what do you do to help yourself when depressed

[Babettesidsefreyaallthescandi]

Hi,
I am struggling with depression at the moment and getting through the day requires so much effort and determination. I am adjusting to a new medication which probably isn't helping. I am trying to shower every day and wear clean clothes and make something to eat. I can only face food shopping if someone is with me and don't feel confident enough to drive. I know about the principles of CBT and try not to think of negative consequences of being ill( like losing my job and home) but find these thoughts creep in particularly on waking.
What do you do to get yourself through the day?

\i might be wrong here but those people saying "go for a walk", "read a book", etc etc havent actually been really depressed have they?

I have, and when you are at your lowest the idea of getting up and doing some exercise is so impossible to fathom, that there is no way on earth it is going to happen.

Time, understanding your own issues, talking therapy, maybe CBT, and probably meds of some sort might help you when really down and once you start to lift from the depths of despair then a walk and a book are a good way of keeping on improving but to suggest they can help someone who is really low just shows a total lack of understanding as to how low people can get

\i might be wrong here but those people saying "go for a walk", "read a book", etc etc havent actually been really depressed have they?

You do realise that depression affects everyone differently, there are varying degrees of depression and that OP asked what we do to help ourselves? She didn’t ask what would help someone who is suicidal or unable to get out of bed. (I have been both btw before you start sneering) we can only share our own experiences, we can’t cover all bases because we haven’t all lived every aspect of depression. Who are you to tell people they haven’t lived what they have lived because what worked for them didn’t work for you?

I have found all the suggestions helpful even though I am at the stage of just being able to get up, shower and make myself simple food. The going outside and reading are things that I hope to be able to do sometime down the line. Even though some suggestions are too much, it has meant a lot to me that people are bothering to try and help. I have had some amazing posts which have stuck in my mind when I have been in bed and very low. I never knew just how bad this can be and my world has changed just in a few short weeks.

OP one day you will take a walk outside and you’ll realise you’ve been doing it very day for a week and that will Be an amazing feeling.

I won’t tell you how low I was a few years ago because I really hate even thinking about it but I will tell you that today for the first time in years I managed to wake up on time, shower, dress, do make up! eat breakfast and get my son to school on time. All done calmly with no stress or hurrying. That may sound like nothing at all to many but for me I am on cloud nine. It has been years since I managed that sequence of events. Probably 10 years. So I do know how you feel about going outside. But I can tell you it will happen for you and you will feel great about it. And so you should.

Getting up showered and dressed is a great start and an achievement when you're depressed.
Definitely fresh air. If you have the energy, go for a walk or a jog. If not, just watch nature - look at trees, birds, insects etc - it's very therapeutic as animals don't run around overachieving, they just exist and they're fine with that.
Take vitamins or supplements - especially if you can't be bothered to cook good food. Vit D and iron are good to help combat the fatigue; Vit B complex is very helpful against low mood.
Uplifting music is good - either happy, cheery dance stuff or soothing piano (for me) - whatever works to lift your mood and clear the oice in the head.

One of the best things is to make an 'at least I' list at the end of each day. It's so easy to feel you're useless and failing. Making a list that says At least I: showered, dressed, put on a wash load, cooked a healthy tea for DC, researched online CBT; took my vitamins, dranks water etc. It's not much but it's proof against the negative headshouts that you are working at getting better. And some days are reallye eye opening as you start to get better. I remember one where I thought I'd done nothing all day long then wrote the At Least I list and found out I'd done loads of things - applied for jobs, filled charity bags, done half a day's paid work etc. It really helps you see progress back towards normal life.

Babette, I couldn't read for over two years. Just started reading again this year. Even joined the MN 50 book challenge. Won't get anywhere near 50 as I', still so slow, but it feels brilliant to be finally able to lose myself in a book again after years of being unable to concentrate on more than half a page.

Slow right down. Keep going doing the usual every day stuff but very slowly and gently. I try to be very kind to myself, like I would to a very poorly person. I try to tell myself my mind is hurt in the way that I might have hurt a leg or arm. If I had broken or injured a limb I wouldn't keep trying to use it would I? I get peaks of panic and anxiety too so being very gentle with myself and in my interactions with others helps a bit.

Stuff like 'go for a walk/get outside' can be scaled right back. When I was at my illest I remember just opening a window to feel the fresh air on my face and looking out of the open window at the world beyond for a whole minute. It felt so good. I remember going to stand in the garden which I'd not been in for a year and drinking a coffee there, then trying to make a habit of having a hot drink in the garden in the morning just to get air and hear birds and feel what the weather was like. Again, it felt so good. A walk or fresh air don't have to be big hurdles. Make them as small as you need to.
Likewise, with reading, I just couldn't read prose, but could read poems as they had far fewer words on the page and soem of them were so uplifting.

Oh and very important: give yourself a break! Easier said than done (I know!) but really, that inner dialogue where you trash yourself before you’ve even opened your eyes can take a day off now and again. Give yourself permission to be ill and stay in bed.

