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Mental health

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Original poster

Suicidal neighbour?

94 replies

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 07:36

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this.

He's about 20 years older than me, I've only known him since Xmas eve, admittedly his life is very limited at present. He's estranged from family/ex partner/friends (although not in a belligerent sort of way, they're frustrated) and in completely the wrong sort of accommodation, private rented up 2 flights of stairs.

I sat with him yesterday waiting for an ambulance as he'd said he'd taken paracetamol. His mobility is bad, he's now saying he has £8 left til next week.

I can help in some aspects, e.g. I could apply for PIP on his behalf, speak to his bank (he's overdrawn), try to encourage him to engage with the outside world.

I'm really not sure what to do

OP posts:

Shadow666 · 03/02/2018 07:50

Even before I opened this I suspected it would be you again. Sorry!

You need to call his social workers. You cannot help him. Some people are like black holes, the more you give, the more they take.

Shadow666 · 03/02/2018 07:53

Also, I know it’s easier said than done but it’s not a healthy situation for you.

cuttingcarbonemissions · 03/02/2018 07:54

You sound like a very thoughtful and kind hearted person. But you need to avoid being sucked into this man’s problems.

You need to be realistic. There is a reason his family and friends have distanced themselves. He is not ready to accept help, and until that happens nothing will change. You will not be able to do the things you suggest on his behalf. He needs to do them himself. The bank for example will simply refuse to talk to you.

I think the best you can hope for is that admission to hospital for attempted suicide will result in a referral to MH/Social services - although this may not materialise if he is a regular.

tissuesosoft · 03/02/2018 07:55

I would read this- link before you suggest being his appointee for PIP.

Original poster

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 08:08

I think I'll check up on PIP application, housing situation (he's supposed to have some assistance with going into sheltered accommodation), bank situation and then detach.

He's obviously in a state but I'm getting a little stressed that nhs/landlord/doctors/police think that I'm first port of call

(I know this is terrible but I saw his landlord yesterday and thought he was quite fit!)

OP posts:

DancesWithOtters · 03/02/2018 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluedoglead · 03/02/2018 08:23

You have been told before not to engage with this man. He is not your problem.

Step away and look to yourself. Do some work (with counselling etc) to see why you feel the need to be so involved in the life of someone you don’t know.

He is not your problem.

Original poster

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 09:00

Otters yeah it's showers. I do want to help where I can and he did apologise for that but he needs more long term, methodical help. I'll be fine with just dealing with practicalities at present, I'd be able to sort out PIP and try to get him eating etc.

bluedoglead would it be ok to PM you? I think we had a misunderstanding before.

OP posts:

OnionKnight · 03/02/2018 09:09

Stay away from him, I appreciate that it's easier said than done because you are in supported living but you need to let the professionals help him.

Bluedoglead · 03/02/2018 09:10

Bulletfox. I asked you not to pm me again. In the last pm I sent you. After you pm’d me. I told you I found it harassing.

Please don’t.

I was trying to be supportive but you are determined to push and push.

Why? I think (genuinely) if you look to why you feel he need to be needed to the extent that you ride roughshod over other people, it would really help you.

Springoniondip · 03/02/2018 09:23

Don't get involved as everyone else has said, don't fill in his pip or try and make him eat. Ring 999 if you can see he's in need of urgent medical care, but apart from that just leave it be.

Original poster

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 09:25

Bluedoglead I only wanted to explain that I wasn't commenting on your mental health, nothing else, when I snapped in that thread and said 'oh you're so unwell' I meant I was doing a parody of what people were saying to me, nothing else. Nothing about anyone else.

Anyway hope everyone is well.

OP posts:

highinthesky · 03/02/2018 09:29

Be kind and neighbourly but that’s it unless you are prepared to commit to being an unofficial SW.

yousignup · 03/02/2018 10:01

Bullet! What have I told you before? :)
Please be careful. You have a tender heart and it is worrying that you could be taken advantage of. You have already done a lot for this man. If you start making calls and do paperwork for him, it will only get worse. Please let the professionals help him, and save your energy and care for yourself.

