to wish that suicide was an option for me?

[user9512736123]

I wish I could commit suicide, I can't but AIBU to wish I could?

yeah i took one
dunno how to get through today. doing a day of paid work as a contractor at my old work place so expecting to be supporting colleague.
it'll keep me busy and hopefully i'll be able to deliver an oscar winning performance.
you are all lovely.

Suicide may seem like it will take the pain but really it just transfers it to someone else. It sounds like your family have enough on their plates without losing you. Speak to the GP, social worker or the school, they may be able to offer something new, different meds, some respite activities for your child to go to on a regular basis or extra help.
It is chronically underfunded but people do care and will find a way. I'm sure your family would rather make a few compromises and have you around than the alternative. If you are struggling with debt, there is an amazing charity called Christians against Poverty (CAP) who are really good at sorting everything out, look them up.

That's really good OP, do whatever it is you're doing at your work place, but don't feel guilty about your colleague, remember that you need to look after yourself too.
Just in case no one's told you yet today, you're awesome!

How are you feeling this afternoon, OP?

not too bad. tears earlier but I busied myself. no need to support colleague today thankfully. thank you.

didn't last..got the house to myself and i just want to go to bed.

You got through the day though - be kind to yourself

Go to bed if you want to

Hello OP, how are you doing today?

still alive.

That's good, did you take an ad today?

Could you join a local support group for children with sen. You may meet friends and find people on your position ?

This wouldn't meet all your needs but it may be a start ?

Suicide is an option and its a personal choice. We must be clear about that.

Often people will say, oh how selfish it is and how it doesnt solve anything.

Thats easy to say when you are not the one suffering

But then the thing is, is it the right option?

There are many old sayings and they are old because quite simply, they are often true.

One of them says,where there is life, there is hope.

When life is extinguished, well there is no hope.

No hope of improvement, of feeling better, of leading a happier life.

Often its the loneliness and isolation that hurts most and is most corrosive.

Its amazing how just talking with someone can lift your mind and make things better.

Do you have a Mind support group near you? They offer group support but also sessions like arts and crafts, and you can just pop in for a cuppa at certain times. If you’re not working, I’m guessing you have lots of time to yourself in the day. If you could get out occasionally to something like this it might help. Do you have any other hobbies or interests? I know they won’t solve everything but it might help a little. Or even hobbies you could do at home, such as cross stitch, gardening etc?

I personally think it sounds like you’re doing amazingly. Mental health issues can be horrendous and you sound like you’re doing a great job with the kids. Remember to praise yourself for the good things you’re doing, like helping your colleague DESPITE feeling rubbish yourself. That takes some strength!

i do have hobbies but i don't do them as i am no good at them at the moment
i'm not in the right place to do any groups at the moment but it's a good idea for later

hey user :)

if i had the option just to stop, to say i can't do any more, switch me off - without it hurting anyone i love - i'd have switched off a very long time ago.

i don't think yabu for wishing you had that option. and i don't think yabu for recognising, acknowledging, that right now, no, you don't have that option.

i think ywb very reasonable to ask for a little moral support in your situation. being in the middle - with a child who needs care, and parent who needs care - is an incredibly difficult place to be.

words on a page can be surprisingly powerful, ime, in finding strength you weren't aware you possessed. support you didn't believe you deserved. i hope some of the words on this page are helping. keep talking here if it helps, i for one am at a loose end this evening x

i don't know what to say but having this thread helps
thank you

i can pass you a virtual gin and ask if there's anything it would help to get out right now? are you at feet-up point yet? do you ever get to feet-up point?

yes as i am at home all day
and when the children are in bed, that's the worst time for me as i can't motivate myself to do anything but when i do i regret it. i did a pastel drawing earlier as i found some pastels on a bookshelf but just threw it out as it was terrible.
i don't watch tv or listen to music so i just potter about on the internet

don't throw out your drawings! keep them in a [s]pile[/s] folder, and re-use them as a base for another piece another time. or just to look back on and go - woah i was completely out of perspective if i couldn't see the merit in that...

ime genuine motivation only comes from space, and space only happens when you're not under intense pressure. just catching your breath can be a very valuable use of time.

favourite music picks? mine's often folky stuff cos i know the words and can hit some of the notes :D

heh formatting fail

Hi user. I’m really no good at art but bought some pastels a couple of years ago. There are some lovely pictures online, I tried copying a couple, and also watching some YouTube videos for tips and tricks.

Thinking of you lots, keep posting if it helps.

How are you feeling today op? Did you decide to take another ad?

terrible when i got up, i didn't want to get up or carry on but i've got to care for elderly relatives today
i took the ad, i hope that they work soon.
got to go and get ready and do my duty.
thank you.