I'm a mess and very unhappy

[Itsmeaga1n]

I've suffered with depression on and off for twenty years. I've tried various anti depressants but didn't really find any helped and couldn't cope with the side effects - lack of libido, inability to reach orgasm, weight gain, migraines, feeling numb ... I'm now taking none and feel "normal" again but at times feel extremely low.

I'm unable to work due to anxiety that prevents me answering the phone or a lot of the time leaving the house. I'm struggling financially, always going into my overdraft, although its only £300. I'm 3 stone overweight and look at least 6 months pregnant and find myself repulsive. I'm in my 50s and seem to develop more aches and pains every day. I'm very unfit, I don't sleep well which means I go to bed about 4 in the morning. My diet is rubbish, I start dieting but can't stick to it due to emotional eating. I vape all the time.

I'm just unhappy and don't know how to turn my life around.

I have at last got a referral to the mental health team but imagine they will jusy want me back on anti depressants which i can't face again. I've tried counselling but they're all students who just seem to follow text books and don't offer any solutions to my problems.

I have physical problems that mean I can't jog, run or even walk far. These won't go away. I've just joined a yoga group once a week but realistically that's not going to help me get fit. I've no motivation to do exercises videos and can't afford more classes. I am waiting for an nhs exercise referral and pinning my hours on them finding something suitable that I can start gently and build up a little. I can't even swim much due to skin problems that are aggravated by chlorine.

My personal life is difficult as my adult children and teenage daughter have all emotional problems and I worry about them all the time. I've applied for housing association housing as private rent is to expensive and i have pets I'm not allowed to keep in private rented accommodation.

Sorry for rambling on, I'm not sure what I hope to achieve, I just feel like everything's hopeless and I can't turn things around.

Thanks for listening

I’m on sertraline too and again the dose was upped but no help at all, citalopram helped but I think I gradually got used to it, I need to go back doctors for different anti depressants but I’m too depressed to get up and go!
If you hate the place mrdarcy what’s keeping you there?
Xx

Feeling like 'I'm achieving something' I think? It's an awful place, when I was off sick for 7 weeks, no-one contacted me 😏 I've had to change jobs so many times due to relocating in past with husband's job, this is my 27th role (including all part-time jobs). that I've finally got to the grade I feel I should be, even though it's an awful place. if I walk away it's all been for nothing and I will feel even more cut-off and useless at home 😢. I am employed by another organisation in support of MOD so no-one feels like they have 'duty of care' at my location. When I tried using the HR service through my employer whilst off sick, they just turned everything around and tried using against me - saying that my LM 'works differently' to me and that they can't force him to speak to me. We have just moved offices, I am on my own which is great in one respect although the rest of the team are together. This, again, has made me confused as I like having my own office, but I think they are further ostracising me.

Could you transfer or apply for a similar role elsewhere? It’s a difficult one but such a shame that you have to spend so much time somewhere where you’re not happy

Thanks Green, I can't transfer, but have applied for other jobs, three recent interviews (£10,000 pay cut with one) nothing yet! I do keep looking and registered with agencies, just in a no-win situation high is making me miserable 😩

*sorry which

Bless you x
I’m stuck at home 24/7 and desperately want something that makes me feel I’m achieving something

Not achieving anything is a really big problem. MrDarcy I'd persevere if you can while looking elsewhere. Is maintaining the same level of income vital? I had a lot of part time jobs due to relocations, never achieved a "proper job". I do regret that, but I just look back now and think "I did my best with what I had." I know I was well respected in my little jobs, whereas in a big job I'd have been endlessly stressed or worse.

Yogagirl when I first retired I did a course on Coursera, about 16 weeks of A level style maths, at my own pace. I was elated at the end that I managed it. Have you had a look at anything like that? It was free and there's loads of subjects, after that I did some about modern and classical music. In reality it wasn't "important" but I got a huge boost from completing it.

Hormones must have a huge role to play in how we are all feeling. I first posted last Sunday, I was devastated, didn't know what was happening to me. It turned out to be unexpected PMT ( periods out of step) and all made sense a couple of days later. But God my PMT is getting worse.
I don't feel ready for hrt yet but think it could help some people
pissedonatrain it sounds like you could discuss it with your GP, definitely give them a ring tomorrow. What stops you from going outside in general? For me I think it's social anxiety rather than agoraphobia.

Going back to the not achieving anything situation, I've been getting a lot of that especially with weight/diet. But I had a lovely moment this week - I've restarted playing an instrument, and after pootling around on my own, I booked a lesson. It was fab!!! The teacher and I chatted about music in a proper grown up style. And I'm considering doing a grade exam next year, something I've never done. So this was half an hour that has made me feel so different, like I can actually do something, just for me.
I hope this is encouraging, honestly something is out there that can make you feel better. The pain in the butt is working out what, and how to access it without causing too much stress or disruption to life as it stands.

Hi pissed and MrDarcy and welcome

MrDarcy your work situation sounds terrible I hope you can find a solution. I think life's too short to stay in a job that makes you unhappy.

Hope everyone's as well as can be expected?

I've managed to cancel a few things to stop me becoming too stressed, so feel a bit happier. Also managed to go for a walk, it wasn't quite as hot today. I always feel better after a walk, but sadly live in a city, so not a pleasant area to walk in. Hope to leave the area when dd finishes school in a year.

Now I just have to decide which exercise classes to go to, I have to attend 2 a week.

I agree about hormones playing a role, so hopefully hrt will help a bit pissed. I tried hrt but it gave me migraines and also heavy bleeding and awful pmt symptoms. I couldn't face that after almost a year without so chose to stop taking it. Reading on mn out seems many people get on well with it though.

