Depression support thread - gratitude, positivity, solidarity

[MHsupport]

Hi everyone, I’m starting this thread for myself, and anyone else who needs some support in dealing with low mood/depression.

I’ve not had a good Christmas, it’s a hard time of year anyway, for lots of people, for lots of reasons and I fear I need a boost from somewhere to help get me back on track.

So here’s a place to offload, but most importantly to try to see the positive, practice gratitude and maybe share strategies... I’ll be back with some of the things that help me, in the hope that they might help others....

At least I... list not An least I. Hope that makes more sense.

Hi all. New to this posting thing. I am struggling to get dressed. I brushed my teeth just now because I had to. I'm just obsessively thinking of everything that could go wrong in my life. I just want to sleep and not wake up. Today it's bright outside and it's hurting my eyes. I can hear the neighborhood all running around and making the most of this 'beautifil day's and it's making me feel worse. My husband is sleeping right now but he has to go out and leave me alone later. I'll be ok. I am scared the door will knock. I won't answer it if it does but I hate that sound!

Hi all

Sorry, been busier again pretending to get on with normal life, which does help. Welcome to the newcomers

itsall I can empathasise about having family members who seem to have it all, but remember that they are only human too and will have their own problems/insecurities. Try not to compare yourself to your sister if you can.

Some great suggestions from OneStep thank you for sharing. I have been doing some major self-counselling: reminding myself that my thoughts are just constructs of the mind, they are not necessarily true, and most of all, if they are not helpful then whether they are “true” or not, don’t give them airspace/headspace.

I do think CBT techniques can be useful, and even positive affirmation type work - part of the problem with depression is you don’t acknowledge the good things, therefore it’s necessary to look harder for it and try to make it count for more.

Arwen so sorry you are struggling how has the day been since you posted?

I will try to come back again later. to all

@Itsallpointless, I definitely think the CBT could really help you.
Like MHSupport said, try not to compare yourselves to others. Your sister & her partner won't be perfect and just like the rest of us will have their own issues. I think alot of us put on 'a show' when we have visitors...we want people to see us in a positive light... things probably aren't as glowing as they might appear.
In the CBT work you might find you have some 'self-defeating beliefs' that are making you unhappy ..such as "only those who are in loving relationships can be happy"..."If I'm alone I'm bound to be unhappy" and "I must have an absorbing, time consuming hobby or interest to be happy". You can do several CBT exercises to overcome these beliefs & feel alot better.

mh and gourmet the saying goes ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and though I know this is absolutely true, it’s very hard not to compare. My sister and her husband have a good relationship, however, I’m fully aware of their ‘issues’. I guess my sister has been able to do what I’m unable to do, and that is have the confidence to find a decent man, I’ve always gone for ‘the underdog’ as I clearly thought/think I’m worthless.

The CBT sounds good, I really want to get a handle on this. I am continually watching what I say, how I say it, feeling wretched after saying something I think might not be quite ‘right’. Completely irrational thinking! I just don’t feel good enough. I guess that’s why I overeat too, it’s filling avoid, brings instant pleasure-then the loathing of what I’ve consumed. I don’t really take pride in my appearance, don’t get me wrong, I’m clean and wear some make up, respectable clothes, but I certainly don’t make the best of myself. What’s the point? I’m not good enough. Very sad, and nobody knows how bad I really feel.

@Itsallpointless so sorry you're feeling so low about yourself
Thanks for being so honest about how you're feeling.. I'm no expert, but I really don't think you're alone..I reckon most people struggle with not feeling 'good enough'...I think it's at the route of most people's depression.
I know for me it definitely is the cause of my depression!! The constant theme in my CBT exercises is 'I'm hopeless/ not liked much or enough/ I'm faulty etc etc ' ...I honestly don't know where I'd be without the CBT..it shuts up the critical voice in my head, makes me realize I don't need others approval, that I don't need to be 'perfect' etc etc to enjoy my life.
I think you'd find it so beneficial. I used to be so unhappy & negative about myself 90% of the time, but with these exercises I get a peace of mind & feel okay about myself alot of the time now...I need to do the work weekly, sometimes daily, but it pays off.
It's not a magic wand, but saying that the exercises do turn around your thinking pretty quick.. often within minutes. Illogical thoughts will always pop up, that's part of being human, but I know with these exercises you've the tools to tackle them.
If you're not sure, you could just read the author's first book 'Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy' .. it's a really easy & fun read, the author's compassion & sense of humour are lovely.
He's done some good talks, this one is my favourite, give you an idea if it'll be your cup of tea:

poinless and gourmet can I respond to your 'not good enough' feelings?

