Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

I need to chat with my granny I think as she's dyslexic and been treated as stupid all her life. Now she is in her 90s, everyone thinks she is senile but she lives independently and looks after herself very well, just dippy like me. She even learnt how to do her own finances after my grandad died, just needed my mum to explain percentages to her. You can hold a conversation with her if her hearing aid is on but she is likely to forget important infomation. And we've given up teaching her technology, could do with getting her a GPS tracker though, she does like to wander. :P

I started the citalopram last night - hopefully it will start working in a week or two. Managing just about by breaking each day down and just doing things in little chunks. If my mind starts racing I have to deliberately take a step back and breathe. It seems to help a little.

One thing that could come out of all this is my family no longer taking me for granted as some kind of money tree. I've had a very high-flying career - but it's unsustainable, both because the industry I work in has been gradually rationalised and shrunk (like so many) and jobs at my level just don't exist or are very few and far between, and also because mentally and physically it's getting harder and harder for me to sustain lengthy commutes and long working days. The good thing might be us readjusting to a lower income level and me finding (I hope) a lower stress role...

Job hunting takes time though and is really really hard when you're already feeling low. It's difficult to steel yourself for the inevitable knock backs. I got down to the last two for a role a couple of weeks ago and didn't get it in the end. I think that's what triggered this latest bout of anxiety. I've got an interview next week but it's miles and miles away so definitely not my first choice. But we need the income...

I really feel for you unwise elf. Just before retiring my dad was tasked with laying off lots of people. It was not easy. Iike you, allthough people weren't even close to poverty their family relied on them financially... 47 is not a bad age to get a lower stress job though I suppose... Good luck hunting. Lots of middle age people join the NHS for a second career from all walks of life. Not always low stress though but you like a new challenge... My mum went into teaching as a second career (after working with computers, couldn't catch up after having a break to have children) , but was in her early 40s would not recommend it as a low stress job as its incredibly exhausting. Some of my best friends are mature students twice my age who I've taught... Felt weird to begin with but they built my professional confidence and self esteem and we have learnt from each other. I also hate interviews.. Hopefully in a year or so when you will have a lower stress job and everything has settled down you'll be much happier and have more time for yourself.

How is everyone doing. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm having a day out in London with my parents. I enjoy travelling on the train, but not sure how I'll be with crowds. I actually am strange in that I normally enjoy the underground, allthough I am struggling with motion sickness and can get very hot. London was more fun 15 years ago before it got quite so touristy and busy. I don't have a baby on bored sticker so may have to wear tight clothing, sharpen my elbows or carry a large umbrella 😂

Can I join? My anxiety is fluctuating up and down like crazy. I am supposed to see my Dr but guess what? Too scared

Of course LEMtheoriginal hand hold for you I was petrified to see mine took me years before I finally plucked up the courage .

Lyra2018 hope you enjoy your time in London😊.

Thanks fairy, the train in was a bit stressful, got a seat but it was a cramped loud carriage. Crying baby gave me a headache and I struggled swallowing paracetamol but It wasn't too long a journey. Was glad when I could stretch my legs. It was a lovely sunny day overall and nice to get out and talk to my parents. My parents were quite anxious about my grandma and her sisters funeral on Friday, as they don't understand why she's not been discharged yet.

Thankyou I think I will go this week. I have a long history of depression and anxiety. My Dr suggested medication again but I'm in a responsible job and can't take my eye off the ball if I make a mistake, consequences could be serious.

I'm going to try for counselling. Again.

Why is life so sodding difficult??
I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy and not anxious all the fucking time. I’m not living a life. At all. I’m much too scared to do anything like find a job or change myself. I’m not happy as I am but I cannot be arsed to change because it’s too scary. I spend all my time at home, I don’t have any friends nearby to socialise with. Many of you at least have a partner and DCs, I don’t have any of them. Parents are one thing but I cannot live in my parents’ house for the rest of my life.

