I'm a mess and very unhappy

[Itsmeaga1n]

I've suffered with depression on and off for twenty years. I've tried various anti depressants but didn't really find any helped and couldn't cope with the side effects - lack of libido, inability to reach orgasm, weight gain, migraines, feeling numb ... I'm now taking none and feel "normal" again but at times feel extremely low.

I'm unable to work due to anxiety that prevents me answering the phone or a lot of the time leaving the house. I'm struggling financially, always going into my overdraft, although its only £300. I'm 3 stone overweight and look at least 6 months pregnant and find myself repulsive. I'm in my 50s and seem to develop more aches and pains every day. I'm very unfit, I don't sleep well which means I go to bed about 4 in the morning. My diet is rubbish, I start dieting but can't stick to it due to emotional eating. I vape all the time.

I'm just unhappy and don't know how to turn my life around.

I have at last got a referral to the mental health team but imagine they will jusy want me back on anti depressants which i can't face again. I've tried counselling but they're all students who just seem to follow text books and don't offer any solutions to my problems.

I have physical problems that mean I can't jog, run or even walk far. These won't go away. I've just joined a yoga group once a week but realistically that's not going to help me get fit. I've no motivation to do exercises videos and can't afford more classes. I am waiting for an nhs exercise referral and pinning my hours on them finding something suitable that I can start gently and build up a little. I can't even swim much due to skin problems that are aggravated by chlorine.

My personal life is difficult as my adult children and teenage daughter have all emotional problems and I worry about them all the time. I've applied for housing association housing as private rent is to expensive and i have pets I'm not allowed to keep in private rented accommodation.

Sorry for rambling on, I'm not sure what I hope to achieve, I just feel like everything's hopeless and I can't turn things around.

Thanks for listening

Greenyogagirl hi! Sorry to hear that, but yes, let's be miserable together! And I mean that in the nicest possible way! Join the clan ... maybe we can support each other, listen to each other, when no one else understands?

Morning all. Welcome greenyogagirl
How is everyone today?

Yesterday was a bit better for me. I managed a walk in the park. And actually talked to 2 strangers eeeek!! Conversation.

I kept my hair tied back so I couldn't fiddle with it, and virtually sat on my hands when watching TV at night. It takes a lot of concentration but it's working ( well, 2 days anyway)

And I filled in the Gratitude app which is making me reflect a lot. It's helping.

Sorry I've no suggestions on helping with IBS. I seem to have a cast iron constitution with food ( I can and do eat anything!) I've read a bit about the fodmap diet , not sure if that's meant to help but when you're our age (!) it's really hard/ annoying to have to restrict your diet, I think that's why we kick back and rebel, and eat something we "shouldn't" . It's hard to keep up motivation every day even when we know it's good for us.

Hi all, sorry I went quiet, I seem to have a few communicative days and then a few withdrawn ones.

I'd be really interested to hear the outcome of using the ashwagandha.

My DH is away till late Friday night and I really struggle when I'm by myself. I used to be great at my own company as well, it was one of my life skills. Now it's scary and my mood plummets. Not really helped by the fact that I'm in the arse end of nowhere at present and I can't drive, as we were meant to be moving back into the house we own and our tenants didn't move out and didn't bother telling us they weren't going to. That stress was just marvelous for my anxiety and low mood....

I'm not taking any medication at the moment, just CBD, but I'm probably going to give in and ask my gp for some sertraline, I really can't go on like this. I'm shitting it though, I get very very bad anxiety from it initially.

For anyone with IBS, there's probiotics called VSL. They are not cheap! But very effective. Used to be prescribed on the NHS but sadly they've made the new cull list I think.

Thanks Amiga
I’ve left the house! Intend to do some cleaning and go screen free before bed, I’m in a terrible routine of watching tv until 4-5am

Hello green hope you're not feeling too bad today.
Amiga I make myself say hello to all the people on my dog walk, I find it really tough being naturally introverted but I make myself do it, scary sometimes especially if you only get a grunt back, I'm super sensitive and take it to heart!!
Max I'm the same, can be fine for days then need a day or two on my own to recharge. How's the CBD? I was hoping to take it for my anxiety but is it not enough to have an impact? I really, really don't want to take ad's either been fighting that one for years! My dietitian recommended the VSL definitely not cheap.

