to wish that suicide was an option for me?

[user9512736123]

I wish I could commit suicide, I can't but AIBU to wish I could?

Sometimes it's not us it's the situation and it seems like that. can you write a plan of action? things can get better I promise x

@poisongirl81 do you know me! how can you tell that from what i said

I feel like I have no friends and my partner doesn't understand me. I don't feel like I can go on. I get you. I'm so glad you reached out because I was googling and look at the responses you have. People do care. I hope you get through tonight and feel better tomo

Being unemployed is really tough. I know when I was job seeking I hated to go out, because it seemed to be the only thing any one wanted to talk to me about.

How long has this been going on for you?

bit more than three years

Im sorry things are so crap. I've self harmed in the past and was told to use an elastic band - put it round your wrist/arms and then just pull and release. It's a safer to do it if you really need to.
Are you in antidepressants? Perhaps it's time to up them? I know they won't solve all your worries but it might just help you feel a bit better.

I don't know you but I have been in exactly the same situation so I can empathise. I worry too much. are you on anti depressants? I am now if not try them and talk to your gp. best thing I did

yeah i got anti depressants but stopped taking them months ago
still got them though as not cancelled repeat prescription
going to try elastic band idea

What made you decide to stop taking them?

i felt ok and thought i could stop

Definately try the elastic band - my DD has depression and her CAMHS Dr advised her to use it as a distraction technique. Unless your medication wasn't helping you I'd recommend you talk to your GP about starting it again.

Op, please also consider starting back on the AD, they really can make a difference when you are struggling with emotions/thoughts/feelings might help you to achieve a more even keel, then it becomes a little easier to try & tackle some of the difficulties you are dealing with,

You are not weak, you have come through so much and you're still going. You're hurting so much, but you're still caring for your kids. Don't ever say that you're weak, because I know full well that that is not true.
As for how we know you're a nice person, it's much the same as what I just said. You're still caring for your kids despite how hard things are for you. Look at things from another perspective, I used to be the sen child of a suicidal mother. We, too, went under the radar because she had been a successful professional and I was a bright, charming girl. But my mother never made sure I had everything I needed, I was clothed and fed yes, but she spent most of her time telling me I was fat, stupid and useless, along with telling me she would put me into care for being an arrogant, evil punishment from God and then blaming her mental illness for it. That is an example of a horrible, weak person, and you are nothing like that.
Start taking your anti depressants again, and stay on them even if you feel ok.

The fat stupid one is me or I'd still have a job
snappyfartykarate I got told things like that too
That's why I have nobody because I'm thick fat ugly and take up too much space
Nobody will be at my funeral

Don’t focus on your looks, your size. We can be such a narcissistic society. Break away and start focusing on the good things you are. Parent the best you can- make the most of what you have. Get your struggle into perspective. Be kind to yourself. It does sound like you are very much needed.

That's not true OP, people lose jobs for all sorts of reasons, and though I don't know you personally you seem from your posts like a strong, kind, intelligent woman. Call me a hippy if you want, but I believe no one is ugly unless they have a cruel heart, and you don't OP. You're beautiful, you're intelligent and please believe me when I say that there will be people at your funeral, there will be people who are lost without you, and the world will be much much poorer without you in it.

I try to have a kind heart but it's not enough
This morning I found out that a former colleague is struggling with anxiety because both parents have dementia but could only support her enough to get her through this morning, she's on her own this afternoon whilst I was lazy in bed asleep.
I don't do enough for others of I wouldn't have been in bed and I wouldn't have been thinking I can't cope

Op ive got bipolar and im fat.
I feel okish so would easily stop my meds but i'd be in bed for weeks in no time.
I also feel exactly the same as you so not much to say but you just have to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other. One day things will shift. One day.

i've had an email from healthy minds so have phoned them to book an assessment. they will email me the date for a phone assessment. i feel like such a failure.
i took the ad this morning.

OP, you're really struggling yourself and yet you're still helping others, that in and of itself shows you have a kind heart. Getting someone through a morning is absolutely amazing! And her being on her own this afternoon isn't you being lazy, it's you caring for yourself which you absolutely need to do, you've been an amazing help for her as it is.
It's great you took the ad this morning, keep going with it, and make sure you take the phone assesment too, you're doing great!

I hadn't got much choice, she wouldn't have coped if I didn't. I'd popped into my old workplace to collect something and she couldn't have done her job without somebody to support her. Anybody would do that.

No OP, most people might have said 'that's awful, can I do anything?' and then not listened, they wouldn't have stayed and supported her for a morning. The fact that you did shows you're a good person.

Can't do this
You are all so lovely and I will keep going but it's too hard
Have got the assessment booked with healthy minds for two weeks

Are you going to take an ad today, op?

Keep going for the assessment, won’t you