I used to get that so severely. I used to refuse to allow myself to eat because I didn't believe I fully existed. I wasn't present enough in the world, making enough of a mark to deserve food or a bath etc. It shocks me to look back on that time.

What I've noticed is you can start to believe something by doing it. You don;t need to believe it at first or even focus on it at all. You can have a completely neutral attitude to it if that helps. But if you can, start telling yourself stuff like:
In the morning I get up, shower, put on make up and wear the nicest clothes I can find in my wardrobe, because that's what I do.
At breakfast, I look for healthy foods that will, over a period of time, nourish my brain so that it is more balanced.
I will go out for a walk now. I don;t want to but off I go anyway.

You don't need to justify it or earn it. You just need to make it a habit. Very gradually a new voice in your head gets established and you suddenly find it talking over the shrieking dementors. It's weird when it happens but it's bloody nice.

This morning I wasn't going to bother with a shower, and a voice popped up and said: Watch it. This is a dangerous time of year for you. Just have that shower. Stay on track.

Another thing that helps is acknowledging when you do something that helps. It feels so artificial but who gives a toss? I try and tell myself in my head: You went for a walk. Good job. Walks help keep depression at a lower level and you went for one.this is a Good Thing. I just try and let those cheerful voices rattle along a bit longer. I'm trying to make them second nature.

gourmet I like that man, he speaks well, so genuine and sincere, makes a lot of sense. I will look for more videos and his books.

My not feeling good enough has got worse since the death of my sister. You see my mum and my sister actually made me feel valued, other members of my family make me feel like crap. I read somewhere that fulfilling relationships are beneficial to your well being, I can see that. That warmth you feel from people you know truly care about you. I don’t feel that warmth anymore, my family have no idea as they’re so wrapped up in their own lives.(

I’m glad of this thread, I actually feel like you all truly understand how I feel.

onestep I like your structure, i bet it’s not easy though is it? But you still
Plug away.

@Itsallpointless so sorry for the loss of your sister. It sounds like you had a great relationship.
I know what you mean.. some people just seem to have this inner strength & radiate warmth, affection, positivity? You feel good in their company & they're so encouraging?
I didn't have that from my family growing up... the opposite infact, but my partner is quite like that..so positive! & I'm always drawn like a magnet to anyone that is!
The CBT can definitely help with feeling better about yourself.
Yes Dr Burns is a great speaker (& writer) If you're interested he also has his own website: Feeling good.com..he does a weekly podcast..aimed at professionals & the public, which always really interesting & helpful.

Can I join? I'm not doing great at the moment, I'm stressed and there's a lot going on and I'm all weepy and all over the place and anxious and I know there is a lot of great things going on for me right now but I can't shake the things that aren't.

I am still here reading but struggling a bit to find the right words to post. Thank you to Gourmet for encouraging us all and giving hope that things can get better.

Itsall are you sure you can’t speak to your children/wider family and let them know how you’re feeling and that you can use some support?

If there’s one thing I could nudge people into doing more of at the moment, it’s exercise. And being kind to yourself. and to all once again x

Of course you can join Bunty. I recognise a lot of what you’re saying, life can be quite overwhelming at times.

@MHsupport, thanks..it might not work for everyone, but I always tell people about the stuff I use incase it helps them, have bought the book for friends a few times.
You seem a very generous & caring person, from your posts

@Bunty, sorry you're feeling upset... do you know what is making you is making you stressed & anxious at the moment?

My wife left me in November 2017. This Christmas was quite good. I had 5 Christmas dinners with various groups and I’ve been learning to ring church bells so had loads of ringing to do. However, since my son went back to university (he was with me on Christmas Day) I’ve been ill with flu and have also psychologically collapsed. When you’re ill you can’t be busy and then just dwell on things.

Hello everyone, can I join? It's good to read about other people's experiences and what's helping.

I've been low for what feels like a long time. I work part time in a job that's related to mental health which has made me a lot worse. I resigned before Christmas rather than start having to take time off sick. I know it's the right decision but I find it hard to get anything in perspective now, it all seems so messed up.

It's good to be reminded about things that help - I get to a point where I stop doing things that I know help. Today it's helped when those thoughts come just to think that I'm just not well and they don't mean anything. But that isn't always possible.

Singledad - that's tough. Being ill and alone at the lowest ebb of the year would make anyone feel sad.
How are you now? Can you take soem gentle walks - get a bit of air and nature?
Can you rest in bed or on the sofa with a notebook or laptop and plan some good things to look forward to in 2019?

