to wish that suicide was an option for me?

[user9512736123]

I wish I could commit suicide, I can't but AIBU to wish I could?

I care for an elderly relative too - it can be draining. God to hear you’re giving the ads a shot - and sending you virtual support over the WiFi

Well done op, have you had any side effects of them?
Please remember to take them even if you don't think they're working, it can take a really long time for them to make a noticeable difference.

no idea about side effects
if i lived next to dignitas i'd be hammering on the door
as it is i just keep going but i need to do housework and can't make myself do it which makes me more miserable

OP - could you call your GP and make an emergency appointment? Ads are life - changing medicine for many but in the first couple of weeks they can make you feel worse before you feel better. GPs like to keep in touch with people who are just starting taking them - they would much prefer you make an appointment than that you don't.

So sorry for the late reply, I agree with Mean, they can make you feel bloody awful before they make you feel better and it might be worth making an appointment. Did you take one today?

i think i recognise a little of that slog - the effort of just putting one foot in front of another. day after day. i'm sorry you're still feeling like this user, and i hope the world's treated you kindly today.

I might have taken one today but i can't remember.
today has been frustrating rather than depressing.
the gp won't see me i expect, either way they will just say not to stop taking them without their say-so because they said that last time i felt i didn't need them.

you can get phone apps that nag you to take meds, or a box with compartments and days of the week. i have one of those.

anything in particular frustrating?

Honestly, OP, they'll want to see you, if they're any good at their job x

I'm not so sure they are. once in desperation I went there in floods of tears and needed to see somebody. they told me to wait in a room on my own - a room with medical kit- and i was still there an hour later, i gave up and left.
one gp is excellent but appointments with him are hens teeth.
i think they are stuck because of limited resources.

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been awful. Resources are indeed limited but you deserve help, and they absolutely should not have left you for an hour on your own. If you could get an emergency appointment tomorrow/day after then at least they'll be expecting you.

my last gp visit was to renew a repeat script (antidepressants) and i arrived to a packed, sweltering waiting room and queues out of the door and went into a bit of a meltdown in response

in my case a side room on my own was absolutely what i needed and i was able to stick out the hour wait rather than running home which i was on the verge of. please don't take it as a sign they don't care, just that they're under-resourced and that what might work for one patient in distress clearly doesn't work for another.

can you contact your practice manager and request a specific appointment with the good gp? continuity of care is incredibly important in mental health, and i'd hope that they would at least try to meet a request on that basis. seeing a single gp for the past 7 years or so made the world of difference to my care/health, even thought the fact that he gives you as long as you need means he reliably runs horribly behind...

It would have been fine if they had said you can wait here for a gp to see you but it was just go and sit in there and i didn't know what was happening. for all i knew they could have been on the phone to get social services to take the children and get me sectioned.
now i just pretend it is all ok when i go to see them which is only once a year if i need a review because they can't do anything to help other than write the prescription.

Change gp. Wish id done it years ago, mine was awful. New one i see the same person each time no probs.

Can you see your doctor? You sound very depressed and the right tablets can help with that. I believe they take a while to work but they can alleviate the symptoms. Sending hugs.

I don't see that they can do anything. NHS resources are so very limited and i'm not self harming and i'm not about to kill myself. it's just take the tablets and don't stop. i'm not a priority.

Hi OP, how are you today?
I've been and still sometimes am in a similar place to you. The possible difference is that whilst I want everything to stop, i recognise I don't want to stop it permanently. I want to see my DC grow up, I wasn't to be there to happy their happy moments but also to be their to comfort them.
Regarding the GP, it's the depression talking saying there's no point and it can't get better. There is every point.
If your doctors is anything like mine, you'll need to get through the reception. If you don't sneaky to say what's it's regarding, make something up and say its urgent. It IS urgent after all.
There's a lovely letter of hope that someone once gave me. Let me see if I can find it.

Ok so I should've previewed the above! Oh well!
Letter of hope
www.dpt.nhs.uk/resources/recovery-and-wellbeing/letter-of-hope

if you felt you were a priority do you have an idea what you'd hope for, in terms of help?

If i were a priority? Somebody to listen for more than 5 minutes and (not the GP!) somebody to give me a hug and make me a cup of tea.

I'm not a priority though as when i think things are starting to go right for once the shit hits the fan. got a massive problem to resolve here tonight with parents so off i go again.

physically off? i can only do textual hugs/tea...

have you heard of IAPT user? if you're in england you can self-refer for talking therapy www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008