Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

[LittleLilacs24]

Hi I have suffered with social anxiety since I was 12. That's when the bullying started.
I'm nearly 30 and I still struggle in social situations.
I hate the school pick up for example. I stress about what to say to the other parents and I worry afterwards about whether I made a dick of myself or not.
I had an incident with another mum who didn't like me and encouraged the others not to talk to me either at play group years ago and it brought back so many painful memories.

[Fairydust26]

Hello LittleLilacs24 I completely understand where your coming from I feel like whenever I’m talking to people I don’t know I come across as awkward or things come out the wrong way and I think to myself that I come across as a right tit!.

[wideawakeat3am]

Hello everyone. I've not read the threads properly yet, but am glad to have found others who seem to be going through similar. I have anxiety following on from PND and have been taking sertraline for about 18 months now. It's mostly helping but I'm still getting ups and downs and times when I just can't stop my brain from panicking. It seems to be linked to hormones which doesn't help and I have IBS symptoms too. Feel as though I'm in a right physical and mental mess! Will be back again once I've read the thread.

[Fairydust26]

Welcome wideawakeat3am😊 I could of written your post myself! It’s so hard to stop your brain panicking when it just wants to wonder hope you find some comfort posting on here.

[QueenoftheWildFrontier]

Hello I hope its ok for me to post here. I suffer from anxiety and have for as long as I can remember its mainly around health but I also struggle with difficult situations. However its got a lot worse lately, I am doing really stupid things, having bad lapses in judgment and am very forgetful. I am worrying about little things and missing the big things. I think there is something really wrong with me and wonder if I should see my doctor. I am worried about early onset dementia maybe. I am feeling so guilty it hurts at the moment following my last stupid episode. I will tell you even tho I feel ashamed. My DS was at an all day outside event at the weekend and snow was forecast and came. I got him some thermal longjohns and longsleeve top and gloves, thick socks and he borrowed DHs DM shoes he didnt want to take a hat just use his hood and I didnt make him. The worst part is I didnt think to get him a thicker coat with a padded lining his is too thin for snow temperatures.He was so cold. I feel desperately ashamed and cant understand why I didnt think of it I nag him when he goes to school to put a raincoat on if its wet or a t shirt under his shirt and I missed this.He could have got hypothermia. Please help.

[QueenoftheWildFrontier]

I have OCD as well by the way but am not on any medication. I have been doing mindfulness which helps but I cant do it or think of anything at the moment apart from my DS being cold.

[Deborah543]

Welcome queenofthewildfrountier. This is a nice group. I'm with you on the natural approach. I do too much research though, not helpful. I'm also very forgetful but am diagnosed dyslexic and have learnt to just roll with it. Now I'm pregnant for the first time my anxiety and depression has skyrocketed, worsened by commenly prescribed psychoactive drugs. The coat thing is exactly what I'm likely to do with my child. Sleep is my main issue. I would say do go to your gp, but discus alternative treatments to medication eg cbt. In some areas you can do online cbt on the NHS and that's really good. I am now, reluctantly on a new anti-psychotic, after eventually being referred to a psychiatrist. I'm on the lowest dose. It's working well for my focus, concentration and sleep. My dose has just been doubled but after discussing with my husband, who has done even more research than me, I'm sticking to the current dose as it's working well and I'm not ready to increase dose after 2 weeks. Also, diet and excesize has a huge impact on mental health so I'm trying to focus on that. I do realise, willpower alone does not always work... Also, I bet your a great mum.

[Deborah543]

Personally, I didn't find mindfulness that helpful, allthough everyone else does. It often just irritates me and I get panicky when I notice my shallow breathing... I also had a previous psychotic episode so unguided mindfulness meditation could be dangerous for me....not as bad as setraline though. But it works great for some people. I think some sort of spiritual practice is good, personally I prefer to get out in nature and listen to music of my choice and pray. But I try not to do anything too religious...

[LittleLilacs24]

Deborah543
I am exactly the same with meditation. Concentrating on the breath makes me feel panicky and light headed.

I started a yoga class recently and the teacher is nice but she does a lot of "concentrate on the breath" exercises and affirmations and I start to feel dizzy.

[WLmum]

littlelilacs you're the sort of school Mum I love! I would hang with you at the gates :-)
I'm having online cbt based counselling which has helped quite a lot.
I also worry about my memory and concentration being early onset dementia but in reality I think it's just that the anxiety takes up too much space and makes noise so I can't focus or remember as well.
I'm feeling so much better now the sertraline is out of my system and I had a decent sleep last night. I'm glad it helps so many people but not for me I feel.
Absolutely agree with diet and exercise - I have a physio apt next week so might be able to get running again - it makes a phenomenal difference to my mental health.

