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Mental health

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Original poster

I have no one to talk to all day.

104 replies

IcingOnTheCake · 08/05/2007 21:32

My dp goes to work at 6am and comes home at 5-6pm. I feel more and more down everyday as i have no one except a 6.5 month old baby. I find it very hard to talk to strangers and instantly put up that protection guard with new people. I have tried the baby groups but no luck. Somedays the people on mn are the only people i speak to all day while dp is at work. I sound like a real sad ass don't i.

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 10:03

Icing - lots of us have been there. Being a mum at home with small children is not always a picnic in the park. If you want to off load then we're here for you but if not we respect that too.

It's fine to feel sorry for yourself - we're not all happy all the time.

Do you think you could get out today - even if it was just a walk around the park or something?

moopymoo · 09/05/2007 10:03

it can be a very pants and lonely time when they are tiny. I am a trainee counsellor and whilst i am not qualified to work with real people yet does sound like counselling might help. you. how about ring your health visitor today, like, now, and arrange for them to come and have a chat about how low you are feeling, then see gp for referal. could really help you feel better. hth xx

choosyfloosy · 09/05/2007 10:06

Please ring the HV. You don't have to try and think of complicated things to explain, just say you're feeling very low and that you would really, really ,really like to see someone. Could your dh ring for you, from his work?

Original poster

IcingOnTheCake · 09/05/2007 10:09

I can't stand my HV, i know that sounds awful but i would rather not talk to her.

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 10:10

Icing - ring your GP and get in to see him/her today. I am sure you can ask to change HV if you don't get on - there are usually a few in a team.

Pruni · 09/05/2007 10:11

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 09/05/2007 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 10:14

Icing - i have an 8 mo baby at home and a toddler at nursery. Some days i feel like i havent spoken to anyone and everyone else seems to have friends and be doing things with them except me. I also tend to put up walls and am a bit negative. I even joined the parents association at DD1s nursery to force myself to interact with more mums! It is hard and i think the only thing to do is throw yourself into things a bit more - be prepared to feel silly or unsure about what people think of you, be yourself and you'll find a lot of others in the same boat. Good luck!

Original poster

IcingOnTheCake · 09/05/2007 10:35

I am going to run through whats been on my mind for a while now. Well i will start with my father, when my sister was born he loved her so muchand did everything for her, then shortly after i was born he left. He used to come and take us out but he always treated my sis like she was a princess and treated me the oppisite using any excuse to hit me with the force that you would use for an adult. I hate him and to this day i feel a big sense of rejection.Also when we were kids my half brother used to sexually
abuse me and my sister. As she was older than me he did it more to her but we never spoke of it until 3 years ago when my sister said he actually raped her.

Then when i was 12, i had more sexual abuse from a man who is now in prison for being a pedafile. He used the classic tricks like befriending the family etc. Then when i was 16 i was raped on the clifftop by a guy who got overly obsessed with me at a hotel i was working as a chambermaid in. That was in 2001 and in 2002 i developed depression and it got worse and worse. In 2004 i saw the doctor who prescribed me anti-depressants, these sent me a bit crazy and led to an attempted overdose. By this time all my friends couldn't cope with my insane behavour and stoppedspeaking to me.If i drank
alcohol when on the tablets, it would make me violent. I stopped taking them but continued to be very depressed.

In 2005, i became pregnant and really wanted to keep the baby but my boyfriend pleaded me to get rid of it which i did because i was scared and i know this makes me a horrible person and i regret it to this day. We broke upshortly after this having been together nearly 6 years. It was great at the beginning as we were eachothers first love,we grew apartand he never lisened to me. Then i met my currant dp and my depression seemed to fade as he made me so happy. Our baby was born in October last year and i love her to bits. I want to just be able to draw a line under the past and be happy with my dp and dd. I can't seem to get any of this out of my head and i so want to just be normal and be happy with my new family. I sound like a real old sad ass i know but i just wanna wipe my memory clean.

