Family of 5 in one bedroom... illegal overcrowding?

[Skysha]

Hello all, I'm new to this. So I have a quick question and can people be mindful with being offensive as I suffer from post natal psycosis and negative comments can hurt deeply.

So I live in a one bedroom flat with my husband, 5 year old son and twin girls who have just turned one.

According to the overcrowding 'law' we are overcrowded as we have equivalent 3.5 people living in what they would consider two bedroom since the living room can be slept in.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in my situation or any advice on what I can do would be great. Due to my mental health since I've had my girl I have had the social workers, perinatal team, crisis (home treatment team) and now the early intervention psycosis working alongside me. Truth be told my mental health is a bigger problem then housing but it's getting very overcrowded now.

@Mummyoflittledragon thank you for your response.

The mental health team are Great but I do hallucinate often and end up not taking medication. I sometimes feel like they are pushing me to get better but I'm not getting any better. I did tell them I don't like it when they talk about hospital stay but all the health professionals IV worked with keep saying the same thing. If I end up in hospital I wouldn't make it out alive. They bring it up alot because Im willing to accept help (because my social worker said if I don't then his going to go down the child protection route which is mega embrassing as I work in my son's school as an early years practitioner) but I'm not too keen on pumping my body up with medication that doesn't work at all.

**drivemissdaisy stop it please. She had twins which is always a huge shock to the system. I have twins and it changed my life totally...she wanted one baby not 2. If she had 1 baby, she 'probably' would not have had post natal psychosis and be working and be able to rent a 2 bed flat!.

The example on shelters website on this page covers your situation.

You could talk to the social worker about your housing departments rent deposit scheme. Some councils will cover the bond for rent to assist moving into private rented accommodation. Another option is to look to see if your council does outside of borough council housing moving out of east London might help you acces a better property.

There is a huge shortage of 2 and 3 bedroom council properties and as you aren’t over crowded you won’t have good chance of getting the ones that come up.
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Skysha I can imagine how tough it is for you. Twins take such a toll on your mental health. It is only by the grace of God that I am same today. Please ignore everything else for now and apply for housing benefit so that you can maybe rent 2 bed flat . Having more space will actually help your mental health.

I know it's hard but you must focus your energy on what will move you forward.

@ICJump thank you for your response

According to the website it is illegally overcrowded in terms of space standards over room standards and according to the housing act 1985 you need to fit into either category for it to be classified as illegal overcrowding. So yes I will have a good chance of the 2/3 bedrooms that will be available at some point that will come up.

@femfemlicious thank you for your kind response. I haven't been thinking much about moving but it's the mental health team around me that have brought it up a few times and they too think there is a chance I could get better faster based on more space etc. Some people on this are such horrible sad low life individuals. Twins are such hard work, I don't even need to explain myself to you I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. But yes I will get onto making that housing benefit application soon as and hopefully something will turn up.

Sorry what do they mean you won’t make it out alive? I imagine they mean you would be considered too unwell to ever be released, is that correct? What an awful thing to say and to have hanging over you and would have thought will have a massive effect on your mental health.

I think this is something to complain about tbh. I’m really angry for you.

@Mummyoflittledragon

I meant as in I don't think I'd want to live if I ended up there. There's such a stigma around mental health especially within my culture and everyone will just think I'm crazy even when I get better. I did complain about it telling them I stay up all night thinking the worst and how it doesn't help hearing that but they have to say it because I refuse to take my medication. It feels like blackmail

**Skysha hun absolutely. Twins can be so overwhelming. Sometimes you can't even think straight. But definitely use any energy you have to try to get more space. It will really help your mental health to have a more normal environment as I can imagine how crowded and cluttered your flat is.

I hope your husband is fully involved as I know 'men' tend to disengage when there are problens like this. You really need more support and help with the babies.

Contact your local councillor. They may be able to help you.

If you feel your medication isn't working then please engage with your doctor to find some medication that does.

You are not 'pumping your body up with medication'. The right one or the right combination, or the right dosage can make a huge difference. Yes, adequate accommodation where you can all have a little room and privacy and where a school age child can have a room to himself however small or even a comfy bed in the living room can make a difference, but please engage with your doctor and trust that the right meds can be found for you.

It is such a pity that you can't level with your family about this trouble you are having (I understand the problem with stigma) and that you feel so much on your own here, and seemingly dealing with people who are pressuring you. But if you are hallucinating then you need to talk to the doctor and figure out something better than what you currently have in terms of medicine.

Also, if you are hallucinating, you may not be best positioned to take care of the little ones. Child protection is quite a drastic step for social services to be considering.

So please go back to your doctor.

Yes- stay on the list for housing and make the best case you can for adequate accommodation. But please don't peg all your hopes on new surroundings as a means of helping with your MH problem. If you appear to be fighting against the medication route of dealing with this then social services will be more inclined to take a poor view of your ability to take care of the children and sectioning will also be considered as a means of getting you back on track and to a point where you can be receptive to the help that is being offered.

So my advice is to first and foremost accept the medication method, try to get a better prescription, and also - as a second tier plan, not Plan A - keep on applying for better accommodation.

Make sure SS and your team know you are accepting the medication advice as a primary way of dealing with this.

What a difficult situation. Sorry if I missed this or if it was obvious (I can't find my glasses) but have you seen your GP about your mental health?

