Depression support thread - gratitude, positivity, solidarity

[MHsupport]

Hi everyone, I’m starting this thread for myself, and anyone else who needs some support in dealing with low mood/depression.

I’ve not had a good Christmas, it’s a hard time of year anyway, for lots of people, for lots of reasons and I fear I need a boost from somewhere to help get me back on track.

So here’s a place to offload, but most importantly to try to see the positive, practice gratitude and maybe share strategies... I’ll be back with some of the things that help me, in the hope that they might help others....

That’s brilliant louderthan, really pleased for you, and also give me hope....my routine doesn’t start back until next week when DC back in school. I am so hoping things improve for me then as I have been struggling big time.

madroid yes yes to keeping busy and exercising also being tiring! I also hear you about social chit chat not filling that void of connecting with people on things that matter to you. Would you like to talk about what you think about here? I also have a missing family member, who I miss so much and think about a lot.

I also have a tendency about thinking about emotions and “big” issues, which, understandably other people find intense to talk about much....most people I know seem to prefer the idle chit chat you refer to.

Ah well, I sometimes console myself with the fact that their lives/heads must be quite dull

Thanks for recommendation Gourmet, is there a particular title/author?

@MHsupport, yes this one

10 Days To Great Self Esteem: 10 Easy Steps to Brighten Your Moods and Discovering the Joy in Everyday Living www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0091825628/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_puslCb0Q6A6RY?tag=mumsnetforum-21

All the authors books are great, this one I use the most.

Thank you @GourmetGold. Fantastic that you have turned things around, do you mind me asking (roughly) how old you are now? Im 42 so wondering if time of life makes a difference.

@MHsupport I'm 44. I was depressed from about 16 years old.
If anything I should probably feel worse by now, had thyroid problems & now in perimenopause.
But last few years I've really done lots of regular CBT from the book & mentally I feel the best I've ever been!
I do the depression questionnaire every time, before & after the exercises & it tells me how depressed I am or am not...mostly no depression nowadays! But have to keep doing the work regularly.
Thoughts & can cause a lot of upset.

Should say 'thoughts can cause a lot of upset'!

Hello all , I’ve never felt so dreadful, I’m on sertraline (2 months) but feel they’re not helping. I can’t sleep , quite often still awake at 4/5 in the morning and I can’t stop clenching my teeth.

I’ve been off work for 2 months and due back next week but the thought of it makes me feel sick.

I haven’t been out of the house since Christmas Day and have spent the last 3 days in bed.

Hi @Oddcat I’ve been where you are both with meds not working and with work, can you feasibly take more time of work? Visit your GP and say you are not well enough to return? Also to ask about dosage/meds?

I have previously had to increase the dose at the start to get an effect. I also tried a different AD (Citalopram rather than Sertraline). But it’s all a bit of trial and error and different people react differently to them. Teeth clenching is a side effect of Sertraline IME.

I really hope you feel better soon.

@GourmetGold thank you. Do you have DC? I find they are a major factor in my MH.

Still in bed today , I know I need to see my gp again but I can’t bring myself to pick up the phone, I just feel terrified.

@MHsupport, do you think having DC makes your mental health worse? Sorry not sure if that's what you meant?
No, I don't have any children & one of my main reasons not to have any, were my low moods before. I knew alot of people struggle with children.... I just didn't want to
even go down that road & then feel much worse.
I'm also autistic & have struggled with life in general.. can't have 'a lot on my plate' ....I react very quickly to situations & become easily upset... that's why the CBT & doing it very regularly (sometimes daily/several times a day) has been so good for me.
I'm not saying I don't struggle... just that I've now got the tools to calm myself & feel good again very quickly.
My advice to people is not to rely on medication solving their problem... can't recommend this book highly enough!

@GourmetGold Yes, in the main, my DC make my mental health worse as it’s a constant source of anxiety and feeling crap about myself. Not all the time, and sometimes it’s the opposite, things are going well and I’m contented. But managing those peaks and troughs is tough on its own, never mind the actual troughs, which are, frankly, hellish.

Really appreciate the advice and you sharing your experience here, thank you. Onwards and upwards, please!

