to not want to be alive anymore?

[wishicould1]

I've name changed as I'm so ashamed and don't want anyone in RL to know who I am.

I spend most/all of my time wishing I wasn't here, I pray everyday that I will die in a car crash or be diagnosed with a terminal illness, I wander the streets at night just waiting for something to happen. I think about suicide but I'm not brave enough to do it - I wish I was.

I've tided and cleared out all my stuff so my family don't have to do it and got my affairs in order - not that I have any money. I've also written a note and leave it in my bedside table so if something happens they'll be able to understand why.

I'm fully expecting to be told to just get on with it and be grateful for what I have but I just don't think I can go on anymore.

For what its worth I've had a good life, no traumas, no abuse, no worries at all really, its just the last 6 months I've been like this.

Thinking of you, wishicould

I’m worried, are you ok OP? X

Op let us know you're ok please... we are worried about you xx

OP??? X

Is there any way of getting MNHQ to contact the OP somehow?

Op hello!??

MNHQ can you make contact?

Just keep checking many times a day to see if there’s any word. @wishicould1 please let us know you’re ok if you are able to. I’ve been having thoughts like these recently and found it hard to forget this thread. MNHQ if there’s anything you can do that would be great. Thank you.

OP?? Hello ❤️
MNHQ, can you help?

Has anyone heard from the threader,hope they are ok?please let us know if your ok x

Still thinking of you OP? X

I still can’t stop checking this.

I keep looking in, too.

Normally I would have removed an inactive thread from my "watch" list, but I can't with this one.

Come on mate, please reply even if it's just a thumbs up xx

Yes, please, we are all still thinking of you.

We are still here for you OP XX

Has anyone PM'd the OP?

I didn't want to in case she had already had a lot of messages and it upset her.

I'm hoping the OP is fine and just passed by MN as a one off without checking it again. He/she hopefully just doesn't know we are still checking in... I can't bring myself to delete this thread though

Any news?its a bit worrying!hope you are ok?you've got lots of support on here x

Still won't delete xx