I'm a mess and very unhappy

[Itsmeaga1n]

I've suffered with depression on and off for twenty years. I've tried various anti depressants but didn't really find any helped and couldn't cope with the side effects - lack of libido, inability to reach orgasm, weight gain, migraines, feeling numb ... I'm now taking none and feel "normal" again but at times feel extremely low.

I'm unable to work due to anxiety that prevents me answering the phone or a lot of the time leaving the house. I'm struggling financially, always going into my overdraft, although its only £300. I'm 3 stone overweight and look at least 6 months pregnant and find myself repulsive. I'm in my 50s and seem to develop more aches and pains every day. I'm very unfit, I don't sleep well which means I go to bed about 4 in the morning. My diet is rubbish, I start dieting but can't stick to it due to emotional eating. I vape all the time.

I'm just unhappy and don't know how to turn my life around.

I have at last got a referral to the mental health team but imagine they will jusy want me back on anti depressants which i can't face again. I've tried counselling but they're all students who just seem to follow text books and don't offer any solutions to my problems.

I have physical problems that mean I can't jog, run or even walk far. These won't go away. I've just joined a yoga group once a week but realistically that's not going to help me get fit. I've no motivation to do exercises videos and can't afford more classes. I am waiting for an nhs exercise referral and pinning my hours on them finding something suitable that I can start gently and build up a little. I can't even swim much due to skin problems that are aggravated by chlorine.

My personal life is difficult as my adult children and teenage daughter have all emotional problems and I worry about them all the time. I've applied for housing association housing as private rent is to expensive and i have pets I'm not allowed to keep in private rented accommodation.

Sorry for rambling on, I'm not sure what I hope to achieve, I just feel like everything's hopeless and I can't turn things around.

Thanks for listening

Sorry to jump on the thread but I can relate so much to everything. Feel so unhappy, hopeless, worthless, tired, ugly.. tearful most days. Feel lonely and isolated yet don't want to have the company of others. Could sit down and cry just now!

SC459 so sorry you feel that way It's so hard isn't it? Feel free to chat to us here, I think we understand. Feel free to pm me too. Hugs and and

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Just everything getting on top of me and feeling completely down and hopeless today/tonight. Going to try and make some positive changes to try and regain some control so i feel better. Join slimming world, declutter house etc. Lack confidence and self esteem badly, feel unworthy and inferior to most people. If someone starts a conversation with me and is being really nice to me then I well up with tears, i dont know why this always happens!! Thank you again so much xxx

I understand and feel the same, no self confidence. The only advice I can think of is don't try to change everything at once because it becomes overwhelming. Maybe start with one small thing, maybe slimming world if you think it'll help you feel better about yourself. Don't worry about the rest, it'll wait.

Hello SC459 hope you slept well and you're feeling a bit better today. I found doing stuff for 10 minutes useful when I couldn't face doing anything. Of course sometimes I'd end up carrying on for longer, but if it was a bad day, 10 minutes would be enough, you give yourself permission to stop and it's ok.

SC459 I hope you’re ok, I’ve sent you a private message

Hello, thank you so much for the lovely replies. Sorry it took so long to get back here. Was having a few ok ish days but tearful today and cried all the way back from work. Cannot stand people shouting at me and being snappy towards me which is what happened at work this afternoon. I know I'm more emotionally sensitive than most people at the moment but I don't think I deserve to be snapped at and demeaned. My confidence is rock bottom and this kind of treatment erodes the scrap of self esteem i have. I have Aspergers tendencies so maybe i take things too literally so maybe am blowing everything out of proportion i dont know! How are you all doing? Thanks again