Oh yes, I couldn‘t read when I was really bad.
Then started with feel good —rubbish— novels and now I can read complex non-fiction stuff.
I‘ve still got memory issues (part due to trauma but I think lots due to depression, lack of sleep) but I reread frequently.

If you have a library near you, maybe DP can pick up something really non-challenging, and in the future you can go yourself.

strikethrough fail 🤔

I'm currently on 15mg olanzapine but my psychiatrist is on about changing me to an anti anxiety med, can't remember what it is called. I was on quetipine years ago and was on seroxat for years but apparently that is not good for bipolar as makes mania more likely. I was diagnosed bipolar about 8 years' ago, prior to that I was diagnosed as depressed. I remember the psychiatrist telling me it can get a lot worse during the menopause. It was two years in December since I had a menstrual cycle so that seems to be true for me. The diagnosis was scary but did make sense as I had had periods of agonising anxiety combined with depression but at high speed, which seems to be what a 'mixed' episode is. I am just limping through each day right now and am a bit worried about med changes. I feel 'one day at a time' is my mantra for now but at times the anxiety feels overwhelming. I find physical movement helps, even just getting up and walking round the house seems to break the knot in my stomach a little.

I have just had a couple of sessions on a sunbed and my mood is much better.

I think if you're 'severely' depressed you should see a doc. But besides that I am a fan of habit breaking. Do something different or do something differently. For example instead of walking on your treadmill, walk outside. Instead of automatically switching the TV on at a certain time have a bath. Simple things or you could
Go wild and do totally differ things. This is an established part of mindfulness programmes and makes sense to me
Good luck

I know exactly what you mean about the conveyor belt feeling. It's like you can see what's happening to you but you can't stop if or change direction.
While I understand to a point what mumsy is saying, I think it's important sometimes to push yourself when you feel this way. Not push yourself to be 'normal' but even one thing a day which is difficult for you will give you a sense of achievement.
When I had CBT I was told to plan 3 things (could be less or more depending on how you're feeling but best to start small, even if that's just one thing) and do them. No excuses. It's hard but when you finish the day and you can cross off your planned tasks it's a great feeling. It gives you a sense of control.
So for example those things could be as simple as 'do a load of laundry' or even 'sit in the garden/in front of an open window for 10 mins'.
Depression is a cycle and you have to break it. The less you do the worse you feel. And it's so easy to become trapped in the cycle and feel so helpless to get out.
Maybe you could try something like this OP? The list can be a mix of things that you 'have' to do, like a piece of housework or showering and things you used to enjoy, like reading or listening to music.
I remember once writing that I was going to read 5 pages of a book. At the time I hadn't read in over a year, it was something I used to love. I didn't think I'd be able to do it. But I ended up reading about 15 pages, I didn't exactly get lost in the book but I found it easier than I'd thought. And it felt good to exceed at something.
Sorry for the long post x

Thanks Q, your posts are always helpful. I am trying to do the smallest of things but have been set back by this UTI - still not sure it's gone. I find I can read online things but I haven't tried reading a novel, I don't think that I am at that stage. I haven't been out for days ( since the UTI) and I think that is the next thing to crack. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow ( the one which was supposed to be on Monday) so I will have to go out.

Sorry the UTI is not going. Did you say a test came back clear? I think it may be worth mentioning this in the appointment tomorrow. It could be something else.
Maybe your list for tomorrow could be 1) shower. 2) go to drs appointment. 3) eat 3 meals.
Nice and simple to start with. At the end of the day you can think 'I got everything done today that I needed to.'
I would definitely push for an antidepressant. I was on sertraline because I was breastfeeding and that's the only one they allow. I don't have any experience with others unfortunately. But I know sometimes it takes a few goes to find the right one for you.
When you start taking it you may feel worse before you feel better. Which sounds awful I know. Your DH sounds supportive so let him know you may need some extra help for the next few weeks I'm sure he can support you through the worst of it.
You can also ask them to refer you for counselling, CBT or talking therapy if you feel there are issues causing the depression. Or you can refer yourself. In my trust it's called 'healthy minds' I'm not sure if it's the same service in all areas.
You're doing a great job just keeping yourself self at the moment. Don't forget that every day you pull through is a huge victory. And every day you carry on is another day closer to when you'll feel better again x

yourself safe

I spent a lot of time on my back door step. Just getting fresh air and any sunshine available, when actually going out felt too overwhelming. I still do sit on it in moments of anxiety and it calms me. I also played little games on my phone, repetitive ones that didn't require a whole lot of thought.

I lived off cereal bars a lot, they didn't seem too daunting and I felt I could manage them. Grapes were good in terms of being small and manageable. Bananas for energy. I tried to sip water throughout the day.

At night time I listened to a hypnosis app, from Mindifi. It's free to download and one of the tracks is free to listen to. I found it really helped me fall asleep and I still use it when I find I'm starting to lose my sleep pattern.