Redglitter · 03/02/2018 11:15

He's obviously in a state but I'm getting a little stressed that nhs/landlord/doctors/police think that I'm first port of call

That's because you keep getting involved with his dramas. Ofcourse they're going to come to you. Next time any of them approach you tell them firmly he's nothing to do with you and you don't want involved

Original poster

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 14:24

There wasn't really much else I could do yesterday as he told me he'd taken 20 paracetamol, I didn't really like it but I had to dial 999 just in case he had.

I went back to my flat but then a paramedic called round and said he was asking for me to be there so I went back up.

He's got a progressive disease and is separated from partner of 26 years.

I do hear what you're all saying which is detach detach detach.

I can't help long term as I don't know him that well and am not a specialist in this area but I could start to assist with his PIP application and he says he likes the company. I can't stop him feeling suicidal though.

Hospital said his blood tests were fine yesterday which surprised me a bit

OP posts:

FissionChips · 03/02/2018 14:27

He isn’t suicidal, you take way more than 20 paracetamol if you are. He’s using you.

Original poster

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 14:33

Yikes.

I'm slightly embarassed that several people 'knew' what I was on about when I posted about this.

Like I said I'll help where I can. I'm not over invested but you can't really ignore someone in distress.

OP posts:

Estellanpip · 03/02/2018 14:34

Oh, Bullet. Please let the professionals around him assist him in the practicalities of his daily life such as the PIP application.
You're the one who is at risk here, you must look after yourself in the same caring way you want to help others.

Redglitter · 03/02/2018 15:02

you can't really ignore someone in distress

To a degree you can. You can call 999 for him if he needs medical attention. Otherwise tell him to phone his social worker/police/doctor himself

His bloods were fine.... Could that perhaps be because he hasn't taken anything.

He's playing you. He knows what buttons to press to get a reaction. You owe him nothing. Step back and ignore him

dangermouseisace · 03/02/2018 20:07

As someone who has very recently been actively suicidal I'd also recommend you back off from this man. By all means be civil, say hi and stuff but you are going to be sucked into being his carer and getting overly involved in his life.

If he only took 20 he'd need to be extremely underweight for it to harm him. The fact he told you rather than sorting it out himself if he'd regretted it, strikes me as very odd. Like he wants you specifically to know that he is feeling bad, someone he knows doesn't have medical expertise and will worry. It's not the usual kind of behaviour from someone who is suicidal. It's really odd that he tells someone he barely knows, and extremely unfair on you. He is not taking your welfare into account. FFS I wouldn't even tell my best mate what I'd done when in the depths of depression. But maybe I'm odd. He could have phoned the samaritans, or 111 or 999 himself.

Usually at a&e they make referrals/get a person to see a MH person if necessary. You did the right thing to get medical help but suggest he go elsewhere for help with PIP/finances. Citizens Advice would be able to help (maybe give him their local phone number) and usually they can sort out food bank vouchers if appropriate.

You need to look after yourself and limit contact with this man, or you may end up unwell yourself. If he needs help he can get it, but you are not in a position to provide this.

RustyPaperclips · 03/02/2018 22:24

Bullet, you seem lovely and I get that you want to help, but it must be causing a fair amount of stress and worry for you, otherwise you wouldn't be posting. Be selfish and put yourself first

hungryhenryshouldeatelsewhere · 03/02/2018 23:00

Agreeing with everyone else - leave it to the professionals.

Original poster

BulletFox · 04/02/2018 09:09

I'm not sure who to contact - who would be the first port of call?

So he has involvement with carers, adult SS, support worker, one of the paramedics from the other day has met him before (I got the impression she thought he relies on young women too much (not that I'm that young) as she asked where I lived then said 'who was the other girl who lived there?' in quite a knowing sort of way).

He was banging for me earlier, I did feel quite frazzled but didn't call round as I would have lost my temper. I was peacefully enjoying my tea and listening to music and felt quite fucked off.

I'm going to call round later, I do feel sympathy for his situation but I'm getting confused about who can actually help him

OP posts:

ladyballs · 04/02/2018 09:16

Ffs step away from this man. He is highly manipulative and you have 'mug' tattooed on your forehead.

And get some counselling.

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