Can I ask if everyone works? I've been a sahm and very part time dog walker for the last 10 years but really need to return to work properly but the thought petrifies me, especially with my anxiety and IBS! I've had 2 interviews in the last year and was a bloody nervous wreck, don't know how I'm going to get back into the work place??

I don’t drive, I’m a full time carer for my son so I’m fortunate that I don’t have to face interviews and stuff yet. Could you work from home?
I take the dog on walks and always feel very sociable when I do from saying hi to people!

I don’t drive but I also don’t work, oops!

I worked part time while bringing up dd. I retired ( early) 2 years ago.
Before dd I had a " big" professional job but hit a crisis of confidence/ anxiety and gave up completely, then got pregnant. So the jobs after that I was technically over qualified for, but happy, and lucky, to be able to bumble along earning a pittance but enjoying it more. I miss work, feeling competent and my little social circle from it. I look at women who have big successful careers and I have no idea how they handle it. But being a high flyer isn't for everyone.
Snow would part time fit what you need, as a way back in?

Hi everyone. I had an ok day today and even managed to ring my mum.

I don't work, haven't now for over 2 years, before that I was self employed, but badly paid and had to cram as much as possible in to earn enough, which made me extremely stressed, so had to stop, plus my hands couldn't cope with constant typing anymore ... a touch of arthritis I think. I do drive, but reluctantly, I get very stressed and anxious.

I used to love walking my dog, dog walkers are quite friendly.

Well done re not fiddling Amiga. I'll take a look at the gratitude app too.

Max, sorry you're alone. Can you watch a favourite film and curl up on the sofa with a treat of some sort? When will he be back?

Greenyogagirl, I tend to stay up very late watching tv too . Well done for leaving the house.

Tomorrow I have a fitness assessment following a referral by my gp for an exercise programme. I'm nervous but looking forward to it, because I'd like to exercise but don't know where to start dvd need motivation to make me go - on the exercise programme you have to commit to going twice a week, which hopefully will help.

I feel ok at the moment, I've been eating quite sensibly today, no gluten, it definitely seems to help.

I hope tomorrow goes well for you x
I lack motivation in everything but most days I can persuade myself to put on the yoga app and do ten minutes which does make me feel good so you’d think it would motivate me to continue!

Thanks Green. I went to a yoga class 2 weeks ago for the first time in ages, I felt great afterwards, but I feel like I'm going to struggle to go again. Partly the cost, admittedly, but just getting out is difficult sometimes. And I enjoyed it but found parts really difficult (downward dog!).

I like bad yogi on YouTube I’d never be confident enough to go to a class!

Hey everyone can I join you?

In a really low place right now. I have depression and anxiety and think I have undiagnosed bpd. Going through a really trying time at the moment. This week I shared with my closest friend about the bpd and she has now said she needs time to think and asked for some space 😢 it took so much courage to share it with her and need some support but she's gone.

Hi Thinkingaboutfostering, how awful for you, if you have bpd it’s not an overnight change in personality or contagious so why would she need space?! I don’t have any friends really, my son is severely autistic and unfortunately I’ve never met anyone who can cope with him

I don't know. Things have got significantly worse in the last couple of weeks. I'm in the middle of relocating nearer to her and away from family (I have a difficult relationship with my mother whom I'm currently living with).

I stayed with another friend (whom I'm going to be living with) for a week and whilst I was there friend A was not really communicating with me which I found really hard. She often doesn't respond to messages for days on end which I find hard but even more so when I'm in a tricky place. She finally got in touch 30mins before I was due to leave by which point I was really hurt and upset but held it together. I told her how poorly I was and she was supportive and then a few days later she text in the morning to say she'd ring that day - which she then couldn't because she ended up too busy. I asked her (all by text) if I'm future she would just message when she could definitely call and not leave me hanging. I had spent all day really looking forward to chatting with her and stuff and found it really hard when she couldn't call. So I tried to explain that all too her and that it wasn't her fault but while I'm feeling so rough I just need things to run smoothly. I also sent the link to the mind page on bpd. It's now 2 days on and this morning she text to say that she's really busy and needs to think about it and not to expect anything from her and that she will be in touch when she can.