When I was able to go out for walks with my dog, I made sure to take at least one picture, of something I found appealing. When I first starting taking the dog for walks, i would literally walk with my head down, staring at my feet as looking around made me anxious.

I tried to watch silly light hearted things. Silly animal videos on YouTube for example. I avoided any music, films etc that provoked deep emotion. Didn't watch or read the news.

These things helped me and some days were better than others.

besides that I am a fan of habit breaking. Do something different or do something differently. For example instead of walking on your treadmill, walk outside. Instead of automatically switching the TV on at a certain time have a bath. Simple things or you could go wild and do totally different things. This is an established part of mindfulness programmes and makes sense to me

@longtallwalker I agree. In fact, when I was really severly depressed the thing that made the biggest difference to me (and I took a whole year off work to get well because I was so flattened by it) was doing new stuff. It would be really interesting to discover what that does physiologically because I tried exercise and vitamins and feelgood everything and mindfulness meditation yoga but the thing that really pulled me out of it was doing new things however small. When I started it really was stuff like staring out of the window, or drinking coffee in the garden, trying new fruit tea flavours or watching a you tube video but by the end of the year I was back at work on a project in an area I knew nothing about. That year was one of the best of my life - dragging myself out of the crippling depression into a life I loved.

Wish it stayed that way. I've slipped back and should probably try new things again. Today I forced myself to go for a walk and to go into town for things I can't buy locally. But it meant I reached 10k steps. I so wanted to get back under the duvet all day but I find that life never gets easier if I do. I could spend the rest of my life under a duvet if I didn't force myself to take tiny steps towards getting better.

It's a slog isn't it?

Mina - it sounds like you are very good at pushing yourself. At the moment, I am just able to get up, have a shower, get some simple food and watch things on TV although when I watch them, I am not fully engaged, not really getting any enjoyment out of them, I am just going through the motions. I have to go to the doctors later and it will be the first time that I have been dressed and been out for over a week. I was doing mindfulness, now I can't.

Babette I'm not. I wish I was. Yesterday I 'made' myself go out and walk. But for every day that I successfully do that, there are 10 where I crawl back to bed.

I gave up work to try and knock depression on the head for good. It didn't work, in that it has come back. But it did work in the sense that when I dedicate dmy entire life to being well, I got better. But then life intervenes and other people and htings need you, and you start to feel better and stop doing the stuff that keeps you better.

But that year I made a massive effort, I did learn a few self-discipline tricks - mainly self-care. before that i wouldn't wash or dress properly, which is a horrible state to be in. I hated the feel of wate ron my body and often wouldn't let myself eat. or would just stuff my face with trash and sugar. Now I can make myself shower when I don't want to, and that's a really good start to any day. Sounds like you are also able to do this, and I truly believe it's the start point to getting better.

One of the tricks with doing new things is to start with new things that take zero effort. E.g. put up a song you like on Youtube and then just click on a song suggested on the sidebar that you don't know or haven't heard in years.
When shopping just grab a shower gel you haven't used before, without thinking about it. I don't know how or why but these tiny changes help break that circuit of negativity. Maybe it depends on what sort of depression you get, but I get locked into a cycle of negative thought and end up frozen, like a computer with that spinning rainbow circle, unable to do anything for days on end. This 'new habits' trick doesn't have to be effort for it to start to work, though of course after a while you do start having to make an effort, but by then you get to feeling ready to do so. If that makes sense.

@Babettesidsefreyaallthescandi
Good luck at the doctor. It's completely understandable you've not been dressed or out of the house for a week. You're seriously ill. It's physical. the brain is a bodily organ and when it malfunctions, like any other key organ - the heart or lungs or liver, then the whole of our body suffers too.

I really hope the doctor is some help. And I also hope that the tiny change of being out in the world for a few minutes gives you a bit of a lift. If not, then just rest for the day. Going to the GP might be enough for one day.

Mindfulness didn't help me much. I like it but it does nothing for me when depressed. But music does.

Here's a link to music that can soothe the brain.

Thank you Mina. I understand what you are saying- I am so bored of the things that I am doing that I am sort of craving something different but feel that I wouldn't fully engage with it because I am finding so little pleasure in doing anything. I know what you mean about self care, it makes me feel miserable to not have clean skin and hair, fresh bedding and a nice clean environment but doing all those things takes so much effort.
I did feel slightly better for getting out and I even walked to the pharmacy to get the meds that they prescribed - last week I would have asked someone to get them for me.

Babette - for the first thre emonths or so, I just mechanically did new stuff in case it helped. And I really didn't think it was helping. But I also kept a private online blog and noticed that it showed a growing change of mood and interest in life. The trick is to do new stuff even when (especially when?) you feel no pleasure in doing them. I had let my world shrink so small that spending time in my own garden was an adventure. Scary to recall.

How was the doctor? Any progress?