[Lyra2018]

Anti-psychotics are really helping with my concentration and forgetfulness but I also know it's part of my character. They aren't something to take lightly as they have more severe possible long term effects and are quite new and unresearched (diabetes, stroke, rapid weight gain just to name the ones I'm most concerned about working in a stroke center) by husband has also been having nightmares about the possible effects it could have on the baby's developing brain that he doesn't want to talk about (his brother has epilepsy)... This is just a ramble and I'm being naughty going on my phone before I get out of bed but I'm so happy the medication has allowed me to sleep through the night I want to enjoy lying in bed in the morning while I still can. I have an occupational health appointment before work which means I have a bit more time.

[LittleLilacs24]

WLmum
Aww thanks! I'm a jokey sort of a person and I find that humour really helps me but I always worry that I don't come across well with being a "joker"

I tried cbt in the past, it actually really worked for me in regards to general anxiety.

I don't take medication either. I walk and exercise a lot and that helps but it's the bloody social anxiety that continually rears its ugly head and I don't know what would help with that.

I would dearly love to feel comfortable in ANY social situation

Bullying has so many long term effects though and over 15 years later I'm still trying to cope with them.

[Lyra2018]

Littlelilac, I doubt many people feel comfortable in any social situations. We are all pretending. Nothing wrong with being a bit introverted. Thing that helped me was radiography, it's a great career and the NHS is really short, esspesally my hospital. I'm not going to get too political but fortunately I did the course when there was still a bursary... We have lots of southern European immigrations in my department, I'm pretty pessimistic about staffing levels for the next few years... But I'm going on maternity so it will be great to have a break from the pressure.

[Lyra2018]

Really developed my small talk communication skills and can now 'chat shit' (what my husband likes to call it) to anyone, allthough working more than 2-3 hours without a break is pretty impossible right now. Glad I've got quiet rooms (unused offices as we have barely any radiology doctors on site anymore) I can escape to.

[Lyra2018]

I feel so guilty. Yesterday I agreed a plan with the psychiatrist to go from 25-50 mg but felt uncomfortable as 25 is working well. She took the time to explain about increasing the therapeutic effect but still. I got home, my husband had bought a beer... We talked most of the evening and we agreed to stick to 25 for at least another week or two... I took one 25 at 9pm but decided at just past 10 to take another secretly... I slept well but woke up feeling so guilty as my husband said he's not getting any alcohol tonight (I'd said it was unfair that he was drinking but didn't want me to increase my dose) walked the dog, made me a coffee in bed then left.. The most dangerous part of the medication is it can increase depression and suicidal thoughts... I think I'll have just 25 tonight but I've got a stressful day... I've accepted low focus as part of my dyslexic character... The psycatric assessment center messes with my head, I hate going there it always sets me back and I feel guilty and patronised.

[Lyra2018]

Sorry, forgot to say - name change, I was Deborah, still am but username change.

[Lyra2018]

Also, my husband is a poet, did an open university degree in creative writing and literature but no one seems to appreciate poetry thesse days. He's self published through amazon 4 poetry collections, no sales. He doesn't mind. Most recent one is called keep on. He recommended I read it. I'll share the first poem, he won't mind he shares them on Instagram then get out of bed for my appointment. Enjoy.

Slow progress

Stoic,
In the face
Of the glacier's ponderous approach.

Unwavering,
The watchful
Eye kept over this years crops.

Patient,
Over the matter of
A promotion passed overhead.

Deliberate,
At making plans
And following through on deadlines.

Great things take time to achieve
With consistency and slow progress,
In thesse one can believe.

Andrew Thomas

[Lyra2018]

One more undescovered talent for any fans of rock and roll. I was brought up in Guildford, I really musical town and went to a music specialist school. The lead singer is a friend of mine, taught me a thing or too about assertiveness (I have a passive problem and he has more of an aggression issue). But still, he has had a very hard life so... More guilt. It's a good song though I think

[Fairydust26]

Just checking in to see how everyone’s getting on well I hope?.

[inlectorecumbit]

Had to admit defeat today as my anxiety is through the roof. I have made a GP appointment for Tuesday but l am a bit afraid of medication now after reading peoples experiences of them

[Fairydust26]

Welcome inlectorecumbit 😊I totally understand how you feel about being worried about medication I was at first too didn’t help that a read aload of horror story’s but I’ve coped absolutely fine on them if that brings you any comfort. Plus there are loads of other options to help with anxiety not just medication.