Hugs toffee. I reckon the reason why lots of us have partners and children is because this is mumsnet, not that your abnormal. The only reason I joined was because I am pregnant. Most of my old school friends who are single and live with their parents, so don't feel like I can complain with them... I say friends there is only one I've met up with recently, the rest I just follow on social media, one of my anxieties. It is true that it takes a crisis to know who your friends really are, that's when I got back in contact with an old school friend, two other closest friends - one ignored all my messages and the other is always travelling and busy. Lots of research coming out about how bad social media is for mental health, I'm taking a break from Facebook but it's hard to get the balance right between loneliness, isolation and social media addiction. I used to think cyber bullying was not that bad as you can just turn off the Internet but when I started struggling with my mental health I realised when it's your main connection to friends and family that's not easy...got extremely anxious about the Internet when I got pregnant. I was craving macdonalds chips but nearly had a panic attack when I went in seeing all the toddlers and children glued to screens. There is a time and a place for screens but I think enjoying a family meal out is not one... I'm not normally judgemental but when most of the children are looking at screens feels like something has gone very wrong. My upbringing was no fast foods and meals are family time.

Toffee, praying things look up for you. Baby steps, I'm sure you won't always be living with your parents. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of having supportive parents. (that's advice I've been given) It's not your fault, but the financial climate.

*occasional fast food as a treat.

Hi, Lem, and welcome. toffee I second what Lyra says about baby steps. That's certainly all I can manage at the moment. Life really IS bloody difficult. I'm taking every hour as a win...

My anxiety seems to be through the roof first thing in the morning and then gradually sinks to a more manageable level through the day. In the morning I feel sick and lightheaded and tearful. If today is like yesterday though I should start feeling a bit better by about 5pm. I can already tell it's not as bad right now as when I woke up.

I hate this though. Who was it who said something about "floating"? I have read that somewhere - either on here or in the book "self-help for your nerves"... the key being detachment. It helps to disassociate yourself from your symptoms a bit if you can - helps to stop the spiral of anxiety in its tracks.

I've got a counselling assessment meeting next Monday, and am on day 4 of citalopram (I started it in the end - seemed I couldn't feel much worse than I did). So I'm doing the right things but I still feel absolutely dreadful. And the bafflement of my family is so hard to deal with. I'm the "strong" one - and it's as though I'm not allowed to be falling apart...

I guess I knew that about the partners and kids thing. It’s just that because of the way I feel right now I cannot imagine having a partner. I know it’s a huge step and it’ll come in time, but when I’m particularly anxious I always leap ahead in time like that. The fact I’ve never done anything romantically is another reason I feel so different from everyone else; you read stories on here about someone’s 14-year-old DD having a boyfriend and I’ve never had that. Yes I know it’s not much of a “relationship” at that age but it’s something and it’s experience, I have none of that. I guess it feels like the longer it goes on the bigger a hurdle it seems to become. Typical anxious overthinking and catastrophising. But, as I’ve often seen on here, I can’t really expect anyone to love me unless I fully love myself and I don’t.

I definitely have similar 'grass is greener' type thinking as I lost my group of friends when I started my current relationship and think I'll never have as close nit group of friends. As a radiographer(healthcare) we form close relationships at work and I have a real professional identity which is why I think getting pregnant and being on early maternity knocked me so hard. I'm thinking about holding a baby shower for colleges soon but my husband doesn't understand why it's important to me and why I don't want him to come (he'd hate it, he doesn't know anyone and a number of the people he's met he dislikes, and he hates large parties. I'd be worrying about him being stressed... ). I get really angry at him now I'm pregnant for him refusing to seek help for his. Mental health issues. I know it's his choice but I feel as though he has no right to winge while also telling me he is fine.

Just trying to make you feel better toffee, romantic relationships are not all roses.

Actually I don't like roses, too cliché, that was probably our first argument... Probably shouldn't have told him that....

