Family of 5 in one bedroom... illegal overcrowding?

[Skysha]

Hello all, I'm new to this. So I have a quick question and can people be mindful with being offensive as I suffer from post natal psycosis and negative comments can hurt deeply.

So I live in a one bedroom flat with my husband, 5 year old son and twin girls who have just turned one.

According to the overcrowding 'law' we are overcrowded as we have equivalent 3.5 people living in what they would consider two bedroom since the living room can be slept in.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in my situation or any advice on what I can do would be great. Due to my mental health since I've had my girl I have had the social workers, perinatal team, crisis (home treatment team) and now the early intervention psycosis working alongside me. Truth be told my mental health is a bigger problem then housing but it's getting very overcrowded now.

You will end up in hospital if you keep refusing to take medication. The aim for the medication is to dull down those voices you hear.

But you don't want to dull those noises do you? You say they comfort you. You also say your children are 'safe' with you but then later on admit "Honestly sometimes I don't even feel like my kids are safe with me."

You repeat you want a bigger home and state off these housing legislation then you say being in a smaller accommodation is helping your mental health.

You are obviously very mentally ill, having 3 kids with a condition such as schizophrenia (sounds like that diagnosis) must be very difficult. You must keep engaging with the professionals and take your pills.

Are you currently in council accommodation? As if at the time you were allocated you weren’t overcrowded then they don’t have to put you in a priority list.

Can your social worker help talk you through the housing situation? Could they make contact for you with a housing department social worker?

I’m teall sympathetic to your plight but having spent time working for an east London housing department I can’t offer much good news

Skysha If your mental health team are talking about sectioning you must be very poorly indeed as the threshold is high. My
mum was in and out of hospital when I was a child and sometimes it took the section and the inpatient stay to make her better again and bring a bit of stability back. They won’t be trying to blackmail you but explaining what next steps might be.

I’m not sure if general boards on mumsnet will be the best thing for you as some posts on here can be very cutting and those sort of posts won’t be easy to read if you’re poorly.

Your housing situation does sound difficult and hopefully you can get support to move somewhere a little bit bigger.

Op its you life, your family you make the decisions on what is best for your family. Whether its being on the meds, moving houses/areas, relationships with extended family, its all your your decision.

Focus on your health, get yourself to positive state of mind then tackle the other areas. If your ok with the house then leave it for now. Get time to your self and try to leave twins with people you trust. Its important to have that me time to refresh.

My twin girls are 18m and are still in our bedroom but through choice as they have their own room, we just don’t use it.

I imagine space is tight but it’s not too bad when they’re babies surely?

@user1471426142

Yeah my mental health is very poorly. People don't get it, I like the voices I'm not scared anymore. Originally I was scared that's why I was honest with health professionals about how I feel.
Yeah I don't think this is the right platform, I thought I'd ask for some advice as I don't have many friends or people who can advice me and instead I get questioned what was running through my mind when I decided to have my second twin? I would have thought this forum would be nice understanding mums but instead there are some evil people behind screens. I hate how a complete strangers opinion has stole the whole night sleep from.me and now my girls are awake and the day has begun with no sleep all over a comment. This really isn't the right platform for me

You might be better in some of the sub forums where you might get a gentler response. Sometimes it can be helpful for posters to get honest and frank responses but you are very vulnerable and dwelling on passing comments could be quite risky for you. I do hope you can get into a better place mentally as everything must feel very hard at the moment.

Op you have posted on an open forum, people are entitled to say what they wish, as long as they don't break guidelines.

You cant just get upset everytime someone says something you dont like. You are allowing it to get to you, brush it of. Take what you can from the advice/comments of other posters and make your own decision.

I think people questioned to get a better understanding of your situation, dont think people were being evil. Yes this probably isn't the best place to post if you are quite sensitive

Based on the fact you are living in a place where housing of all types is at a premium I doubt the council will be able to help - you can bid to swop but to be frank you will be lower priority than homeless families or those with older kids. Having your disability due to mental health be listed is essential so that gives you a leg up the priority list which could help however really you need to think of other solutions. Get your benefits sorted and ensure you are claiming everything you are entitled to then you have a couple of choices to move quicker - a private let locally, risky as tenancy is no longer long term but you keep your local support network or register to swop elsewhere in the country where council housing is more common (and someone would want to move south).

I don't know your family support system locally but here most council houses are 3 bed semi's with garages and gardens costing about £100 a week so if your dp is working money will go a lot further so if you don't have ties it's worth considering this (ordinary jobs don't pay much less, perhaps 50p-£1 an hour less but everything costs less!)

People use their own experiences and understanding when responding to posts on here. Some may not read everything, or take it in. A few may mean to be unsympathetic, but there are lots of supportive posts and suggestions.

I have 2 suggestions. One is that your husband takes on your housing issues. The other is that you take advice from your mental health team. You may not be of British ethnicity, but I assume you are a UK citizen, and your family at some point chose to live here, and to use the NHS. Perhaps the 'culture' isn't helping you with your mental health.

I don't mean that to be harsh, but you're first responsibility is to yourself and your children. Take the help.

'Your'.

