I have n.c.
I am aware I am depressed, but it is situational as opposed to chemical Imbalance, if you get me?
Everyday I have suicidal thoughts, how I would do it, what would be the impact, I relay scenarios in my head such as the kids will be fine eventually etc.
I know this isn't true, i have no intention of ever acting on it, but I suppose I am trying to get an idea of how bad this is. I often wake up wishing I didn't, I function okay, but I am deeply unhappy and I just don't see it ever getting better. I think life is just bad for some people and that includes me.
However that being said I would never act on it because my logical brain knows how hurt my children would be and I am really really trying hard not to fuck them up and destroy there lives.
Not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this post,maybe someone has been through similar.