I've name changed as I'm so ashamed and don't want anyone in RL to know who I am.
I spend most/all of my time wishing I wasn't here, I pray everyday that I will die in a car crash or be diagnosed with a terminal illness, I wander the streets at night just waiting for something to happen. I think about suicide but I'm not brave enough to do it - I wish I was.
I've tided and cleared out all my stuff so my family don't have to do it and got my affairs in order - not that I have any money. I've also written a note and leave it in my bedside table so if something happens they'll be able to understand why.
I'm fully expecting to be told to just get on with it and be grateful for what I have but I just don't think I can go on anymore.
For what its worth I've had a good life, no traumas, no abuse, no worries at all really, its just the last 6 months I've been like this.