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Original poster

Intrusive thoughts about hurting my baby help :(

79 replies

Elmo311 · 16/08/2018 22:02

Hi everyone,
So I've got a 3month old, and i recently found out I'm pregnant again, and we were preventing:( but have decided to try and keep the baby if everything goes ok as early days.
Anyway, on monday i had a normal day, didn't feel stressed and i was cleaning some bottles and i just really wanted to finish what i was doing and DS was crying. I went over to him and i had this thought about suffocating him. Instead i picked him up and cuddled him but it took ages for me to get the thought out of my head. I would never harm him, i love him so much and i live for his smile.
Why am i thinking like this?
I also told my partner and i can see he is different with me as he is worried about me hurting our son. We had another chat today and he said he knows i wouldn't but he was just shocked and needs to process. No ones more shocked than me!

I do tend to be a negative thinker and it would usually be before a period or something that i would feel down, but never had thoughts like this. And now because my partner is finding it hard to get over, so am i even though i know i wouldn't harm my baby.
I am reluctant to go to the doc as obviously i wouldn't wanna take any meds because of this pregnancy. I'm good at getting things off my chest and i felt better once i had told my other half, as if by saying it, it could leave my brain. But now he is dwelling on what i told him it is making me feel bad and think of it more. What can i do? Will it go away? I love my son so much Sad

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info]

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 16/08/2018 22:05

Was it just the once or have you had similar thoughts coming back?
It can be a symptom of OCD and is actually quite common post natally

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/08/2018 22:06

I've never had it before monday. But since then i have been thinking the same thought, but not with the urge to do it but just the consequesnces of doing something like that etc.

OP posts:
FannytheW0nderDog · 16/08/2018 22:07

You need to see your GP tomorrow. Please don't try to bury this and hope it will go away. Your GP will listen to you and will give you some practical advice. Best of luck OP and hugs to you x x Flowers

Youcandothis365 · 16/08/2018 22:08

Unfortunately I don't have any practical advice ( I'm not a Mum yet), but I just wanted to send you some virtual hugs Thanks.

Hopefully someone will be along soon to give you some practical advice. But for now, just know that you're not alone xxxx

Chalady · 16/08/2018 22:08

Your Health Visitor should be able to support you through this. It happens to 1000s of new mothers.

postpartumstress.com/get-help-2/are-you-having-scary-thoughts/

You will get through this Flowers

haribosmarties · 16/08/2018 22:08

Tell your midwife as they have a special mental health midwife who you will be referred to who will be able to talk to you. She will have heard this all before as its a very common symptom of anxiety/pre natal depression and will be able to reassure you and offer advice etc
Flowers

ASpringerEspanya · 16/08/2018 22:11

Hiya, they're known as intrusive thoughts and can be a result of stress or depression.

I have anxiety and get them all the time. I'll be crossing the road and think 'i should step in front of this passing bus' I don't want to, and I've never even come close to doing it but I will think it everytime I cross the road.
I used to have them with my babies too.
It's a sign of illness. Not a sign you are a danger to your baby. But you do need to talk to someone x

Redcliff · 16/08/2018 22:18

Lots of hugs - I had just this with my baby. I had some CBT which was helpful (medication was never mentioned) and now my baby is 4 and everything is good.

SomeonesRealName · 16/08/2018 22:22

OP I had these thoughts when DC was a baby. It is not unusual and it doesn’t mean you’re going to hurt your baby - I think it can be caused by your subconscious worries about something happening to your child. However I found it all quite frightening and to this day I don’t know why I didn’t just speak to my health visitor or visit the doctor for reassurance and support. Of course I never did throw my baby down the stairs or smack him against a wall - and the thoughts did stop by themselves in time - but if I had to do it all over again I’d ask for support early on rather than living with the worry. Having a small baby can be pretty overwhelming and you are pregnant too - you can underestimate the impact such things are having while you’re in the thick of it. Are you getting enough sleep and rest?

notanotheroneisit · 16/08/2018 22:25

I had this too, knew I would never ever do anything but the thoughts would cross my mind and I’d feel guilty about thinking them. In retrospect I think I had post natal anxiety that slowly got better over the course of a year. I also occasionally still get non child related intrusive thoughts as mentioned by PP.

Nogodsnomasters · 16/08/2018 22:27

Intrusive thoughts are common during time of stress/anxiety/depression. The majority of people never ever follow through with these thoughts and you know deep down that you are not a danger to your baby. I get them too, like a pp said about stepping in front of the bus, I've had "you should push that old lady into the road so that car will hit her" or I'm driving down the road "you should mount the pavement and run that couple over". I'm never going to do those things. So far it's just been the one thought, ask your partner to move on from it for your sake and if any further new thoughts occur promise him you will tell him and your health visitor about it. One thought does not make you a monster nor mentally ill.

Anise7438 · 16/08/2018 22:34

Yes i has them. Talk to someone. Your GP. You are ok, but you might just need some extra help.

I have/had OCD xx

Permaexhaustion · 16/08/2018 22:41

Intrusive thoughts are very common.
This does not make you a bad parent.
Or a dangerous parent . Not at all.