OP posts:

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 10:38

Oh icing, im so sorry that you've been through all that. I think some conselling would help, there's a lot of crap there that seems to be stopping you from enjoying the life you have now and the people in it. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 10:39

Icing - you have had such an awful time - mostly from men. You are so strong to have got this far. I am no expert but I think that you need to see your GP and get some counselling. I am not sure if you can wipe a memory clean but I am sure with the right help you can go forward - look how far you have come already - a beautiful baby and loving DP - so far from the past already. My heart goes out to you and I am really proud for you - you are so strong to have moved on but perhaps its time to ask for some outside help now? [hugs][hugs]

DimpledThighs · 09/05/2007 10:39

oh Icing - you have had such a terrible terrible time and being on your own with a small baby gives you time to think and these things can come flooding back.

Have you had any counselling for these awful things that happened to you? You seem to be either depressed or on the verge of depression - do you relate well to your GP? I think this kind of situation more than merits a visit to see him / her.

Best wishes Icing.

DimpledThighs · 09/05/2007 10:40

X posts noodle malache - but we all said the same thing!

Original poster

IcingOnTheCake · 09/05/2007 10:50

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, i think thats why i have kept these things to myself for so long.

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 10:54

Why not Icing? it is absolutely fine to feel sorry for yourself and why do we feel sorry for you - becuase you sound like a lovely MN who has had a pretty rough time of it.

Have you phoned GP yet? [gently nagging icon]

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 10:56

I don't feel sorry for you I just feel for you. A counsellors job is to help people, not feel sorry for them. Don't worry about what other people think - the fact that you want to move on and are thinkng of getting help with it shows you are not someone to feel sorry for but someone to admire. (fwiw I have had counselling) {{{more hugs}}}

Original poster

IcingOnTheCake · 09/05/2007 10:56

Do you think my GP will send me off to a counciller? I hope so because i am not going back on any form of anti depressant pill.

OP posts:

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 10:57

x posts - By 'other people' i don't mean the other posters btw!

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 10:58

If that is what you ask for and he thinks it is the way forward - then yes. Sweetie - pick up the phone. You can say you don't want anti-deps and I think that is the way to go - this issue is something you need to work through with professional help - well IMO.

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 10:59

i dont know what your gp will do but i do think there are some sticky threads in your past that need untangling and tho i have no experience with ADs i think couselling would help more than ADs, maybe you need a bit of both?

sniff · 09/05/2007 11:01

you dont sound a sad ass I have 3 kids 1 at school 1 at nursery

I live 100 miles from family and friends and apart from the phone, I didnt speak to anyone from sat morning till tues (apart from kids)

even then its a quick hello no proper conversations Dh is back tonight so I will talk him to death later

I think I talk everyone to death now actually!!!

You really need to ind something you like and go and just do it easier said than done I know

or come on MN like I do !!

Original poster

IcingOnTheCake · 09/05/2007 11:02

Ok i will make an appointment with my gp. I always think they are not going to take me seriously. When i went before in 2004, i said i was feeling depressed and the doctor just prescibed the tablets without even really asking anything. Kind of a reflex reaction that when someone comes in and says that they feel down and depressed, they just prescibe tablets.

Well i have a new doctor so hopefully she is better.

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 09/05/2007 11:03

I think if you tell your doctor what you told us on your opening thread and subsequently you should get a more sympathetic ear. Good luck and we're here for you!

Malaleche · 09/05/2007 11:04

sniff - i talk everyone to death - when i get a chance to talk to a real live adult i open my mouth and it all comes out at top speed - blablablablablablaalmab akañsndsfbsuddrhfregrhtgrh!!!!!!!!! making up for lost time....They must think im nuts!

sniff · 09/05/2007 11:05

I just read your second post and realised I shouldnt have posted my first

I dont have any advice but dont think you are at all a bad person for any of your desisions (sp)

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