[Lyra2018]

exhausted today, ended up being out the house for 12 hours, too chatty and even a samaritans volunteer made me feel like shit for wasting their time.

[WLmum]

lilac I'm a joker too (told you we should hang together) and I find people either get it or they think I'm odd!
lyra so sorry you've been having a tough time. Please don't feel you've wasted people's time - the Drs are there to inform and guide you but ultimately it's your choice. Sometimes we're not ready when they are and that's ok. Shocked that samiritans made you feel bad.
I live near guildford and harbour dreams of a health related career. Small world eh?

[Trooperslane2]

Hey all

Struggling today for some reason.

Me and DH aren't really getting on and DD is being a pain in the arse 50% of the time.

I need to do some work related stuff (filing etc) but the sight of my laptop is making me shake. A great session with my counsellor on Tuesday though.

She said I look 10 years younger :)

but I don't feel it today

[Lyra2018]

Thanks WL mum. She was great but I was trying to kill time before GP and feeling very fragile. GP is a lovely man, values raport and knowing his patients over time keeping so my 6:30 appointment was actually after 7:30 and I was the last patient and wasn't out until 8pm. My husband though was very stressed that day not the most supportive. he did come to the GP, took some of my bags home then came to pick me up, but I'd have liked it if he stayed... I did have no alcohol and tidy and clean the house and walk the dog so I can't be annoyed with him. As a healthcare professional I hate it when people (usually elderly ladies say they don't want to waste my time). I drove into work today, felt too tired and spacy to work, more food made me sleepy not awake. Spoke to my psychartist and care co-ordiator today in the staffroom, concidered calling an obstiatrician but they my ask me to travel to the acute hospital and I just need to go home and sleep. The problem is I'm very aware of how privilged I am and feel guilty and depressed from increased meds. I have too much support, didn't know who to call! GP said he was amazed I'm ok with 5 hours of work a day and said I was doing very well and much better than when I saw him in October. That was great to hear as most other health professionals I either find they patronise me or panic me. I actually thought the other night a bit of post-natal psychosis could be quite fun (maybe for me but not for people around me). I was just imaginning the reaction of the midwife and the look on her face if I said that...I'm sure it would not go down well. I'm just feeling really out of touch with reality today, but not as bad as on setraline...I am happy that a doctor agrees with me about decreasing the meds as they are probally one of my biggest anxiety right now. In the grand scheme of things though, I've stopped worrying so much about normal pregancy things like caffine and sugar am getting better at listing to my instincts. This baby is going to be really hyper at this rate, but I don't agree with all the theories about ADHD and aspergers. I think it's mostly genetic and high functioning autism runs in my family, used to be called "gifted" or "geek" so it's better to keep that postive spin. I'm actully keeping and using my diary better now. People don't realise that being dyslexic (for me anyway) means, more likly to have anxiety poor organisational skills and short term memory. I am lucky to have been brought up around computers, has enabled me to learn and develop without relying on rote learning but am scared about the power of the internet on huminity as an artifical intellegence, esspecially after stephen hawkins death. you just need to look at the effect trump can have on the masses using social media, and the research that is coming out about the effect it has on young minds. But that sounds paranoid...I got panicky in macdonalds, seeing all the toddlers and babies glued to screens. I like doing free online courses, particularly future learn. I deleated facebook off my phone the same day I started the meds so it was hard to tell if I was getting facebook withdrawrals or side effects when I felt more anxious the first day. Mumsnet is not healthy for me, but I'll make sure I keep it on small doses, not completly shut off, but wearn myself off, simular to how I do with caffine and sugar, the most addictive drugs I've used.

Anyway, WL, you should go for it, good news the other day about NHS pay rise, especially high for unqualified staff so should be easy to get into, not always easy but rewarding. There were lots of mature students on my course and mature students who come to radiography as a second carrer usually make the best radiographers and I'm good friends with a few as they have a better perspective and seem better and managing a work life balance. I am very impressed with those who retrain while caring for children. They also give me confidence in my professional knowledge and skills, allthough I did to begin with find it strange teaching people sometimes twice my age. I do love Guildford for it's music and pubs and I'd say now it's my hometown... but it's really not as amazing as outsiders seem to think it is, it's probably a slightly above average normal English town/ wannabe city, definitely not worth the house prices! A bit too busy for my liking too. Friends around my age are living their with their parents or renting a crappy room or flat as graduates working two jobs and volunteering because they love travelling and are trying to get financially stable. And I thought I was hard done by as an NHS radiographer with my hours pay and work pressure...