It's a sign that you're under stress. You need a bit of help.
Listen to the sign. See your GP, and possibly health visitor.
But don't beat yourself up.
2 babies is something that makes you wonder, will I cope? You will.
I haven't met a mum who hasn't coped with two, even if close in age.
Feels impossible, when your first is still small. But it isn't..And you will manage.

INeedNewShoes · 16/08/2018 22:47

I had them for a short period when DD was a newborn. Reading about intrusive thoughts stopped me obsessing about them and then they went away. Had it gone on longer than a few days I would have gone to my GP without a doubt. This is such a common problem and it doesn't mean you'll actually carry these things out; in fact it tends to be borne from your urge to protect your baby so the GP won't judge you as a bad parent for it. Please don't beat yourself up about this.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/08/2018 23:16

Thank you. I was hoping to avoid the GP if i can as i am worried about what they will say or suggest. Thank you for being so nice and commenting it means a lot to me x

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/08/2018 23:19

How do i reply individually to everyone?! Thank you so much for the support so far, some of these replies have made me cry and i feel less alone now thanks too all of you x
:(

OP posts:
stripeytshirt77 · 16/08/2018 23:26

I have (diagnosed) ocd. I suffer terribly with intrusive thoughts. Back in 2011 I was suicidal over them. I’ve had a lot of cbt. It’s so hard but the best thing to do is ignore them, let them come into your mind and try not to dwell on them. A thought is only a thought- thoughts don’t hurt people. I have an 11 week old dd and I think horrible things regularly but I wouldn’t ever, ever hurt her.

Permaexhaustion · 16/08/2018 23:30

We're here, any time you want to chat.

Sometimes it's good to let things out to anonymous strangers, you don't have to tell responsible for our reactions.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/08/2018 23:31

Do we know why this happens? It's so awful to feel this way at a time where i want to enjoy my baby (especially before no2 comes along!) And I'm worried about having these thoughts again. You're right, it is better not to think of them as i have found this one has manifested.

OP posts:
Evvvve · 16/08/2018 23:44
Flowers It sounds like ocd, I have it (diagnosed few years ago but had suffered in silence with it for a long time before diagnosis) it was the most scary, isolating thing I have ever experienced, I had cbt which helped so much. Going to your gp will be scary but just make sure youre clear you suspect it to be ocd and have no desire to cause harm. Do some reading around the condition too, you'll see that it's actually relatively common and you're not alone! Also, it will get better. I didn't used to believe it would but it does if you get help and look after yourself. A good little tip I picked up a while back was to imagine it was someone you don't like saying these intrusive thoughts to you (I use trump Grin) then you can just think, oh eff off trump!
AlbaAlba · 16/08/2018 23:47

I had that too around the time I had new babies. It was horrible, but like you I knew I was never going to do those things. It was more a strange thought of 'how could someone do that to a baby', followed by 'could I ever do that?' Like I was assessing myself to see if I was a danger.

I have anxiety, PTSD, probable undiagnosed OCD. I tend to catastrophise things, and you get intrusive thoughts with anxiety, PTSD and OCD.

Try visualising the thought as something you acknowledge and then let it drift out of your mind instead. The more you think 'don't think about x', the more connections your brain lays down for those thoughts, in layman's terms, and then you get more of these thoughts. If you try to think that there is NOT a pink elephant on your partner's head, you will soon imagine there is. By trying to not think something, you are telling your brain to give it more importance than it deserves, so you get more thoughts.

Hope that makes sense.

AornisHades · 17/08/2018 00:03

I agree with Alba. I have OCD with intrusive thoughts. The OCD element is when you've given the thoughts credibility.
Your fleeting thought is an acknowledgement of how vulnerable your child is. You wouldn't do that. You don't want to do it. This is a situation in which putting that thought in a box and ignoring it is good. It's a freaky manifestation of how much you love your child.
My therapist talks about an intrusion and how they were able to see it for what it was. It's helping me to understand my compulsions.

iggleypiggly · 17/08/2018 00:06

It sounds like OCD, it’s a vicious cycle. Do not be scared, the fact that the thoughts scare you show that that’s exactly what it is ‘a thought’. Intrusive thoughts are awful but you’ve been so brave to open up and share these. Contact your midwife or GP tomorrow. You can get help and you can stop these thoughts Flowers

Iwantaunicorn · 17/08/2018 00:20

I have/had ocd, and my DTs are 6 months old. Intrusive thoughts are perfectly normal, I had them badly when the babies were younger, and I still get them now on occasion (maybe every other day).

For my ocd I didn’t know I had it (I thought it was just about cleaning!) and only sought help after the death of a loved one, because I could no longer cope with life. I had cbt, and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

When I had mild pnd I told the hv about my intrusive thoughts of harming my children, but only from a this is happening point of view, I wasn’t dwelling on them, and they made no difference to my life - I acknowledged that they were happening, then moved on. She told me it happens to a lot of mothers, and that if I felt it wasn’t anything to worry about then it’s ok. If you’re dwelling on them, they’re distressing you, you can’t stop them and start doing something to combat them (for example flicking the light switch to stop the thoughts) please go to see your dr and seek help.

They’re perfectly normal, and from what I can remember about my cbt, most people have them at some point, it’s how you respond to them that is the indicator of is there a problem or not.

💐