Thank you @GourmetGold for you kind words, it means a lot, even from a stranger on the internet

I think kindness it a huge thing and as I said upthread, kindness towards ourselves is key. Keep remembering that folks! You deserve that kindness.

Welcome @batmay and @SingleDadReally you both sound like you’re trying to help yourself, which is fantastic. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. Just reading/posting here takes courage and shows you want to feel better. Again, such a positive tick in the box.

When you’re going through hell, keep going! We’re not alone.

OneStepMoreFun. Most of the time I’m fine-I occasionally have these little collapses where I get in a rut and don’t want to emerge from the duvet. When I look back on 2018, my first full year alone it’s amazing what I achieved. I started a new job which is still a bit difficult but will probably be okay, I went on 3 tours with my cycling club, one of which I organised myself and one my son also went on. I’ve also been church bell ringing and rang for Remembrance Day and now ring at 3 churches. I also look after my son for the 5 months he’s not at university, financially support him and have kept this house going on one salary and still managed to save every month. I have no mortgage but are pretty much on the average national salary. I would just like to feel settled and have an extended period without any psychological crises.

I would just like to feel settled and have an extended period without any psychological crises. Yes, that's so understandable. Maybe this year will be the one. You have made so many positive changes already. And although moving house is hugely stressful so I wouldn;t contemplate it until you feel a lot stronger, you may feel happier, long term, in a smaller, cheaper place that has no legacy of memories but is all your own.

I don’t really want to move. It’s my childhood home, self built by my parents, but I might have to in a divorce-another bit of jeopardy.

gourmetgold I miss my sister dreadfully, she was my friend, my confidante, a huge loss. We have to carry on though. I shall look at Dr Burns website thank you.

MHsupport sadly, there is nobody in my family who would even remotely understand my feelings, I think we were all brought up not to talk about them. My siblings all have partners and fairly happy/settled lives, they’ve no interest really.

singledad you are being very positive considering what’s happened, you’ve kept yourself busy, motivation is always very difficult in these circumstances so well done to you!
bat and bunty sorry you’re struggling, keep posting here, nice kind people will give you the support you need.

I’m struggling to sleep. It’s now when those thoughts creep in and floor me. I have nowhere to turn to, or that’s how I feel. I’m so drained emotionally, I’d love to run away and start afresh somewhere else. That’s not the answer I know, you can’t run from your feelings, but I just want to run, and run and run.

I'm really low right now. I feel like my life is at a standstill and I'm going nowhere fast. I'm a mature student and a 24yr old 1st year. My friends are all 19-21 and seem so happy and carefree (I also see them in low moments and do my best to help them so I know it's not sunshine and rainbows for them). I feel like no matter how hard I work I get no further forward and I'm either up all night and sleep all day or I sleep all day and night and I can't shake it at all.

I have several health issues such as ASD, OCD, Anxiety and an autoimmune disorder. I'm overweight and trying to improve that but I can't get any of my life on track let alone my diet. Today for example I've ate six cookies, a chocolate chip brioche a few mouthfuls of a chinese takeaway and now I've a plate of cheese, crackers and some veg because I need to eat something. I'm currently prepping a load of food so that I can make some actual meals but I just can't get the motivation to finish sorting it. What usually happens is I get motivated then cook a nice healthy meal and then have no desire or energy to eat it. It's like my human motivation battery is always running on empty and there is nothing I can do to recharge it.

Immediately after my wife left me, almost without thinking I adopted the practice of physically writing down what I planned to do that day and ticking each item off. These could be very simple things like have a wash, have breakfast, put the rubbish out. Once you’ve got a list of several things like this that have been done I found my confidence that I wouldn’t completely collapse began rising. It may be even more affirmative to just write down what you’ve done after you’ve done it. At this point 14 months ago I was off work for a week and a half. I had to try and recover myself a bit because my son was coming home from university 3 weeks after my wife left.

My son is on the autistic spectrum (there’s probably a large hereditary component in it!) but I found many of the techniques to calm him (visual timetables, ensuring that your bedclothes really press down on you or are tightly tucked in in the summer-creating a visual decision tree of all the choices you face that day) very useful. Normally a part of your brain is occupied with all that but you need to free it up in crisis situations.

bunty bless you, so young and studying with all this going on in your head. I always turn to food in times of emotional stress, that’s probably where you’re at now. Trying to do everything at once, it can be overwhelming. Focus on your studies, they will stand you in good stead.

singledad you’ve given some very good practical advice there. Autism does make you change your mindset somewhat.