I know they’re not all roses, I’ve seen enough of the Relationships forum and my own friend’s first relationship ended badly.
Incidentally, whilst I sometimes think WAAAA I CAN’T SEE MYSELF HAVING A RELATIONSHIP LIKE EVERRRRR other times I think “hmm, I wonder where I’ll meet him? What will he look like? What will he be called?” etc. I could even be married with two kids in ten years’ time or so.
I don’t even have a problem with me physically; I don’t think I’m ugly or anything. I don’t take enough care of my hair or teeth but that’s easily rectified. I just have to gain confidence... somehow.

Just wing it. Lol

toffee1000 there isn’t a time frame when things have to be done by you do them when you feel ready. I believe that if you work on yourself and try and become the best possible you everything else will fall into place become your own best friend and if all else fails fake it till you make it as they say. I hope things start to get better for you soon!.

In the end I withdrew from the interview tomorrow - it just wasn't viable. A several-hundred-mile round trip commute twice a week and staying away from my family, for not very much money... It was really difficult to look at it realistically in my current frame of mind but I know I did the right thing.

So I've sent off two more applications today and am plugging away. I just feel so dreadful all the time. It gradually improves during the day but I'm basically useless all morning, with this FEAR in the pit of my stomach. Terrible.

I think redundancy takes a while to hit. I've always defined myself by my work maybe and so didn't realise what an impact it would have on my identity when I couldn't find work. I have had some work over the past year, but I haven't been busy enough to prevent the ruminating thoughts and anxiety.

So five days in with the citalopram and no sign of improvement to my symptoms. Ugh. I just need to hang in there, as they say...

Good luck with the citalopram. I feel similar being pregnant being a big life change. I also feel like I get a lot of identity from my work. I've been signed off early and know I should be excited, many people would love to be in my position, relaxing and enjoying free alone time for 3 months in the spring, not having to think about work for a year and having a baby but, I know from talking to other mums it doesn't have a huge impact on your mental health. I have to think more about work life balance, childcare, finance, etc.

Past couple of mornings have been completed wasted, combination of a psycatric appointment (advised increasing quetiapine but when I'm comfortable but before my consultant initial meeting at the end of May) and husbands first day back at work, didn't really talk yesterday evening so I felt unsupported then slept badly, ill talk tonight and probably increase tonight. Its a sedative...

I know there is no time frame, and I know comparison is the thief of joy etc. But, by my age, most people have had some kind of romantic experience... not necessarily a full-on relationship even; maybe just some snogs with blokes who turned out to be a bit crap/brief teenage relationships of a few weeks/months, that kind of thing. I have done absolutely nothing.
But then again, I wasn't particularly interested in guys until I went to university, and by that time my anxiety/social awkwardness etc had really kicked in (the idea that I was on the autism spectrum had only recently entered my head for example).

Woken with fear and terror and nausea - it's appalling, quite frankly. Took a phenergan to try to get back to sleep but my husband isn't impressed I wasn't up for breakfast with our daughters. I feel so awful. I know as the day goes on it will improve but this is shockingly bad. I've phoned the duty doctor to see if there's anything they can do to help me TODAY. I'm seeing a GP tomorrow and could at a pinch hang in til then but I've got work to do...

Sorry to hear that unwise elf. I'm sure your husband and daughters can cope with you missing a couple of breakfasts. Good luck with the duty doctor. Have a few friends who trialed antipressants/ were one them for a few months and it's not right for them. Other people though, it's a life saver. Personally I don't agree with them (both emotionally and physically). The thing that upset me the most while I was getting insomnia from setraline is that it's legal to prescribe to china's young as 6...One friend is only young but has kidney problems and has been on medication since a teenager. Cbt can actually cause the same chemical changes in your brain. Saying that quetiapine, only prescribed and recommended for healthy adults works great for me. My psycatrist said its hard to separate out effects of medicine from life stress, hope you get on well with the duty doctor on today. Some seem to understand mental health better than others and I get on better with specific GPS. Having not been ill before pregnancy I've not had that gp experience from the patient side, only heard vary varied experiences from patients.

Children, not china