@Oddcat how are you doing now? I’m so sorry you feel so awful, it’s so debilitating. Can you try a short walk? I used to take the view, when I was really unwell, that it couldn’t possibly make me feel worse, so I didn’t have anything to lose. And invariably it does help. Could you even walk to the docs and speak to someone in person (just about the appointment, I know you won’t actually be able to speak to someone properly). Sending strength. Depression is such a bastard.

Can I join? Since the 26th everything has all gone a bit downhill and I'm feeling crap and stressed about everything. Will expand on why later.

@MHsupport, so sorry, that sounds a really tough situation for you.
There's quite a few examples in the books I use of parents feeling very low due to parenting struggles & the exercises that helped...think in the first of the author's books 'Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy' there's a few examples.

Hi @LearningMySelfWorth. I love your username, and I’m sure all on this thread want to do some of that learning! What’s been going on for you?

I have been doing some journalling, not just the gratitude stuff but generally writing some stuff down that I hope will encourage/empower me in a few areas. I am also hoping it will act as a record of things so I can spot themes and also see progress being made.

@Oddcat how are you doing? I really feel for you as being in the depths of depression is just awful, I hope you can find some strength to just do one small thing at a time. Does even something like taking a shower help?

Thought I better add, (incase people were thinking the only reason the self help CBT had helped me was because I had mild depression & problems)...I was suffering severe depression, I attempted suicide many times & was the victim of severe abuse in childhood...so it can help anyone!!

Hi all , feel even worse today, I just can’t sleep, went to the chemist to pick up new prescription and had a chat with them. They said it sounds as if I am very sensitive to sertraline and it’s causing me to be hyper, got an appointment with gp at 16:40 to maybe change to a different ad.

Hi everyone, think this might be a helpful place for me right now.

Thx MHsupport you sound like such a kind sensible person.

The things I think about most of the time are coping with my grief and missing parent and partner who both died in the last two years. I felt a change last autumn, like the grief had loosened its grip a bit. Then in the build up to and actual Christmas and since I feel v much back in the midst of it again.
Not unconnected my other thoughts are about what to do with the rest of my life. I'm lonely as I am and can't face the idea of decades feeling so isolated. But I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't think I'm strong enough to try dating. And I'm not sure I want to anyway. I tried joining a choir but all they did was sing😁 There was no talking!

I know it's the same for a lot of people particularly in later life after children have left home.

Bless you madroid I am on a similar timeframe to you with the grief. I am hoping for me and for you, that the Christmas period was/is a blip rather than a permanent return to the depths of it. Let’s hope for that hey?

I can see how you would feel lonely, and that must be really hard. Do you work? Or could you do some volunteering? Sorry - that might be something you’re sick of hearing as it’s often suggested. I also realise work is everything, meaningful relationships are really important for well being.

purple welcome to you, I hope this place can be helpful for you. Do you have strategies in place at the moment, whether they are working or not?

I am upping every self care strategy I can think of - meditating, diet, exercise, me-time generally, gently trying to be a bit more honest about my struggles with those I trust telling. And, as upthread, the gratitude - even for small things.

Oddcat did you get your meds sorted? I do hope the GP was helpful and you have a plan for next week? Thinking of you and sending strength

I have started using a meditation app again. Trying to make plans in advance to have at least one thing to do/place to go every day. I usually struggle at this time of year but still havent learned to get things in place before hand. Getting back to work is usually a big help. Unfortunately this time my work situation is very unstable and this is causing me more worry.

Hi all, I thought I'd post about the self help CBT work I do.
One of the most common reasons for my low moods are my thoughts caused by 'self-defeating beliefs'..an attitude that is part of a person's 'value system' some beliefs are healthy, but many can cause problems...such as depression!
The most common ones (taken from the book):
Emotional Perfectionism: 'I should always feel happy, confident, and in control of my emotions'
Performance Perfectionism: 'I must never fail or make a mistake'
Perceived Perfectionism: 'People will not love me as a flawed and vulnerable human being'
Fear of disapproval or criticism: ' I need everybody's approval to be worthwhile'
Fear of rejection: 'If I'm not loved, then life is not worth living'
Fear of being alone: ' If I'm alone, then I'm bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled'
Fear of failure: 'My worthwhileness depends on my achievements/intelligence/status/attractiveness'
Conflict Phobia: ' People who love each other shouldn't fight'
Emtophobia: 'I should not feel angry anxious, inadequate, jealous, or vulnerable'
Entitlement: 'People should always be the way I expect them to be'.