Skysha I had very, very unexpected twins who were born when our son was 2.5. (We had only ever intended to have 2 kids)

It's hard enough when you have ok accommodation, and lots of family support - I simply cannot imagine how hard it must be in your situation so I wanted to reach out and say I am thinking of you and sending all the good thoughts to hope things ease for you soon. 💐🍰

Please, please do engage with the doctors to get a suitable medication, for the sake of your children. I have read stuff and listened to radio programmes on postnatal psychosis and it's terrifying - but it is fixable with the right treatment and management. Just not taking the medicine isn't an option if you really truly want to get better - do talk with your doctors about this.

Finally, people get a range of responses on Mumsnet, no matter what they post about. Best not to take it personally. Some responses will be warmly supportive and others will be less so, and some people will disagree with what's been said. And that's ok. It doesn't make them evil. Look at all the nice replies you've had and don't focus on the others.

Agree with those who have said Internet forums may not be a helpful place for you until your mental health is in a better place.

I wish you and your family all the best, and hope your living situation becomes easier really soon.

Hi op, I'm so sorry you're in this situation but I wanted to point something out to you regarding the meds that I've read on here many times.

Before I do, I also want to tell you that I suffer with MH issues so understand the perceived "shame" that many experience and more so if from a different culture.

Ok so hypothetically you wake up one day really unwell. You manage to see the doctor and it turns out you have a nasty infection which can only be sorted with antibiotics.
Doctor prescribes them and you take them
with no shame involved. You start to feel better slowly but surely.

MH problems are too an illness and you aren't well. It's like a chemical imbalance that needs medication to get you well again. However, unlike the infection above it takes longer. The worst thing to do is to leave it and hope it goes away on its own.
You need help and by taking the medication ( please see GP if you think yours aren't right ) then you are engaging with the health professionals and showing willing.
The worst thing would be to just bury your head in the sand here. You sound very unwell and I hope things improve for you.

It's good that you're willing to move away as there is so much more housing stock available in certain pockets of the country and a fresh start could be the making of you. Best of luck

This present moment is the complex consequence of many events – some caused by you and some caused by other people. It does no good to place blame on whose “fault” any of it is. The reality is that no matter who “caused” your circumstances in this moment in time, you have to deal with them nonetheless. It is in your best interest to accept this moment precisely as it is.

Hello all, I'm new to this. So I have a quick question and can people be mindful with being offensive as I suffer from post natal psycosis and negative comments can hurt deeply.

Well that all depends on what you might choose to frame as 'offensive.'

It's going to be hard for people to comment honestly and fairly without having to say anything that you may find negative and there isn't really much that's positive to useful to say about your situation, but I'll try.

Look on the bright side, you have free health care and support for your PND and you live in a country where MH problems are not swept under the carpet, even if people in 'your culture' including your own family, would prefer that they were.

In addition, you have a dry, warm, safe roof over your family's heads with clean running water and electricity subsided by the state so you have to pay less than private market rent. You already have so much more than most people in the rest of the world have, or will ever have.

I've just deleted everything else I really want to say about some of the social and cultural issues raised this thread, because I'd be banging my head against a brick wall and will probably get deleted for causing 'offence' by pointing out some uncomfortable truths.

I genuinely hope your MH issues are treated effectively and with compassion and that you feel much better very soon.

subsidised, not subsided!

How old are the kids? Can you put bunk beds in the bedroom for the kids and get a sofa bed for the living room for yourself and your husband? This won't work if they're still very little but didn't see the ages (if I missed it sorry).

I really wouldn't worry too much about the threat of sectioning - it sounds like a threat to get you to comply to take medication. If you are unwell enough to be sectioned you would be, as you haven't been, you are not unwell enough to be, so it's just a threat that if you don't comply then you 'may' become unwell enough to warrant sectioning.

Has anyone suggested a mother and baby(babies) placement for you? That would seem a good short-term solution.

I don't understand why your husband (who must be competent and capable or your children would have been removed), hasn't applied for housing benefit, and tried to address the housing situation?

Medication isn't something to fear - Quetiapine (which I note you are no longer taking), is quite mild at a low dose (though makes you zombie like and tired at higher doses). You don't mention what you are taking, but there are anti psychotics which do not cause tiredness or affect your ability to function (aripiprazole for example).

Please engage with mental health services and stop frustrating them with your non compliance. Maybe take a proactive step to helping yourself. Do you take the twins to any mother and baby groups?

stay gives excellent advice. I'd like to add that you ARE on reliable long term contraception now, aren't you?

Please say you are.

Hi Skysha,

We're really sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. Please do take a look - there are lots of organisations listed that can offer you advice. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well. One such organisation is PANDAS, a foundation set up to help anyone struggling with antenatal and postnatal illnesses - please do take a look at their website here. They can provide online support and run local support groups. Their helpline number is 0843 28 98 401 and is open 9am to 8pm every day.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread to our Mental Health section shortly.

Sending good wishes, OP.

Best post by far.

Ultimately with mental health there is a overwhelming sense of not just losing your mind but also having absolutely no control or say over your life, even basic day to day things. So this is so important.

I'm going to bookmark this post, thank you for offering some light and clarity amongst all the darkness and co fusion.

Quick update a home surveyor will be visiting my place next week and those that kept saying I won't get any extra points well I already do. My social worker isn't happy with my accomodation either so he will be getting in touch with them too. Thanks too all the positive comments