’ve just done an experiment for you. I took a pic mimicking your first pic ... looking down, not smiling. I look like a drug addict.

I then did the 2nd pic, high angle with a smile and I actually look alright. I’m not brave enough to post them on here but honestly, you look lovely in both pics, the 2nd pic is just a better photo of you!

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.