One the most effective exercises I use to tackle these self defeating beliefs is to do a 'Belief Cost-Benefit Analysis'... just 2 columns..one the advantages, one the disadvantages of this belief..you can then weigh up if it's beneficial for you to keep this belief.
Sounds simple, but it's an amazingly effective exercise.
I then write an alternative belief afterwards.
Such as self defeating belief " If I'm not well liked, I'm bound to be unhappy"... becomes "Whilst it is nice to be liked, it is not essential for my happiness & enjoyment of life..the most important thing is liking myself & being my own best friend, taking part in activities I enjoy. When I like myself, being liked by others is a 'nice to have', not a 'need to have'.."

Hope this is helpful, just gives an example of some CBT work.

My other favourite exercise is 'Acceptance Paradox'...based on the Buddhist principles of accepting yourself as an imperfect human being, in the spirit of humour.

You have 2 columns..one is 'Automatic thought', other is 'Acceptance Paradox'.
You have a conversation with yourself, but your 'Automatic thought' is written as if it's someone else throwing an insult & 'Acceptance Paradox' is your reply.

An example:
Automatic thought 'You are a complete loser and waste of space!!!'
Acceptance Paradox 'I know! I'm pretty hopeless at so many things!!!... and being a loser & waste of space are some of my BETTER achievements!! '. .I add a smiley face too.
So instead of fighting your negative thoughts about yourself, you are completely accepting your imperfections in the spirit of humour!!
It really cancels your negative voice so effectively! And you can't stop laughing...well I can't!
The only time I don't use this is I'm very, very upset & tearful, I do other exercises first... because I'm not in the mood for a laugh!!
Sounds weird but it's fab! You accept yourself as the imperfect human that we all are.
It won't work if the accusing voice is saying "I am ..." It has to be "You are ..."

...and if you keep telling yourself you're a 'faulty person'... change it to 'person with faults'....well we all are!... sounds better?!!

Hello all. Haven’t posted for a bit. I spent Christmas and new year overseas with my sister, it was nice. She’s married to a man that adores her, she has a hobby that totally consumes her, and she’s quite confident. Though I had a nice time, I have to say it just reiterated what a shitty life I have, compounded my isolation and loneliness, I have no meaningful relationships, and these I think, are key to emotional well-being.

My sister is too far away for that meaningful relationship (she’s not really the ‘listening’ type to be honest) and there’s nobody else that fills the void of my mum and other sister.

I’m very low, lost and lonely. I can’t see a way forward at the moment.

gourmetgold I read your post recommending the book, I shall look into that. I’m going to try and work on myself this year.

This is a lovely thread. Goodon you @MHsupport for starting it.

I don;t currently have depression but am watching this space because it normally hits me in early Spring and for the first time in years I'm off ADs.

Things that help, as well as all the things you have listed:
Vitamin D spray and light boxes
Vitamin B complex tablets
Upbeat dance music or soothing piano music

And making an An Least I list last thing at night really helps. When you are depressed and feel unable to lift a finger, it's so important to acknowledge what you actually did do each day. I used to keep this leist and discover that I may have slept for 16 hours a day all week, but at least I showered or cooked tea for DC or ordered online some things DC needed because I couldn't manage high street shopping or at least I drank my coffee outside to get some fresh air and watch nature. However small the list, it proves to you that you are trying your best on any given day and that's a mood-boost.

Another thing that really helps me is to tell myself: 'I know you don't want to but you will anyway' - that got me into the bathroom for a shower or helped me stick a wash load on or any of those small things that feel too much. Three small things a day: wash and dress; go outside (even just the garden); do one easy thing that needs doing.