Well done for getting out and about OP, sounds like you’ve done a few positive things today.
Difficult day for me, saw my Counsellor who has recommended medication review; says that underlying problem is loneliness which I knew and feel sad about 😢
Thank you to all for supportive comments re work, at least it reassures me that I’m normal and the workplace/colleagues are probably not.

It's so difficult to do anything about loneliness when you're depressed though. Unless you can make friends at work.

There's a group on fb of mners, called chums I think, but I'll check if you like, I met a couple of people through there, so maybe a way to make friends. I also started going to MIND groups and made friends there, but they're in the daytime, difficult if you work.

Anyway, you can always talk to us, on this thread or by pm if you prefer.

amigababy what instrument do you play? My family is very musical but it seems to have passed me by!
mrdarcy loneliness is awful, I see another adult maybe once a month? I moved here a year ago and took my son to clubs which he quit one by one, made a lovely friend who I had so much in common with, her child is a few years younger than mine so similar mental age, then my son had a leaky nappy episode and her son was mean about it and I’ve not seen her since

Maybe we could set up a closed group on fb for us?

That's a good idea green. Do you want to set it up? If not, just say, we'll sort something xx

I think I’ve sent everyone a pm with a Facebook link to a group, if I’ve missed you let me know. Hopefully it will help us all feel less alone

Thanks green, I've got the link and joined.

Hi all, how is everyone doing in this heat? I don’t want to moan about it as I really hate winter but boy this humidity is making my anxiety sky high for some reason?!
I’d love to be able to learn an instrument particularly the ukulele, it must give you an immense sense of achievement.
I’ve been away this weekend and it really lifted my spirits but as soon as I get back home I feel down again, I know I shouldn’t dwell on things but being back makes me aware of my failures, not being able to get a job after 10 years at home, little money to buy nice things and my ibs/anxiety/depression cycle starts up again. Didn’t help that my dad had an accident on his motorbike whilst we were away, he’s ok but badly bruised and so very lucky but it makes me realise my parents are getting old and not able to do the things they used to, mum is being tested for dementia, just wish we could hold back time. I don’t do well with any kind of change, not good when you have anxiety.
its what are the MIND groups like? I had a STAR worker and she suggested that I join one but I was petrified at the thought of walking into a room full of people!
green thanks for the link. My iPad won’t play ball but I’ll see if I can join on my sons laptop.
Hope everyone is doing ok today and getting through this heatwave ok.

snow I love the MIND groups, I go to art and craft and find it very calming. I found it very difficult the first time tio, but was desperate to help myself in some way.

I'd love to play an instrument too, I have a guitar and keyboard but can't play either sadly.

I hate this heat too, it just makes me feel ill and i can barely move.

Another one here you hates the heat, I never have and I think it’s because not only is it uncomfortable but I never know what to wear and everywhere is so busy. I love autumn and winter and am so much happier then.
I don’t like change snow and my mums really unwell and has a life expectancy of 1-5 years which I don’t even know how to cope with, I need my mum!

If you search ‘lonely mumsnetters’ you should find it (and any suggestions for a new name are welcome!)

its I’d love to do an arts and craft group, that’s my thing, I really must pluck up the courage.
green so sorry about your mum, this is one of the things I’m struggling with in life, hate that I’m now the one having to be an adult, I really want to be a child again! I need my mum to, she has always been the one person I confide in but now I’m having the same conversations over and over because she forgets ☹️
I’ve managed to get onto the Facebook group, thanks for excepting me 🙂

Maybe we could help and encourage arts and crafts on the fb group? I know it’s not the same but might give the boost of confidence needed to go to a ‘real’ group. What arts & crafts do you enjoy? I draw and sew

I enjoy the heat but I've been in the Lakes for 3 days and it was cooler, grey and rained a fair bit yesterday. A bit of a micro climate.
Dd dislikes the heat, her illness leaves her generally exhausted anyway but moreso when it's so hot. She's really fed up.
Green and snow really sorry to hear about your mums. I lost both my parents within a year in 2016/7. My mum had dementia but oddly I found this not so hard to deal with other than I couldn't tell her dad had passed away so I had to pretend he was still with us. They'd been divorced 10 years but she'd forgotten that too! I've wondered about bereavement counseling ( I lost another family member at the same time and a very good friend too) but somehow it didn't feel like anything I wanted to talk about. And now it seems too much time has elapsed.

I'm not really creative but I love drawing - I copy sketches rather than use my own imagination. I used to do embroidery and cross stitch. And it's the piano I play.

Great idea about the FB group, looking forward to getting more involved. The friend I lost was actually a pen friend, we never met. But we "knew" each other 35 years and being such a loner, her friendship was really important. ( She was very very good at crafts, her biggest hobby)

Just watching a film but will reply to the posts above tomorrow. Encouraging arts and crafts sounds great!

Hi again . Sorry to hear your mum's not well green. Do you live nearby and are you able to spend time with her?

I live 5 hours drive from my mum, it's very difficult because i have to stay at hers when i visit. I hate being away from home and tbh we don't get on well, i feel like a teenager around her again, constantly irritated by everything. She doesn't understand depression at all and I avoid telling her things because I can't cope with her reaction. Obviously I love her and can't bear the thought of her not being around anymore

I enjoy sketching/ drawing, a bit of painting, I crochet and knit a bit too. I'm currently crocheting a blanket, well, I will continue when it gets cooler.

Amiga my son was in the lakes over the weekend. We had it so hot here and he was really cold there!

Would everyone rather chat on the fb group than post here? It's easier for me I must admit, posting on mn from my phone is just messy!

FB is good I think. See you on the other side .....