@skysha i know you said that you would qualify for housing benefit from October 18 and that you would apply soon and get backdating. However housing benefit can only be backdated a maximum of 1 month from the date of request.
You husband can apply for it if you can’t face it and lots of councils have gone oblige now so it may be that you can submit the supporting evidence on line. Don’t want to worry you more but don’t want you counting on something that you won’t get.

Also for backdating you Have to show good cause for not applying earlier. Good luck with everything

Oh sorry. Phew!

I get the feelings of blackmail. That sounds tough. Can you have an internal discussion with yourself and peace with yourself to take the medication so you can be well for your children? I know we all work differently. When I’m struggling with something (I’m chronically ill) I use visual cues to remind me. So perhaps looking at your children and remembering all the brilliant things you will be able to do with them in the future and aiming to do one nice yet tiny thing every day. Idk if that will induce guilt so I’m not advocating this just suggesting.

Posted too soon. I don’t think you’re mad. Or crazy. If your family decide to think that in the future, that’s their choice. It doesn’t make them right.

Is there any way you could say to your family/friends that it is your physical health that is struggling from having the twins, i.e. exhaustion? You need to break the cycle of not sleeping affecting your mental health, which in turn affects your ability to be rational and also to rest as you are hyper-aroused. If you could get regular help/rest with your friends and family helping out you could deal with the situation much better.

At the very least, could someone occasionally have the six year old to stay to allow them to get some proper rest. Could your husband occasionally do the nighttime with the twins to give you some sleep. Until you sort out sleep/rest, you won't sort out your mental health as they are all connected.

@skysha if you are hallucinating you really have to take the medication. I understand about not wanting to tell family and friends about your mental health issues because of culture. I too am from a culture that stigmatizes mental health issues. 2 of my sister's have had mental health crisis recently and we as a family have rallied around them as they have rallied around me when I have been down.

Tell your immediate family so they can support you. Don't worry about if they will think you are 'mad'. I think you need a break from the kids so you can get some equilibrium. Ask someone to have them for a weekend. It will really help.

Would it be easier to get a larger place outside London? Also if your community traditions are unsupportive with your condition would you feel better supported in a less Asian area?

@mathanxiety thank you for your response.

I did take medication before I was on quetpine and now on some other one which I don't even no the name of because the home treatment team come every single day to watch me have it which is probably another reason why I have stopped.

My family don't really know what's going on but my husband has been a great help and I don't know how I would have done it without him.

Thing is I know it sounds crazy but I don't want the voices to stop. The voices have almost become my friends they understand me and probably the only people/voices that understand me. I wouldn't hurt my children and social services are only concerned about my mental health but happy with the children's development.
I can't go gp because I can't stand being in situations like that because of germs and stuff and I have psych doctors that visit me as they are more trained in the field. Housing isn't a cause of this at all. In fact living in a smaller accomodation has made this all bearable I don't know how I would have coped in a bigger house.
Child protection is a drastic step but the things I ended up telling them and being honest about was pretty deep in that sense. Honestly sometimes I don't even feel like my kids are safe with me.

@MyOtherProfile thank you for your response and yes this has been an ongoing issue since Feb last year and they were the ones who referred me.

@Stickmangate thank you for your response, I will attempt to get it back dated but I'm not too fussed if they don't to be honest.

@Mummyoflittledragon

I guess so, but I just end up feeling so guilty for loss time. Overall I think there is a massive stigma against depression and I have internal conversation every single day near enough every hour.

@Bungleinthejungle thank you for your response. I don't like staying elsewhere I don't trust people touching my kids. My family kinda know but they don't even know what post natal depression is and if they know I hallucinate they will assume I'm seeing the devil or some evil spirit or some sort. My son does go to my parents and stay often and o think my husband has depression too so he can't do night duties alone. I do take sleeping tablets at night time normally but today i didn't. I did sort out my sleep but my girls are quiet needy and very attached to me and that just messes it all up for me.

@femfemlicious sorry to hear about your siblings. And my family kinda do know but they don't know the term for it. Plus I have a rocky relationship with them as it is. I do want to take my medication but sometimes it's nice having a voice/friend that understand you.

@Asdf12345 thank you for your response and yes I wouldn't mind moving far and wide but every reigon has housing crisis

@drivemissdaisy is entitled to her own opinions, and only said what alot of people would be thinking.

You have a husband and family around you. You have a support network, you should break that stigma and ask for help from them.

There is always the option of moving away from London, to areas where you can get more for your money. Thats if your willing to move out of london.

If you are not bothered by a small house then why are you stressing yourself out over it. Try to utilise all the support you have.

The voices will go in time, I had this and took medication for 6 months and it calmed them and the hallucinations enough for m to wean off the meds.

6 years later I have the odd episode but remind myself it is not real constantly till the episode passes.

Trust the mental health team, they are trying to keep your family together, the meds will help you.

I am bothered about my children's development and they are partially lacking due to housing standards. That's why i am bothered. This stigma in My culture isn't easily broken and I frankly want to get better and that doesn't mean I need my immediate families support. I have my husband and health professionals

I guess so. I gave quetpine a go and didn't work then another one and now they want to trial another one. I don't want to be rebellious and end up loosing the kids or end up in hospital