To be honest she doesn’t sound much like a friend, sorry. I’m very much like you, if someone says they’re going to call or come round then they have to, it’s always in the back of your mind that you’re expecting a call etc

thinking hi. That's not great, I too would be upset if someone said they'd call and then didn't.

My dd is suffering in a similar way, she may be bipolar, she doesn't want to accept that diagnosis, but her friends all struggle with her and seem to back off when she needs them most

Thanks greenyogagirl I'll take a look at bad to go.

Hi, how's everyone today?

I'm feeling overwhelmed by the heat again. Went out briefly with dp, but just feel exhausted.

Yesterday the exercise referral went ok, but it was all a bit slapdash ... the bp measurer was clearly inaccurate as had my bp as low when its always a bit on the high side. Also she weighed and measured me and said my bmi was 21.4 but it's actually 28!

Have agreed to 2 classes a week but sheen I got home I realised I'd something pin for both days where I have to be home so now have to rearrange

Hi itsme what classes will you be going to?
I had my NHS 40+ health check this week, the computers classed me as inactive, the HCA said it was because I'm retired, but I think it was wrong as she asked what exercise I do, I said walking, and she never asked how much (lots) - so the computer now thinks I do a bit of housework and a bit of gardening a week! Never mind I can set it right in 5 years time!
I had to go out last night, really wanted to stay in and be unsociable but had to go. It was ok. Much prefer staying in.

Before I went out I had a strop with the Gratitude app and deleted it. It wanted me to write an imaginary letter to someone who'd really helped me over the years. And I couldn't think of anyone! I'm such a loner.
And I'm not good with words so I suddenly felt under pressure to do something uncomfortable. So I threw my toys out of the pram with it! Oh well it seemed good for the first few days.

thinking that's really unkind of your friend, it's hard if you don't have a big circle of friends so you can spread yourself around a bit ( I have one friend (!) and she's really extrovert so I fit in with her busy life)

Yogagirl even 10 minutes a day is good. It's the consistency of doing it regularly I think. It'll definitely be doing you good.

Hi amiga Its an nhs exercise referral which I hope will make me motivated to go, as you have to agree to 2 one hour sessions a week. I signed up for circuits and Pilates, as I've always wanted to try Pilates. Now getting stressed about ringing and messing around with the timetable we agreed.

Today I'm panicking and feeling overwhelmed. Next week I'm meant to volunteer on Friday for the first time, I'm meant to go to two fitness sessions, I've a window being fitted one day and an appointment with psych. one day ... all too much. Don't know how I'm going to manage the fitness classes.

Hi everyone. I hope I can join you on this thread.

I don't even know where to begin but the short version is, I'm a mess.

Mid 50s, isolated, maybe got outside once a week, taking sertraline but it is no longer working. GP increased the dose and it made me more zombie like just lying in my bed staring at the screen.

Received a referral to a shrink a few months ago, but never rang them to make the first appointment. Made a list to do these things on Monday.

I'm going back to the GP and asking for different meds. I'm also going to ask to try HRT.

There truly has to be something that will help as I'm pretty sure life wasn't meant to be lived this way.

Hello, would love to join in as struggling myself at the moment.
Feel very low and isolated, although loving very close family. On antidepressants and have three chronic health conditions. Working full-time, hate the place, only just returned after sick leave due to borderline bullying by LM (never addressed) - don’t fit into any cliques, even though I’ve been there longer than many. I’m outwardly very friendly and helpful to all, I just don’t seen to fit in which is killing me. Extended family live far away, relationship with narcissistic mother not great either. Counsellor says I’m in tricky situation which won’t change, unless I leave work. Do I stay and fight on or leave to try and regain some sanity?